Question: as salamu alaikum mam, myself mahhum. i am pcb student , i had psychology as an optional subject and got 85% in 12 std. since 2 years i was preparing for neet but the exam didn't go well. presently no chances for getting any medical college. so in order to pursue my career as a college lecturer or a university professor since i don't wish to teach at school level. what should i do ? from which subject i must do my b.sc , m.sc and phd. if possible i would like to work as a scientist in this field. please i need your help as my career is at stakes because my last 2 years got wasted .hope you guide me thanks.

Halima Sadiya Says...:

Walaikumassalaam mahhum..

may Allah bless you

Many students go through similar phases... I guide student on the basis of their interest, skill, aptitude,personality etc. Only then a student Will be able to make a informed choice....aptitude implies  your inherent inclination towards a particular area of studies.....you find it easier to understand and learn in comparison to other subjects.....

you can go ahead with any of the subject you kept in your 12th class.......which you find easiest and interested.For Research scientist or college level teaching you need to clear your Net/jrf exams after MA...more on calls.....9773986975......discussion will help to clear confusion better....all the best....

Question: Hello i wanted to find out more information about marthas place in baltimore .Is it out-patient or in-patient ? Does it focus on special populations? What are they? 5. What type of insurance do they take? If someone doesn’t have insurance, do they have sliding scales?

Dr. Candace McCullough Says...:

You may want to check out http://marthasplace.org/index.php/services/ to get more information.  It is a recovery program for women overcoming drug addition and homelessness. 

Services:

Six-month transitional housing: Women completing 28-day detoxification or 30 Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings in a span of 30 days, are eligible to apply for the six-month transitional housing program at Martha’s Place.  The program focuses on teaching women the skills necessary to overcome their drug-dependency while simultaneously developing the skills necessary for independent living. Residents of the six-month program participate in individual and group counseling with the Martha’s Place Addictions Counselor,  attend daily NA meetings, obtain employment, participate in money management training, pay rent ($10 nightly), complete house chores, and obtain a sponsor.

Long-term SRO (Single Room Occupancy) housing: Women that complete a six-month transitional program are eligible to apply for residency at  one the Martha’s Place long-term SRO homes.  Each of the four SRO homes offer individual bedrooms and shared living rooms, dining rooms, bathrooms, laundry facilities, and outdoor gardens.  The SRO homes are unstaffed recovery homes where residents can apply the skills learned from the six-month transitional program in an independent environment.  Supportive services such as addictions counseling, money management, remain available to residents on request.

Question: Dear Anna, I'm writing this letter on behalf of my client who is in process of opening up a profit Sober Living Home in NJ or PA. The client is intending to seek legal help on matters relating to: 1. Opening up of a Sober Living Home 2. Real Estate Law and local laws to confirm while setting up a Sober Living Homes 3. Finding possibility to route inmates who are sentenced to live in Sober Living homes by courts (that may include registering with State/ courts) 4. Brand promotion on internet/ social media/ print media to get more cases from other living homes. This is a tentative list and that may include changes as we go forward. If that is your area of expertise and if that interests you, it will be great if you give your consent to be our client's legal help for all/ partial points discussed above. I'm keeping this letter brief to save your time but the content must have made enough declaration to clarify things about our requirements. Please do forward me any questions, if you have. Going forward, if you give your consent, we'll forward your contact information to our client to take the things to next level. Yours sincerely, Kapil Mishra km_jpr@yahoo.com

Anna Deeds Says...:

Thank you for your question! I'm a Licensed Professional Counselor, not a lawyer so I cannot give legal advice. I've never opened a Sober Living House but I have researched it and could possibly give some advice. I also have a friend who has opened one in my town. The area that you mentioned that I do have some expertise on is building a presence on social media. My contact information is available on my profile page so you can contact me and I will give you what information I have. I hope your client is able to open the house as many more are needed for addicts in recovery. Please feel free to contact me and I'll help as I am able. 

Question: hi ! is there any treatment centers for sex addicts in texas? or any counselors just for this in Austin, Texas? i really need some help.

Milena Colyer Says...:

Hello,

Thank you for asking such a wonderful question. While sexual addiction is not one of my area of expertise, I can certainly direct you toward the therapist that might work for you.

