Christopher Smith
LCAC, LMHC, LMFT
Pastoral Counselor/Therapist
New York, USA
Answers questions in Adolescent Issues · Anger Management · Counseling
About Christopher Smith
Details of my broad experience is available on my website. I combine together being an ordained minister (trained at Yale and currently serving in hospital and military chaplaincy) with background and credentials in mental health (licensed mental health counselor in New York and Indiana; licensed clinical addiction counselor in Indiana) to work with a client to find the best ways forward as they address their issues and move back to abundant life. throughout, the focus is on where the client is coming from.
What I do
As people come to me, I treat them as whole people integrating in normal psychotherapeutic approaches with spiritual resources to help them on their journey to wholeness and peace. I work with individuals (children, adolescents and adults), couples (traditionally married and otherwise) and families (or units within a family) on a variety of issues that bring them into counseling as well as things that arise within counseling.
My story
Details of my broad experience is available on my website. I combine together being an ordained minister (trained at Yale and currently serving in hospital and military chaplaincy) with background and credentials in mental health (licensed mental health counselor in New York and Indiana; licensed clinical addiction counselor in Indiana) to work with a client to find the best ways forward as they address their issues and move back to abundant life. throughout, the focus is on where the client is coming from.
Why life is worth living
it is possible to find wholeness and peace.
Treatment Offered
Specialties
Therapy approaches
Patient population
Modalities
Articles(7)
What to Do When Your Teen Child Hates You
Don't take it personally. Children and their relationships to their parents change as they go through different developmental stages. Being aware of this allows a parent to adapt to this as well as to not take things personally when they shouldn’t.
Read article →Marriage Therapy on Your Own? How to Improve Your Relationship when Your Partner Won't Come Along
Find out how marriage therapy can save your relationship - even when your partner won't get involved.
Read article →How to Interview a Potential Therapist. Twenty Three Questions to Ask
Find the right therapist! Here are 23 interview questions to ask to get to know a potential therapist.
Read article →Getting Pastoral Counseling for Serious Mental Illnesses
Bipolar or schizophrenia...is a pastoral counselor really a valid option? Yes! Pastoral counselors are trained mental health professionals that ALSO have training in interjecting spirituality into the therapeutic process.
Read article →How to Help a Teen Friend When She is Hurting Herself
Imagine you promised to keep a teen friend's secret about cutting or or another form of self harm...should you really stay quiet? No, you shouldn't. Here's what you need to do and why.
Read article →Adolescent and Young Adult ADHD and Substance Abuse - How to Intervene
Children with ADHD face a variety of challenges when they first leave home. What can parents do if they start to see signs of substance abuse in their newly independent young adult children?
Read article →Giving Ultimatums to Teens – A Word of Caution
Parenting a teen can be frustrating. Parents often get frustrated and when they are not thinking clearly may resort to issuing an ultimatum. There are serious cautions around this and better strategies for parents to try.
Read article →
Answered Questions(51)
Is it about you?
Hello, I am writing to you because I read a question that someone had asked you a few years ago which was similar to my situation but not exactly. My 26 yr old son lives with me now and suffers from severe depression which is getting worse all the time. Since high school he has entered school multiple times but never finished. He moved to a larger city for almost a year and seemed to be happier then, met a girl he really liked, decided to go back to school.... He was in a very high pressure and stressful program and in the semester before what would have been his last he fell apart. He dropped out, came home and that was nearly 2years ago. About 14 months ago he broke up with the girl, said it was too hard to keep a relationship going if he wasn't going back to school where she lived and that she wouldn't want to stay with a failure like himself. Since then he has sunk lower and lower. He constantly lives in his head which is not a happy place. He beats himself up over all the failed attempts in the last 8 years since high school. Last fall he got a job, minimum wage and I think it perked him up temporarily but he quit it 2months ago and has done nothing. He doesn't do drugs and drinks very minimally. He was very addicted to a video game as an escape from reality but the last weeks I haven't seen him playing it much. I begged him to take some classes at the local community college and he has been doing that for a month now. So that is the history briefly. He says the constant mental chatter never ceases and that he will never be able to meditate. He has no friends, except his