Jim LaPierre
LCSW, CCS
Clinical Social Worker/Therapist
Brewer, USA
Answers questions in Addiction Treatment · Addictions · Adolescent Issues
About Jim LaPierre
My story is I'm forever a work in progress and I love connecting with REAL people who are doing great things. I'm blessed to be making a living doing something I love. I'm a proud dad and the luckiest husband ever. I'm an aspiring author - check out my recovery blog at:
https://www.sobernow.com/blog
Thanks! Jim
What I do
Hi! I'm Jim - I'm a mental health therapist, addictions counselor, and Recovery Ally. I'm passionate about Recovery whether from addictions, trauma, family of origin, or past abuse.
I do a small amount of online counseling (if you're very flexible in scheduling). Most of my time is spent growing my clinic in Brewer, Maine. We pride ourselves in being a resource Please feel free to email questions or concerns to: jim@sobernow.com
My story
My story is I'm forever a work in progress and I love connecting with REAL people who are doing great things. I'm blessed to be making a living doing something I love. I'm a proud dad and the luckiest husband ever. I'm an aspiring author - check out my recovery blog at:
https://www.sobernow.com/blog
Thanks! Jim
Why life is worth living
I have friends, family and kin. I get to grow spiritually and experience connection.
Treatment Offered
Specialties
Therapy approaches
Patient population
Modalities
Articles(89)
Cultural Considerations in Choosing a Therapist
Are there any advantages to finding a therapist from your own cultural or sub-cultural group? If your therapist isn't 'like' you (for example, in recovery) how can you be sure he or she understands and can help you? Here's advice on finding a good therapist, whether from your shared group or beyond.
Read article →How Recovery Affects Relationships. Guidelines for Rebuilding
Recovery brings a lot of changes and upheaval. Couples can grow and thrive throughout recovery by being mindful, establishing boundaries and expressing needs.
Read article →Considering Structural Family Therapy for Children of Alcoholics & Addicts in Early Recovery
The needs of children in families of addiction are easily overlooked. Here's a quick guide to helping the children through, with specific recommendations based on age and developmental stage.
Read article →The 12 Steps without God or Alcohol: Key Concepts to Improve Any Life
The 12 Steps of AA provide opportunities for healing, self discovery, and spiritual growth... even for individuals who never experienced addiction.
Read article →"Am I an Alcoholic?"
The most challenging aspect of answering this is that it depends entirely on what we believe an alcoholic is.
Read article →Pets Can Support Recovery - Are You Ready for Some Puppy Love?
Pets offer an anchor of unconditional love and helpful routine, but they're also a big responsibility. Would a dog or other pet help you stay clean and sober?
Read article →Do You Have an Addictive Personality? How to Tame Your Drives
While "addictive personality" is not an actual diagnosis it does seem that many people who do not abuse substances still show aspects of addictive behavior.
Read article →Thriving as a Family when Addiction or Mental Illness Brings Adult Children Home Again
Supporting our adult children in this day and age often means allowing them to move back home for a time. In the case of addictions and mental illness, we sometimes find that the love of parents is exploited or simply taken for granted. Here are tips on thriving as a family when adult children come back home again.
Read article →How to Increase Your Recovery Willpower
Self-discipline and restraint: willpower isn't something you have or don't have - it's something you can build on your own and with others.
Read article →Relapsing after Long Term Sobriety - Coping with Embarrassment and Shame
Relapse after long term sobriety: embarrassment is normal but shame and embarrassment can kill you if they keep you from getting the help you need. Learn what to do after relapse, no matter how many years of sobriety you have behind you.
Read article →Medical Marijuana - How to Avoid Abuse and Addiction
Marijuana is a valid medicine, and like many other medicines, it has a potential for abuse. However, with medical marijuana, you're usually left to decide how much and how often to use on your own. Here's a guide to making sure your medicine doesn't start causing more problems than it solves.
Read article →Understanding the Insanity of Alcoholism: How the Alcoholic Thinks
One of the finest compliments I receive from recovering alcoholics is that despite the fact that I am not an alcoholic, I understand how their minds work. I have profound respect for all the old sayings in AA. Some are open to interpretation - the "insanity of our disease" is a literal statement.
Read article →AA for Atheists – How to Take What You Need and Leave the Rest
Myths and misconceptions regarding Alcoholics Anonymous that continue to prevent people from accessing self-help. For the atheist or agnostic, concerns about having a "Higher Power" are a significant obstacles that can be overcome.
Read article →Affordable Drug Rehab: Getting Low Cost Treatment
What do you do when you can't afford treatment and/or you need to continue working and paying the bills? Read on for tips and ideas on finding free and affordable treatment.
Read article →Forget Light-Speed Sobriety! Learning Life-Moderation and Recovering at a Healthy Pace
You can't live recovery at the same pace you lived addiction - all or nothing. Learn new speeds beyond "all out" and "dead stop".
Read article →Restarting Life in Recovery: Your Life's Not a Failure - You Have a Fresh Start!
From the high-life to minimum wage - how do you start over again at the bottom rung without feeling like a loser?
Read article →Fortifying Your Recovery Online - Making Full Use of Internet Recovery Resources
One of the greatest things about recovery is that there's always something you can add. Online resources fortify your recovery.
Read article →Guidelines for Ending an Addiction-Destroyed Relationship
What do you do when the person you love gets consumed by a disease (addiction) that's beyond your control? How do we know when it's time to leave and how do you manage to adjust to life without your actively addicted partner?
Read article →Loving a Recovering Addict/Alcoholic. Tips for Navigating Your Newly Sober Relationship
As difficult as it is to love someone in the spiral of addiction, adjusting to life with a person in recovery is no small task either. Many of us found we lost ourselves while loving an addict/alcoholic. Now we start our own journey - one in which we focus on self.
Read article →Rebuilding a Relationship after Your Partner Gets Clean and Sober
Your partner's in recovery... now what? Tips on rebuilding a relationship while making your own needs a priority: building trust - one day at a time, setting measurable goals to work toward, taking care of yourself... rather than your partner.
Read article →What about the Kids? How Addiction in the Family Affects Children
In the midst of active addiction and early recovery, the impact of the disease upon children is often underestimated. Thinking about how children are negatively affected gives us insight into how to support them.
Read article →How Addiction Affects Sibling Relationships
The needs of siblings of active addicts and alcoholics are often overlooked. This is especially true when siblings are adolescents and young adults. Supporting the needs of all family members individually is the key to maintaining a healthy family unit.
Read article →How to Support Addicted Loved-Ones without Enabling
You have to let them face their natural consequences, but does that mean there's nothing you can do to help? Fortunately, you CAN support without enabling and your assistance today can make a big difference for their tomorrow.
Read article →Loving an Addicted Partner - Enforce Boundaries but Don't Manipulate
Learn how setting personal boundaries and demanding accountability works better than trying to manipulate behavioral change.
Read article →The Blurry Lines of Sex Addiction: Differentiating between Normal and Problematic Sexual Behaviors
Do you have an addiction or a high libido? Learn how to differentiate between 'normal' and problematic sexual expression.
Read article →Treating Substance Abuse among the Intellectually Disabled
Five ideas for improving addiction treatment for those with intellectual disability.
Read article →Before We Intervene - Preparation for Successful Interventions
Consider the common pitfalls of intervention and how to avoid them. As difficult as this process is, there's a lot we can do to prepare ourselves.
Read article →Getting the Most out of Dual Diagnosis Treatment through Active Involvement
Being passive in treatment yields poor results. You'll do better by learning how the process works and taking control of your treatment.
Read article →Overcoming Panic Attacks - A Case Study and Practical Tips
Pragmatic and in-depth approaches are what it takes to overcome panic attacks.
Read article →Self-Medicating Harm Reduction: Tips for Safer Self-Medication
Are you self-medicating to cope with stress, anxiety or depression? If abstinence is impossible right now, consider a harm reduction approach to limit the consequences of your self-medication choices.
Read article →Dangerous Anniversaries: Avoiding Recovery Pitfalls at 30 Days and 3, 6, 9 and 12 Months
Recovery milestones like the first 30, 90 or 365 days can increase your relapse risks. Learn about the specific dangers and pitfalls at each stage and get prepared to avoid them
Read article →Can an Addiction Counselor Help You? What to Expect from Counseling
Learn what to expect from counseling and find out how a counselor can help you move from use to sobriety and from sobriety to recovery.
Read article →Discover the Value in Adding Spiritual Practices to Recovery
Does spirituality have a place in recovery? Find out how spiritual practices can make a real difference and help us in our sobriety and daily living.
Read article →AA Sponsorship: How to Find Your Ideal AA Sponsor
Developing a support system in early recovery can be overwhelming. Choosing a sponsor is an important choice that gives stability. Here's what to look out for.
Read article →Addiction Recovery for Single Parents
When caring for the kids means seeking help for addiction: Overwhelmed by the competing demands of daily life, single parents are at a higher risk for substance abuse and addiction.
Read article →How Good Can Life Be, Clean & Sober?
In early recovery, we're easily left with a sense of loss when we romanticize euphoric experiences we had with our drug of choice (and overlook the costs). Are you looking through the wrong end of the telescope?
Read article →After a Relapse: "Re-working" the Twelve Steps
Learn how to see 'the steps' as opportunities. After relapse, making the most of them hinges on our attitude and on our willingness to change.
Read article →(Grand)Parenting Children of Active Addicts
When adult children battle addiction, how do you support your grandchildren without enabling their parents? Read on for the do's and dont's.
Read article →Understanding "Powerlessness" and Why Acceptance Liberates You
Powerlessness is one of the most difficult things to accept in early recovery. Free yourself from unhealthy expectations and futile pursuits.
Read article →Addict but Not Alcoholic, Is It Ever Safe to Drink Again?
If you're an in-recovery drug addict, but not an alcoholic, can you ever drink alcohol again? Learn how to decide for yourself.
Read article →About Planning An Intervention... for Yourself
Learn how to plan an intervention for yourself. There are countless pathways to recovery but none of them are walked alone. Find out what needs to be done, based on what's possible - not on what's comfortable.
Read article →When Your Loved Ones Keep Relapsing
Supporting those who keep going back out: how to maintain hope and effectively cope when a loved one just can't seem to stay sober.
Read article →Addiction Treatment for Doctors: Overcoming Obstacles to Change
Personal, occupational, and societal expectation placed on doctors and other prescribing clinicians are risk factors for addiction and obstacles to recovery.
Read article →Celebrities in Rehab - Media Offering Addiction as Scandalous Entertainment
We've known for decades that mental health and addictions are medical conditions. Media depictions continue to yield unrealistic views of social problems and those afflicted.
Read article →Addiction Recovery: How to Protect Your Privacy While Getting the Help You Need
Staying anonymous in a social media world - how to balance getting the recovery support you need with maintaining anonymity.
Read article →Dual Diagnosis: The Problem with Diagnosing Mental Illness in Early Recovery
Early recovery from addiction involves countless changes in perception, behavior, and self regulation. Diagnosing people who are less than six months sober is extremely problematic and should be avoided whenever possible. Diagnoses are labels that too often become prophecies.
Read article →How to Choose The Right Addiction Counselor
Choosing an addictions counselor can overwhelm - but it doesn't have to. Start by learning about your options, about how to find a skilled practitioner and about what questions to ask when interviewing 'candidates'.
Read article →What’s the Best Alcohol Addiction Treatment Option for You?
