Answered questions(30)
Taking the Function out of 'Functional Alcoholic'
I think the best way to describe my dad is that he is a functional alcoholic. He can drink from noon to bedtime but he keeps it pretty much together until the evening and he has been drinking this way his whole adult life as far as I can remember. We were worried that it would get worse after he retired but it didn’t seem to really change. Now he has dementia and he is no longer supposed to drink because it makes him noticeably more confused. But he is not really willing to change his habits of a lifetime which is understandable, but this makes things doubly hard on my mom. It is hard already for her to be watching him decline mentally and to be taking care of him but he is also getting a bit more aggressive when drunk then he ever used to be. I think this is probably as a result of his struggles to deal with what he knows is happening to him. Anyway, we don’t know what to do. How can we convince a man in his early 70s to change his lifetime habits when he doesn’t want to change?
Read answer →Self-Medicating and Escape.. Dangerous Combo
My 7 year old daughter died in a car accident 5 months ago. She was my only child. I am out of control with drinking and drugs. I went to an AA meeting but I am not ready for this. I do not want to hear other people’s tragedies and there is no way I am sharing mine. No one knows how much I am drinking. I go to this grief support group and everyone there thinks I am so good and I don’t want them to know that I am letting everything fall apart actually.
Read answer →An Altered State of Mind
Are there any substances that can get you high or buzzed that are not bad for you or addictive? I know this is a site that doesn’t promote drug use but I know myself and I can never give up drugs completely so I was just hoping that maybe I could find something that wouldn’t kill me at least.
Read answer →My desire to drink is gone, Am I cured?
I was drinking real bad for years, landed in the hospital with kidney failure the doctors didnt think id make it but did. i stayed sober for like 6 months and then started drinking again, got pancreatitus and in the hospital again, since then i lost the desire to drink. on occasion i will have a couple beers or drinks but not to the point of drunkiness. I just lost the desire to drink anymore like i used too which was a fifth a day or more. at thanksgiving i had 2 glasses of wine and when my son comes home on leave i will have a beer or 2 with him. even now i have a partial 12 pack from when he was here but have no desire to drink any, Christmas is around the corner and i probablly will have some beer or maybe wine but still dont feel like getting drunk. I used to drink til i passed out and when i woke start over again everyday after work and all day on my days off. my question is am i cured or will i relapse...?
Read answer →Adult Child Concerned about Father
My dad is going to rehab after 30 years of drinking. He drank all through my childhood. He has cirohosis now which is the only reason he is going. Does he have any chance? He is not even all there upstairs.
Read answer →Losing Family and Friends to Alcoholism
Hello, I just read your comments on losing a friend to alcoholism. I agree with your comments and thoughts. I am wondering if there is published research in this area. I am just starting on my counselling degree and would like to explore this area in more detail. Any information you could pass on would be greatly appreciated. Scott
Read answer →Cognitive Malfunction after 20+ years of Alcohol Abuse
I am 4 months sober after 20 plus years of alcoholism. Sometimes now I get in the car to go somewhere and then halfway through the ride I forget where I am going and I can’t remember so I just drive around for a while until I remember or sometimes I just go back home. This is scary because I am only 42 and I feel like I have alzheimers. Can you tell me that this is a normal experience to be having because of recovery?
Read answer →Weighing the Risks
I am in a bad position where I have been asked to consider being a possible kidney donor for a cousin who is an alcoholic. It is still in the early stages so it is not for sure that a transplant is going to be needed. I could do it. I grew up with this person and I would like to help. I am not sure, however that I can live with the situation where I give my kidney and then she continues to drink anyway and it was all for nothing. On the other side of the fence. I do not know if I can live in this family as the person who says no. And everyone knows that I said no and it feels like I am almost a murderer. I am getting ahead of myself since I am not 100% that I will be required to do this. But I am not sure how to get my head straight around what I should do. My cousin has been an alcoholic for 15 years. She has been to rehab twice. She is very ill now and she swears she has had her last drink but I am not sure she is able to control her disease.
