Reconciliation requires both parties to agree

Firstly, I apologise for taking so long to reply to your question – I have been out of the country and have just returned.

 I’m glad you have become aware of your behaviour toward your ex-wife and your part in the relationship breakdown.  Unfortunately your desire to reconcile with your wife can only be fulfilled if she is in agreement.  I don’t know what the legal situation is as far as visitation rights or access with your  daughter, but perhaps there is an avenue there for you to pursue.  I’m not sure that your ex-wife will be amenable to entering counselling with you on the strength of your alimony payments – again, if she is not in agreement, this reunion will not take place.  As well, if she has been subject to violence or bullying in her relationship with you, any hint of coercion or manipulation on your part would most likely send her running away rather than toward you.  She has a right to make her own decision regarding whether or not she wishes to be interacting with you on any level at all, and that is her civil and legal right and hers only to make.

In the event that your ex-wife agrees to entering into counselling with you, most relationship counsellors are able to help with communication between individuals, families or groups where relationships have broken down, and this may be the way to go.  Otherwise, mediation, where you may be able to come to an agreement with the help of a mediator as to how you can begin a relationship with your daughter. In the event that neither of those can be accessed, then family court remains, but given your history I imagine there would have to be a clear case that you have reformed.

Congratulations on your sobriety, and I wish you all the best.