The Austin area has a variety of therapists that specialize in sexual addiction. I highly recommend working with one that offers both Individual and Group options, the support of a group (in addition to individual therapy) serves as a great enhancement to addiction treatment, and increases the likelihood of you experiencing success, as you take it one-day-at-a-time.

Click on the links below for lists of sex addiction therapists in your area, please be sure to read their personal profiles and ensure you choose the therapist that you believe might be the best fit for you.

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?city=Austin&state;=TX&spec;=257

http://www.theravive.com/therapy/addiction-treatment-austin

Austin also has an SAA group (Sexual Addiction Anonymous) that serves those with sexual addictions in a manner similar to AA or NA serves those with alcohol or narcotic addictions. For more information go to: http://saa-austin.org/

I hope this helps and feel free to contact me if you have additional questions or would like more information.

Question: I caught my wife in an affair relationship with another younger woman. This happened yesterday and I left to stay in a motel but we have had some phone conversations. We have been married for 23 years. She says she is sorry and that she did not mean for me to find out and that she is confused and it was just something exciting that just happened in her life with a younger woman from her office. Could this be a mid life crisis and she is not actually a lesbian? She says she is not gay and I do not understand what she means by this. I am really confused and messed up and I can’t make any progress with this because I can’t really process the situation.

Rebecca Ashton Says...:

Thank you for your question. I am sorry to hear of your recent difficulty. I can see why you might be struggling to process the situation as it sounds like not only has your trust been compromised but you are wondering just who your wife really is.

It is interesting that she says she did not mean for you to find out...I wonder what that means to her? It sounds like your wife is very confused about herself too and I can't help but feel that it is a tall order for you to try to understand her right now when she is having difficulty understanding herself. I am afraid that I cannot tell you if your wife is having a mid-life crisis or not as things are not that cut and dried.

It sounds like some counselling could be helpful to you both. As well as having sessions together, your wife might find it useful to have some sessions alone too, so that she can work on getting to know herself again as a foundation for rebuilding your relationship, if you decide that that is what you both want.

I wish you both the best of luck for the future.

Question: Would like more information on getting therapy for serious recurring nightmare. I have had a recurring nightmare for years where I am hunted and chased by a man with a white mask. I can’t see his face but I know his skin is all peeled away so he is like a monster. I don’t know how I know this because I can’t see it but I do. It’s always the same but in different circumstances. I try to get away and then he gets closer and I have a chance to get away but then I freeze and I can’t move and he comes closer and then I wake up in absolute terror. Have no idea what this dream means. I don’t know what has changed in my life because I normally get a nightmare about once a month but now I get them once a week or even more often. It is hard to get back to sleep after a nightmare and it leaves me feeling upset and tired all day so it is really affecting me at work beyond the fact that they are horrible at the time. I want to address this problem. First question is – do I have nightmare disorder or just recurring nightmares? Second question: What type of therapist should I look for and what type of therapy has the best success ratio for people with nightmares? I am in Brooklyn. Third question: I am also confused about trying Prazosin. Is this for me even if I don’t have PTSD? Should I try medications at the same time as therapy or should I try therapy before medications and then only go to medications if therapy does not work?

Christine McDonald Says...:

Hello there. I know it must be very frightening for you to have the same dream repeatedly.    Dreams are often open to many interpretations.  Its best to try to look at this dream and think about what it is reflecting in your life?  Often dreams where we are being chased means that there is something in our lives that we are avoiding.  I am not an expert in sleep disorders but from the symptoms you mentioned (feeling upset, hard to get back to sleep, tired all day and interfering with your daily life) you do meet some of the criteria.  It would be best to get an in person evaluation to get a proper diagnosis. 

I am not aware of therapists who specializes in nightmares. There could be some underlying anxiety and stress in your life that could be addressed with  therapy. It is always best to consider having medication and therapy in conjunction to get the best result.  You may want to consider going to a Psychiatrist who can assist with medications to best help you.  They can really evaluate you to see if you meet the criteria for a diagnosis and if you need medication. Sometimes therapy can help people to overcome nightmares.  If you have insurance, contact them for a list of referrals or ask your primary physician.

