Answered questions(19)
Cannabis Admiring Teen Distresses Parents
Our 17 year old may have tried marijuana once. But he seems to be very interested in it. He's for instance googling on what campuses have a "good weed scene". He's chatting with others and expresses admiration for older kids who are able to party with marijuana. We have talked to him about the dangers of marijuana on the teenage brain, discussed the recent book (from UPenn Neuro chair) on it. But nothing seems to have diminished his interest. What should we do? He won't listen to us parents.
Read answer →Daughter Impulsive Emotionally Dysregulated and Needs a Timely Assessment
My daughter has very poor impulse control. I believe that her impulse control is not developmentally appropriate and her inability to reign in her emotions causes her constant social problems. She is 17. I have talked to her about whether she would want to work with a professional and she says that she does. She is frustrated by her problems and says she wants to try to be better. This is a major breakthrough so I want to capitalize on her willingness right away. What type of therapist should I seek out for her? How long should it take for her to get some benefit?
Read answer →A Drug Dealing Dad
My dad is always drunk and he uses a lot of drugs. Now he sells drugs in our house. I hate him so much but my mom won't kick him out and now I think she is using drugs also. If I call the police and tell them where he keeps his drugs will he go to jail and will he know that I told on him or can that be a secret. I am scared that if I call my mom will get in trouble also.
Read answer →When Does Shy Become an Anxiety Disorder?
My daughter is very shy. She is 12. As an example she does not like to talk to strangers or order her own food in a restaurant. She begs me to order for her and she gets really upset if I try to make her do herself. Her teacher says she is shy but OK in school and has friends so the problem is mostly with adult strangers. Does this sound like an anxiety disease? Should she see a psychologist for this or should we just keep encouraging her to take baby steps. I think we have not been proactive enough because it has always been easier and less distressing for everyone involved to just do things for her so she wouldn’t have to talk to strangers. Now she is getting to an age where this is becoming a problem.
Read answer →Rumors among friends, to tell or not.
We have been family friends with our neighbors who I will call the smiths (not their real names) for more than 20 years. They are lovely people. Our daughters were born one year apart and were best friends for a lot of years in early childhood. Once they got into middle school and high school the grade difference got big and they drifted apart and now very rarely socialize anymore. I think they also turned into slightly different people along the way. Well then, my daughter came home from a high school party last night and told me a very disturbing story about her old friend. Apparently, the girl (who is now 16) was drunk at the party and was exchanging sexual favors for alcohol and drugs. I asked my daughter if she was sure it was true and she said that she was. She said the girl was pretty wild and drank a lot but she had never seen her do anything like this before. She said she overheard the girl ‘make a deal’ with a group of boys before going into a bedroom with them. I am shocked and saddened by this. I remember her as this sweet little red headed girl at my kitchen table. But now I don’t know what to do. Should I tell her parents what I learned? How could I tell them in a way that wouldn’t hurt them irreparably? I also worry about being ‘the messenger’ for such tidings. This may seem selfish, but I do not want to damage our friendly relationship either. Should I tell our pastor and ask him to speak with them? I do not want to spread this any further around than need be, of course.
Read answer →Should A Daughter Be Asked to Keep An Adult Secret?
I have a drinking problem and when I get drunk I tend to do stupid stuff. I am not sure if I am an alcoholic but I have come to a point where I can’t let myself act stupid and get in trouble when drunk any longer. I am going to try to stop and if I cannot I am going to go to AA. My current issue is that last night my 13 year old daughter saw me drunk and making out in a parked car with a woman I know from the bar. I would never have done it if I was sober because I love my wife but when I am drunk I sometimes slip up. My daughter said she won’t tell her mom but I feel like such a horrible father for putting her in this position. And it also hurts the way she looks at me now. Is it going to be damaging to her to ask her to keep this secret for me?
Read answer →Does Having ADD Lower Responsibility?
For a teen with ADD how do you deal with rule breaking? My son is 15 and he has ADD that was recently diagnosed and I know that this limits his ability to make good choices and he is prone to make stupid impulsive decisions. Last night he snuck out of the house and he and his friend drove the family car around, neither had a license, just for fun and just because his friend called him up late and asked him to do it. He knows now that it was a stupid and dangerous thing to do but at the moment he just does it without thinking it through. Do I punish him as severely as I would punish any of his siblings for the same offense or do I take it a little easier on him because of his diminished capacities? He is my youngest of 5 and I thought I knew how to parent adolescents but he is challenging.