best friend who lives away and is about to get married. He goes no where and does nothing except school now. His health is starting to be affected. He eats very little, usually 1 meal a day, if that. I am single and I do not have the funds to support him. I paid for his school with a credit card. I have been able to get him to go to the chiropractor for his back which I also pay for with credit card. He has done minimal counseling the first year he was home, but he doesn't believe there is any help out there for him. He is loosing hope and he has said to me many time that it isn't worth it, that there is no point. I'm a pretty upbeat person but this is getting really, really hard. My other son also suffers from depression he is only 21. He also entered college right out of high school and didn't make it through the first year. We did get him treatment which he kept up for about 8 months after that he stayed home for another year. He went back to school last year, nearly dropped out in the spring semester but stuck it out barely getting by. He is back there again and is on meds and seems to be doing ok. I just have stay in touch with him regularly and try to make sure he's alright. Honestly, this almost sounds like a plea for help for myself, but if my kids are doing well then I can easily get on top of the world. I just don't know what to do for my oldest son that is at home now. He feels he's wasted the past 8 years and just can't get out of that place and he won't seek help. He has no joy, no goals, no interests and has virtually cut himself off from all emotion. He is basically shutting down. This situation would be a tragedy for any young person, but it is even more so for him because he is brilliant, an extremely intelligent and very handsome young man. I have to say that where we live I'm not sure we have access to quality mental health care anyway, but I would find the means somehow to pay for it if he were willing to get help.
Read answer →Is it okay to just try marijuana?
Hi. I am a 22 year old college graduate. Unlike every other person I know, I have never smoked marijuana or done any drug at all. This is always shocking to people when I tell them. I don’t know why now but I am curious to try marijuana. I am a social drinker but I don’t have any over drinking issues (like a lot of my friends do). Realistically, is there any reason why I should not try this?
Read answer →Wanting a Teenager to Change
We are trying to get our son into a wilderness program. He is currently skipping school, smoking pot and with the wrong crowd. He has been diagnosed with ADD and depression. The friends he is with are no good and the so called girlfriend isn't either. How do I know he won't go back to these kids after he is in the program. They all go to the same school. I want him to make the right decisions and go back to his old friends and habits.
Read answer →Connecting with a Teenager
I need any advice on how to create a connection with my 16 year old son. I left him and his mother when he was just a baby. I was an alcoholic and actually she kicked me out, not that I made any effort to stay or to stay involved in his life. I sent birthday gifts but I missed some years. I have more than 2 years of non stop sobriety behind me now. Long story short my exwife wants my son to get to know me. She is really a wonderful and forgiving person and she wants us to have a relationship. I want it also. We went out to the park with her and it was OK and we even all laughing and joking but then I took him out for dinner alone the next weekend and it was so awkward and uncomfortable for both of us. He would not say anything but yes or no and I don’t know what to do. He obviously does not want to do this so should I force things?
Read answer →Your Baby Is Growing Up
My 13 year old daughter wants to go on the birth control pill. She talked to my ex wife about this. WTF am I supposed to do about this? Should she get some kind of therapy?
Read answer →Frustrated Teenager
idk what to do when my mom makes me feel so small and literally always puts me down, she says she hates me and she wants me out of her life, and everything is just getting worse. I've tried talking to my dad but he doesn't listen nor care because he thinks its just always complaining. I want to leave more than anything but I am only 14 and a half. please give advice?
Read answer →Concerning Changes in an Elderly Parent
My dad is retired and he drinks too much. He lives alone and over the past year I have noticed that he is getting more and more paranoid about everything around him. He used to have a lot of friends and be friendly with his neighbors but now he thinks they all hate him. His neighbor on one side mentioned that he’d like to buy the house if my dad ever wanted to sell and now my dad is convinced they are trying to force him out and that other people the neighborhood are ‘in on it’ and he has a lot of crazy explanations and reasons for his thinking. Other than this paranoia he is in good health and gets along OK. How worried do I need to be about his new conspiracy mindset and what could this mean that it is happening all of a sudden? The problem is, my dad doesn’t see anything wrong with the way he is thinking.
