I Love You and Can't Just Stand There and Let You Destroy Your Life

Question

My sister was raped and before she told me she made me promise that I wouldn't freak out or tell anyone or ask her to get any kind of help. She is very serious about her privacy so she'd never forgive me for breaking a solemn promise. I can see though that she is not acting like herself anymore. She is jumpy and she is irritable all the time and she never wants to go out socially anymore. I think she has PTSD and she needs help but she won't get it and when I tried to broach the subject of her getting help she was so furious at me for bring up 'the event' again after I promised I would never. How can I help her recover if she wont get professional help?

Dr. Shirley Schaye · Accepted Answer

I understand your sister's position but her not wanting to bring it up is part of her PTSD. I hear you that she does not want you to bring it up. What I would do is find a nice card where you can write what you are thinking. First tell her how much you love her and care about her and that you understand that she does not want you to tell anyone about this. Say --- UNDERSTOOD!!!!! I'm not telling anyone but I want to tell you that I love you very much and I'm concerned about what is happening to you. Tell her what you told me --- "I can see though that you are not acting like yourself anymore. You are jumpy and irritable all the time and you never want to go out socially anymore." I love you too much to just sit back and see this escalate into a bigger problem. I will go with you to get help. I will do whatever it takes to help you with this horrible trauma. Please understand that I am not breaking your vow. I am only trying to help you with this. I love you too much to just put blinders on.

So write something like this and keep a copy in case she just tears it up and doesn't read it so that should you have to make another attempt to intrude you will have what you have already written.

Dr. Shirley Schaye

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