Perfectionism

Question

My wife is a perfectionist. I thought it was cute at first but now I worry that it’s actually really harmful to her mental health. She’ll stress out over every little thing and whenever she makes a little mistake or when she gets any kind of negative feedback from her boss she goes into a funk that can last for days. She just beats herself up over this. I have talked to her about this. She doesn’t think there is anything wrong with how she sees the world. What I see is that it makes her miserable a lot of the time and it really doesn’t do her any good. Considering that she hasn’t asked me to help her change on this, is there any way I can get her to not take things so hard when they don’t go perfectly as planned?

Maria Rothenburger · Accepted Answer

Hi Anonymous,

I absolutely understand the frustration you must feel that your wife is so stressed out over these things and to see her suffer the way she seems to be. The difficult part about this is that *she* doesn't see a problem with her thoughts or her beating herself up. So, unfortunately, there isn't much that you can do except be a support for her during those times. Hopefully in time, her need to have a controlled world will be shadowed by the anxiety and misery her thoughts bring, and she'll be able to seek help.

Be well,

~Maria

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