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Classic codependency

answered 09:21 AM EST, Tue September 11, 2012
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baltman baltman vero beach
Hello- I don't know where to start or how far back to go.......I have a 31 yr old son who was diagnoised as a child with ADD. He has struggled lots in life to fit in socially etc.

He was on ADD meds as a young child and then nothing for years. About 5 years ago I helped him find a Dr. specializing in helping adults like him and he was put on Adderol. That Dr. has disappaered and my son has slowly become an out of control addict. He has slowly incresed his dose to 90 mg's a aday and he's always diffucult but crazy diffucult when he runs out every few months and can't get a script for a few days - he becomes: mean, vilolent , very very agitated and is right now about to loose everything in his life- his wife and kids- his relationship with most of his close family- his job. He is banned from several public places and an airline for abusive language.

He lives in Co. and I in Fl. I was up there last week visiting when he had one of his epidsods and one thing led to another and I brought him back with me. He is in a motel room alone detoxing. He is very strong willed and this is what and how he wanted it. He has a great additude about the process and feels all he needs is 3 to 5 days of being alone to get it out of his system. When he has gone days without Atterol before he feels he flipped out because of his poor quality marriage/ homelife. He felt like all she did was nag him and belittle him and that provoked his bad behavior. He has never been violent to a person... only verbally abbusive and has been known in those times to break a few things.

He has me convinced that he can handle this and I am not to call him- just quietly bring him some dinner each night and let him sleep and get it out of his system. I have been reading a lot online and I fear for the weeks- months ahead for my son. Do you know much about this? Any suggestions? He has been in the motel for about 24 hrs now. Are there danger signs... Please help if your able.

Sincerely,
Barbara Altman

Lita Perna Says...

Lita Perna L. Perna
MA, Family and Community Counseling

Are there danger signs?

Yes. Absolutely.

Read what you wrote: "… he becomes’ mean, vilolent , very very agitated…. He is banned from several public places and an airline for abusive language. verbally abbusive and has been known in those times to break a few things.."

1. Find and get yourself to an Alanon group, today.

Try this, first.

District 140 Meeting Information - Al-Anon

2365 Pine Ave, Vero Beach, FL 32960, Closed Meeting. New location.

2. Know that you can’t save your son. It’s his life and his decision to use drugs or get professional help.

3. He is 31 years old. Let go. Wake up. You say, "He is very strong willed and this is what and how he wanted it. He has a great additude.."

If he has such a great attitude he will get himself into treatment.

This may sound tough, but it’s time you let him grow up and take responsibility for his own life.

He needs to be in treatment. NOW!

And tell him to get his own dinner.

Your being a crutch allows him to be crippled.

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Page last updated Sep 12, 2012

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