Becoming a parent after an alcohol addiction

It is really great that you have been able to get sober and stay that way for so long. You must take a lot of pride in your transition. In all likelihood your kids do also. However, they will never become the children you wish you had. Their caution is healthy, and it is important that you accept it. In fact, if you can find a way of accepting it, it will be easier for them to grow out of their present perceptions. You, in fact, already know this. How do I know that you know? Because you write: "I feel shame and guilt every time I see them afraid because of me. It actually makes me want a drink more than anything else." It is your feeling of shame and guilt that is your stumbling block. It is possible that they are aware (at some level, maybe subconsciously) that your difficulty of accepting the relationship as it is right now is putting you at risk. That will only make the situation worse. It is really completely in your hands to celebrate your achievements and accept their caution. As you get rid of your fears and grow further away from a life of alcohol and addictions they will follow. But you must be patient with them. It will take way longer for them to feel confident than it will take you to change. Trust that it will happen.