Sex Addiction

Some experts say it’s not real – others say that not only is sexual addiction real, but that as many as 15 million Americans may suffer from the disorder.

It’s a debate that’s come into the mainstream, thanks in part to the very public indiscretions of people like Tiger Woods and David Duchovny; and most experts will agree that whatever you want to label it, some people do have difficulty controlling their sexual impulses and this sexual compulsivity can lead to a great deal of personal and familial pain.

• Are you preoccupied with sex?
• Do you keep sexual secrets?
• Do you engage in serial sexual acts without intimacy?
• Do your sexual acts cause you or those close to you harm?
• Can you control your sexual impulses?

If you lack control over your sexual acts and your behaviors cause you personal pain you can get treatment. With treatment and effort, you can learn control instead of compulsion and intimacy and trust instead of secrecy and lies. Treatment works and it can help you retake control over your life!

Is Sex Addiction a Real Disorder?

Problematic or compulsive sexual behaviors are, for some people, very real and these behaviors can lead to great social, relationship and even legal problems, but whether or not these behaviors are best classified as a form of addiction remains under considerable debate.

The American Psychological Association (APA) does not yet classify sex addiction as a disorder, but it is proposing the addition of the term, hypersexuality, for inclusion into the 2013 manual of disorders, the DSM-V.¹

Psychologists working on the identification of new disorders say that although they know that some people do seem to lack control over the sexual behaviors, it’s not yet clear whether such people suffer from some form of compulsive or impulse control disorder, an addiction of sorts, or from behaviors that stem from another mental disorder entirely.

Although there is yet consensus on the origins and as such, naming of problematic sexual behaviors, few experts deny that some people do suffer from difficulties controlling their sexual behaviors, and that this inability to control sexual behaviors can (and often does) lead to significant harms.

Because sex addiction is the most widely used term to describe this problematic sexual behavior, prior to clarification from the APA we will use this term as an umbrella term to describe uncontrolled and compulsive sexual behaviors.

Some warning symptoms of sexual addiction include:

• You feel like you can’t resist your sexual impulses
• Although you feel compelled to act out sexually, your sexual actions do not necessarily bring you pleasure or satisfaction
• You do not feel emotionally connected with your sexual partners
• You continue to act out sexually, even after suffering serious adverse consequences from your behaviors
• You act out sexually as a way to manage negative feelings
• You try to cut down on your sexual acts, but are unable to do so
• You need progressively more ‘extreme’ sexual acts to feel satisfied
• You experience preoccupied thinking about sexual activities – you feel like you can’t control your sexual thoughts¹

Some common behaviors associated with sexual addiction include:

• Having frequent different sexual partners, or frequent affairs
• Using prostitutes
• Frequent or compulsive masturbation
• Paying for sexual services
• A need to view pornography regularly
• Paying for phone or internet sex
• Engaging in sexual acts that are taboo or illegal

Losing control over your sexual behaviors puts you at increased risk of sexually transmitted disease, relationship difficulties, work and even legal problems. Although sex is a normal and healthy part of the human experience, compulsive behaviors are rarely enjoyable.  If you cannot control your sexual behaviors, treatment may be your best option.

How Many Americans Have Sexual Addictions?

According to the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), between 3% and 5% of Americans meet the criteria for sexual addiction. This number may be conservative, they say, as it is based on the number of people that seek treatment. If sex addiction is anything like other addictions, the percentage of addicts that seek treatment is small compared to the numbers that suffer the disorder.²

As experts do not yet agree on what exactly to call this disorder – it’s not surprising that no one therapy is yet endorsed for its treatment.

However, if your sexual behaviors are causing you problems, there are treatments available that can help. Try to find treatment from:

1. A provider familiar with sexual addiction or sexual compulsivity
2. A provider that will match treatment to your unique needs

Because sexual compulsivity can sometimes show up as a symptom of another primary mental health condition, like bipolar disorder, your therapist will first want to rule out or begin treatment for any such treatments.

Some therapies commonly used to treat sex addiction include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) – a therapeutic technique that helps you change negative patterns of thinking. By correcting wrong thoughts, you change the way you feel and by extension, the way you act.

• Medication – While medication is not appropriate in all cases, people with certain types of sexual compulsivity may be helped by anti depressants and other medications.

• Psychotherapy – working individually with a therapist can help you to gain a better understanding of why you act and feel as you do, and she can help you to find workable individualized solutions to everyday sexual problems.

• Relationship/family counseling – Because compulsive sexual acting out frequently involves some degree of infidelity or betrayal of trust, people in recovery from sexual addiction often need assistance in repairing damaged relationships.

• Support Groups – Many sex addicts find fellowship, understanding and ongoing support from participation in 12 steps style support groups, like sex addicts anonymous.¹

In Recovery, from Sex Addiction, Is Abstinence Necessary?

Because sexual compulsivity is often described as a form of addiction, you may legitimately wonder if abstinence is necessary for long term recovery, as it might be if you were an alcoholic or drug addict, for example.

As a compulsive eater or ‘food addict’ can’t quit food during recovery, a ‘sex addict’ will very rarely need to give up healthy, intimate and enjoyable sex.

A sex addict will likely have to give up:

• Sexual acts that create secrets
• Sexual acts that bring feelings of shame or guilt
• Sexual acts that put your relationships at risk
• Sexual acts that are wrong, as defined by you, or by society
• Sexual acts that could cause another harm
• Sexual acts that take up a great deal of your time