Read answer →The Anxieties of a Child and Those of a Parent
My son is 10 and he is very fearful and anxiety prone. He is popular and well liked at school so he hides his fears there but at home he still doesn’t want to go to his room upstairs unless someone will go with him and about 1 night a week he can’t sleep because he lays awake with worries that he has trouble articulating. They just seem to be this vague sense of unease. He is doing well in school and he is generally a happy child, other than this anxiety and fear he deals with. I have been reluctant to take him to a psychologist because I think that once I do he will no-doubt come away with a label and then he will be labeled as having some type of mental illness. Do you think that it is urgent, given his age and the fact that he is generally happy, that we tackle this now. Can you recommend a book or give some advice on how I can help overcome his worrying? He is very intelligent and he is looking for me to tell him how to not worry and I feel like I am failing him that I can’t.
Read answer →Explaining Alcoholism to Children
Dear Friend, I am a psychotherapist in South Jersey. Two years ago one of my clients in recovery struggled with how to explain alcoholism to his young daughter. He was concerned that she would hear from neighbors and family members that Daddy was a "drunk". After an unsuccessful search for the perfect children's book to help him and his daughter he asked me to write one. "Daddy's Disease" is the result. “Tommy doesn’t know why his father doesn’t show up for dinners, or soccer games or why he acts funny sometimes. Tommy thinks it’s because his father doesn’t want to be with him, that he hasn’t been the best boy he can be, that he should try harder. But, Mommy tells Tommy that Daddy has a disease called “alcoholism”. She helps Tommy, and his faithful dog Murphy, understand what this disease is and how it affects Daddy, and the whole family. She teaches Tommy that he is not responsible for Daddy’s behavior and that gives Tommy the peace he needs to foster a healthy childhood.” In an easily understood, beautifully illustrated style, "Daddy's Disease" helps families to navigate the difficult waters of alcoholism. It is my hope that you will consider making this information available for the many children and adults who have been struggling with this devastating disease. Please feel free to contact me at 856-296-3775 with any questions. I thank you for your time and consideration and for all the good work you do. Best, Carolyn Hannan Bell - www.alcoholismhurtskids.com
Read answer →Reaffirming Comments
Do mantras and positive affirmations help? Sometimes I get blue and my mind gets really negative and I look at everything in a really bad light. My friend recommended picking mantras like My life is great or I am happy and smart and saying them over and over to myself a thousand times a day. I feel a little stupid doing this and I don’t see how I am going to fool myself. Is there anything to this idea?
Read answer →Getting Help Without Creating More Problems
What if I have a friend who is an undocumented illegal alien and she has a brother who is hallucinating and going crazy and they are just keeping him at home because they wont go to a hospital. What can they do to get some help without risking getting deported?
Read answer →How to Support a Depressed Friend
What can you do when your friend is depressed and they tell you they don’t want you to call or come over anymore? Do you just ignore their wishes and go over anyway or is it better to respect their wishes because seeing friends makes them feel worse?
Read answer →Distinguishing Mental Health Issues and Adolescent Issues
Hi! I'm 16 and I think I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for the last two years but I never told any one about it (whenever I tried my mum said it was because of "hormones" and my friends and people overall think it's just my personality) because I'm not exactly sure or even know what's wrong with me. Anyway I would like your opinion on it. When I was 14 I had no friends and I was very shy, also because my parents fight a lot I would just be sad all the time, I cried a lot but acted normal and I guess that no one really noticed that something was wrong enough. Then when I was 15 things got better about the shyness, I made friends and guess I became happier, still I had a very negative image of myself ( I tought that I was very ugly and I was disgusted with myself, and used as an excuse for my lack of friends). This Summer I overcame this problem as I started to be more optimistic and focus in positive thoughts and exercising. Now even though I feel beautiful I still have a hard time talking with people that I don't feel comfortable with (everyone beside my friends and relatives) as I just can't avoid feeling judged and like I'm not good enough or interesting enough as a person. Still this isn't the worse and it's relatively easy to deal with. What concerns me the most is that I'm very moody and anxious. I'm usually a happy, bubbly and nice person during like two weeks then during 2/3 days I feel awful, cranky, sad, annoyed, almost physically sick and I just have this horrible feeling like I'm in a black hole and like there's no hope, then I'm normal for like two weeks again. I know this sounds and is silly but I can't avoid it when it happens. I'm also anxious about lots of things, I try to distract my self but I still feel anxious, sometimes I even feel my heart beat fast inside my body. I just know that this isn't normal and because during the summer I've been normal with out any of these symptoms for like a month. Recently I've been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome and I read some studies that show it might be connected to depression and anxiety so maybe if I treat it this will go away? But my mum doesn't even let me take the contraceptive pill (which should control it)! I know that this is 2 much but what do you think my problem and is and what should I do? I'm confused.
