Hi this is my story. I was a dealer with my own soldiers cranking thousands of dollars of product a day but I had an eye opening life altering experience when I got shot and robbed and almost died in the ER with blood pressure crashed out to practically zero… I got straight in the hospital and I moved back home with my mom to get away because I know if I was back on the streets there for even one day I’d be high by night time… I am serious about changing my life but my mom still treat me like I am a 16 year old child and she extends me zero trust that you should just normally give an adult man…as a case in point I have to be home by 9 at night… I an greatful to her for taking me in and being here for me but I cant stand the way she treats me…. If I stay I am going to explode and get high but I don’t have any where to go except back where I came from where I will also get high…. I have a high school diploma and that is all!!!... I used to drop $500 at the stripclub and not even care…. I am 28 now and I have an 8 year hole on my resume and what kind of job am I going to get?... I feel like this mountain I gotta climb is just too high and I cannot do it.….It has been 72 days since the day I almost died. I feel like there is no way back from the bad choices I made 10 years ago.
It's never too late to turn your life around. Do not allow the past to define who you are. What is impossible with men is possible with God. I suggest you find a NA meeting or some other support group as well as getting a sponsor for additional support, encouragement, and accountability. A sponsor should be same sex, at least one year of clean time, and worked the 12 steps. You can find a sponsor at NA meetings. It sounds like you need to build your support network. In regards to your mother, it may take time for her to totally trust you. But, I'm confident it will happen. Just stay focused and stay away from people, places, and things that may cause triggers. Have you thought about a recovery home? Don't give up on finding a job. Until you find a job volunteer somewhere to add more structure in your life. You will need to adjust to a different lifestyle. You can and will turn your life around. You can do it! Don't lose hope. You have a purpose in this world.