Read answer →Alcoholic! No. I'm Only a Weekend Drinker
My doctor told me that based on my answers in a test he did on my drinking (I answered totally honestly) I am probably an alcoholic. I was blown away by this. I have always considered myself a heavy drinker but I rarely drink during the week so I never thought of myself as really having a problem. He said you don’t have to drink everyday to be an alcoholic and that it is really more about how you crave it on regular basises. Can you help me to understand this? I thought that you were an alcoholic once your body was physically addicted to it and you got the shakes and whatnot when you didn’t have the alcohol everyday. If I can go 3 or 4 days without a drink with no problem can I really be an alcoholic? My doctor is new to the clinic and very young. I am not sure he has any real experience with this type of thing.
Read answer →Alcoholism is a Lifelong Disease
Can a person who was an alcoholic learn to drink in moderation ever again? My brother went through a real rough time with drinking and Dui's and even arrests for drunk and disorderly for a long time. He was sober for about 5 years but I went over yesterday and saw him drinking beer. He says now he can have a couple per day and leave it at that and that he has been doing this for the past year and that it is no problem. Should I be worried and tell the rest of the family that he is back at it or is what he is saying possible? It will be a big deal if I get everyone excited about this again so I don't want to do it if it is not necessary.
Read answer →When the Intervention Doesn't Work
My family tried an intervention on the weekend for my mom who we think is an alcoholic. It did not work and now she won’t take any of our calls or let in her apartment. She is furious with us. She says we were trying to humiliate her in front of strangers and that we disclosed personal secrets to the whole family. This was a disaster. We all still feel like she desperately needs help but now that she won’t listen to any of us at all we don’t know how to make her get it? What do we do?
Read answer →Facing your Fears
I am going to be coming to stay for alcohol detox on this Saturday July 27th. I am scared. It is very important for me to get this help. Can you calm my nerves about coming in for the detox? -Maria
Read answer →Have I caused too much damage in my marriage?
If I was a drunk for 15 years and then I quit by the time I was 32 and if I didn’t drink or smoke again after that and lived healthy do you think my drinking will cause me to die an early death? I have 3 years sober and I am really happy at my life today and I just wonder if I drank for too long and the damage is already too much done.
Read answer →I Don't Want to Die, but I really want to do the things I used to enjoy.
I am a big football fan but watching the games always gets me craving beers. I am 3 months sober. I have alcoholic liver disease and my doctor said if I didn’t quit drinking I was going to get cirrhosis so that was enough to get me to finally stop after 20 years of hard drinking. I do not want to die so I am serious about stopping for good. But I really want to be able to do the things I used to enjoy. How can I make it so that I can watch all the games and not feel these urges to drink?
Read answer →Waiting On The Bottom
I am on a very bad 3 week binge right now and my wife has kicked me out so I am staying with at a friend's basement but he just told me his wife is giving him a lot of pressure and I am going to have to find somewhere else to stay real soon. I am out of work and the way I look right now there is no way anyone is going to be giving me a job. I also skipped a probation check in for my last DUI cause I am not supposed to drink and there was no way I could hide it. There is probably a warrant for my arrest right now. My next stop is going to be the street, pretty much and even now I can't stop drinking. I keep waiting for rock bottom and something that is going to make me ready to quit but it never comes. I don't understand, how much worse does it have to get?
Read answer →Alcoholism and the Family
How can the family ever know when there is no legitimate hope that a person is ever going to be able to stop drinking? If a person has been in and out of treatment centers, recovery homes, jail and the street for the past 10 years is there any particular reason to keep trying? If there is we are willing to continue the fight/hope – I am just not sure if there is any point any longer. The constant hoping and disappointment is really hard on my parents.
Read answer →How To Know When It's Safe To Drink Again?
I got sober 11 years ago after a messed up youth spent doing a lot of drugs and drinking every night. I ran away from home when I was 16 and I fell in with a crowd that just did a lot of drugs so I did too and then eventually they made me depressed and anxious and I had to stop so I stopped completely. It was hard to stop at the time but now I never think about using anymore. Now I am in a totally different place in my life. I am engaged to be married, I have a good job and good friends. I don't ever crave or anything but I still remember all the warnings from NA and AA that I could never drink again. What I think though is that I am not the same person I was back then and I am not sure this total abstinence thing is necessary or fits me anymore. How can I know if it is safe for me to start drinking again?