Read answer →Dealing with an Adolescent's Introversion
My 14 year old son is not interested in extracurricular or community activities. He is shy and he would rather be at home playing on his computer. I know he does not enjoy these things but I think they are important so I try to force him to participate, which causes endless battling at home. Should I give up on this battle or is it worth persevering with?
Read answer →Ethics of Risking Passing On Mental Illness to Children
This is an ethical question. I am getting ahead of myself since I am not at the stage in a relationship with this girl where we are talking about kids but I am already THINKING about kids with her so this is the first serious relationship I have had in about 5 years. I am not sure if I should end this relationship now because it can’t end well. Here is the thing. We both want kids and we both have bipolar. And not only that, we both have one parent who was also bipolar (actually she is just guessing about her dad but he killed himself when she was a baby…). So in this situation there is a ridiculously high chance that our baby would get bipolar and there is also a pretty good chance that possibly both parents will be affected with mania or depression for significant periods of his or life. Is it OK to bring a child into the world into this situation? I have not talked about the specifics with her yet because I feel like once I do the bubble will burst and I am not sure I want it to.
Read answer →Drastic Changes - Where To Look Next
My dad is a life long heavy drinker and smoker. 6 weeks ago he had a heart attack and emergency bypass surgery. Now he’s on a bunch of medications. He didn’t even know he had heart disease but apprantly his blood pressure was through the roof. He hasn’t had a drink or a smoke since the heart attack, which is incredible for him. But he is so changed that I am worried about him. He used to be very vital and funny and now he is like the opposite. He just goes to work and then goes home and sits in front of the TV. He seems depressed but I am not sure what to do. My questions are: Is it still normal for him to be depressed this long after his heart attack and surgery? Would quitting alcohol after drinking every day for a lifetime cause depression? He is on statins and beta blockers. Should he talk to his doctor about his depression to see if the medications might be causing it or is it still too soon for this? I understand that you can only give very general responses, but I’d appreciate having a starting point to know what to do or to know if I should just wait a bit longer.
Read answer →Repairing Relationships With An Adolescent Child
My 15 year old daughter says she hates me and she acts like she does too. I have tried everything I can think of to repair the damage in our relationship. She refuses to go to counseling with me. She refuses to go on fun outings with me. She refuses to have a normal conversation with me. I don’t know how to start. I also have no idea why she is so angry at me. She acts like I did something really terrible to her but whatever that was I have no idea. Her attitude toward me started changing when she was 13 and now it is really the worst. Thankfully she is not in trouble with drinking or drugs or boys or anything like that. She is causing me a lot of pain. I am a single mom and I try to stay strong but I cry at night when I think about the horrible things she says to me. I think she is in pain too but if she won’t talk to me how can I help her?
Read answer →Helping a Depressed Person Seek Help
My sister is clearly depressed. She lost her job 18 months ago and has spiraled from a high energy person to a person that sleeps the day away so she won’t have to face it. I could list a thousand examples of the differences from then and now but there is no way there isn’t something seriously wrong. What is so frustrating is that she won’t admit it and she won’t do anything about it and when I try to bring up the subject now she closes up right away and it is like I am talking to a wall and so I end up listing all these reasons why I think she is depressed and it feels like I am in a courtroom putting her on trial for not being good enough. How do I convince her to get help without making her feel worse about herself than she already does and when by now, she doesn’t even want to talk to me anymore because she knows I keep nagging her about getting help.
Read answer →Religious Recovery Site or a Cult
What’s the main difference between a respectable religious recovery organization and a cult? Lets say an organization wants a person to separate from and cut off contact from family and friends does that sound like a cult? Also, what if that person is encouraged to live on the organization’s compound and pay quite a lot each month to stay there for an indefinite length of time? Shouldn’t a recovery program have an ending where you go back to the real world? When family members question what’s going on they are said to be against recovery.
