Dealing with Sis

Question

My sister just knows how to provoke me. I always tell myself I won’t let her get to me but she knows me too well and I always leave family gatherings feeling upset and unable to really explain why in a way that makes sense to anyone else. I always just come off as looking to cause trouble when her and I know that, as like when we were kids…she started it! I have tried to ignore her but it doesn’t work. I can’t avoid her so that’s not an option. I have asked her to stop but she pretends she doesn’t know what I am talking about. No one else understands why I have such a problem with it. It really upsets me and it ruins my ability to enjoy family functions. What am I supposed to do?

Rabbi Raffi Bilek · Accepted Answer

Probably you should see a therapist who can help you learn how to manage this situation properly. Like you said, avoiding her is not an option; and whether or not she knows what she's doing, you can't count on her to make things better. in most cases like this there are ways you could change your perspective to minimize the amount of grief she causes you - but you'd have to work out with an objective helper based on the specific situations you are facing, your history, your current thinking patterns, your strengths and weakness, etc. So while I can't give you a simple answer in a forum like this, I am confident that you could learn to manage the situation by seeking further help.

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