Raffi Bilek
LCSW-C
Counselor/Therapist
Baltimore, USA
Answers questions in Adolescent Issues · Counseling · Couples Counseling
About Raffi Bilek
I was born in Montreal, Canada, and moved to the US as a teenager, where I spent my high school and college years. I went to college at Brown University, where I studied computer science and graduated with honors. After college I spent a year teaching underprivileged children in a school in Brooklyn, and then moved to Israel where I remained for six blessed years.
I have a master's degree in social work from Yeshiva University; I also have semicha from Rabbi Zalman Nechemia Goldberg of the Jerusalem beis din and Rabbi Noach Weinberg, zt''l, of Aish HaTorah. My experience includes work in psychiatric outpatient settings, family therapy institutes, domestic violence units, and community service agencies. I have worked with individuals, couples, and families, with children, teenagers, adults, and the elderly.
I am currently learning masechet Sanhedrin and the commentaries of the Sforno and Ibn Ezra on the Torah. I speak English, Hebrew, French and Spanish. I like playing Scrabble and Bananagrams and telling good (and bad) jokes. I live in Passaic, NJ with two beautiful daughters and a very special wife who supports me in all that I do.
What I do
I run a treatment center for individual, couples, and family therapy. We focus primarily on relationship issues as we believe that as human beings, nothing makes more of a difference to our mental and emotional well-being than the relationships in our lives. Some examples of the relationships we help to heal and to grow include spouses, parent-children relationships, and even entire families.
We also do individual counseling around issues such as the above, as well as adoption, dating, and more.
My story
I was born in Montreal, Canada, and moved to the US as a teenager, where I spent my high school and college years. I went to college at Brown University, where I studied computer science and graduated with honors. After college I spent a year teaching underprivileged children in a school in Brooklyn, and then moved to Israel where I remained for six blessed years.
I have a master's degree in social work from Yeshiva University; I also have semicha from Rabbi Zalman Nechemia Goldberg of the Jerusalem beis din and Rabbi Noach Weinberg, zt''l, of Aish HaTorah. My experience includes work in psychiatric outpatient settings, family therapy institutes, domestic violence units, and community service agencies. I have worked with individuals, couples, and families, with children, teenagers, adults, and the elderly.
I am currently learning masechet Sanhedrin and the commentaries of the Sforno and Ibn Ezra on the Torah. I speak English, Hebrew, French and Spanish. I like playing Scrabble and Bananagrams and telling good (and bad) jokes. I live in Passaic, NJ with two beautiful daughters and a very special wife who supports me in all that I do.
Treatment Offered
Specialties
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Answered Questions(15)
Making a Change
I was bullied a lot as a young teenager. My family moved a lot and I was not too socially adept so I had a hard time fitting into new schools and by the time I’d make a few friends I would be heading somewhere else. When I was a sophomore I moved into hell. There was this group of boys that bullied me really viciously and an administration that refused to intervene. I was overweight and they managed to take pictures of me in the gym shower and then photocopied my picture with mean captions and slid the papers into every student’s locker in the whole school. This was 20 years ago and before it was considered important to stop bullying. It was so bad I considered suicide. Instead I dropped out of school and toughened up. I lost weight, got tatooed and put on muscle. Worked as tree planter in remote locations and forest fire fighter. If someone looked like they were about to give me shit I’d get aggressive and physical and I got into a lot of fights and I never got bullied again. I thought that was what I wanted but now I am in my 30s and people are so intimidated by me that I have no friends or romantic partner. I am not bullied but it is just as lonely. I thought I beat the problem but I am just as scared today as I was then and I wasted a quarter of my life because I’ve been so scared. I worked so hard to build this wall and now I don’t know how to drop my defenses. What happened in high school is still screwing me up 20 years later…
Read answer →Saving Your Teen
I have an ethical problem. Is it ever a situation where helping a teen cheat school is the best thing to do? Here is my situation. My daughter is not good at school. She is not interested in school. I am desperately trying to get her to at least graduate high school. She is a private international school in Holland. The system is that she has an opportunity to do a redo assignment to make up all the failing grades she has had over the past year so she can graduate. We also have to pay a sizable amount for this privilege (We already have). As far as we knew she was up to date on this but it turns out she hasn’t started yet and this project needs to be turned in in 5 days. She will never make it on her own. This means I will lose my money and she will have to redo her senior year. I am not sure we can go through this again so I think this will mean she does not graduate. Should I do this work for her so she can graduate and just get her degree? She is very used to having people pick up after her so I hate to do this but I just want her to move on.