Read answer →Substance Abuse Education for Youth
I am a scout leader working young teenage boys. Several of the parents have approached me and asked me to add a substance abuse prevention component to our curriculum. Drugs and alcohol are issues in our community. I am not sure whether or not I am an appropriate person to do this but I would like to help if I could. Do you know of any programs that would be suitable for my situation. Ideally I’d like something that I could cover in about 15 minutes, once a week, over 20 or 30 weeks. I would be very appreciative of any direction you could provide. R. Miller.
Read answer →More Depression in the Modern World?
Is the modern lifestyle causing more people to get depressed than in decades of the past? Do you think as many people were depressed 100 years ago as are depressed today?
Read answer →Child Goth - Problem With Death and Dying?
My 15 year old son is a punk/goth and he is obsessed with death and dying. No one he knows has died since he was a small boy and he lost his last grandparent so I do not know what has sparked this obsession. He even has saved pictures of dead people on his phone. He talks about death all the time. I thought is was just for shock value but it getting really unsettling. When I have broached the subject with him he says it is I who has the problem and that I am scared of death and it’s a normal part of life that we shouldn’t be so afraid of. This has been going on for 6 months or so. I basically think it’s just a phase that he will go through on his own but the pictures of death scare me and I am not sure if I am supposed to do something. Should I make him talk to someone about this?
Read answer →Exposure Therapy - Would It Help?
I was bitten pretty badly by a German Sheppard when I was 11. I could have been killed but the owner of the dog saved me in time. Ever since then my fear of dogs has gotten worse and worse. Now I am 26 and I can’t even go to the park because there could be dogs there. Even watching a dog show on TV is difficult and unpleasant. If I want to get past my fear is exposure therapy the best choice? How long would it typically take for me to see some results? Do I need to find a person who specializes in this type of therapy or would any therapist feel comfortable with this type of thing?
Read answer →Children and Marital Problems
My wife and I are considering separating but we are still trying to salvage our marriage. We still love each other but living together is becoming impossible. Everyday it feels like walking into a minefield and you never know when the explosion was coming. We have three daughters under 13 and it’s been really hard for them. We are actually talking about separating now because our eldest daughter started acting out in class and getting into trouble like smoking. We think her sudden behavior problems are occurring because of all the problems and tension at home. She pretty much admitted as much. She says she can’t take it anymore. So we are thinking about trying to restore some peace at home while we tried to resolve our differences. Does this make sense? Do you think this will make it easier on the children? I don’t know what is worse; no dad at home or mom and dad fighting everyday. We have decided to get marriage counseling. We should have done this sooner. Since our kids are affected how involved should they be our marriage counseling?
Read answer →Narcissism
I think I am a self centered narcissist. I am always thinking about myself. Whenever I see family pictures I pretend to be looking at everyone but really I am only interested in my one images. I am a father and I am supposed to be more interested in my children than myself right? Nope. I fake it but at the core of the matter I am number one in my own eyes. On dark sleepless nights I feel terrible and I worry that I am missing my children’s childhoods because I am always so self centered. Is there a self help program or book I could read to get over this. If it was a book I am not even sure I could read it because I would feel to embarrassed to read it in front of my family, which would be admitting I am self centered, which is something I would not feel comfortable with.
Read answer →Adolescent Dealing With Pain
My daughter is 12. She has had a complex history of illness (too much to get into and it doesn’t matter anyway for this) which has left her now dealing with chronic pain. Last year she was heavily medicated but it left her sedated all the time. She just couldn’t function like a kid at all. So we decided that even though she was going to have more pain issues we had to get her off the morphine. Since the beginning of October she has been totally opiate free. So now she is dealing with a lot of pain and when it gets particularly bad she reacts by lashing out, especially at family members. She is a middle of three sisters and she will physically hit and pinch her sisters when she feels bad. They understand but they are also getting very tired of this. She is getting older. So far she has not had any problems at school (she comes home from school when she starts feeling pain) but we are at the end of our rope as a family. We can’t go on like this. We can’t let her hurt our other kids. We can’t put her under the medications again. Our doctor suggested counseling but she won’t go (she hates it) and when we forced her she just barely communicated in sessions so it did no good. There is no answer. What can we do?
