Text Size

Letting Go

answered 07:27 PM EST, Mon May 26, 2014
-- filed under:
Lived 6 years with the addict. 3 years in we had a theft. He blamed my son and said he never felt the same way about after the theft. I dont know how it was my fault. We stayed together me harping all the time about his drinking. After 7 years being together i began Alanon and was no longerhis drinking partner. I found out he was cheating one day and confronted him. He moved out that very day into her apt. He said he loved her. He took almost a year before he said those words to me. She is a bartender in our small town. How can 2 alkies be together. I just bewildered that his brother died age 40 of alcoholism and this did not wake him up to the reality he could die. Instead he says I dont deserve an alcoholic and find someone like me. Also shortly one night he came home drunk and tried to hug me then said never mind you just think I'm a drunk. I can't understand how he can be happy. I keep thinking now he is with her he will be happy and quit drinking. That's not realistic. He is an alcoholic as she is too. Both hv jobs. Help me I'm so crushed by all this devastation.

Jim LaPierre Says...

Hi there thank you for writing. It seems you have clarity and are seeing the truth and it simply hurts too much to accept. Go slow - be patient with yourself and be kind. In my experience:

_ We say we're trying to figure things out but what we're really doing is procrastinating moving on.

_ We say, "I don't understand..." When what we really mean is "I fucking hate it that..."

There's a lot of powerlessness in this transition - but only when you seek to hold him accountable/change him.

Let go of that and change you. I'm sorry you were hurt and I hope you let go of that pain bit by bit.

Blessed be,


Email It Send this page Print It Print friendly page Subscribe Subscribe to this topic category

Page last updated May 26, 2014

Join Thousands of Readers

who receive our weekly recovery newsletter.

Living With An Addict: Featured Experts
All Experts

This website is certified by Health On the Net Foundation. Click to verify. This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information:
verify here.