Read answer →Alcholism and Crazy Making
My friend is a heavy drinker. I guess you would call him an alcoholic but he owns his own business and he gets by OK. I would say he has been drinking for about 35 years. I would say he drinks about 10 beers a night on average. In the last year I have noticed a change in his personality. He has become more aggressive in his personality and he does not seem to be able to see any one’s elses point of view. It is not like he is ignoring it but it is like he can’t even understand that people have a different way of seeing things. He is also getting really rigid. Like if things don’t go according to schedule he gets really upset, even if it is things that don’t matter. Like if I call and say I am coming over at 4 and then I show up at 3:40 he is so upset for no real reason. He also does not seem to be able to listen very well anymore. He will ask you a question but he can’t take in what you are saying. It is hard to explain but he just can’t process what you are saying to him. Do these changes I am seeing come from drinking? If I am seeing these things now does that mean something significant is happening? Sometimes he talks about wanting to quit but he is so stubborn and because of the reasons I listed above it is impossible to get him to do something he does not want to do.
Read answer →28 Day Rehab over Alternatives
Is there really any advantage to going to do a drug rehab for a month instead of just getting like counselor to work with one on one? I need some help with my drinking but the rehab my family wants to send me to costs like 15 grand. Is there any advantage in spending most of the day going to aa meetings and doing arts and crafts and stuff over just going to talk to my own therapist every day or every other day... for like a fifh the cost? I guess what i am wondering is if there is something special in rehab that i am not seeing. As far as I can see it's like an overpriced summer camp with occasionally worthwhile moments of therapy?
Read answer →Losing Friends to Alcoholism
I think my best friend of 20 years is an alcoholic. Over the last five years our friendship has deteriorated...and this past summer i walked away from the friendship. I can't live with her judgmental eye and harsh words anymore. My question is, how do you know? For sure? I left the friendship trying to figure out why she acted and said the things she said but being away, I feel I have an answer. Do I confront her, now that we aren't talking or wait for her to hit her own rock bottom. In the end, I miss my friend, but as an alcoholic, I think I lost her a long time ago... Thanks for any advice you have.
Read answer →Alcohol-Induced Cirrhosis of the Liver
My 33 year old brother is a long time heavy drinker. When I saw him yesterday he seemed to have lost quite a lot of weight and his abdomen seemed oddly distended. Am I wrong to assume that these are signs that something is gong seriously wrong with his liver? He is not jaundiced but he looks very unhealthy. He says he is fine but he does not look fine and I am not sure if the family needs to step in and try again to get him to accept some help. We have tried to get him into AA before but he has always denied that he has a problem.
Read answer →Recovery is Not Easy on the Family
I am married to an alcoholic whom is trying to finally become a recovering alcoholic. He has wanted to stop drinking many many times in the past. He has cried about wanting to stop. We have had many late night conversations about doing it and why he couldn't do it or can't at the moment. His biggest worry is the fact that he is afraid of the person he might become. He has drank for most of his life, more now than when I first met him it seems. What changed and finally sunk in was the fact that he has been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. As a spouse I have been a co dependent so I could spend more time with him. That didn't work out well because I have really never been more than a three drinks in one night person and the spins suck. My husband has no idea what they feel like because he can drink endlessly and still not get the spins or get sick. I have been the wife acting like his mother kind of role. I have been the bitch wife, constantly bitching about finances, his time 'not' home, his sex drive and his short temper and anger issues. We have talked sensibly about his wants and the why's and what are we going to do about this disease that me not being an alcoholic just couldn't get a grasp on. I just couldn't get my head into his understanding and his way of thinking. Now that he has been diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the liver he has quit drinking and "YES" I am very proud of him. and he has quit smoking as well. He's been drinking for close to 40 years. My concerns now are his mood swings and short temper. We are experiencing or maybe It's just me, self esteem issues. I'm afraid to say anything to him for fear of making him angry. I don't want to walk on eggshells though. He makes me feel feel like my IQ is not high enough to have a conversation. It's like a competition as to who is going to win the right to take over a conversation and who's story is more important. We can get into an argument over the weather report. OMG! I just want to scream at times. I didn't do a load of laundry yesterday and he gets so upset and mad. I didn't hear what he said the day before and he bit my head off. I don't know what I should be doing right now. I want to support him, I've been trying this whole time so why do I feel like running more now than before after all these years? I know he is going to change but how much? I'm so confused now. I'm choking up just typing this. HELP! I need some insight as to what to expect as a wife of a recovering alcoholic.
Read answer →Can Vitamin B supplements deter the damage of alcoholism?
