Answered questions(9)
Emotional Dysregulation / Borderline Personality Disorder
My 48 year old brother has borderline personality disorder and he also has diabetes and hepatitis C. He lives independently on a disability check in a room he rents near my home and since our parents passed I have been the person that kind of looks out for him. His health has worsened lately and so he has become eligible for home visits from a nurse and some sort of healthcare assistant. This has been really great because it took a lot of the burden off of me. The problem is he very hard to deal with and because can be very verbally abusive it has gotten difficult for the agency to find nurses who are willing to continue to visit him after a few visits. He can be very pleasant and charming at times, but as soon as something doesn’t go his way his entire personality changes and he can be very scary. He is a big guy and people often feel threatened although he does not ever become violent. I have tried talking about this with him and he really wants the home visits to continue but he just doesn’t seem able to control himself. I can’t bear the thought of losing this help. It has really changed my whole life for the better in a very big way. I can’t go back to the way it was before. Is there anything that could be done to control him better? I am close to washing my hands of him but without anyone he will just die and I can’t live with that either.
Read answer →Use of Alcohol And Cocaine Creates A Third Drug
My brother gave up drinking and drugs last month. I don’t know exactly what he was using but I know he was drinking every day and doing cocaine and if he is like everyone else around here I am sure he was doing a lot of pills too. I am really proud of him for quitting but ever since he quit he has just sat at home and watched TV, like all the time. At first I was just happy to see him not drunk or stoned but now I am starting to worry about him. Is this normal behavior for the first month of being clean and sober? He is generally a really sociable guy so to see him at home all the time and by himself is really out of character. He is just so down and he doesn’t want to do anything. Should I encourage him to get out and do more or should I just leave it alone since he isn’t drinking or using drugs?
Read answer →Enabling is a Waste of Time
Our 34 year old daughter is in an in-patient facility for opiate use. We realize we have enabled her for many years, and are now learning that we need to stop. However, when she is released, she will still have a job (as an RN) but no money & many bills because she & her boyfriend used the last of her money before we forced her into rehab by telling her she needed to move out of the trailer she is renting from us if she did not get help. My question.... Do we help her with these bills to reduce her stress during the critical weeks after rehab, or tell her that she's "on her own" because we are no longer going to enable her?
Read answer →Al-Anon, the Helpful Fellowship for Families
Are there any on 12 steps based programs for family members of alcoholics. I have tried alanon and it was not a good fit for me.
Read answer →The Dangerous Relief of Opiates
My boyfriend is addicted to heroin. He always says he will quit but never does. I found a 10 pack of syringes in his room with only 3 left. What is the point of no return with this drug? How easy is it for him to overdose and die from shooting up?
Read answer →Can Interventions Help with Codependency?
How can I convince my parents to stop enabling my brother? He is an alcoholic and he has never really had a job that he can stick with for longer than a few months. He is in his 30s now but he still acts like a child and relies on my parents for everything. They still pay the rent on his apartment so any money he makes he can pretty much just spend it all on alcohol, but even with that he still managed to get evicted for taking that rent money for a couple of months and pouring it down his throat. He was the life of the party in his teens and early 20s, but now all his friends have moved on and he just stays at home alone and drinks by himself. My parents just can’t bear to see him face the consequences of what he’s doing to himself. But how is he ever going to stop when he has this easy life, and my parents are also getting older. What’s going to happen to him when he’s in his 40s and all of a sudden there is no one around to take care of his every need. They need to stop treating him like a child and he needs to man up and start taking care of his own self. He is smart and big and strong and there is no reason why he can’t take care of himself. I am so frustrated because I have worked so hard on him to try to get him to take some responsibility for himself and to try to get him to drink less but I feel like my efforts are just so totally undermined by my parents so it’s just all a waste of time.
Read answer →Decisions & Consequences
My ex was a meth user who abandoned us 3 years ago, when my son was 7. Although my husband was a pretty crap spouse for the last years of our marriage, when he was around he would always try to be a dad, as best as he could and my son worshiped the ground he walked on. Needless to say, it devastated my son when his dad disappeared and it took him years to get over the abandonment. Actually, I don’t think he’s really over it, but at least he has accepted it and he never cries for his dad anymore. It was very hard for him and very hard for me to watch him with such sadness. Well, a couple of days ago my ex showed up waiting for me as I got off work. He says he is back in town now and that he is 4 months clean and that he is born again. He says he is sorry for all the hurt he has caused and he knows that we will never be back together again (he is right) but that he wants to get to know his son again. He knows he was wrong though and he doesn’t want to create any more pain, he says, so he will let me decide and say when and how the two can meet. I don’t know what to do. The last thing my son needs is to fall back in love with his dear old dad only to have his dad screw him over again. On the other hand, if my ex really is sober and going to stay that way, it is too cruel for me to keep him from his son and his son from his father. If only so they can get to know each other. I think I want to wait though until I can see he is not going to go back to the meth before I allow them to get together. How long should I wait to see if this is going to happen? Or maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should let my son meet his dad again while he is clean, because who knows how long this will last. This could be his last chance for all I know. Is it more damaging for my son to met his father again and have him be disappointed or to not meet him at all. I also haven’t told my ex that I am considering not letting them get together at all for a while, so if I say that to him his story might change and he might just show up at the house or something. That would not be totally out of (his old anyway) character.
Read answer →Addictive Thinking and Enabling Have Much In Common
I don't know what to do with my husband at this point. I don't want to give up on him. He has been an alcoholic for a little more than two years. He has been to rehab. He has been to multiple meetings. For a while he knew he couldn't drink. Now, he constantly lies about the drinking and he thinks that he controls it. He thinks that drinking a little before work or whatever is okay. He thinks that is, "controlled." He thinks that he is not effecting anyone. Well, he is really affecting me, my students, and all my family because I am not my normal chipper self. I tell him all the time, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Do you have any suggestions? My family tells me that he needs a long term live in place, but he doesn't seem into it. I told him if he loved me he would go, but that doesn't seem to matter. He thinks that if he has a real job, he would be better. I've been the one with the job for the last 6 years. He used to work for the forest service before that. He only did it to pay for school so that he could teach too though. When he got his credential though, no teaching jobs were there, so, he's been subbing. I think he might go back to the service. I feel really stuck.
Read answer →Alcoholism: A Self-Preserving Disease
Hi, my name is Carla. I am writing to you about my 68 father. Today was a very bad day. We had a family day planned and again my dad had to ruin it by drinking rubbing alcohol. He is a very heavy drinker but now has turned to mouthwash, hand-sanitizer, rubbing alcohol... This has been going on for more than 30 years but has just gotten worse. He says he dosen't want to live anymore and my brother and sister back me up with whatever im going to do. I need to know whom my I talk to about this before he really hurts himself.
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