Picking treatment can feel overwhelming, so it’s best to be pragmatic. Here are the basic options and an explanation of how your insurance company funds treatment.
Read article →Countering Negative AA Myths - Learn the Truth about How and Why It Helps
Common AA myths: AA is a cult...AA is only for Christians...research says AA doesn't work, and more. Why not dig a little deeper and learn the truth?
Read article →Hating the Holidays? Tips on How to Stay Clean and Sober
The holidays are a universally stressful time of year. For those of us in recovery, unique challenges demand our care and attention.
Read article →New Year's Introspection: About Taking Stock of Our Progress
New Year's can be a time for reflection, but for those in addiction recovery, it can also be a minefield. About taking stock, as this year comes to an end.
Read article →Considering Marriage or Commitment to a Person in Early Recovery
When thinking about marrying a person in early recovery, how can you know that recovery will last? Short answer is - you can't! But you can learn to accept your powerlessness over the situation, make your own life manageable and set healthy boundaries.
Read article →Spiritual but Not Religious: How to Figure out the Higher Power Stuff
Do you have anything to lose from taking a leap of faith? Learn more about choosing a higher power - even if you're not religious.
Read article →Substance Abuse & Addiction Risk Factors for Older Americans
When older Americans use drugs it’s often for the same reasons that teenagers do: to cope, out of curiosity, and from a lack of passions. Feelings of mortality, boredom and loneliness are common precursors.
Read article →Shame after Drinking - Why You Feel So Low the Next Morning
Morning after drinking guilt and shame - why do you feel so low that next morning and what can you do about it?
Read article →Too Smart for AA? Don't Overthink It - Make Changes and Have Faith in the Process
Early recovery is a difficult time. We must keep it simple and have an open mind, if we are to find our way to a better life.
Read article →Why Interventions Fail: Avoiding Pitfalls
Popular TV shows like Intervention and Dr. Phil would have us believe that people always change for the better when confronted. This simply isn’t true.
Read article →Adult Children of Alcoholics and Addicts: Haven’s Story
As we focus on adults in recovery from addiction, we often overlook the needs of their children. In many cases they have to find their own way.
Read article →Understanding the ‘Dry Drunk': The Challenges and the Steps to Permanent Change
Understanding what it means to be a "dry drunk" and un-learning negative behaviors can pave the way to permanent recovery.
Read article →Self-Deception, Overcoming Trust Issues and Embracing Honesty in Recovery
Self-deception is rarely a conscious process. Sobriety and recovery naturally yield clarity but it's a process and it requires conscious effort.
Read article →Avoiding Bitterness – The True Cost of Resentment
Does the true cost of resentment go beyond taking up room in our hearts and mind? Learn how to let go of bitterness and baggage.
Read article →Emotions in Early Recovery: "You Can't Heal What You Can't Feel"
During early recovery we often find ourselves raw. But you can't heal what you can't feel. There are no quick fixes. Learn how to let it go.
Read article →Starting Recovery with a Criminal Record - Overcoming Barriers to Success
Don't let a criminal record, probation or parole break your recovery efforts. Read on for 6 tips on building a better future, despite a difficult past.
Read article →Overcoming Adult Bullying - Tips on Getting Support, Documenting, Boundaries and More
We tend to associate bullying with the behavior of children and not adults, but the same dynamics from social circles in middle school and high school are perpetuated amongst a high percentage of adults. Overcoming bullying requires both internal and external changes.
Read article →Communicating Effectively with an Active Addict or Alcoholic
The most powerful tool is the truth. Mincing words or walking on eggshells are common mistakes 'affected others' make. Simple, direct, and clear communication gives us our best chance to be heard.
Read article →"My husband is an alcoholic... please, what can I do?"
Being trapped is most often a state of mind. Are you looking for answers that you know deep down don’t exist? The simple truth is hard to hear.
Read article →10 Things You Can Do to Support Your Loved One’s Recovery
Supporting recovery - you're probably unsure about what's helpful and appropriate. The list below may surprise you. Here's how you can help.
Read article →First Responders: A 3 Step Guide to Coping with Stress and Avoiding Burnout
For first responders at risk of PTSD and burnout, learn more about: daily habits that protect you, red-flags that warn of an impending problem and adaptive response techniques that safeguard your professional standing.
Read article →Finding Purpose and Passion through the Actions of Recovery
Learn how getting and staying sober can spark a life of purpose and passion.
Read article →Treating Co-occurring Sex & Substance Addictions
Is it really sex addiction? If it is, how do you treat it and substance addiction at the same time?
Read article →How Domestic Violence Complicates Addiction Recovery: Ideas for Life-Change
Exploring ideas for life-change, where domestic abuse complicates addiction recovery and addiction makes it harder to break free from abuse.
Read article →Making a Choice to Manage and Overcome Fears
How a person chooses to deal with fear determines a great deal of what's possible in their lives. Make a choice to stop running from fear!
Read article →Your Adult Child Has a Drug Problem - Get Past Guilt and Useless Worry
Moving past guilt and powerlessness as we wait for adult children to find recovery.
Read article →Developing Manageability and Stability to Reduce Stress and Avoid Relapse
There's an adage in self help, "We found the only thing we needed to change was everything." As we adjust to life without drugs and alcohol, we need to develop new habits to guard against our old ones.
Read article →Restarting Your Career in Recovery
Guidelines for getting back to work once safely in recovery. How much to reveal, how to deal with questions, how to return to your old job, or if you can't or don't want to - how to get a new one even with a large gap in your resume.
Read article →In Recovery - The Difference between Acceptance and Passivity
It's easy to confuse acceptance with passivity, but one keeps you sober and one doesn't! Learn how to find acceptance and peace in your life through active recovery.
Read article →Pink Clouds & Other Pitfalls in Recovery
Early recovery is an emotional rollercoaster. We want to celebrate, recruit others to join our new fantastic way of life, make up for lost time and take on way too much all at once! With patience and prioritizing you can enjoy all the good without falling back into the bad.
Read article →Restarting after Relapse - Maintaining Your Hope for Recovery
Relapse is common in recovery. But with perseverance, support, and a willingness to learn, every relapse can be an opportunity for growth and progress. Keep getting back up and moving forward towards a better life.
Read article →In Recovery: Becoming an Addictions Counselor - How to Succeed and What to Consider
In recovery and thinking about becoming an addictions counselor? Here's what's needed to get in and do well in this very worthwhile field.
Read article →No Codependence! A How-to Guide to Family Recovery Support
Worrying doesn't actually help but it could make things worse. Learn how to really offer support by taking care of yourself first, learning from others via self-help groups and by working to transform the whole-family dynamic for the better.
Read article →Mentoring in Recovery - Staying Sober by Helping Others
You can't keep it unless you give it away. Here are practical tips for using your own strengths and experiences to help others build recovery.
Read article →Cultivating Gratitude: a Guide to Recovery Happiness
How to be happy right now. We don't find what we're not looking for. In the midst of striving for a better life we often lose sight of all we have to be grateful for.
Read article →A No-Relapse Guide to Coping with Grief & Loss
Grief and loss can rock you, no matter how strong your recovery. Learn to grieve in healthy ways to sustain your recovery and honor your departed loved-one.
Read article →Late-Stage Sobriety - Facing Recovery and Serious Health Conditions
Addiction may cause debilitating or even fatal health conditions. How do you start recovery when you've already done so much damage? This article explores the worth and benefits of late-stage recovery.
Read article →When Addiction Counselors Relapse: Overcoming Professional Obstacles to Recovery
Substance abuse counselors are supposed to take a whole year off after relapse. Don't these people also need to eat and pay bills? Here's a different approach to getting treatment and getting better - without losing everything.
Read article →Dealing With Passive Aggressive Behavior
Passive aggressive behavior is increasingly common in the mainstream and allows folks to be hurtful while also avoiding direct conflict. Holding others accountable for what they say and do allows us to reduce misunderstandings and attain more effective communication and relations.
Read article →When Partying Gets Boring: Growing Up and Overcoming Ambivalence to Change
There comes a time for each of us when we reflect on our lifestyle and see that it's time for a change. The New Year is the most popular time of year to do this. Start out 2014 by considering whether partying still matches the life you want today.
Read article →10 Best Recovery Slogans & How to Apply Them
Folks in 12 step programs understand that in early recovery, we can't remember things even if we want to. They provide us with acronyms and simple sayings that speak volumes.
Read article →In Recovery: Dealing with Surgery or Hospitalization and Addictive Medications
Most medical professionals receive very little training in addictions so you need to protect your own recovery. You may need addictive medications. Make sure to consider the risks, ask the right questions and advocate for yourself.
Read article →
Answered Questions(100)
Next steps
Hi, four weeks ago I decided to take a pill of a natural psychedelic (containing LSA as active substance). I never had it before and in general I am not a drug user, I took them from my holiday in Amsterdam. The experience was highly traumatic, I experienced a near-death experience, I was convincedI was dying and I had a panic attack, feeling my soul was going out of my body. My boyfriend that was with me took me to the hospital, they check and my blood pressure and heart rate were normal. After that day it has been hard for me to live. I had a panic attack one week after that event, I started being scared of myself, having suicidal thoughts, not feeling like anything in life can make me happy anymore (I had a great life before, a loving relationship and my own business, nothing excites me anymore), on Monday I went to the gym and while walking back I felt huge vertigo and a feeling like falling down, as if I didn't have control of my body anymore (a feeling I had during the psychedelic experience) that made me almost have a second panic attack. Today I had an appointment for a scan and I asked my boyfriend to take me and to be there with me the whole time. I feel depersonalisation, as if everything around me was not real, and the whole time I was feeling scared of interacting with people because I didn't know if I would have started acting weird or panicking again. I am scared of being around people, I constantly feel muscle tension and anxiety (I tried to take a cbd pill yesterday and it didn't help, today I took Rescue Remedy, which is bach flowers for anxiety and it didn't help). Every day I am getting more and more scared of myself, I don't know what is happening to me, I have never had panic attacks before and I am scared that my life, my business and my relationship can fall over because of this. I am just scared that I will never go back to normal and this thought is killing me. I feel unworthy of anything and a lot of bad thoughts often come to my mind. If it might be relevant, when I was 18 to 20 I had a strong social anxiety, that I overcame working on myself and never consulting anyone. When I was 20 I started having eating disorders (light anorexia and bulimia and strong binge eating disorder) and I was prescribed with Lyrica (for generalized anxiety disorder) and was diagnosed with Cyclothymia. I stopped taking Lyrica at 26 because I felt like I was getting in control of my life after university and I started working on myself, doing physical activity, journaling etc... Of everything i have ever experienced on a psychological level, this is by far the worse and it's really hard to live like this. Less that one year ago my dad died after a long illness (15 years of Parkinson) and it felt like I was coping well with it, but after that trip, where I experienced death, I saw him when he was in the hospital and I experienced how he was feeling at the time, now I feel constantly anxious, as if I didn't deserve to be loved for all the mistakes I did in my life (like, when I was 18-27 I started partying a lot and becoming extremely superficial in order to escape the pain I was feeling for seeing my dad in pain, that was killing me inside and after so many years I feel like I am now facing the guilt of my whole life, when I tried to never stay close to him, and I just feel like I dont deserve love and I am a bad person).
