Answered questions(12)
If You Love Someone...
Hi Jim, I wanted to ask you for your advice on how best to support my girlfriend who is in recovery. We met almost five years ago, she was 35 and I was 45. At that time she was living in an SLE, and I was divorced with my pre teen living with me. I didn't really understand the depth and history of her drinking problems the first year we knew each other. She was mostly sober and we developed a wonderful love for each other. Even through the years of ups and downs in our relationship, I do believe to this day, we both feel each other is a soulmate. Which brings me to today, and her recent release from a 30 day program she voluntarily entered with my help. When she was admitted only her mother and myself were authorized to call and check on her. We wrote letters to each other during the blackout. The first couple from her explained how her detox went, how she was feeling, how she was doing etcetera, and she let me know that I was no longer allowed to call only her mother could. The rationale was so that she could focus on her treatment, and I let her know I understood. The last letter I received she says that she felt it would be best for her to not be in a relationship anymore. You can imagine how difficult it is for me to reconcile that. I do understand that most recovery centers advise their clients do not enter into a relationship for one year. My problem is that we were already in a relationship. I am and have been her closest ally during her drinking episodes. And I want to be there for her during her recovery. I am diligently reading about the 12 step program, refuge recovery, meditation mindfulness and other modalities. We are meant to celebrate our 5th anniversary in a couple days. I want to do the right thing by her. I love her more and respect her courage, and I need some advice on how to approach her and support her. I don't want to drift apart, and lose all that we have worked so hard for together. - Adder
Read answer →Post Acute Withdrawal
Hi Jim. My name is Melissa and I have been almost 120 days sober from 12 years of high dose morphine use. But my mind is not normal and I am not feeling like I thought I would,,,i know its PAWS but I don't know how to make it stop. I literally feel insane... But I have done the whole thing by myself because I have no insurance, so I am dealing with this alone to and that is why I'm reaching out for answers. Thank you for your time
Read answer →The Road Ahead
I have a daughter 25 who is 30 weeks pregnant and addicted to heroine, she is currently in jail for theft and missed her court appointments...Im working with an interventionalist who is also trying to find a place for her to go to rehab, nobody will take her because of how far along she is in her pregnancy, she has Medicaid for insurance..please help me
Read answer →Fine Line Between Supporting & Enabling
How much financial help should I provide to my two Sons, 25 and 28 years old who are clean from drugs for the first time in 10 years? Right now I am paying for their apartments , cell phones, groceries . They have been clean for about 6 months. They are unemployed although they say they are job hunting.
Read answer →Abuse vs. Addiction
What is the difference between drug abuse and drug addiction?
Read answer →False hope vs. real hope
How do I handle my boyfriends relapse if/when that occurs? I am moving back in with him soon. He went to a 28 day in patient addiction program for alcoholism which he completed and was supposed to start outpatient treatment as soon as he got out. He did not. He has been out of treatment for almost 6 weeks now and has only went to one AA meeting. He lost his job due to his alcoholism just before going in to treatment. He lost his company truck several months before that. The truck he owns is not drivable and needs $2500 worth of fixing to run. He has a vehicle that he uses to get around occasionally but isn’t very safe to drive because the brakes aren’t good. I’ve given him a lot of money and I’m trying to free myself from codependency and enabling. He does not do anything during the day and hasn’t changed any habits that were there before. He sleeps a lot and is currently living with his parents, living off his VA benefit but the majority of that goes to his child support (he pays $1300/month for child support and gets $1500/month of a va benefit) I’ve asked him to sign us up for couples counseling several times, He acts as though it is my fault that we argue all the time but I’ve worked very hard on myself to create healthy boundaries in our relationship and he has denied every one of them. He forgot my birthday, he’s still very selfish, I’ve given so much of myself mentally,physically, financially, and emotionally and I am NOT READY TO GIVE UP BECAUSE OF THAT. Please help me!
Read answer →Never, Ever, Ever Give Up
I have many demons to battle such as depression, Alcoholism, and Anxiety. I am 3 days sober after drinking hard cider on Sunday. I have gone to an AA meeting every day but I am so anxiety filled that I cannot concentrate at meetings on what is being said because I am so worried about everything. There is no way I can speak out too so I always feel like I didn’t really participate in it like I am supposed to and I am not getting anything out of it. should I give up on AA???
Read answer →Early Recovery
My daughters husband has just started a veterans court treatment program. So far things are looking up for him, but this is a 15 to 18 month program, and he just started a month ago. I feel that she still is being somewhat codependent on his needs which she somewhat agrees with me on. She also attends Al anon. She blames all of his problems (financial abuse of not paying any household bills - the biggest issue and a lot of selfishness) completely on the alcoholism. His father really took advantage of people and he was not an alcoholic. Could the alcoholism be completely to blame or do you think she just has blinders on?
Read answer →Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'
What do you do when the idea of giving up your whole life is to painful tp even imagine even when your life is pretty messed up from a lot of meth. I try to get clean but my friends always set me back. But I love them and I cant imagine living without the people I love. Especially my true love. I want to stop and so does she but we never can but neither one of us will ever live without each other.
Read answer →Staying Sober on a College Campus
I am an 18 year old alcoholic and drug addict. I am going to the University of Minnesota this year for Ag science. I almost blew my scholarship after I had a stress breakdown but my guidance counselors smoothed things over and I was able to graduate normally even though I was suspended for drugs in May. My 720/730/760 SATs help me out of a lot of sticky situations… I am going to live in the dorm. They have this welcome week that is supposed to be a big party. I am not sure how I am going to fit in being the guy who can’t party. Should I just tell everyone I am an alcoholic and drug addict or should I only tell people after I get to know them? Should I skip the welcome week? I am worried that I won’t make any friends unless I go out to social events but I am nervous about staying sober. I was going to AA but in my town this means a bunch of people that don’t have a lot of post secondary experience. They say I am not ready for to go away from home - this from a bunch of guys who never left home ever (good guys though). I am worried that they are right but I am not missing my chance.
Read answer →Self Disclosure Is Awesome
Hi Jim, I'm an LCSW currently working at a Substance Abuse agency. My question to you is: what are your thoughts regarding counselors talking about their own addiction history in groups with clients? thanks!
Read answer →Halfway Homes for the Halfway Home
Is a halfway house a good idea for daughter, even if it is far from home? My daughter is in rehab for drug addiction and is also bipolar. She does not want to come home right away because of triggers/friends in area. She is looking into a halfway house about 3 hours from home. Is this something that is recommended for successful aftercare?
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