I am a pretty heavy drinker. I only drink beer but I will have about 8 to 10 beers about 3 or 4 times a week. I have been drinking like this for about 15 years and I can see that I have done some damage to my thinking abilities from all the drinking. I just used to be a little bit sharper and quicker than I am now. Will vitamin B supplements protect my brain at all from the effects of alcohol? I do not really plan on quitting drinking any time soon but I would like to limit the damage if possible. I am a professional and I have managed to keep my shit together, even though it may sound like I have a serious case of the alkies.
Read answer →Nocturnal Enuresis - Alcohol Use
my bf wouldnt consider himslf a alcoholic some nights he rinks more than others some nights only a beer or two but has been drinking for years recently at age 50 has started kinda wetting the bed not bad just more drips could this be the liver or kidneys ? he told me he needs to pee alot lately.
Read answer →Alcoholism and Memory Loss
I was an active alcoholic for about 20 years. From the time I was 18 to almost my 40 th birthday. I am now 3 years sober. My life is so much better but I am starting to notice that my memory seems to be failing me. I can still remember past events OK but my short term memory is getting really bad. I know that alcoholism can cause memory damage but my memory was still ok when I stopped drinking. Could drinking from 3 years ago be causing the memory problems I am having today? If I was 30 years older I would swear I was getting Alzheimer’s.
Read answer →Fatal Denial That Love Cannot Fix
Im a mother with a middle aged son who drinks hard liquor. he has been drinking every day for 20 years but recently we conviced him to at least drink every other day. he doesnt feel he has a problem. lately, he has changed and now becomes incoherent and mean. im worried about the physical damage this had done, as well as mental. when he doesnt drink, he s a great person. i noticed his stomach seems to be getting seriously distended, could that be liver damage? we don't have any money or health plan, what can I do to get an evaluation or medical help?
Read answer →Substance Dependence: You have reason to be concerned
I am not at all an alcoholic because I never drink during the work week but I like to drink during the weekends. I have weekend custody of my kids and my 11 year old son just talked to me about my drinking and he asked me to stop drinking so much because he is worried about me. This freaked me out quite a lot and felt bad for putting him in a position where he had to worry about me instead of the other way around. I promised him I would stop and I meant it. But that was 2 weeks ago and I have failed 2 weekends in a row to stop drinking. My son seems to have forgotten about it or at least he is not mentioning it anymore but I am freaked out that I can't stop! I am not an alcoholic but I was craving alcohol very badly when I tried not to drink on friday and Saturday nights. I am now worried about myself and I want to stop for a while. What is the best way for me to get back in control of my drinking?
Read answer →Can I use my grandfather as my Higher Power?
I am trying to go through the 12 steps sort of on my own. I do not believe in God. Is it ok to use the memory of my dead grandfather as a higher power. He was a really good person and I respected him a lot. I can kind of imagine having a conversation about any of this stuff I am going through today and he would always give me good advice. He would be like the good angel on my shoulder compared to the bad devil on my other shoulder that leads me down paths I shouldn’t walk down anymore.
Read answer →There is No Soft and Easy Way Through Recovery
I am not an alcoholic but I can't stop drinking. I don't know why I always forget the regret of the morning by the evening when I hit the bar. When I can't drink it is not a problem at all, I don't get the shakes or anything like that but it is not often that I am in a situation where I can't drink for any length of time. Would Antabuse be a good idea for me? I want to stop but I never do when it comes down to it. I think if I knew I was going to get sick f I drank then that would be reason enough to stay sober.
Read answer →I relapsed, now what?
I have been an alcoholic for my whole life since I was 16. I am 34 now. I have been to rehab a DUI program and lots of AA meetings but nothing helped until I met a woman who was too good to be true who agreed to marry me as long as I would stop drinking completely. That was what I needed and it was 2 years ago that I did it and I didn’t have a drink once until a week ago. For the first time in 2 years my fiancée went to Boise to visit her mom who just had a masectomey for a week to help her after her surgery. As soon as she started packing her suitcase I started having strong drinking fanatacies and after I dropped her at the airport I couldn’t help myself and I went and bought a fifth. My heart was pounding so hard as I walked into the liquor store to buy it. It feels like I have a free pass to get away with it. She is coming back in 2 days and I have already cracked a bottle today. I know if she was not coming back I would not and could not stop. I called in sick from work and I have been drinking since she left. She said if I ever drank again she would not marry me so I cannot tell her but I need her to help me so I do not know what to do.
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