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Family and Relationships

answered 10:22 PM EST, Wed May 01, 2013
anonymous anonymous
My sisters want me to break up with my boyfriend because he treats me badly. He does take advantage for money and sex but we also laugh together. The sad thing is I can’t do any better and I am just tired of being alone all the time. At least he is willing to spend time with me. We have been together for 6 months and he lives with me. He is 10 years younger than me and does not work.

I am not attractive and I have nothing to add to a discussion and nobody ever notices me or wants to talk to me. Even when I try to talk to people at a party I am always joining a group of 3 people and then when I try to talk to people all of a sudden the group breaks up and I am left awkwardly alone and feeling humiliated.

I am 42. I know there is no prince charming on the horizon. I think it’s time to face reality. Men that have a lot to offer do not want me. At a certain point isn’t it better to put up with imperfection rather than keep hoping for a fairy tale happy ending? I know he is sort of using me but I think I am sort of using him also, for companionship.

Delisted Expert Says...

There are many different forms of relationships that make people "happy" and fill the different relationship needs in their lives.  As long as there is no danger and nothing illegal, and no one is at a distinct disadvantage, a mutually agreed upon adult relationship generally exists between two parties.  Indeed, our extended families and our friends have our best interests at heart, and it is generally a good thing that they all want "the best" for us - but for all who are legally competent adults, the choice is our own.  

Now, having said that, I really would like to suggest that you seek a little counseling - not because I think you need to follow or not follow the advice of your siblings, but because I believe it is worthwhile to have an objective (as objective as humans can be) ear, who can provide you an outside view, perhaps some education and information, and maybe offer up some alternative ways of looking at relationships.  No one can decide what to do except for you.  It is your life and your time to spend how you choose. 

It is also possible that you may have some self-esteem issues, or perhaps some "mid-life crisis" issues going on - and I don't think it is unreasonable to say that there are always other possibilities.  "Giving up" is sometimes a form of depression, but it might not be.... also, I always advise a general physical check-up.  Many physical problems can contribute to depression, low energy, and feeling less than motivated to get up and enjoy life.  And indeed, hope coupled with inaction probably tends to be less productive than hope coupled with action.  Counseling, support groups, and self-help books can all be useful.  

What relationship is best for you? What possibilities exist for you? Should you "settle?"  Should you pursue "perfection?"  Only you can decide, but having some educational input, assistance with insight, and objective relative options might help you come to realizations about who you are, what you want, and what you want in life.  Life is short, so it's good that you are at least asking questions.  I hope that you seek answers so that you feel good about your relationships and your choices, and can go on to live a life that you look back on with satisfaction.  Best wishes to you!

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Page last updated May 02, 2013

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