Read answer →Twelve going on Sixteen
My 12 year old daughter lies constantly, steals from family and from stores, is sexually active and uses drugs and alcohol. I cannot control her and she basically ignores any attempts I make to discipline her. She has had several run-ins with the police and at the rate she is going she is going to be in jail or worse well before her 18th birthday. I am obviously failing her as a single dad and looking back I can see that I did not spend as much time with her as she was growing up as I should have. I think that she needs more help and discipline than I can give her. Which is better for a behaviorally troubled teen, some sort of long term wilderness program or a boot camp or military school type of program?
Read answer →Teen son drinking at home. Is it OK?
Should I let my son (he is 17) and his friends drink beers at home, under supervision? I know that it is against the law but where we live all the kids are out drinking and carrying on on the weekends and at least if I let him and friends drink where I can keep an eye on them I’ll know they aren’t out on the roads drunk or getting in any other kinds of trouble.
Read answer →Do your turn in your child to the police?
I caught my son bringing in a stop sign and a speed limit sign from his car late last night. He told me he had been on a scavenger hunt with a bunch of kids from his high school and that the street signs were on the list of items they had to get. Presumably there are a number of street signs missing around town this morning. I am so angry with him for being so stupid and putting people in such danger by taking a stop sign away from an intersection. I know he wasn’t thinking it through but he should have known better than this. I really let him have it last night and I can see that he understands that what he did was stupid and dangerous and immature. But now what do I do? At first I was thinking about turning him and his friends into the police for what they had done but my husband reminded me that this can be quite a serious crime and that in one case recently a teen was even charged with manslaughter after an accident occurred at an intersection that was missing a stolen stop sign. I don’t want him to get into really serious trouble for this but on the other hand, I don’t want to be complicit in his crime and teach him that bad actions don’t have real life consequences. Should I call the police on him? I am really torn about what to do?
Read answer →Suspicions of a 13 year old's drug use
I am worried that my 13 year old daughter is smoking marijuana and may be using other drugs as well. We have been having a very difficult relationship for the last year or so and our house feels like a constant battleground. I was going through her bag to look for a school letter last night and I found some rolling papers. She says they are from her friend who uses them to smoke hand rolled cigarettes but forgot them in her bag when they went to the mall yesterday. I find this a little hard to believe but I guess it is possible. Last year I would have believed my daughter, but she has changed so much over the last year that I no longer really do. My daughter was furious that I looked through her bag. I guess like I don’t believe that she is telling me the truth she doesn’t believe that I had no intentions of violating her privacy when I looked through her bag. But now that I have found the rolling papers I feel like I need to do something. She swears up and down that she doesn’t do drugs, but I am just no longer sure. I am considering buying a drug test to find out for sure, but my husband says that if start forcing her to take drug tests it won’t feel like a family anymore and it will be more like a prison instead. Is it worth it to make her do a drug test? Our relationship is not good these days and I am loathe to do anything too make things more difficult, but in this case, if she is on drugs at 13, I feel like extreme measures are now necessary????!!!!
Read answer →Mom and 15yo Daughter Suspicious and Distrustful, Always Fighting
I don’t really have extra money for counseling but I have a problem with my 15 year old daughter. She lies to me so much and I am always lecturing her for something she did wrong. It feels like even when one of us tries to say something nicely the other person is suspicious and acts bitchy or distrustful and it just goes downhill. We cant even have a nice conversation any more. I miss my daughter we used to be very close and now I don’t know how to get things back so we can laugh and have fun together like we used to.
Read answer →A Violent Teenager
My daughter has anger issue and has been abusive to me. She is in the behavior hospital for chocking me. Should I have her sent to a program. This is the second time she has asaulted me, she is 14 years old and has bipolar.
Read answer →A Fourteen Year Old Overweight Daughter
My daughter is 14 and she is overweight. It breaks my heart to see her struggle with this and I know it affects her deeply. I have tried to model healthy eating and no one else in the family is overweight so I do not really understand where it comes from other than the fact that even from a young age she always liked reading and coloring and watching movies more than she liked sports or playing outside. I am trying to help her lose weight. Sometimes she seems to be on board with what I am trying to do for her but about half the time she is resistant and she will purposefully eat more junk food right in front of me just to provoke me. I am not pressuring her and we are only talking about healthy exercise habits and nutrition. I am intentionally not talking about calories or looks. Although sometimes it feels like there is a big pink elephant in the room when I omit these subjects from the discussion. How can I help her without having her turn this into a power struggle where she uses food and her health against me – and by definition, against herself as well?
