Question: How do you know if you have a porn addiction? I only look at porn before bed so it is not like I am doing it all of the time but I can’t sleep unless I do it. If I try I just toss and turn and it calls to me until I give in and go to the computer. When I am surfing I can lose track of time and sometimes I will spend 2 or 3 hours in a session. This makes it quite hard to get up in the morning and after I am done when it is really late I always feel really guilty and ashamed at my loss of control over myself. I do not have a girlfriend if that is not obvious already. I have not missed a night of this in more than two years. I am 17 now. I have not discussed this with anyone because it is pretty embarrassing.

Zelik Mintz Says...:

It sounds like you have some of the symptoms of porn addiction.  I usually ask people three questions in order to establish if behavior borders on addiction.  The first is:  Can you stop if you want to or control the behavior?  It sounds like that is an issue for you with two or three hours passing looking at porn each night and loosing track of time.  A second question is:  Does it affect your functioning?  Again, it seems to affect you being able to get up in the morning. The third is: Does it affect your relationships.  Although you didn't state that this is a problem, pornography tends to cause unrealistic expectations with romantic relationships - getting used to sexual fantasies that women you meet cannot compete with.  And the guilt and shame you feel about your use is another hallmark of addiction.  You are quite young so I hesitate to label your porn use as an addiction.  However, it is healthy that you are concerned.  I would suggest finding support and addressing your porn use.   I understand that might be difficult considering your age. Hopefully there is some kind of free anonymous program in your area that you can avail yourself of.  The best of luck.

Question: Childhood neglect and sexual abuse led me to very early promiscuity at 12 years old and marijuana and then crack cocaine addiction and alcoholism. In and out of rehab and I was out on the streets by 15 and raped twice before I was 18. Sex has been like a weapon against me for my while life so its messed up that I am a sex addict now. The thing is the only times I don’t feel pain are when I am planning and fanaticizing and during sex but then I feel worse afterward than ever. Sex is like my emotional medicine but if I don’t use sex then I start to crave alcohol very strongly and drinking takes me to a very bad place that I know I won’t survive again. So what I want to know. Honestly. Is will I ever not need something to feel OK?

Zelik Mintz Says...:

I am so sorry you have had such a traumatic childhood and life.  Whether the addiction is alcohol, crack, cocaine, marijuana or sex, you are using to self medicate your pain.  And the relief from pain is very short lived - as you've stated in describing your sex addiction.  I know you've been in and out of rehab and the rehab experiences appear to have been ineffective.  Your desire to be okay without self medicating can be realized but it will take very hard work and vigilance with a program of recovery that suits you.  Having been in rehab repeatedly without success, I imagine you are pessimistic about recovery working for you.  There are many different kinds of programs with different philosophies.  I hope you can find what works for you and create a strong support system. Yes, you can work through your addiction issues and feel okay.  This won't happen by replacing one addiction with another.  It will happen by addressing and working though with a therapist the traumas you've experienced and at the same time finding a program that sustains your recovery.