Read answer →Next steps
I started having intense depression and anxiety out of nowhere about a week ago. About three weeks ago I was in a pretty significant car wreck where I was banged up a little, and about a month and a half ago I had a bad mushroom trip where I believed I had died. I have also done some competitive MMA fights as well, but I haven't done any in a few years, and do kratom on a regular daily basis. Any thoughts on what could help my situation?
Read answer →Finding a Higher Power
Hi Mr. LaPierre, This morning, my husband, daughters and I went to see the therapist we started seeing a few weeks ago. I shared with her that I am struggling with Secondary Trauma surrounding school shootings. These are the most frightening thing for me to consider, yet they have been happening around the country with frightening regularity. Within the past month, there were two threats - one at each of our daughters' schools - that have caused me to experience horrid anxiety and often left me in tears. The idea that I am sending our sweet girls to public school and that there could be someone there who feels angry and violent enough where he would commit this kind of act just shakes me to my core. Of course, when news stories have occurred covering one of these events across the country, I put myself in the same place as the families themselves. It is as if I am experiencing their unimaginable tragedy also. Wednesday, an email was sent by our 12-year old's middle school to say there had been some sort of "terroristic threat" by one of its students. All I could do was beg my husband - through tears and sobs - to allow our daughters to stay home this past Friday. He allowed this, but not without a ton of conflict between him and I about allowing this. He feels that we have to live our lives and by keeping our daughters at home, we are really not doing so. I know I cannot keep them locked inside their home, but honestly, if I could convince them, I would love to live in a "safe house". We'd drive each other bonkers, but at least no one would shoot us. Today, our family therapist talked to me about spirituality. I feel a tremendous amount of mistrust towards conventional religion and therefore turn my nose up towards anything "God" and "Jesus". She spoke to me about developing a relationship with my "higher power" instead. After reading what you wrote on your site, I was quite taken with what you said. Do you know of any books that are available to help me develop my relationship with my higher power? Years ago, I read "Codependent No More" and thought a great deal about Melody Beattie. I don't know if you are familiar with her or not. Thanks for reading this long email! Elizabeth G,
Read answer →Faith Based Recovery Specialists
I am becoming a Certified Recovery Specialist, received the training, taking the licensure test on the 27th. Is there specific training for a Christian CRS? There are also a lot of Recovery Community Organizations for advocacy throughout the US. Are there any for Christians?
Read answer →Severe PTSD
Hi, as a result of sever PTSD, I've tried every treatment imaginable, including TMS, Ketamine/Mushroom/MDMA and ECT therapy. Nothing has worked for over 25 years. Except alcohol. When I drink a bottle of wine I feel normal, happy, healed and at peace with the world. I am wondering, considering the severity and intractability of my mental illnesses, does being a drunk justify my decisions regarding substance abuse?
Read answer →Uncertainty in diagnosis
Hello, My daughter is a 16 year old who has been struggling with depression and mood disorder issues; she is currently on Wellbutrin and Lamictal, in counseling as well, and yet, meds are seeming less effective, even though dosage raised. Thoughts about the GeneSight testing? Other thoughts? Thanks, Lisa
Read answer →False hope vs. real hope
How do I handle my boyfriends relapse if/when that occurs? I am moving back in with him soon. He went to a 28 day in patient addiction program for alcoholism which he completed and was supposed to start outpatient treatment as soon as he got out. He did not. He has been out of treatment for almost 6 weeks now and has only went to one AA meeting. He lost his job due to his alcoholism just before going in to treatment. He lost his company truck several months before that. The truck he owns is not drivable and needs $2500 worth of fixing to run. He has a vehicle that he uses to get around occasionally but isn’t very safe to drive because the brakes aren’t good. I’ve given him a lot of money and I’m trying to free myself from codependency and enabling. He does not do anything during the day and hasn’t changed any habits that were there before. He sleeps a lot and is currently living with his parents, living off his VA benefit but the majority of that goes to his child support (he pays $1300/month for child support and gets $1500/month of a va benefit) I’ve asked him to sign us up for couples counseling several times, He acts as though it is my fault that we argue all the time but I’ve worked very hard on myself to create healthy boundaries in our relationship and he has denied every one of them. He forgot my birthday, he’s still very selfish, I’ve given so much of myself mentally,physically, financially, and emotionally and I am NOT READY TO GIVE UP BECAUSE OF THAT. Please help me!
Read answer →It's ok to be angry
Hi. I am 54, female from a middle class domestic violence family in NC. My father was a violent alcoholic for many years. He had BPD and extreme narcissistic traits as well as sexually abusing me for years. My family hid behind the Baptist church. My mother is a very passive church mouse who stood by her man until he died on their 51st wedding anniversary. I still struggle with CPTSD and BPD myself. I have 465 days recovery from opiate/benzos addiction. Anyway, my question is this: can you help me to understand why I feel such anger at my non-offending mother. She was born in 1929, and I grew up in the 1970s-early 1980s when church schools fought for their rights to operate without having to report anything to government officials and to keep the government out of their business. Plus, our church enforced the submissive wife model who prays for her abusive spouse to change, no matter how he treated her and any children. A lot of people I attended church school with were openly abused. Is it common for ACOA'S to feel anger at the parent who caused them to have to endure he'll on earth and allowed them to become so screwed up? how do I resolve This? She is a big PTSD trigger for me, although I love and pity her. She is sickly and in a nursing home, yet I panic every time I see her. I feel so guilty. Is this common? Any suggestions? She really is a good person, but made some horrendously hurtful decisions in life. She literally had no social support to leave him. Society would have shamed and rejected her if she had left him. She was also financially dependent on him
Read answer →What is he thinking?
Hi... Yesterday I left my spouse at the hotel we stayed at for holiday. He had been drinking "in secret" and refused to get in the car to go home. He kept saying leave my sh*t and go. I told him about 5 times I was leaving him there and finally gave one last warning. Then I did something I never thought I could do....I left him there! I drove away and went home! I left him a couple hours from home with his luggage. It's been nearly 48 hours and no word. No activity on his phone at all. What could he possibly be thinking? What do I do now? Please give me some insight. Hurt & Confused
Read answer →Adolescents and marijuana
I am at a loss . No one really wants to help me and everyone said it's my fault because I let my kid get a license, which gave him freedom to leave small town. Now he's in the throes of loving to smoke weed. I can't reason with him, and he tells me he smokes it, and now that I know what it smells like, He has not hit the other drugs, as far as I can tell. I can tell. He's so close to 18 and I just am not sure what to do to not lose him forever. He listens to underground rap and well, he wants to look like them and well, I am not a millionaire
Read answer →Adolescence and marijuana
Have a son, 17, who thinks smoking weed is fine. I didn't notice it at first, so it seemed like I condoned it. I am now seeing that he won't eat my food,(so skinny) talk to me, be home. He still has good grades, but all his friends are leaving him. He is beginning to lie to look good. I have tried talking. I haven't really taken any thing for I guess I don't want him to runaway or go into deeper drugs?? He's not skipping school. Just being late and becoming truant late... (2 to 7 minutes)
Read answer →Online Counseling
Hello. I have read some of your articles and resonate with the things you say. I think I am an alcoholic. I'm not drinking right now, but I'm what you'd call a "dry drunk". I am obsessed with alcohol and think about drinking all day and night. I am living in torment right now. I have seen other therapists but I haven't connected with anybody. I think I read that you do online/phone counseling. I have tricare insurance. I was wondering if you could help me. Thank you, Susan
Read answer →Post Acute Withdrawal
Hi Jim. My name is Melissa and I have been almost 120 days sober from 12 years of high dose morphine use. But my mind is not normal and I am not feeling like I thought I would,,,i know its PAWS but I don't know how to make it stop. I literally feel insane... But I have done the whole thing by myself because I have no insurance, so I am dealing with this alone to and that is why I'm reaching out for answers. Thank you for your time
Read answer →always respond, never react
I am currently in a situation where I am employed by a few of my friends who started a business together. One the partners has exhibited severe issues with drug and alcohol abuse over the past years that has led his work, health, and personal relationships to deteriorate. His partners have sat him down many times to try an intervene with the recourse of being terminated from the business. This has all happened with varying degrees of success. In the last few months, his behavior has greatly improved. He has taken month stints of not drinking at all, he is eating better, he is consistently on time to work and behaving in normal manners. Last week, one of the partners was struck with information that accused this individual of sexually assaulting two different people a year ago, during the time he was drinking heavily. I have now been asked to join an intervention for this individual to be performed asap. I am feeling uncomfortable with this request: 1. I am being asked by my employers to be a part of an intervention for my coworker and soon to be defunct boss. 2. They are asking to keep the sexual assault allegations out of the intervention, but he is not currently displaying signs of alcohol or drug abuse. It feels forced and I feel I would have to lie to go along with this. Can you offer any direction? With this brief overview of history, does it sound like an intervention is the correct thing to do? Should I put aside my underlying feelings of discomfort to offer this friend help? It all feels rushed, not clearly thought out and is making me feel uneasy.
Read answer →Patterns
I am married to an alcoholic. He first identified himself as an alcoholic 7 years ago after he had a bad fall and a black out and started AA and had a sobriety period of about 2 weeks. Since then he has had different time periods of sobriety that last 2-4 weeks. What I noticed the past 4 years is he has a sifnificant incident while drinking (fall, fight, etc) and he declares sobriety, remains sober for about 3-4 weeks then slowly starts drinking again. His frequency and amount increases over the time span of about 8 months or so until he is consistently binge drinking every weekend, has a significant incident, then starts the pattern all over. He recently had his longest period of sobriety 60 days. I attend Al Al-Anon and am learning a lot but this pattern is difficult to watch and stay out of. Can you provide some insight into what is happening with this pattern? Any ideas on how I can keep myself from participating in it? His sober times are not exactly pleasant either. He is usually anxious, agitated, and irritable. When he drinks he is beligerant and very unpleasant.
Read answer →Finding a good therapist
Read your article about Alcoholic thinking and shared it with my Dad who is an alcoholic and would like to fine the right help. He is 76 and has tried just going to AA but really had trouble finding a sponsor he could respect and trust. I am thinking a good local therapist might be very helpful to him. Is there any one that you know of in Orange County, CA?
Read answer →Burn Out
I am in burnout mode. I need your opinion. Should I seek medication, marijuana, or work with a counselor?