Other ideas maybe to confront your attacker in your dream and ask him, "why are you chasing me?"  Many people don't know they are dreaming but before you go to bed tell yourself this is what you want to do if you have the dream again.  You also may want to draw a picture of the dream as it currently happens and then draw another one to show a better outcome, like you become safe in the end.

I hope this helps!

Chris McDonald, MS, LPCA, NCC

Question: Loren, I saw your answer to a question about Neurofeedback for depression but it was from 2012. Was wondering if you had any current opinion about it. My son, 20, has just admitted to having severe depression. He has been mediating with marijuana for three years heavily and has admitted that's how he pushes down any uncomfortable emotion he feels. He had a mental breakdown ten days ago and has been in the hospital since. Yesterday he tried cutting his wrists there and today admitted that he has suffered from depression for years and never told anyone. Antidepressants scare him (and me) with all the side effects and withdrawal symptoms. Please advise on what you think could help. thank you so much. Wendy

Loren Gelberg-Goff Says...:

I am sorry to hear that your son (and you) is in such a crisis. 

I strongly believe that neurofeedback can be very helpful in shifting how your son's brain reacts to the feelings he has taught himself to bury. It can also be effective in changing the addictive behavior that has resulted in his use of marijuana.
However, and it's a big however, neurofeedback does not create an immediate shift in feelings, responses and behaviors. Your son is experiencing a crisis and that needs to be addressed appropriately before any long term therapeutic interventions can be implemented. While I understand your concerns regarding the side effects of antidepressants, they can be very effective in the short term so that he can through this crisis. While he is in the hospital, I would strongly recommend that you contact the eeg insititute (www.eeginfo.com). They are located in California and can give you the name(s) of trusted practitioners (hopefully located near you) who could work with your son and offer the best possible outcome.
It also matters right now what the cause of your son's depression is... is it a result of a biochemical imbalance or is it the result of how he has handled life issues that he's experienced. To that end the ongoing therapeutic interventions will make a difference. 
Other than  you as a caring parent, what are your son's support systems? This aspect of his ongoing therapy also needs to be addressed. Is your son is school or is he working, and what schedule does he have so that he can include some out patient therapy programs (groups can be very effective) to help him come through this crisis and help him to learn and implement new and different coping skills.
The bottom line answer is that yes, I believe that neurofeedback can prove to be helpful and beneficial to your son, but please first deal with getting his system stabilized and balanced so that future interventions can be truly beneficial.  I would also look into craniosacral therapy and acupuncture as additional therapeutic interventions. 

I wish you all the best going forward, and please let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Question: I did some work in the past that I do not feel very good about. I rationalized it in the past because I was just ‘following orders’ and if I didn’t do it someone else would have. It wasn’t my idea to do it I was just acting out someone else’s will. Really I can see know that I was just greedy for the money and willing to turn a blind eye to the consequences. Now I feel really bad about this and I am pretty sure that my work helped to cheat people. I can’t say exactly what I did because I might be admitting to a criminal offense. I can’t shake off my guilt now and it is really bothering me. What should I do now? I tired giving money to charity but it didn’t take my guilt away. I can’t take back what I did but the guilt is killing me.

Penny Bell Says...:

It sounds as if at the time you resisted taking responsibility of and owning your own actions, but now, in retrospect, you realize that you have done something wrong due to your feelings of guilt. Guilt is a very useful signal that alerts us to the fact that we have done something that has crossed our moral boundary and has compromised or violated our values. When this occurs our conscience kicks in to give us a wake-up call, and the benefit of this is that we are now informed that that is not acceptable behaviour – to us! We can then take any necessary action – apologize to the injured party, make amends, apologize to ourselves, and if we are in a relationship with God, apologize to him, repent, accept forgiveness and continue on our way, equipped with new knowledge about ourselves and our world that helps us to modify our behaviour in the future.

Shakespeare’s plays, in particular “Hamlet” and “Macbeth” explore the theme of guilt and its power to keep us enslaved. Hamlet’s guilt was not enough to keep him from his desire for revenge, and so had little effect on his behaviour. For Macbeth, guilt was unable to pierce his grandiosity, and although it kept him from enjoying his ill-gotten gains, he continued to behave in the same way. For Lady Macbeth, guilt plagued her through her dreams, and eventually brought about her demise by her own hand. Shakespeare’s delight in exploring guilt was born out of his observations of human behaviour, and of himself, and he knew his audience would identify with the way he factored it into his stories as it is a universal human experience.

