Son with behavior issues - what can you do?

Question

My 13 year old son has behavior issues that happen mostly because he is ADHD and very impulsive. he was suspended twice last school year for fighting and mouthing off and he has always had a lot of trouble following the rules at school. Now this summer he is hanging around with some older kids and I have caught him smoking cigarettes and drinking and I would assume they are also smoking marijuana or worse. I am worried that he is not going to make it through high school as it is but if he starts getting into drugs I think he will be in jail before too long. I don't know where to turn at this point. The school guidance counselor suggested I look into boarding schools for children with behavioral issues but they were far more expensive then I could ever afford to pay. What can a single mom who has to work all day and can't watch her son every minute and cannot afford expensive boarding schools do to keep her drug experimenting at risk son from getting into real trouble?

Rabbi Raffi Bilek · Accepted Answer

I am sorry to hear of your distressing predicament.

You didn't say this explicitly, but I am guessing from what you did say that you do not have a very close relationship with your son. In that case, probably the best thing you can do is to find him one - get him a big brother, a mentor, someone who is a little older than him and can be a positive role model and provide an emotional connection. It is common that boys seeking to fill a hole in their hearts end up doing it with drugs, alcohol, and other unsavory practices. Look in your area for organizations that might provide this kind of service. If nothing else, find a good, stable high school or college kid looking to make a few extra bucks and pay him to spend a couple hours a week with your son. (You may also have to pay for trips to water parks, zoos, museums, laser tag, whatever you can think of.) I understand that money is tight, but you are unlikely to find a magic solution to your problem that is free.

Additionally, you may want to seek out a psychiatric consultation to see whether he would benefit from some type of ADHD medication.

Feel free to contact me if I can be of further service.

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