Read answer →Acceptance Yields Freedom
Hello Jim LaPierre. My name is Cristina and i came from Portugal. I live since 4 years in Germany. My husband is german and alcohcolic. He have made in is life 3 long therapies. was sober for 5 years but he drinks at the moment very heavy... He have put me out of the house. I´m guilty for everything... Tryes to put everyone against me. I have write to him a very long brief since he dont speak. 5 days its gone and i dont became any reply from him. I only know that he goes more depressed. Would you be so kind and if you have the time, to tell me if you think that this letter have made "light" on his heart... """ I would like to say same words that are in my heart but also in my throat… I've taken your advice and since 5 weeks I go to a therapeut, and he thinks it’s also a good idea to write to you. I would like to start by calling your obsession (drinking) your Lover. When you see this word you will know from what I´m talking about. You say that i don't get more, that I have all, too much… . From your Lover I became ALL! Too much pain, hurt, lost of respect, lost of my husband, lost of my home (and I don’t mean house). An ax on the table, a television command flying in my head, a head butt, charged words with hate jealous of sadness aggression. A life and plans for a beautiful future completely destroyed, reduced to powder. Go the police or the judge? It is your right do to so And say what? That from the 5 days that you gave your Portuguese woman living in Germany, without any family, only her husband, to leave the house and she came out with 50.00 euros in her pocket and no job and no place to live or possibility... That same woman after she was out came again to you for 2 times and have clean your home, or when you made the farewell dinner for her that was only to humiliate her before the family , she still came back the next day to clean the kitchen, the bathroom, wash your clothes and even sat at the table with you to eat. That same woman that has respect you as a husband, person and human being. That had to ask your ex-wife for help to find one place to live ... your ex-wife ... Who lives in the house of your former father in law ... The same woman that never have said to you that you must go out and find a normal job like everyone and bring money to the house. The woman that have respect your freedom so that you make with your professional and private life what you wish. The woman that gave you power to show your paintings.The woman that don’t gave you power to open the tattoo studio in Oberndorf… The same woman that says to your daughters to have hope that you will go back to be the Papa they both love and that says that the Love they have for you will heal all. The woman who have not steal you anything, that have not destroy anything of yours, who respected and continue to respect your name and your property. That have not beat you physically or verbally. I am not and will never be as certain people from your past, no matter how much your Lover wants to make me an aggressor! My heart was always love and is full of love that will die! The intervention when your Mother, Ulrike, and your daughters were there in the house on December 29, I see and I realize now that it was arrogant of me! I never had the right to require you that you'd stop drinking. It would have to come from you that will. But I did for love and everything that is done for love should be forgiven. For this mystake I will regret the rest of my life. It was never my intention to point the finger at you or humiliate you !!! But it was very sad and frustrating to realize that you wanted not more being away from your Lover and realize that she would take you from us again ... Freedom is your greatest wish !? Irony that you are not free ... You're yes prisoner of your Lover. That every day you captivates more and more from you until you have anything more to offer ... Still she will continue to require from you the loyalty and dedication that she needs ... Until there is nothing left of you … I am not an aggressor as you are not aggressor !!! We are all, you also victims! Victims of your Lover !!! Timo, complete and whole MAN. Son, father, brother, husband, friend, artist, thinker, Sensitive, Human. Person with so many gifts and possibilities. Full of defects but loved with these same defects. What good it would be if one day you could get out of your mask of arrogance and manipulation and look yourself in the mirror and see the HUMAN that it reflects and that you could love HIM. What good it would it be if you look inside your heart and understand that what your Lover gives you is so little compared to what you are! To Timo with a 12 years boy Soul, I just want to thank! All!!! And there would never be enough words or paper to express the gratitude for what this Human taught me and showed me. For teaching me to cook, playing xadrez, for teaching me to like me, for believing in me and in my abilities, to challenge me every day, working on me to want to learn more, the unconditional friendship, for always being by my side. Helping me to study, to learn German, with homework. The wonderful attitudes that he had to me in my days of sadness, tears that he cleansed me and kissed my mouth. Who showed me a country that i have learned to love that showed me so many beautiful and inspiring places that inspired my Soul. That showed me in my country so many wonderful sites. That gave me a family that I love like my real family. Thank you for the love and affection you have for Portugal and with my friends. Thank you for helping me with my obsession with the diazepam. That urged me to learn to ride a bike. That urged me to like to walk, so I lose weight. Who challenged me to lose my fears. Thank all that he built for me or for us. All that he created to make me happy to show me how much he loved me. All the dreams that have come true and also the dreams that were not fulfilled. Thank you for the music, the evenings fireplace. By sunny days. Thank you for the honor of choosing me to be your wife and use your name. Thanks for the amazing orgasms, the caress of the skin. For helping me to free myself sexually. Thank you for your madness that made me too crazy in your hands, in your skin in your sex. My body hurts until today longing for yours. From your smell, from your touch. Sex, love, pleasure, feeling. Thanks for touching my soul. The small Portuguese that became your wife in soul and heart still loves you and will love you to death. And you know I do not need a man to live. I will follow my own life. The love that I always felt for you will always be enough to make me smile. Say many thanks to your Lover for me, that she have taken me the future that was still to live, but also say to her that she didn't win!!! The past and what I have lived and enjoyed and feel and loved is in my memories in my skin in my heart deep in my soul!!! And this she or anyone cannot take from me, never!"""" Many thanks and best regards Cristina Santos Serrer
Read answer →If You Love Someone...
Hi Jim, I wanted to ask you for your advice on how best to support my girlfriend who is in recovery. We met almost five years ago, she was 35 and I was 45. At that time she was living in an SLE, and I was divorced with my pre teen living with me. I didn't really understand the depth and history of her drinking problems the first year we knew each other. She was mostly sober and we developed a wonderful love for each other. Even through the years of ups and downs in our relationship, I do believe to this day, we both feel each other is a soulmate. Which brings me to today, and her recent release from a 30 day program she voluntarily entered with my help. When she was admitted only her mother and myself were authorized to call and check on her. We wrote letters to each other during the blackout. The first couple from her explained how her detox went, how she was feeling, how she was doing etcetera, and she let me know that I was no longer allowed to call only her mother could. The rationale was so that she could focus on her treatment, and I let her know I understood. The last letter I received she says that she felt it would be best for her to not be in a relationship anymore. You can imagine how difficult it is for me to reconcile that. I do understand that most recovery centers advise their clients do not enter into a relationship for one year. My problem is that we were already in a relationship. I am and have been her closest ally during her drinking episodes. And I want to be there for her during her recovery. I am diligently reading about the 12 step program, refuge recovery, meditation mindfulness and other modalities. We are meant to celebrate our 5th anniversary in a couple days. I want to do the right thing by her. I love her more and respect her courage, and I need some advice on how to approach her and support her. I don't want to drift apart, and lose all that we have worked so hard for together. - Adder
Read answer →rehab without insurance
Hello. I am currently trying to find my sister a residential treatment facility that is affordable. She has no insurance and can not apply for insurance as she is currently incarcerated. My sister has battled addiction for a very long time and recently began using and selling heroin. She needs help but I can not find anything that my family can afford with nio insurance. Can you please help me?
Read answer →Helping the Helpers
Hi. I don't usually come to others for help. If I do then I go to close family members. I am a 16 year old guy. My mind is really screwed up right now though. I'm dealing with a lot. Family issues, work, school, a girl I like who I have known my entire life. I believe that I have trust issues. I've been screwed over a lot in my past. I've also been lied to so much. I do believe in god. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, but I am so paranoid. I also have a suspicious mind or something. Every day I live in fear of what will happen for anything. Negative thoughts possess me everyday and they never go away. Especially when it comes to the girl. I feel as if she will be taken away from me or something just like many other things. It is hard for me to trust anyone really. There is so much, but I don't know you well enough to tell you. I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable just telling you everything through a website. I'm just trying to find an answer to end all this pain. My mom has helped me a decent amount, but there is still so much. I'm a Junior Firefighter, and I am also becoming an EMT. So I am usually the one helping people, but this just hurts too much. I saw this website, and I figured I'd give it a shot. Reply when you can.
Read answer →When Your Partner is Active
Hi Jim- So as a partner with an Alcoholic does it make a difference if you are there for them or not ? My partner - I can do nothing right for he is very negative in many ways but yet I understand he is messed up and I try to be the strong person , but am I really helping or should a person walk away or stay and try to help them /us get help ? Do they ever care they threaten your life or that they get mean? I write him letter but he is never sorry for how he treats me and his son?
Read answer →Resilience and Calling a Truce
Dear Dr LaPierre, Thank you for offering your advice on the internet. Sometimes it's much easier to seek help this way, especially when some experiences are embarrassing to tell. I have an ongoing fear of home invasion that started 14 years ago. It has got worse, and I have been experiencing ghastly nightmares and panic attacks for the last five years. My home has been broken into several times, in fact this is what embarrasses me the most. I can't talk about it because not only do I see disbelief in the eyes of others, but I feel that the sheer number of times must indicate something is wrong with me. Yet I don't know what I could have done to prevent any of these events. The first time, I was 19 years old, and studying in a town away from my parents. My father was (and is) emotionally abusive, controlling, and incredibly frightening. That day he decided to turn up unannounced, but I wasn't home. He was paying my rent, so he believed it was his right to break into my little one room flat by kicking a hole through the front door. When I got back that evening I felt such fear and shock that I called my mother, who told me they had "visited". Strangely enough, that didn't help at all. It nearly felt worse. I got the door fixed, but I had no idea how to fix myself. I felt awful, and angry, and guilty for the anger, because they were paying for my rent, after all. The second time, I was 26, and I had my own place. A large flat I rented in a rather nice part of town. It was the middle of the afternoon on my day off from work, and I was indulging myself to a day in pyjamas, expecting no one, lying on my bed reading Jane Austen with a cup of tea. I heard a loud knock on the front door, and was suddenly caught in a moment of indecision. Do I answer or just let it go? I wasn't dressed adequately, and besides, I was expecting no one. But before I'd even made up my mind, I heard more noises. Someone was prying the door open with a crow bar. I froze, then got up, but it was so quick, that he was inside my home in an instant. Luckily, the corridor led straight to my living room, and he walked past my bedroom door to get there first. I didn't know what to do. I knew the police wouldn't get there in time, but I knew my friend and neighbour was home. I hid behind the bedroom door and dialed his number. Whispering as quietly as I have ever whispered, but panicking too, I asked him to come round. At first he couldn't even hear me... then he wouldn't believe me... that was the worst. I wasn't speaking normally... I was deliberately skipping superficial words because I was afraid I'd be heard, talking like an old fashioned telegraph. Then he felt it in my voice. Less than a minute later, he got to the building and the burglar heard him open the door downstairs. All the while the intruder had been making muffled noises in the living room and I could hear heavy footsteps. I thought I was going to die because I hadn't dared make my presence known... I was literally in a weird frozen state, like calm and panicked at the same time. I don't know how to explain. All these thoughts were rushing through my mind, such as, when he opens the bedroom door he's going to be surprised, his reaction will be unpredictable, he might panic too and kill me. Apart from that phone call, I couldn't move. I wasn't breathing normally, because I feared he'd hear my breath. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it would give me away. I was afraid my phone would ring, but I couldn't turn it off, because it wasn't on silent mode and he would have heard the "off" jingle. I wanted to break it. Even removing the battery was more noise than I could risk. When the intruder heard my friend on the stairs, he walked out. I heard him walk past my bedroom and out the front door. My friend started shouting at one point, he told me it was after they'd walked past each other on the stairs, when he saw my door broken in, the lock was on the floor, and there were wood chips everywhere. I still couldn't come out of hiding. He had to come and get me where I was. That's when I collapsed, shaking, as if the frozen state had kept me up, and then it snapped, leaving me drained of all my energy and I just cried and cried and kept shaking with spasms. We called the police but nothing had been stolen so they did nothing. A few months later, two detectives did show up at my friend's place, because he was an eye witness, and admitted the procedure hadn't been respected, because they'd forgotten to show him photographs of potential suspects. Four months later, I got back from a sleepover to find the door broken in again. This time my laptop had gone, and the cables of my desktop were partially unplugged, which makes me think whoever it was must have been interrupted by something. I waited for the police to get there before I dared go inside, because I was afraid the burglar might still be inside. The police were horrible about it. They were brutal, and dishonest. I don't know why. Maybe they were fed up because I was sobbing. I don't know. They just wanted to know what was missing, but they wouldn't let me check properly. I only noticed my laptop was missing after they left. One of them said to another in front of me "if there's nothing missing, we'll say nothing happened". I couldn't believe it. My door had a gaping hole in it, where the "new" and supposedly "secure" lock had been, with wood chips everywhere again. My friend's theory is that they were worried about not having followed the procedure the first time. I had gone straight back to work the first time, but I wasn't myself. This was too much, and my doctor told me to take a month off. I was working in a bank, and I needed to be efficient. So I didn't take the medical advice... and burned out. I lost my job. I hate myself so much. That job was so important to me... banks were no longer recruiting where I lived, and I desperately needed to hang on, but I wasn't strong enough. I was weak. I was a bit dead. I'm so ashamed. I decided to move out of my flat, but without a job, I was living on my savings. I didn't feel up to going to any interviews, because something was very wrong. I wasn't "me" anymore. So I got a small room and went back to school. I had to do something, but I didn't want to "betray" an employer. So I chose to read law at university instead. It was nice, because I could go to class and just learn. It was so much easier than going to a job, because I didn't have to pretend, or smile too much, or be criticized for looking like an empty shell. I actually did very well. I passed the first year with excellent grades. It was the second year, during the mid term exams, that it happened again. I ran home between two sessions for lunch and a 20 minute nap (I wasn't sleeping well). Just as I lay my head down, I heard someone try to insert a key in my lock. I froze again. Being a coward was becoming a habit! It wouldn't turn, because my own key was in the lock. Then I heard the door knob shake and rattle angrily, and my landlord's voice yelling "I can't get in! Something's stuck". I ran to the door then, in anger and disbelief. I never missed a month's rent in my life and it's absolutely illegal for a landlord to enter a tenant's flat. When I opened the door, his jaw dropped. He mumbled an angry excuse, then his wife turned up behind him, just as surprised as her husband, with my mail in her hands. I asked how long they'd been doing this. They wouldn't answer. I told them this was unacceptable, but I had an exam to go to. It was the hardest exam I ever took in my life. My brain was in a state of trauma and anger. I wanted to press charges, but I couldn't bring myself to go back to the police. I started closing the blinds and putting toothpaste on the light switch, to be sure no one had visited my room in my absence! It sounds like madness... I found the toothpaste smeared on the wall THREE times before I actually dared to do something. I was a ghost. I felt completely naked all the time. Exposed. Lifeless. I felt like I had no intimacy anymore. I started staying home to defend it from intrusion and dropped out of school. I felt like an animal. As though I had no control over anything. Then I did the opposite. I left my room for long periods of time, staying at my boyfriend's instead. My friend, who is a social worker, tried to help. He called the landlord, and told him we were taking him to court, and stated my rights. In France, where I live, home intrusion is a criminal offense, whether you're the landlord or not. But the result was not what I expected. My landlord got angry. He changed the locks and stole and destroyed all my belongings. Everything I owned. I was so broken by then that I couldn't do anything. I still haven't, and it happened two years ago. It's too late now. I hate myself for not reacting, being so inefficient, and pathetic. Letting him get away with it is awful. Now I'm dead inside. I still feel naked and exposed. My diaries, all my papers, photographs, everything is gone, and it's all been taken by a man I fear and hate. I feel dirty, and ashamed. My deepest secrets, my dreams, my silly teenage thoughts were in those diaries. He was a nosey, disgusting landlord, who enjoyed letting himself into his tenants' flats, so I know he combed through everything I ever owned and probably read all my stuff. Now I have lost everything. My belongings, and my soul. I'm living with my boyfriend and haven't been able to work. I'm especially ashamed of that. I have a fear of doors... it's not agoraphobia. I can go out. But I keep having nightmares about doors. I lock them, and they open, or turn into flimsy useless little things, people walk through them, keys don't work, I wake up in sweat and cry. If someone knocks or rings the door bell I freeze, it's like receiving a physical blow in the chest. I start shaking uncontrollably, every time. And I cry. A lot. Now I feel like mental case. I don't know what's wrong with me. People have experienced much worse and they get over it. I would be ever so grateful for any advice. I cannot afford therapy at all. We hardly make ends meet as it is, because I'm such a useless burden. It's like I'm drowning, and you're my last resort. Sorry for such a long and boring question. Thank you so much for reading it.
Read answer →Rcok and a Hard Place
Hello, I have a 20year old daughter who is a heroin addict and It's the most horrifying thing I have ever been through even worse than the gang stalking I have went through for the last 10 yrs...anyway that is a separate problem. I am trying to do the tough love thing and it was finally forced on me because my daughter was kicked out basically for addiction and she has caused me to almost be evicted because of her outbursts and drug use at my house. It has been very hard for me to do considering she was assaulted a few years ago and that is when she became a heroin addict. (it goes deeper than just that) and since I am a target, I feel that she is and has been in danger. So sometimes if she comes over and I see that she looks really bad off, tired and dirty, that as a mom I let her stay a night or two, risking losing my place. I feel I am suppose to use my mother instincts as well and I am just extra worried about her on the streets and I cry everyday when I think about her out there getting high and men taking advantage of her and just treating her bad and her being so out of it that who knows what happens! I want to move out of this town and possibly get a place with my sister and kids somewhere, and the only problem is my daughter cant go like she is so I want to get her clean so that I can take her away from here but I havent got her detox or inpatient yet because where I live there isnt anything free and they want high down payments that I just dont have. She said she would get help if she got detox and inpatient and so now I am so sad that I just cant put her in right away when she says that because I cant afford it!! I feel so sad and guilty like she is waiting on me now. I have to move! When it comes down to it, what if I set it up in another city, what if she wont go right away and so I have no idea the order to do this and also do you have to live in a town to use their resources? I have many questions but I want to know, how long should I wait for her to get clean before I go on with my life? I cant sleep good I am constantly worried and ill be 40 next month and so I feel my life is passing by and I just want to get out of here and away from negative people myself etc. I cant leave her here on the streets what if something happens to her! But also maybe I need to move and hope she follow? I cant budge I am frozen with stress alone and harassed stalked etc....what should I do? Also a good man from high school offered me to move to where he is and anyway, do I wait for her or do I go on? I feel too sad but I need to know what a professional would tell me. I am so depressed, sad and angry that I feel I am losing my mind and i already get SSI for being terrorized and so decisions are too hard for me and the evil is trying to suck me in and I just need away from here and so does she. I feel they have did this to control and trap me from leaving by getting her to where she is it seems to me and I am at wits end. What would you do?
Read answer →Safety is Everything
Hi Jim, My husband is an active alcoholic. I've been going to Al-Anon meetings for four months. Just got a sponsor. I have a question for you though. When sober, my husband is a very passive man. He comes across as a super nice guy (I know him better now to know he's not a super nice guy). On a few occasions while drunk, he has said violent, hurtful things. He's punched a wall while drunk. Thinking about my safety, how concerning is this behavior if it's done when drunk? When sober, he does not go off in these type of rants. Will the alcoholism eventually lead him to behave violently when sober? I have not been physically abused by him, but have been verbally abused during his drunken rants (Mel Gibson type of alcohol rants). Thank you!
Read answer →Rock and a Hard Place
Hi, I need help with my 33 year old son. He is an alcoholic. He was attending AA he has relapsed been drunk continusly for 7 days. both his sister and I told him that he had the choice to stop drinking, call rehabs or he must leave. We can't get him to do anything. He just ignores us, and drinks more till he passes out. He won't leave. He knows that we are not physically able to pick him up and boot him out, so he locks his door to his room and drinks until he passes out. I don't know where he is getting the money? . He is deliberately disrespecting our ultimatum. I have no other family members or help to "get him to do something" I am disabled, not financially able to provide insurance for him. He does have medi-cal, I need support and physical assistance with him. He won't go to AA, call rehabs, or leave. Help me please. We have 7 days down of his drinking- doing nothing. Not working, Nothing but getting messed up. Help please.
Read answer →Forcing Treatment
Who can I call for help with my 33 year old son?. He is an alcoholic, He was attending AA but has relapsed. He has been on a binge in his room for 7 straight days. He drinks and passes out. Both his sister and I told him that he either needs to call rehabs or leave. He has done nothing. He knows we can't physically pick him up and throw him out. It's as if he has given up. won't do anything. Knows that we can't. I am disabled and receive Medicare. We do not have funds for private insurance, he does have medi-cal. I have no other family members or anyone who can help me with him. What do I do? just let him drink himself to death?! Can I call the police and get them to take him to detox?. I need assistance please??! Thank you.
Read answer →PTSD Presents in Many Forms
I have a child one month from 16, female believes she was born in the wrong body, should have been a boy. Has never been able to form friendships unless online. Always depressed diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, very smart but exhibits some autistic symptoms soon to be tested. Genetic testing done with no abnormal findings. Trauma brain testing just dome. She was born with bi-lateral cleft pallet which is in process of being corrected but has been halted surgeries because of her emotional state until she is stabilized. The school and local mental health facility whom failed in motivating her to engage in any group or individual talk therapy and after fighting with them has agreed that residential treatment is needed. I would like to know what recommendation you may have for treatment in New England.
Read answer →Rehab without Insurance
My son is a D&A addict with MH issues. He needs a longer term rehab facility that can also assist him with his MH issues. He recently lost his job and has no insurance. A few days after losing his job he was hospitalized in a BHU where he was started on meds for his MH issues. When he left there he went to a residential program paid for by the county for ten days. From there he was taken to a homeless shelter in the middle of a heavily drug affected area in a nearby, small city. He used again in just a few days. He desperately needs and wants help but we don't know how to get him help and my husband and I cannot afford to send him to a treatment facility. We live in PA. All help will be appreciated!
Read answer →Having Hope & Being Powerless
Hi Jim, Ive was seeing a guy for a few months who I believe is an alcoholic.. I noticed that the days he wasn't drinking he was short tempered and mean, then it started to get more abusive never physical but definitely mental abuse. For months I blamed myself thinking how did he just change. Ive spent months trying to help him to see that he needs help but this has only back fired and made him more angry at me. Recently I told him he was an alcoholic and surrounded himself with alcoholics to make himself feel better about that bad choices hes making, After I told him this he blocked me so I couldn't contact him anymore, for me it was a blessing he has been so abusive for months that I was glad he has shut me out, do you think there is any hope for a 37 year old who doesn't see they have a problem he drinks around the clock on the weekends and hes been taking to hospital due to his drinking.. His friends are like him... Why did he get so angry when I said your an alcoholic if he doesn't think he has a problem.. Is there anything I can do
Read answer →Mandatory Treatment
In Massachusetts, what is the usual amount of time prescribed for mandatory heroin addiction treatment? Is there an average or a usual amount? The law says up to 90 days. Do most addicts get the full 90 days?
Read answer →The Powerlessness of Living with an Active Alcoholic
My husband has a history of pancreatitis due to years of alcoholism. He is currently drinking now and I am worried about his health. I throw away the alcohol but he buys more. He won't go to the hospital or stop drinking. What do I do?
Read answer →Drinking to Not Feel
Why do alcoholics try to insist that you drink with them? Is part of being an alcoholic having abdoment issues?
Read answer →Drinking to Not Feel
Are alcoholics ever sad about anything? Does liquor take all their emotions away?
Read answer →Moving on with a Heavy Heart
I just recently broke up with my boyfriend who is an alcoholic. He never wanted to take ownership for anything. Why do I feel so bad for ending everything?