Being aware of our wrong-doing is actually a very healthy thing. Macbeth’s and Hamlet’s problem was that their consciences weren't working properly, and that made them medieval sociopaths. But Lady MacBeth had a different problem – she was unable to mitigate or expiate her guilt, and it drove her to depression. She became obsessed with her crime until it totally consumed her. Instead of simply repenting and doing whatever was needed to make things right, she let it eat away at her. Sound familiar?

I’d like to now introduce another concept – shame. Guilt tells us we have done something wrong, but shame tells us that because we did that wrong thing, we are wrong. Guilt says there’s something wrong with what I did, shame says there’s something wrong with me, because I’m the kind of person that would do that. Guilt is a state that we can either enter or leave, whereas shame is a belief and an overwhelming feeling of badness about ourselves. Lady Macbeth was experiencing shame along with her guilt, and that is why she became so stuck.

What can we do about our shame? Firstly, it’s not an outward thing, or a behaviour. It’s a belief and a feeling, so it’s on the inside of us. Therefore we cannot perform our way out of it, although we certainly do try to do that. We can think “if I look good on the outside, no-one will know how rotten I am on the inside”. But because the shame is ours and ours alone, this won’t help. The danger then is that we will try to escape our feelings of shame in other ways, for example excessive drinking or substance abuse.

Often the feeling of shame is triggered by an action we carry out that pricks our conscience and produces an awareness of guilt, but in actual fact had its origin in childhood. I’m wondering if this is the case for you. Can you think of a time or times during your childhood when you felt similarly? Try a journaling exercise where you write down any experiences of childhood when you felt guilt and shame – what was said or done and by whom, how you felt, and what it said, in your mind, about you. Sometimes if the shaming messages in our childhood are very strong, we can grow up with the idea that we are bad anyway, so what we do doesn’t really matter. But if our conscience is alive and well, we then suffer the consequences of our behaviour in the form of guilt feelings and subsequent relentless feelings of shame, almost confirming our original thoughts about ourselves that we are no good.

To break this cycle of shame and guilt, first deal with the guilt, as outlined in the first paragraph. Then, address the shame. Shame, even though it seems as if it belongs to us, actually doesn't. It is given to us by others, and is always a lie about us, which we internalize. We can choose to accept and believe the lie, that we are inferior, no good, bad etc, or reject it, and replace it with the truth – what I did was wrong, a mistake, but that doesn't mean I am wrong and a mistake. You may need help working through this, and I suggest that entering into therapy for a period of time would be highly beneficial for you. As well, make an effort not to isolate yourself from friends and family, as their support is vital to your sense of well-being.

Question: How to do you make new year’s resolutions that you keep for longer than a few days. I am tired of my life and I want to get healthy and actually do something good this year rather than just spend it on the couch smoking weed and playing GTA. I am not addicted to anything in particular but I have spent way too many years living like a student in a student ghetto (except for the part where I don’t actually go to school) so I am sort of addicted to irresponsibility and laziness. I am 29 and I work at Starbucks.

Loren Gelberg-Goff Says...:

So glad that you recognize that you're "tired of your lifestyle". That is a huge first step for making any resolution stick. The next step is to state an intention... perhaps it's to go back to school, get training, find something that you are passionate about that you might explore further to see if and how it might have earning potential, etc. Step 2 is to break down into small steps what you need to do to achieve your goal(s). Maybe the first step is to get out of your apartment to exercise... this doesn't necessarily mean joining a gym; you might start walking, running, getting an exercise video, etc anything that brings about a change in your daily routine. Each of these steps has to be something a) you want to do b) you are willing to do c) see the activity as something that moves you toward your bigger goal.

Saying that you are tired of what your life is right now is one thing... what is it that you want? Saying that you are addicted to irresponsibility and laziness tells me that you feel stuck and unmotivated; that nothing has piqued your interest. Have you ever been interested/excited about anything other than video games and getting stoned? Think about whatever it was that used to inspire you, no matter how long ago... it's hard to move forward in your life when you label yourself lazy. This behavior started for a reason and while that reason may no longer exist you have developed a habit which has become an addiction. So, today, you get to assert that you are ready to embrace your free will and no longer be a slave to lethargy, laziness and weed.

