Is My Wife Gay, Or Is It a Mid-Life Crisis?

Question

I caught my wife in an affair relationship with another younger woman. This happened yesterday and I left to stay in a motel but we have had some phone conversations. We have been married for 23 years. She says she is sorry and that she did not mean for me to find out and that she is confused and it was just something exciting that just happened in her life with a younger woman from her office. Could this be a mid life crisis and she is not actually a lesbian? She says she is not gay and I do not understand what she means by this. I am really confused and messed up and I can’t make any progress with this because I can’t really process the situation.

Rebecca Ashton · Accepted Answer

Thank you for your question. I am sorry to hear of your recent difficulty. I can see why you might be struggling to process the situation as it sounds like not only has your trust been compromised but you are wondering just who your wife really is.

It is interesting that she says she did not mean for you to find out...I wonder what that means to her? It sounds like your wife is very confused about herself too and I can't help but feel that it is a tall order for you to try to understand her right now when she is having difficulty understanding herself. I am afraid that I cannot tell you if your wife is having a mid-life crisis or not as things are not that cut and dried.

It sounds like some counselling could be helpful to you both. As well as having sessions together, your wife might find it useful to have some sessions alone too, so that she can work on getting to know herself again as a foundation for rebuilding your relationship, if you decide that that is what you both want.

I wish you both the best of luck for the future.

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