Read answer →Drinking in Our Senior Years
What exactly is a man in his mid 70s who is drinking too much supposed to do. My uncle retired only a couple of years ago but since he did he’s come adrift and all he does every day now is sit in the local hole in the wall bar and drink quarts of beer from mid morning onward. I’ve talked to him about it and he says he knows he’s got a bit of a problem but he doesn’t know what to do about it. He’s a really good man but he’s a bit cranky and set in his ways he’s just not going to do well in any situation with younger people like AA. He’s not well off but he needs some help and I am not sure he should be living on his own really. What can a senior citizen on a pension do when he needs serious help with his drinking?
Read answer →Early Recovery
My daughters husband has just started a veterans court treatment program. So far things are looking up for him, but this is a 15 to 18 month program, and he just started a month ago. I feel that she still is being somewhat codependent on his needs which she somewhat agrees with me on. She also attends Al anon. She blames all of his problems (financial abuse of not paying any household bills - the biggest issue and a lot of selfishness) completely on the alcoholism. His father really took advantage of people and he was not an alcoholic. Could the alcoholism be completely to blame or do you think she just has blinders on?
Read answer →The Tears of a Clown
My 34 year old brother is now living in his car. He is chronically unemployable from his drinking and drug use and he hangs out with people that are 10 or 15 years younger than ne is because everyone his own age has grown out of his party lifestyle. He just got evicted so this is a new low for him but he still doesn’t see that he has a problem with substance abuse. What is it going to take for him to wake up? He just laughs it off when I say anything. This is his problem. He is really likeable and a happy go lucky person so everyone just laughs off his behaviors but if you just look at what he does it is crazy and so unhealthy. I am letting him stay in my driveway. I feel like a jerk that I won’t let him stay in the house. Am I doing the right thing? It makes me feel terrible that he is so understanding of my decision and still tries to make me feel good or laugh all the time.
Read answer →Best Professional for the Job
Hello, i am struggling with alcohol dependency or abuse, leading also naturally while drinking to heavy chain smoking and the most embarrassing of all the bed wetting after a night of excessive heavy drinking. I'm not a daily drinker but once i go out and have my first I can't manage to stop knowing i have epilepsy as well. what is the best approach to cure myself? should I work with addiction professionals? psychologists, psychiatrist...? Thank you!
Read answer →Tapering
I plan on doing a very gradual Suboxone taper. I tried a fast one before and it was HELL so I am going to do it smarter this time. I keep reading about people using Imodium and that it takes away a lot of the withdrawals because it is an opiate but here is where I am confused. For example, if I was taking 8 and I went down to 7 and then to reduce the withdrawal symptoms I used loperimide for 2 or 3 days once I stopped using loperimide wouldn’t I feel just like I had when I went down originally from 8 to 7. What I mean by this is isn’t using loperimide just keeping my opiate receptors from returning to normal while I use it and thus defeating the purpose of the taper in the first place? My plan is to do small drops every week to 10 days and to use loperimide for the first 2 or 3 days after each drop. What do you think about this?
Read answer →Addcited without the High
Can you get addicted to steroids? How can you get addicted to a drug that does not make you feel high?
Read answer →Detox, Freedom and What It Takes
I am getting ready to start a poppy tea detox and I am considering so things and I have accumulated an arsenal of Kratom and loperimide and tenzepam. I I wonder if I am just repeating old patterns that got me addicted in the first place I am always looking for an answer to my problems or my feelings or my state of being in a chemical and another part of me just wants to not feel the shit. Have spent so much time on forums talking with people about how to do this and it seems like a lot of these guys are just switching around their chemicals and like a merry go round. Is there any value to feeling the full pain and giving your brain a full on detox or is that just masochism?
Read answer →Using Dreams After Living a Nightmare
Are using dreams a dangersign? I feel nervous today because of the dream I had last night that was so realistic I woke up and I could taste it in my mouth.
Read answer →Breaking Out or Breaking Down?
I am a heroin user. I dose every 12 hours or I start getting sick. In the last 3 weeks I noticed that by about 10 hours I start getting a lot of hives and then after I dose these hives disappear. Is this normal or am I allergic to not being high (haha). I realize this is a help site but with school and work I just can’t deal with withdrawal now.
Read answer →Differences Between Drugs & Addictions
How do you look at dealing with the Addiction of Alcohol compared to other drugs? I know some say A drug is a drug. Although I agree to some extent, there are different components that one drug carries from another..
Read answer →When You Can't Stop Self Medicating
I can’t stop marijuana I am dependent in that I need it many times every day or I start to feel quite anxious and ill. I have tried stopping many times but I can’t make it for more than 2 or 3 days before it gets to be too much. It’s weird. Even though I knew that I could not stop I never considered it that I was addicted and dependent on marijuana because I did not really think of the herb as that kind of substance. Last night I went to my first NA meeting. I was really nervous before going in and then honestly the whole time I was there I felt like a poseur who was just smoking herb next to these guys with hardcore heroin habits. I am never going to feel comfortable in that scene but I do not know what to do to stop?
Read answer →Why Ultimatums Don't Work
My wife is becoming an alcoholic. I think it is still in the early stages but it is clear that she has a problem that she will not admit to and that she is very defensive about. To give you an example, when we went to a cottage for a week and she brought 5 bottles of wine and I actually thought that she was cutting down and I was happy. Then later I found empty bottles of vodka that she must have hidden. I confronted her on this but she denied hiding them (but she did) and that she was on vacation and that was why she was drinking more than normal. She was so furious that I would dare criticize her drinking. She always throws all her accomplishments in my face as if that makes it OK. I know at least one of her good friends has mentioned her drinking to her. She used to keep it at home but now when she goes out for dinner or drinks with friends she does not control herself like she used to. It is obvious that she is sliding down quickly. I am at a loss about what to do and we are barely talking because she is so angry with me because I won’t pretend I don’t notice her getting drunk anymore. Now that I have called it out it is like a big wedge between us. I don’t know what to do. Should I give her an ultimatum to force her to go to rehab? I know she loves me but she is so angry and out of control right now I think she might choose alcohol over anything else.
Read answer →Abuse vs. Addiction
What is the difference between drug abuse and drug addiction?
Read answer →Tripping and Slipping
Is it a big deal if a person is tripping and hallucinating when they stop taking coke? My brother is talking to our dead mom as if she were here in the room with us and he can see her. He is getting off coke now first but I think he was just on a monumental binge since he has to check into jail for 4 months in 2 days and that is why he is getting off coke now.
Read answer →Rehab for the Uninsured
dear jim is rehab an option for someone such as I, who has no income and no health insurance?
Read answer →Career Suicide or D.O.A.?
If I have more than 2 or 3 drinks I lose control and cannot stop myself from going crazy. I do not always remember what happens later on in the night when this occurs and there have been a few instances when I have woken up in a surprising location – like in my car in a supermarket parking lot with no recollection of how I got there. Whether or not this makes me an alcoholic I do not know since when I am on my own I rarely drink, or if I do I would have only a glass of wine occasionally. The challenge I face is that my job demands that I be out competing for files and winning business 2 or 3 or sometimes more times a week and the guys I am courting are investment banker and very senior finance types and they like to play hard and they expect that I be up for what may or they aren’t going to be calling me for work anymore. I live in an eat what you kill business environment with a lot of people depending on me to make these deals. The reality is, if I start ordering club soda they will be very respectful of my wishes but I won’t get the call next time to go out and discuss business. This long preamble is to explain that I cannot simply stop drinking entirely, but I need to learn how to control myself after I get a few drinks in me. Please do not suggest that I stop entirely because this is impossible. It would be career suicide.
Read answer →Dig Deeper
I have an unexpected problem with quitting weed. I smoked every day for 2 years and I have decided that it just is not that much fun any more. It has been quite hard to beat the mental aspects of the habit but I have been 5 days now since my last joint. Unexpectedly I have had sexual problems since I quit. I have not been able to get a full erection for sex since I stopped weed and this never ever happened before. From what I have always heard quitting weed increases your sex drive. I am concerned but I am sure it is just a temporary quitting effect. It is very embarrassing. It is OK that it happened once but now when me and my girlfriend start fooling around I can feel that I am soft I have to make some excuse to stop. Is this normal and when will it go away?
Read answer →The Road Ahead
I have a daughter 25 who is 30 weeks pregnant and addicted to heroine, she is currently in jail for theft and missed her court appointments...Im working with an interventionalist who is also trying to find a place for her to go to rehab, nobody will take her because of how far along she is in her pregnancy, she has Medicaid for insurance..please help me
Read answer →Getting the Best Start
Is a weekend sex addiction couples retreat long enough of a time to treat an internet pornography addiction or at least get a good start on nipping this thing in the bud? The program is Christ based and it focuses on helping couples restore non sexual based intimacy as a first necessary step in a long term process of healing. The other alternative is a 45 day residential program.
Read answer →Unconditional Love
Hi I'm 28 and a very bad junkie and very homeless but I have a dog will a treatment center help me or decline me because of her?
Read answer →Really?
How many nitrous balloons will cause brain damage? If I did 100 would that be enough to effect my thinking?
Read answer →Letting Go
Lived 6 years with the addict. 3 years in we had a theft. He blamed my son and said he never felt the same way about after the theft. I dont know how it was my fault. We stayed together me harping all the time about his drinking. After 7 years being together i began Alanon and was no longerhis drinking partner. I found out he was cheating one day and confronted him. He moved out that very day into her apt. He said he loved her. He took almost a year before he said those words to me. She is a bartender in our small town. How can 2 alkies be together. I just bewildered that his brother died age 40 of alcoholism and this did not wake him up to the reality he could die. Instead he says I dont deserve an alcoholic and find someone like me. Also shortly one night he came home drunk and tried to hug me then said never mind you just think I'm a drunk. I can't understand how he can be happy. I keep thinking now he is with her he will be happy and quit drinking. That's not realistic. He is an alcoholic as she is too. Both hv jobs. Help me I'm so crushed by all this devastation.
Read answer →Yes Reach Out
If I know a small child is living with an alcoholic that is getting drunk every night while she is alone in the apartment as the only guardian should I call social services? She has the balcony across from mine and I can see her get falling down drunk every night. The little girl is about 6 and she is the granddaughter I think.
Read answer →Multiple Addictions
Is there a program that has treatment for compulsive gambling and alcoholism? Or, if my brother has a gambling addiction and he is also an alcoholic which one should he focus on first? One always leads to the other so even when he gets one under control it never lasts for long.