Read answer →Is My Son Gay?
I am pretty sure my son is Gay but he has not come out to anyone. I found some magazines in his room that are pretty conclusive. I am not surprised as I had been wondering for a while if he maybe was. I did not tell him what I found. Now that I know should I bring up the subject with him or should I let him work through this at his own speed without pressuring him. It is not a big issue with me and I think that he knows I will be supportive, but he is probably worried about everyone else in his life. He is 16, by the way.
Read answer →A Lying 14yo Daughter
My 14 year old daughter lies all the time, even for things that do not require her to lie at all. Like I will ask what she had for lunch and she will say a sandwich and then I will see the burrito package in the garbage...why bother to lie about something like that for no reason? I would say that about half of the things she says to me are lies. I am not joking. I do not know how to stop her and she can’t or won’t tell me why she lies all the time. She just says she doesn’t know why. It is not only at home either. She gets in trouble at school for her lying as well. I am worried that this is a sign of something bigger that is going wrong with her. Is this kind of lying a symptom of some sort of mental problem? Does she need to see a therapist?
Read answer →Disrespectful Daughter
If my daughter won’t respect my authority or the rules of the house, what can I do? She is 16 and she is not really doing anything that bad. I don’t think she drinks or does drugs or anything like that. I think she is sexually active and she has a boyfriend but I know this is ‘normal’ at her age these days. The problem is when she wants to go out she will just go, even if I tell her not to. She just basically laughs at my authority. The only thing I can think of to do is to send her to live with her grandmother. But my wife’s mother lives in an area that is rife with drugs and the school in that area is very poor/dangerous. I feel like that punishment is too harsh to put her into that situation but I am at a loss to think of another better option. We cannot afford a boarding school. Is there anything else I can do, other than just letting her do as she pleases, which is not an option my wife or I am willing to live with.
Read answer →Fifteen Year Old Drug Abusing Son Defies All Boundaries
My 15 year old son drinks, does drugs, does not go to school and basically won’t listen to anything I say as he tries to live some sort of gangster lifestyle. This morning I saw that he had a new tattoo on his neck that said motherfu…..r and I just lost it and I told him to get out. I have not been a perfect mom but I have done my best and I think that now by giving him a free place to stay while he gets high every day I am doing him no favors. Am I allowed by law in New Jersey to kick him out of the house before he is 16? I just don’t think I can do this with him anymore. Or should I just call the police on him when he leaves his weed laying around in his room and ask them to deal with him? He is so bold he lights up in front of me and his brothers now and what can we even do about it?
Read answer →Kicked my son out of the house. Now I want him back..
Kicked my son out of the house. Now I want him back but don’t know how to make it happen and still retain any authority over him. I have always had a close relationship with my 16 year old son. As a single mother, we’ve been through a lot together over the years and he is a big part of my life. For the last couple of years he has started in with a really bad crowd and they have totally changed the way he behaves and his attitude towards me. I have caught him with marijuana and alcohol and some kind of pills and half the time I can’t tell if he is high or just sullen and ignoring. He also has a girlfriend who seems to have no parental supervision at all and very little shame. I will come home to see the 2 of them on the couch together and they barely even stop until I get angry. It is very hard for me to watch. They seem to find me a joke. His grades are terrible. He drinks and uses drugs. He breaks the law. He is sexually active and has explicit content on his phone and computer that I find disgusting and that he barely feels the need to conceal from me. Last week the police brought him home drunk. They did not press charges but I was fed up and grounded him for a month for his behavior. He said he was too old to be grounded like some little kid. The next night he went out the window and went out to the park again to hang with his friends and didn’t come home until 2 in the morning. He knew I’d know and he just didn’t care. He was challenging me. I told him he was grounded for 2 months and if he couldn’t respect the rules of the house he couldn’t live here anymore. When I woke up the next morning he was gone and had taken a bag of his things with him. That was about 5 days ago. I have talked to him on the phone and know he is staying at his friend’s apartment, with no parents present. He seems to be having a fine time and he says that I kicked him out, which is not true. I feel like he knows I’m worried about him and he is punishing me by acting like he’s happy to be gone. I want him to come back home because I know that as badly as he treats me and as badly as he behaves, at least I know he is safe. Now, I lay awake at night worrying about him. But how do I get him to come back without losing any authority I have over him? I mean, I made an ultimatum and he made a joke of it. If I ask him to come home won’t he be able to do whatever he wants…not that would be so terribly different from before though.
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