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Do You Need Couples Counseling? Ask Yourself 12 Questions and Find Out

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Know there’s something wrong but not sure if your relationship has deteriorated to the point of no return?

The first rule of relationship resuscitation is to avoid letting things get terminal before seeking counseling – after all, the earlier you go, the better your odds of salvaging a potentially great union.

Still not sure? Well, to make it easier on yourself, ask yourself these 12 quick and easy questions – and the more yes answers you rack-up, the greater the likelihood that you need some professional intervention.

Need for Couples Counseling Self Test

According to Dr.David Olson1, a marriage researcher and professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota, yes answers to any of the following questions indicate a relationship in distress.

  1. Do you find yourself often finding fault and or criticizing your partner?
  1. Do you often wish you’d never gotten into this relationship in the first place?
  2. Do you often think about and wish your partner would change in some way?
  3. Do you find that you spend less time engaged with your partner than you used to and more time withdrawn into yourself?
  4. Do your worries about your relationship cause you stress, tension, depression or headaches?
  5. Have you or your partner recently increased drug or alcohol consumption?
  6. Does it seem like old fights and disagreements never get resolved and instead keep popping back up over and over again?
  7. Do you frequently (all the time) argue about trivial issues that really don’t matter at all?
  8. Are you apprehensive about revealing your true feelings of anger or frustration to your partner?
  9. Has your sex life deteriorated, either in terms of frequency or quality?
  10. Have you become involved with another person, either physically or emotionally?
  11. Do your children ever take sides in your disagreements, either for or against you?

What’s your score?

Couples counseling need not be a last ditch effort to save a relationship, ideally, it’s something you consider before things deteriorate to conflict and contempt.

  1. It doesn’t take long (it’s solution focused) and when it works it can improve communication, respect and intimacy.
  2. Relationships that provide the support, companionship and emotional intimacy we all desire tend to make us happier.
  3. If a few weeks of couples counseling could improve your relationship and in doing so increase your happiness and fulfillment, then wouldn’t that be time and money well spent?
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Page last updated May 13, 2013

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