Read answer →Reliving Details
I am not a racist. I was attacked and beaten by 2 men after I honked at them in my car. It was a road rage type situation. Foolishly I never got their license plate number so they got away with it and I got a broken jaw and 4 nights in a hospital. This happened in the December. The men were of a certain minority group. It doesn’t matter which one and I do not really want to say because I am embarrassed. I am embarrassed because now whenever I see men from that group that are of a similar age I feel rage and hatred toward them, even though they have done me nothing wrong. I do not like feeling like this and I cannot bring myself to admit this to anyone except anonymously such as on this forum. I do not want to go through the rest of my life as a person that hates people of a certain prevalent group. But I cannot control my visceral reactions. What to do?
Read answer →Helping Children Understand Alcoholism
I am an alcoholic but I haven’t had a drink in 14 years. My dad died when I was a boy. He was an alcoholic and my uncle was a drunk who died young also…so as a family we have a pretty strong alcoholic pedigree. The problem is my son, who is now 16, never saw any of it. He was too young to remember when I was drinking and he never knew his granddad or great uncle. So he doesn’t know the horror of it and now he is drinking with his friends. I try to warn him about his risk but he doesn’t seem to listen or it doesn’t sink in. I took him to an open AA meeting but he laughed it off. It is so frustrating to watch this slow motion disaster happening. How do I get him to see that he is going to become a drunk if he doesn’t stop what he is doing?
Read answer →Depression in the Midst of a Divorce
I separated from my wife 2 months ago and she is insisting on a divorce. I do not want it but I was unfaithful and she has grounds so there you go. My whole world is tossed upside down like a mixed salad right now and I feel really depressed. I just don’t want to do anything. I can barely even face people at work. I have been feeling like this for about a month. I don’t know why the first month was OK but it seems to be getting worse. Should I go see a doctor about depression and antidepressants or is this normal to be feeling like this when going through a divorce that you don’t want?
Read answer →Dealing with the Past
Can cognitive behavioral therapy teach me some tricks so that I can turn off my bad memories that plague me when I lay awake at night. I have a hard time with insomnia and then also I have a hard time with thinking about a lot of my regrets and humiliations and bad memories when I am trying to fall asleep and this doesn’t help me get to sleep any easier. I know that just thinking about all this bad stuff is not good for me and makes me feel depressed but I cannot seem to help it once I get started every night when I have nothing else to think about.
Read answer →Being Human as a Parent
I was frustrated with my 11 year old daughter and I was just in a bad mood and at the end of my rope. She is a little heavy but she is healthy and active. She was pestering me to sleep over at her friend’s house and I had already said no and then I said something like all you’ll end up doing is eating chips and drinking coke all night and getting even fatter than you are already. I don’t have a clue why I said it but she burst into tears and ran to her room. I apologized but I don’t think I undid the damage. The last thing I want to do is make her feel self conscious about her weight. How do I undo the damage I did? I am the worst dad in America.
Read answer →Problems in Adolescent Friend's CIrcles
My daughter is 14 one of her friend’s got pregnant this year. Another of her friends was arrested for shoplifting before Christmas. They both seemed like good responsible kids to me. If the kids in her group are obviously up to no good should I try to influence my daughter so she does not spend as much time with them? As far as I know she has done nothing seriously wrong but I am worried that she is going to get tagged as a ‘bad apple’ just by association. My daughter has been very open and upfront and has told me everything that is going on (I think) so on the other hand I do not want to ‘reward’ her honesty with something she would consider a punishment.
Read answer →Limiting a Child's Use of Technology
How many hours a day should a 9 year old be allowed to use a computer and tablet and ps3 and watch TV etc. all combined? I had heard that the recommended limit was 2 hours per day and that if you were watching TV while looking at a tablet for 1 hour that counted as 2 hours. I am embarrassed to say that my kid spends a lot more than 1 hour a day watching TV and looking at her laptop. Is this old limit outdated or unrealistic? I don’t know anyone whose kids would only spend an hour a day of ‘screen time’ and everyone is always looking at the computer while they watch TV these days. What’s a sensible limit for a 9 year old today?
Read answer →Therapy for a Child?
I am an extroverted optimist. My daughter is 9. She is clearly introverted (which drives me crazy sometimes) and I have to remember that she does not need or want the same things that I do to be happy. I am also a very optimistic person. Her outlook ranges from healthy caution to general worry to worrisome pessimism. I believe that looking on the bright side to life is something that makes a person happier and more successful for all of life. I understand that I cannot change my daughter’s introverted nature, but is there some way I can change her pessimistic outlook? It seems absurd to me to have a 9 year old on the therapists couch but I am worried if I wait too long her nature will solidify and become unchangeable.
