Struggles And Acceptance

Question

My wife has terminal stage 4 cancer and is in hospice care now. I am 18 years sober. We have 2 kids who are grown and living on their own now both out of state and when my wife dies it will be me alone at home. I have been very in control of my sobriety for a long time now but lately I have been having strong cravings to drink. I have been keeping things together for now but I am worried that after my wife passes and I don’t have to think about taking care of her each day I am not going to be able to resist any more. I tried AA 25 years ago and it never felt right to me and it still doesn’t. I feel like I need some support or I am going to relapse but I am not sure where to turn to? Can someone who is still sober and who hasn’t started drinking again get into a treatment program for alcoholism? It doesn’t seem quite right that but it’s all I can think of for people with drinking problems.

Dr. James Strawbridge · Accepted Answer

You mentioned that you'd tried AA for 25 years and never felt it right for you.

I have a few questions. Why did you initially go to AA? No one goes AA because life is good. Did you ever wonder why you lacked control after the first drink? Did you begin to drink alone or go to the end of the bar to be alone? Did you keep a stash of alcohol hidden? Did you ever lie about your drinking? Did you develop legal problems, job problems, family or relationship problems? Did you ever drink alcohol to avoid dealing with issues in your life? Did you develop difficulties in you life directly related to your alcohol use?

I will assume that you initially went to AA because you had lost control of your drinking and needed help. You learned that acceptance that you were an alcoholic was important.

In AA. you learned that acceptance is the first step to in the process of managing alcoholism.

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