Read answer →Life on Life's Ters
Hello Jim - I recently ended a 2yr on/off again relationship with a high functioning alcoholic that I loved deeply. Our time together when he was sober was so spectacular that it kept me around during the drunk craziness far longer than good judgement would dictate. I did finally reach my limit after an over the top debacle with his drinking, and left with the decision that I really had to stay gone. He'd gone thru periods of quitting before but it never stuck & I just didn't believe him any longer. Now of course, he's contacted me with the news that he's quit & started Antabuse which was what he used years ago to quit drinking & subsequently stayed sober for 12 yrs. He sounds clear headed & shared friends back this up. My question is, when do you take the leap of faith & believe? I want him to prove it to me; stay sober & take it slow in repairing our relationship. He wants me back now; fully commit, move in, all or nothing, no waiting. A life with him sober would be wonderful & I don't want to miss out on that chance yet the self preservation part of my brain is shouting out Warning! What are your thoughts? I'm terribly conflicted; can't let him go yet can't seem to go back. Thank you. Kal
Read answer →Getting out of Your Head & Listening to Your Gut
I am not a cocaine addict but I am a regular user and binge user of about half an eight ball per week. I have snorted most weekends for about 4 years. I do not have an addictive personality and I have a very high pressure job so I need this once a week to blow off steam. I work hard and I need to play hard. The proof that I don’t have a problem is that I have the money to afford as much as I want and this is all I ever buy. My self control always amazes some of my, let’s say, NEEDIER friends who can’t stop once they start until they’ve blown their bank accounts. Problem is…my septum is getting really thin and I had a cold this week and when I was blowing my nose and one time a huge chunk of clotted blood came out. Scary. It forced me to look at things closely. I will not let myself become an addict. I have done some research and I plan to sniff saline water after each snort and I think this will prevent further damage, since I don’t use that often, as long as I alternate nostrils every weekend. Even in the worst case situation I can afford the plastic surgery. Question is, a part of me knows this is fucked up. Is it possible to choose to do something that you know is starting to have higher and higher consequences and still call it that you are making a free will choice?
Read answer →HowMuch is Too Much?
Why is occasional purging considered such an unhealthy practice? If you eat more than your body needs you can either let it turn into unhealthy fat or just get it out of your body in 2 seconds. I get it that if you are bingeing first on purpose and then purging that is really unhealthy but is it really so dangerous if you just do it occasionally, like once a month or less, after you eat or drink too much? Hysteria aside and scare mongering aside, how much damage is this really going to do to me? By the way, I have stayed at a healthy weight for my whole adult life and I have purged probably 100 times since I was 15. I am 26, a university graduate without any major issues. I do not lose control.
Read answer →Powerlessness When Our Loved Ones are Hurting
My daughter is married to an alcoholic and is attending alanon. She has taken alanon steps and is now just worrying about herself and her children. She says she is happier then she has been in months, but yesterday seemed very depressed and admitted to me that a few days ago was also very depressed. She does not want us to discuss her situation and basically have told us to butt out. We are following her wishes. But the depression is very worrisome to me. Her husband also gives her no financial support and she is barely making ends meet on her salary. Do you think divorce would be the best thing for her?
Read answer →Post Partum Depresion
Hi Jim, I want to know that there is hope.. About 5 months ago, I endured an extremely traumatic and almost fatal birthing experience with my son. Shortly after I began suffering from postpartum psychosis. I was diagnosed with bipolar and mania. My sons father left me immediately when he began noticing my change in behavior. He took me to court to keep our son away from me because of the mental state I was in. I have since been treated and medicated, but I am only allowed to see my son twice a week and supervised right now. I really haven't been able to bond properly with him and I am afraid that he doesn't know I'm his mother and worse, I'm afraid that he thinks my ex's new girlfriend is.. On top of this, I am dealing with a severe depression derived from this situation. I had to move back home, I left my job, and my car was repossessed. I have a substantial amount of debt and unpaid bills. Not only am I afraid I'll never get my son back from this, I'm afraid I won't 1. Know how to take care of him if I do 2. Be able to provide for him 3. Be the mother he deserves. I spend a lot of time comparing myself to his father. He makes a lot of money, has a new car, recently for promoted at work. He has always been a materialistic snob and I know he is looking down on me.. I feel so inferior and just downright awful. I feel like I'll always be less of a parent. I have put on a few pounds and I no longer wear makeup. My hair is falling out. I hardly have the energy to even shower most days. I'm disgusted with myself. I am beat down as far as I can be and I can't get up. I want to recover from this. I want to have a car and a good job. I want to meet someone new someday and be happy. I want to be a good mom to my son and give him the best life that I can. And all of that feels impossible. I can't tell you how tired I am of hearing "everything will be okay" and "it will get better." I don't want to wake up in the morning I don't want to go on. I just don't see how things can get better. I am writing you to ask of you have ever known of anyone in a similar situation that has come out of it okay and ended up successful and happy. Or if you know of any resources where there are recovery stories from people like me. I need to see or to believe it. I need to have proof that things can get better for me. Thank you!
Read answer →This is Your Wake Up Call
Dear Jim, The question I have is this. My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years married for almost 2. I met him in a bar but had no idea on how extensive his drinking was until further in the relationship when I would find empty whiskey bottles hidden around our house. He seems to be verbally and some times physically abusive. Last year I kicked him out I filed for divorce and then decided to give him another chance. During the time when I kicked him out is was because of his excessive drinking his behavior ect. I had to call the cops and he ended up getting a year probation, a fine, had to be alcohol tested 2 x per month and attend anger management classes. During the testing I had caught him drinking a few times and mind you it is whiskey straight from the bottle! He promises he wants to quit drinking and be a better person. We are in an apartment and our lease is coming to be final and I have to give them notice by April 1st. He wanted to go to marriage counseling so we have been 3 times. I do not understand why he wants this marriage to work and he never learns from anything he has been through. I am his first marriage he has no children and he is my 3 marriage. He is 41 myself 50. He came home the other morning around 11:30 from a trip to the store. I thought for sure he was drinking. Sure enough I went out to his car and under his seat was an EMPTY bottle of whiskey. He did admit he drank half the day before and the rest upon his trip to the store. I don't understand what he is not getting about our marriage and that I am ready to not sign the lease. I feel in my heart for what ever reason he choses to sneak and lie about his drinking and I keep staying. I am looking for advice on what I should do??? I can see he is not going to change as with everything he has been through. He even told me the other day that when he would go for his alcohol testing he knew he would not get tested right away again so it was like he would go out and reward himself with alcohol.....What???? Is there something screwed up in his head or what. He has been working a temp job and has had many jobs since I have known him.....I am confused..Melinda
Read answer →Self Disclosure Is Awesome
Hi Jim, I'm an LCSW currently working at a Substance Abuse agency. My question to you is: what are your thoughts regarding counselors talking about their own addiction history in groups with clients? thanks!
Read answer →Drinking and Driving
I have a co-worker who drinks every day at work, all day long. He doesnt seem to get drunk, but he is also the one who drives me to and from work everyday. Some days he asks me if he can get a shot in the morning before work, at like 830 am!! I am concerned for his health, but also for my safety with him driving. I have spoke to him about my concerns to no avail. What would you suggest I do?
Read answer →Obsession, Compulsion & Violation
I love my wife but have this compelling drive to degrade and humiliate her. I have allowed many men to watch me have sex with her from outside our bedroom window or from inside our bedroom closet. I enjoy meeting with them the next day and discussing just how much they enjoyed the show. It is a huge thrill to hear them tell me details of what they like about her body and how she acts during sex. Further, I take her to our local porn theater and make her expose herself to a lot of the guys in their while they are masturbating while watching the move as well as her breasts. I also enjoy taking her out onto the freeway and making her expose herself to truck drivers. She begs me to not make her do these things but the drive is so strong in me that I can't stop it.
Read answer →Cleaning Up
How much will track marks on the forearm go away with time if I stop injecting? Can you laser treat them away?
Read answer →Depression Makes Growing Up Even Tougher - Ask for Help!
Okay well I'm 13 and have been really depressed lately...I've been self-harming for about 3 years and I've tried pukeing after I eat...well my cutting has been getting worse and I've been thinking about suicide even more now...I even cut straight down my arm,deep, and a deep one horizontal on the top if my wrist also I haven't been doing a lot lately...just luring on my bed watching netflix...I didn't even go to the dance yesterday...I've taken a lot of tests on the computer and they all say I might have serve depression...should I tell my mom?? And if so how?
Read answer →Slowing Down While Recovering from Speed
I am in meth recovery clean for 9 months. I am so bored all of the time that I want to blow my brains out (not for real. just sayin). I have a job as an office assistant and data entrey clerk. It is as fun as it sounds ): This is my third job in 6 months and I only even got it because my uncle got me in. It pays pretty well but it is like torture. My sponsor says I need to suck it up and that I can’t expect excitement all of the time and that is what gets me wanting to get high. I don’t know how people can do this kind of thing for years without going crazy.
Read answer →Long Term Sobriety Feels Like a Burden
Is it normal to feel that having a clean date that get’s farther away is like a big weight that you have to carry that gets heavier every day? I feel like I want to go out and get loaded just to get back to having a clean date like a week or so ago that I am comfortable with. I am 102 days sober right now and it is getting real heavy.
Read answer →Obsession & Avoidance
I like to have one night stands and I have done this more than 400 times. Now I have a son who is 5 and I am realizing that I am never there for him emotionally because I am always thinking about sex and spending a lot of time finding new women to have sex with (it has to me new women every time to be exciting). When I go out at night but I can’t find a suitable partner I get very moody and hard to be around and then that makes me a bad father too. I can’t pay attention to my son when I am thinking about sex and I am too hard to be around when I don’t get it. I never realized that sex was a problem until my son started to not pay attention to me and when I asked him mom why she told me it was because I never gave him any attention. That hurt me for real. I am not sure how to stop because my habits are so set in place and I feel like I need sex or I will explode. How to I stop obsessing about this? I am 27 now so I think I should have had enough by now.
Read answer →Closet Drinking
I am away at school now and my mom is alone in the house. How bad of a sign is this? My mom usually has wine with dinner and then after dinner she makes a big production of making a coffee for herself but then after she finishes the coffee she goes back and pours in a full glass of red wine in her coffee mug and finishes that away from me. Usually she goes out on the porch to read while I watch TV or internet in the living room. She thinks I don’t know and she only buys wine in big boxes so you can’t see how much is in there. When I try to call her on her sneaking around she gets pissed.
Read answer →Filling the Emptiness
i mean i have looked at treatment centers for what i feel is a sex addiction and they are all telling me that they are out of texas and really expensive. i am in texas and broke as a church mouse so what can i do? i am basically homeless you could say because i am couch hoping around from friend to friend trying to find a place to stay for more than a week at a time. i am trying to deal with a lot of things right now. but i just feel that i need to be in treatment for my sex addiction. i am 46 yrs old, and i just want to start my life over and change and to finally have a successful relationship. i kinda was not into church because i was very bdsm. which is part of the addiction. i am submissive and been told that i could be a great submissive but that i would need a Masters care and training again part of the addiction. i am very into bdsm, sex games and toys, not really into porn videos but do enjoy them but not on regular basis. i do have many one night stands just because i hate being alone and lonely. i just want to be the best person i can be and to rid myself of this pain and torment. Ann
Read answer →Relationships & Relpase
Hi Jim, I am not living with an addict, but instead have fallen in-love with an individual in recovery. Sober since May 2010 and very active in AA, she is so inspiring to me and I feel lucky to have even met her. I grew up with an alcoholic Mother who to this day is in denial. I have been involved with Al-Anon on and off throughout my adult years. Now that the foundation is set, here is my dilemma. My new love recently showed some character defects that I am not okay with. She however is so honest about them and acknowledges the negative seeking behavior and creating chaos ways that its hard to be upset. I appreciate her honesty and commitment to continual growth. She is so real and refreshing. I am finding though I do not know how to respond when such incidents happen. My fear is I never want to be a contributing factor to her relapse and I know relationships are number one cause. However, I can not just sit in silence cause when I do that upsets her too. How do I effectively communicate with such a delicate situation. I am in love with her, she is worth it and I feel blessed, but unequipped. Any advice? Thank you in advance.