Read answer →Could This Be Depression?
I am feeling a little bit down for no reason and this has been going on for about 2 weeks. The odd thing is I am all of a sudden sleeping like 10 or 11 hours a day and dragging myself out of bed even then. I am normally totally rested after about 7. Does this sound like depression. I am a little depressed but I would not have said it was serious enough to count as depression.
Read answer →Understanding Our Vocation
I don’t know what I want to do. I have a philosophy degree (and no job…surprisingly!) but I also have the good fortune to have the time and means to attempt another degree. The problem is I do not have a clue what I want to do with my life and since I do not have the immediate need to support myself financially I have absolute freedom to choose a career. While this may sound like a blessing I am finding it to be a curse. With so much choice I am having a problem making any choices. I am not lazy (I work in a bookstore now, just because I don’t know what to do) but I am getting depressed about my inability to find direction or passion. I need get this jumpstarted. How do I find my passion in life?
Read answer →Shy Child
My 14 year old daughter has no friends. She has a great heart but she is shy and she is a bit of a late bloomer. I try to encourage her to join clubs and after school activities but she does not want to. She is obviously lonely. I try to spend a lot of time with her but she does not open up to me about what is going on at school. It breaks my heart to see her in pain. I wish I knew how to help her? Please give me some advice!
Read answer →Faith and Stress
I am a father of 3, a small business owner and a caregiver to my elderly mom who has dementia. I am just feeling so stressed and so totally overwhelmed. I have tried to cut out non essential responsibilities and commitments so what I am left with is just the core of it and I can’t cut down any further without becoming a neglectful father, a neglectful businessman and employer or a neglectful caretaker. I am Jewish and I believe in God and I pray every night. This feels weird to be writing this but I need to get more from my faith. Is this a wrong thing to want? It feels selfish but I feel like my faith could be a comfort against the stress that is killing me…but I am not sure how to make this happen. This is hard to explain. Do you have any recommendations for how my faith can help me to deal with stress?
Read answer →Drug Supply to a Teenager
my son is doing marijuana and xanax but does not want to go to rehab is there anything i can do to help he is 15 and says he started with marijuana in Jan 2012 and has taken xanax 4 times {4 pills last night} he buys the pills from some man that lives close y should i report this man?
Read answer →The Effect of Therapy
I am not like other people. I don’t like anybody. I can fake it when it is my best interest to do so and nobody ever knows how much I despise them as I pretend like we’re best buds. It’s pretty comical actually. But most of the time I find it humorous to just tell people what I think of them especially people I am never going to see again. These morons never have a frigging clue how to respond when I just basically point out the truth of their pathetic existence. My family wants me to get ‘help’. What a joke. I want to know is therapy going to make me start to love and want to cuddle everybody all of a sudden or is it just going to make me better at faking it?
Read answer →Talking About a Loved One's Addiction With a Child
My daughter's father has a history of Rx drug addiction and has been in rehab for it. She was too young to know it at the time. It has come to my attention that he is using again. He has visitation rights, however I cannot let her go with him under these circumstances. How do you tell an 11 year old girl that her father is an addict and she cant see him again until he cleans up?
Read answer →Interrupted Sleep at Night
I keep waking up in the night with this feeling like something bad is going to happen and then it will take me hours to fall back asleep and I will just worry about everything so much. From my perspective at 4 in the morning my life is really a messed up place but by the time I am fully awake and on the go things don’t seem so bad anymore. This has been happening on and off for a couple of months and I do not know how to deal with it. I do not think I can take sleeping pills because it is usually not until 3 or 4 in the morning that I wake up and I have to get up by 7 to get ready for work. I am so tired all the time now and those hours before dawn are really miserable for me. What should I try?
Read answer →Helping a Teen - Helping Yourself
My son is 17 and he is addicted to marijuana. We have tried counseling and family counseling and nothing changes his habits. He says he is trying but that he cannot quit. I am not sure if he is really trying or not. He smokes multiple times each day and I cannot control him to make him stop. He says he is willing to go to rehab. Is it appropriate for him to go to rehab just for marijuana? How long will it take for him to beat this addiction?
