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False hope vs. real hope

answered 10:00 PM EST, Sat October 06, 2018
How do I handle my boyfriends relapse if/when that occurs? I am moving back in with him soon. He went to a 28 day in patient addiction program for alcoholism which he completed and was supposed to start outpatient treatment as soon as he got out. He did not. He has been out of treatment for almost 6 weeks now and has only went to one AA meeting. He lost his job due to his alcoholism just before going in to treatment. He lost his company truck several months before that. The truck he owns is not drivable and needs $2500 worth of fixing to run. He has a vehicle that he uses to get around occasionally but isn’t very safe to drive because the brakes aren’t good. I’ve given him a lot of money and I’m trying to free myself from codependency and enabling. He does not do anything during the day and hasn’t changed any habits that were there before. He sleeps a lot and is currently living with his parents, living off his VA benefit but the majority of that goes to his child support (he pays $1300/month for child support and gets $1500/month of a va benefit) I’ve asked him to sign us up for couples counseling several times, He acts as though it is my fault that we argue all the time but I’ve worked very hard on myself to create healthy boundaries in our relationship and he has denied every one of them. He forgot my birthday, he’s still very selfish, I’ve given so much of myself mentally,physically, financially, and emotionally and I am NOT READY TO GIVE UP BECAUSE OF THAT. Please help me!

Jim LaPierre Says...

Hope,

My heart goes out to you

You feel that having invested so much in this relationship,

you can't just walk away and have so little return on your investment.

I'm sorry - whether he is drinking or not,

he is an insensitive and selfish man.

It's incredible that he got sober - I hope he stays that way,

but he is showing you loud and clear that he has no intention of making changes.

Please be completely honest with yourself - you've been trying for a long time now

not to know what you know.

It's time to move on and take care of you.

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Page last updated Oct 06, 2018

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