Read answer →She's Come Undone
so tell me there is help available for a poor girl who needs to get herself together
Read answer →Won't Commit and Can't be Committed
My exhusband is an alcoholic I'm seeding help mainly for our children who are the ones suffering now. Last year he lost his job due to drinking he is living with his 70+ year old mother and refuses to help her. She has taking him to the doctor and the doctor has told him to stop drinking or you will die. His mother got the doctor to perscribe annibuse, I don't know if he take this or not. He still refuses to stop drinking. I believe he is depressed also after so many years of drinking can his children have him commited so he will get the help he need. He has done the AA and to him it is his god given right to drink.
Read answer →Setting Boundaries with Old Drug Friends
Hello, what is the best response from a recovering addict to 'old' drug friends in order to let them know their decision to discontinue that lifestyle and possibly gain support for their choice? Thank you.
Read answer →Everything is Temporary & Screw Guilt
I have a choice to find a sober living home that my 8 year old daughter can stay with me or to leave her with her grandparents for a few more months until I get back on my feet. She wants to be with me and I miss her so much but my parents think it is too hard on her and me to move her around before I am really ready for her. I can barely think straight still cause I am only 3 weeks clean off meth so I really do not know what to do. I was a mom on meth trying to juggle all the balls in the air until they came crashing down all at once. She is my angel and I have to spend the rest of my life making up to her for everything she had to go through already so I don’t want to make a mistake right away.
Read answer →Possible Sde Effects
My friend has diarrhea every day of his life from drinking beer. He is 24 and he is a hard drinker. He can chug a beer in less than 2 seconds and have a case in a night. Does the diarrhea mean that his inside organs are starting to melt away from all the alcohol? I have tried to get him to stop or just smoke a j instead and take it easy but he doesn’t like weed and he won’t listen.
Read answer →Powerlessness & Acceptance
Hi Jim, can you help? I am 6 weeks estranged from my husband who is a recovering alcoholic of 20 years. Over the past year he has been so hard to live with that I've felt I've been walking on egg shells everyday. He has been under a massive amount of pressure..... in a job he hates, moving home twice, constant pain from a degenerative back problem and fighting his ex to enable his eldest daughter to come and live with us. We've both had to live through this and it caused a relapse in my depression but I've been in therapy for 10 months and am so much better.............. but he won't let me help him. I keep thinking he is in a dry drunk phase and has been for some considerable time but he doesn't recognise this. I may be completely wrong and don't want to set of another tirade of abuse by contacting him to suggest he gets help (back to AA would be a start). We haven't communicated other than by e-mail which have been more and more irrational for nearly 5 weeks, he through me and my daughter out of our marital home, whilst his 13 year old daughter is still with him. He has not friends that he talks to, never goes out anywhere except to taxi his daughter around to varies dance classes and hide away in his office or behind a computer screen or his I-pad!!! Can I do anything??? Or should I leave his well alone until he works things out for himself that he need help? He has blamed me for everything because I walked away............. but I had to protect my daughter as his anger and aggression became directed at her!! I had to put my child first....... just as he would do. Any advice would be gratefully received. ROC
Read answer →Stages of Alcoholism
Are there exact stages of alcoholism? How do you know if you are in the early stages or the late stages or the middle stages?
Read answer →The Problem with Ultimatums
My husband started drinking again last night. He had been sober for 11 months. His family are all big drinkers and the holidays are the biggest drinking time of the year over at his parents house. He swears to me that he is just going to drink until after new years day and then stop again. He is drunk right now and I expect that unless I try to do something he is going to make the most of this week and stay loaded the whole time. I am really disappointed because he was a much better person recently than he was when he was a drinker. I made him get sober by threatening to leave him and take our daughter away. Now I am not sure what to do. Should I try to force him to stop now which will be very hard or should I just let him do his plan? The problem I have is that I have no support. Everyone in his family thinks he should drink and that I am a hysterical person that is overexagerating the problem. They do not even believe the alcoholic hepatitis diagnosis that he got. The problem is they are all alcoholics too so they do not want to admit that he is in case anyone starts accussing them of the same thing. So if I try to make him stop it is me alone that is ruining the holidays.
Read answer →When the Holidays Aren't Joyous
I don’t know what to do and I am worried that no one understands how bad I feel. I am maxed out on all my 4 credit cards and I am still not done my shopping. This sounds like normal holiday stress I know but I am losing sleep over this and I can’t shake off this feeling of dread no matter how many gifts I get. My inlaws make a very big deal of Christmas and there is a big list of people I need to buy for. We have good jobs so we are expected to give lots of expensive gifts but we are actually having financial problems that we do not want to talk about and my husband and I are having some problems. His is the kind of family where you have to pretend that everything is OK even when your world is falling down on you. I think I am having mini panic attacks whenever I think about this because my heart starts pounding and I can feel my neck vein throbbing in a scary way. I know rationally that I can get through this and by February all will be OK but I am at the end of myself right now. I can’t sleep, can’t eat and I feel like I am losing my mind.
Read answer →Geographical Remedies
I am an alcoholic I guess. I guess I am 4 months sober. I moved to a new city in part to get a break from partying. It has been OK so for. Actually it has been a lot easier to stay sober since I moved away from my mates. Almost like it was the environment making me like I was. I don’t have many friends here yet. My mates are asking me to come back for new years. Is it going to be such a big deal if I go for a few days of partying back in the city and then come back here where I don’t feel the need to drink?
Read answer →Sweet Dreams are Made of These
SSRIs reduce REM sleep. I am on fluoxetine and I definitely notice that I have way fewer dreams than I used to. I used to have nightmares a lot so this is at least partly a good thing. REM sleep is necessary for learning and memory and general being able to think. What is the consequence of years and years of less REM sleep than you are supposed to be getting?
Read answer →Take My Wife...Please
I want her to change. She is so embarrassing when she is drunk which is every night. I never know if she is going to yell at me for nothing or crawl into bed to try and snuggle with me and then ends up just passing out in my bed smelling like disgusting ALCOHOL and I have to sleep on the floor. She is a good mom and I don’t want to hurt her but when I try to bring it up in the morning she makes it into a joke or gets angry at me for being a drama queen. I made a video of her and I just showed it to her and now she is locked in her room crying. Did I make a mistake?
Read answer →Affected Other and the Hardest Choices a Person Can Make
hi there....our 24 yrd old son lives at home with us. he is an alcohol. he cant hold down a job he does stay sober for 10 to 12 days then drinks for 3 days straight. My husband is ready to leave our home. he cant take it anymore. We brought our son home about 3 months ago I was afraid he would die out in the streets. He has completed 3 rehabs . he has living in sober living but ends up getting thrown out. He has no where to go to live. No family members want him around when he is drunk. he is an awesome young man when he is sober. I don't know what to do anymore my husband wants him to leave or he will leave I have to choose my son or my husband Im so torn and so desperate im afriaid if we throw our son out that he will die due to someone killing him because of his mouth or he will kill someone while driving. I keep him home to try to avoid this. Im dying inside. im afraid to lose another son I lost my 18yrd son about 14yrs ago in a car accident it was accident no drugs or any kind of substance was involved . my husband is its him or our son that has to go....im so torn I understand my husband point
Read answer →No Shortcuts to Recovery
Does the Allan Carr stop smoking method work for quitting alcohol and weed as well?
Read answer →How Much is Too Much?
How much weed a day is considered moderation or an ok moderate habit?
Read answer →The Lines that Divide Us
I know methadone is not really acceptable in NA. but what about naltrexone implants?
Read answer →Letting Go While Holding On
After my girlfriend got out of rehab she instantly began using again and was seeing a man (whom she met in the inpatient program) to get new connections and continue getting heroin, now injecting instead of inhalation. When I found out I ended the relationship in an explosion of tears and yelling. But after sending her a letter explaining exactly how she had hurt me (including a painful, humiliating description of the std tests I went through) she got a hold of me and we began talking again. She is now about 90 days sober and living well. We are also back together. However I can't seem to find where to start rebuilding my trust in her. She now goes to NA and AA meetings every other day and socializes at sober parties which I can not attend due to distance, work, and privacy reason but I can't seem to trust her. I believe that she is sober now but I find myself completely distrusting the programs that socialized her with people who were forced into sobriety- and thus lead to the infidelity and relapse. How do I find where to start rebuilding my trust with her and with her programs? I would never share with her my complete distrust in her choice of paths through sobriety, but I find myself still writhing from the pain she put me through. It seems that while she's living it up with her new friends I'm still living the pain of the old times with no closure.
Read answer →Supporting and not Enabling
My son is a heavy marijuana addict. He smokes all day long. He is not employed and he has no interest in changing. For personal reasons I do not want to ask him to leave though at 26 he is a legal adult. He is not diagnosed but he is definitely struggling with mental health issues on top of his addictions. He will not see another counselor. At this moment in his life I just want to keep the peace in the house as much as I can and try to help him move in the right direction and also help him with a harm reduction approach. He is basically ambivalent about cutting down his marijuana smoking. He agrees that he smokes more than he should but he is not willing to do anything serious to try to cut down (like see a counselor or go to NA meetings (He has been to these before and he did not care for them). I would like to help him cut down but I can’t come across as threatening or he will rebel against my wishes. Can you advise me on some baby steps I can use to get him to gradually move in the direction of cutting down?
Read answer →VA and Rehab
My husband got out of the USMC 90 days ago. Got hooked on meth withing 2 weeks. He's tried 3 times to get off and and keeps relapsing. He can be clean for about 5 days then binges for 5 days. He obviously needs a residential program. Do you know if he has a VA Benefit that would cover this treatment since we have no health care insurance at the time?
Read answer →The Illusion of Control
I am an educated person who works in academia and I enjoy recreational drugs and testing the limits of conscious experience. I didn’t start experimenting with drugs until graduate school and I was never a heavy drinker or an early drinker, so my drug use is an adult and consciously made decision. I am very careful to control my use and I will never use any drug that has a physical dependency potential more often than once a month. There are so many other fun drugs out there so I don’t see the need to risk it. Two years ago I tried smoking heroin and loved it. 18 months ago I injected for the first time and it was phenomenal. I get very high potency lab-grade drugs from a source who supplies clean drugs (at a high price).I have injected every 3 weeks since that day. It is a struggle to keep it to every three weeks. I am confused with how I am reacting to this. I am able to limit my heroin successfully, but I crave heroin every day and I think about it very often. As I understand it, to be psychologically addicted I need to be unable to control my drug use (I am in control) but I have never before had this experience of constant cravings and they seem to be getting worse. How would you diagnose this situation?
Read answer →First Steps
whats the first to recovery?
Read answer →Never, Ever, Ever Give Up
I have many demons to battle such as depression, Alcoholism, and Anxiety. I am 3 days sober after drinking hard cider on Sunday. I have gone to an AA meeting every day but I am so anxiety filled that I cannot concentrate at meetings on what is being said because I am so worried about everything. There is no way I can speak out too so I always feel like I didn’t really participate in it like I am supposed to and I am not getting anything out of it. should I give up on AA???
Read answer →What's Your Body Telling You?
What does it mean if my urine is very dark sometimes in the morning after I drink a lot? I am scared because it says this can be a sign of liver disease but I am 19 and I have only been drinking for 3 years. After I drink I also have really bad BO that I can’t wash off in the shower.
Read answer →Confidentiality, Privacy and Rights
can a drug rehab center make you give consent to speak to your medical doctor or the will dismiss you from the program
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