Read answer →Can you act to be happy?
When I act like myself people don’t like me and I have a hard time keeping relationships alive. When I act like a phony person who is much nicer and more interested in other people’s kids and families etc. then people like me a lot and I have lots of friends – but I don’t like myself and I know they don’t really like the real me, just the fake me. It seems like no matter what I do I can’t be happy. So how should I act around other people?
Read answer →Moving On In New Ways
My mom died last year and my dad took it really hard. He decided to go and see Angkor Wat a few months ago as this is something he had always wanted to do but my mom had been sick for a long time and unable to travel so he was not able to. My sister and I were really encouraging him to go since he had been so depressed since mom died. He extended his visit there and we were all happy that he was having a good time. Now he says he has met a Cambodian woman and he is going to get remarried. She is 26 and he is 67. I am worried that he is not thinking clearly. He has only known her for a couple of months so this is a concern, as is the huge age difference. I don’t mean to sound insensitive either, but I can’t help but wonder why a woman in her 20s would want to marry such an older man if not for his money? This is very unlike the man I know to do something so rash. I am worried he is mentally ill or suffering from some sort of extreme grief reaction. I am traveling over next week to talk to him and to meet his fiancé. I would like to know what signs I should be looking for that might indicate that he is not making decisions of a sound mind – I wonder if he might need to talk to someone or take some medication or something?
Read answer →Can I help an adolescent substance abuser?
My son is using marijuana and xanax but does not want to go to a rehab center. Is there anything i can do to help? He is 15 and said he started doing marijuana in January 2012 and has taking xanax 4 times (4 pills last night)...
Read answer →She's Hurting Herself - Help
What does it mean if my friend burns herself with a cigarette lighter on purpose. She is 14 and I saw the burn scars and she made me promise not to tell her parents or any teachers.
Read answer →Ultimatums to Teens - A Word of Caution
Last night my 16 year old daughter wanted to go to a party on a school night. I said no and she said she was going to go anyway. When she was walking out the door I asked her to think about what she was doing, and that if she would not obey the rules she couldn't stay in this house. She said a few angry things and left and I told her if she left now to not come home. So last night she did not come home. I don't know what her plan is but I am worried about her out there on her own. But we have had a lot of discipline problems with her and if I don't carry out my threat then I think I will have no way to protect her from bad choices anymore. Additionally, having someone disrespect my wife and I in our own house is not really a situation I can tolerate. Is there any way for us to not ask her to leave and still get her to change her behaviors?
Read answer →My Son Is Now a Teen - How Parenting Changes
I found out my son has been writing badly about us on facebook. For quite a while too. He uses bad language and says really terrible things about the way we treat him, which is not at all true. I feel really angry right now about the way he is treating us in such a public way. Obviously he is grounded from the computer. But when I take a step back and look at what he is saying I don’t even understand what is going on at all. How can he hate us this much? What am I supposed to do when my 13 year old son apparently hates me and I didn’t even know it? How are we supposed to be good parents to him now knowing how he sees us?
Read answer →ADHD and Addictions
My 19 year old son has ADHD and he is a high school drop-out who is only finally now doing reasonably well working as a mountain bike guide?/instructor and bike mechanic. He was never able to really handle school and I am just so relieved that he found a way to take his passion for biking and turn that into reasonably good paying employment. He is very good at what he does. He has been working full time at the shop for more than a year and he just left home to live with a couple of friends last month. I do not know exactly what is going on but my daughter, who is not one to tattle, came to me today and told me that she say James and his friends using cocaine at his apartment and when she confronted him he said that it wasn’t a big deal and that he had only done it a couple of times. I am very scared by this news and I know that his ADHD puts him at a hugely increased risk to have a problem, especially with drugs like cocaine. I do not think he has a problem yet but I want to make sure that he never does get one. I am still helping him financially and we have a good loving relationship, so I think I can ask/demand that he participate in some kind of addiction prevention program. But I am not sure what kind of program is available. Is there some kind of prevention for young adults program available? I do not think he needs like an addiction program yet, but I want to make sure he never does.
Read answer →Pastoral Counseling and Bipolar Disorder
Can pastoral counseling help me with my bipolar disorder?
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