Read answer →It's Your Life
What does it mean if I have no motivation or drive to achieve anything? All my friends are out trying to start their real lives and I just can’t find the energy to play the game and do it. To get a job would mean running around playing the game and sitting through tedious interviews pretending to want something I really don’t. I am not depressed…I just don’t care. I am now working full time at a gas station and I kind of like it because there’s no pretension or BS. I am trying to pretend that I do care, especially for my parents who I think would like to see me making a bit more of an effort, but it really all seems so pointless. Is there something wrong with me to not care about getting ahead? I feel like since I went to college I am supposed to try to get a ‘good job’.
Read answer →13-year-old sexual activity
My 13 year old son is in puberty and his dad is not around so I think he has a hard time with what is going on with his body. I tried explaining the birds and the bees to him last year but it was so uncomfortable for both of us that I cut the discussion short after it seemed like he already knew everything I was trying to tell him. They teach it in health class at school. I came home today and I found him on our couch with the neighbors daughter. She is 10. They were both almost naked and fooling around. I sent her home and I haven’t really dealt with him yet. He is grounded. To me she is clearly still a child but his body has already changed a lot to be more man like. But the age differences are not that great. I am worried that there is something wrong with him to be acting that way with her but I also know that 13 year old boys are all hormones and have a hard time controlling themselves. I am so scared that there is something wrong with him. Should he be more interested in girls his own age? Should I be worried about this?
Read answer →Don't wait for fireworks!
Is there a real thing as a Soul Mate? I can’t find the ONE and when he isn’t the ONE I feel like I will feel like I am settling for the whole rest of my life. Do I need to wait for that head over heels feeling? I am 25 and honestly I don’t think I have never had that since I was a kid with a crush, but never as an adult and never with a person I have been in a relationship with.
Read answer →Shyness
I have a shyness problem. I have read a lot of self help stuff that seems to say that by NOT trying to get out and talk to people I don’t know I am only making my fears and insecurities stronger. I made a new years resolution to talk to a stranger everyday (something I read on a blog as an idea to overcome shyness). Unfortunately, after about a month of really doing this I feel worse than ever. At best people react neutrally when I try to initiate a conversation and more likely they pretty much reject me totally. So after a month of trying to overcome my fears I have come to realize that my fears were actually very justified. So what now?
Read answer →Dealing with Sis
My sister just knows how to provoke me. I always tell myself I won’t let her get to me but she knows me too well and I always leave family gatherings feeling upset and unable to really explain why in a way that makes sense to anyone else. I always just come off as looking to cause trouble when her and I know that, as like when we were kids…she started it! I have tried to ignore her but it doesn’t work. I can’t avoid her so that’s not an option. I have asked her to stop but she pretends she doesn’t know what I am talking about. No one else understands why I have such a problem with it. It really upsets me and it ruins my ability to enjoy family functions. What am I supposed to do?
Read answer →The Meaning of Dreams
Is dream interpretation important? Sometimes I feel like there are hidden messages in my dreams. Some other times I think that this is ridiculous. Should I pay attention to my dreams?
Read answer →If you don't like Romans, don't go to Rome.
