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Depression and Relationships

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answered 07:03 AM EST, Sat July 09, 2011
I am in my mid twenties and I’ve had reoccurring bouts of depression for the last 6 years or so. Meds haven’t worked for me but my bouts seem to come and go – a few months of bad, a while of good, then worse again, and so on.

Anyway, I’ve had a couple of semi-serious relationships that were going along pretty well until the onset of dark days left me holed up alone in my room with drapes shut and my phone turned off and not really able or wanting or even caring to explain what was happening to me to any GF and invariably, that’s the end of that. Last time, actually, she recognized it as depression and even wanted to be supportive but I just felt so shit and I had less than zero confidence or self esteem or ability to trust and I just slammed the door on her and kept it closed until she went away for good.

Things are better now (with the occasional bad day) and actually have been for about 8 months. And though I swore to myself that I wouldn’t go through it again nor put another person through it – there is this girl in my building that’s into me and I’m possibly into her and I can see that it has potential.

She’s cool and has been asking me over but I’ve been putting it off. I want to go but don’t think it’s fair to either of us when I know how it’s probably going to end. Or am I wrong about that? Should I get into a relationship with a sweet girl, even though I know we’re both going to end up in pain and having wasted a whole lot of time, about a year down the road?

Art Matthews Says...

Outside of medication, what have you tried to treat your depression? Have you tried to work with a therapist to develop stress and mood management techniques that work for you? Have these interventions been holistic (approaching your body, mind and spirit)? My point is that you should not give up just because a few things you've tried haven't worked. You can have a relationship and a good life but as you point out, if you do what you have been doing you are likely to get what you have been getting.

Another thought is, isn't it better to have some good times in your life even though you eventually experience some bad? You know the old saying, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." From an Existential standpoint, I know that anything I can possess and anyone I love can be taken from me and, if I live long enough, probably will be. Life is loss, but it is also filled with moments between the having and the losing. What you choose to do with your life, the simple, little meaningless choices to the monumental, will determine the quality of life you live and the memories you will have in later life.

Make some choices today to seek out some answers and to change your life. I truly believe there is something better for you than what you are settling for. It's just going to take some work.

Get busy living...

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