Since this behavior is something you feel like you want to be done with, and haven't quite yet been able to move forward in a new direction, I wonder also if you might be feeling depressed? Often people label themselves with other names (usually critical, self-debasing ones), but the root of the issue is not so much behavioral as bio-chemical.  Depression/ taking care of yourself mentally and emotionally can also be addressed as part of your new year's resolution. You can seek out a therapist, life coach, mentor, etc.

So, to make a resolution last beyond a few days, make sure you do something every day that honors your resolution. Make sure you stay focused on your goal... keep your eye on your prize. Take small steps everyday that feel empowering and goal oriented and then give yourself small rewards for a job well done. Small rewards might be watching your favorite tv show, meeting friends for an hour at the end of the day...

Make sure you write down your goals and all the steps you can take to achieve them and each time you do something that moves you forward jot it down, make a check mark, etc. and then schedule a reward for yourself. It is also helpful if you share your goal(s) with a friend who will support and encourage you and can be your accountability partner... someone you check in with daily to reinforce your commitment to yourself. Remember: you are worth taking care of, and your goals and dreams really do matter.  I wish you the best going forward and may your journey for this year and beyond be as successful as you dare it to be...

Question: idk what to do when my mom makes me feel so small and literally always puts me down, she says she hates me and she wants me out of her life, and everything is just getting worse. I've tried talking to my dad but he doesn't listen nor care because he thinks its just always complaining. I want to leave more than anything but I am only 14 and a half. please give advice?

Rev. Christopher Smith Says...:

Without knowing more about your situation, my answer will by its nature have some limitations to it. If your situation continues to wear at you, you might think about seeking out someone who can help you look at your own situation, this might be a mental health professional in the community or your school counselor. As an initial sounding board, you may even explore adults who are used to working with teenagers and their parents, such as your minister, priest, rabbi or other faith group leader.

Being a teenager can be difficult as can being the parent of a teenager. As a teenager you are taking more responsibility for your life. Some of the decisions that you make are ones that your parents would disagree with. On their side, they are having to learn to let you live your life and to not be overprotective of you. This is not what they are used to doing and can b a difficult transition for them.

If the patterns with your mother are new, it sounds as if your mother may be having a hard time dealing with your getting older. She could be frustrated, concerned about how she raised you, etc. Have you considered talking with her when there was not a crisis going on in your relationship? Can you help her understand the choices you are making and the things she is upset about (and perhaps even related to how she puts you down)? In so doing, are you really ready to hear her side of what is going on, even if it involves some painful things about yourself?

When you describe yor father, it sounds like you may be making assumptions about where he is at. You say that he doesn't listen or care - how do you know that? You say that he thinks you are always complaining - how long have you been able to read his mind? It may be true that he really does not engage about these issues, however the meaning behind that could eb quite different. It could be that he has learned over the years (based on interactions involving you or even older siblings if you have any) that he cannot win in becoming inolved in the conflicts between you and your mother. He may feel that the best thinig is to not respond and get caught being on one side or the other. Have you tried letting your dad know that you just want him to hear how everything is affecting you without him getting involved? Have you asked your dad if there was any way he could mediate between you and your mother?

Beyond your interactions with your parents, how do you feel about yourself and the decisions that you make? It is common to have uncertainty and doubt as a teenager. If this is an issue for you, then you might want to do some things to reinforce for yourself that you are a good person and that you do good things. This can range from working to forgive yourself for mistakes that you make to reading affirmations about yourself that you post in strategic locations. There are lots of ways to work on how you feel about yorself and if you strengthen this then your motehrs comments may not have as much of a negative effect.

Even with the best daughter-parent relationships, going through your teenage years is not easy and has its emotional and relational challenges, but that is part of the developmental tasks you are going through. By trying some of these things, it is possible to find more peace and wholeness in your relationship with your parents as well as with yourself. It is also possible to have an imporved relationship with them after everyone has moved into adult relationships with each other - so don't get upset and burn your bridges too soon.