My daughter came home throwing up drunk last night. I am working for a 2 year contract in Madrid. My 16 and 14 year old daughters and my wife have all been here since September. My daughters are fitting in well but it is common here for 16 year olds to congregate at cafes and bars and even go to discos. There does not seem to be any enforced drinking age. I have been holding my daughter to American standards and do not allow her to drink alcohol at all or go to bars or discos. She says this makes it hard for her to fit in with her friends. Should I loosen up and adopt a when in Rome kind of attitude. She is a good and level headed kid but I just think 16 is too young to be going to those kind of places.
Read answer →Trouble Ahead: 16 yr-old son drinking alone in his room
I found my 16 year old son drinking alone in his room. He wasn’t drunk and he says he doesn’t get drunk and that sometimes he just has a couple of drinks at night to help him sleep. I have had a problem with him. He doesn’t get in any trouble and he does well at school. How worried do I need to be by this? I have forbidden him to continue with the drinking and he said it was no big deal.
Read answer →Things Are Not Always as They Seem
My elderly mom has bad arthritis and other pain complaints and needs assistance in the home. She is on a lot of pain medications and she has a caregiver come in every day to helper her with her bathing and with meal preparation and some other odds and ends. She is a pretty independent person so this lets her stay out of an assisted living community for the time being. My mom’s long time caregiver recently moved away and so we have gotten a new lady, who seems nice. Yesterday, I saw her leaving a place I know to be a methadone clinic. I know people deserve second chances but I am not sure that a recovering junkie is the best person to be handing out my mom’s opiate pain medications. I am thinking about firing her. Am I overreacting?
Read answer →Son with behavior issues - what can you do?
My 13 year old son has behavior issues that happen mostly because he is ADHD and very impulsive. he was suspended twice last school year for fighting and mouthing off and he has always had a lot of trouble following the rules at school. Now this summer he is hanging around with some older kids and I have caught him smoking cigarettes and drinking and I would assume they are also smoking marijuana or worse. I am worried that he is not going to make it through high school as it is but if he starts getting into drugs I think he will be in jail before too long. I don't know where to turn at this point. The school guidance counselor suggested I look into boarding schools for children with behavioral issues but they were far more expensive then I could ever afford to pay. What can a single mom who has to work all day and can't watch her son every minute and cannot afford expensive boarding schools do to keep her drug experimenting at risk son from getting into real trouble?
Read answer →Calling Child Protective Services: Rock and a hard place
Are children better off with a parent who is a cocaine addict and who is a little bit neglectful but who obviously still loves her kids or in a foster care home? I am a teacher of a 9 year old and I know the mom has a drug problem. Her children sometimes come to school in dirty clothes and without lunches or appropriate school supplies. I do not know if I report the neglect I have seen if the children are going to end up in a better or worse situation.
Read answer →Daughter is obsessed with herself: Tough Call
My daughter is obsessed with herself and with having other people think she is pretty and popular. I realize that this sounds like normal teenage behavior but I think she is on the extreme end and I am worried she may be a narcissist. She gets very angry whenever anyone questions her beauty or her ‘status’ and she seems to consider it her God given right to use other people as she sees fit for her own ends. We have had a strained relationship for a few years now. I love her dearly but I have very little influence over her so my words don’t really change much for her. She is a popular person and she always has a group that follow her but she has trouble holding onto the same friends for long – and close friends always leave her. I am worried that unless she changes she is going to end up alone in life. How can I know if she really does have narcissism and if she does is there any effective treatment for this condition?
Read answer →Forget how you can tell - here's how you can help
How do I know if my teen daughter is depressed? She is 14 and all she ever wants to do is go to her room and close the door and listen to sad music. She says she is fine but she doesn’t seem to be hanging out with any of her old friends and she said she doesn’t want to do the band this year which is something she has always done. She also sleeps much later than she used to. I am looking at signs of depression on the internet and she seems to have a lot of them and to me as her mother I can just feel that something is wrong. My husband says I am crazy and that all the signs I am noticing are just an increased need for privacy and the normal moodiness and laziness of teenagehood. How can I tell the difference?
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