Question: I was an OxContin user for a couple of months an abuser and addict for like 2 years and I used Suboxone for like 6 months and I am now 3 months opiate free (Whoo hoo!). I feel like I keep waiting for things to normalize and for me to feel like my old self again, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening. Without drugs to provide me with extremes of pleasure I never seem to feel those natural highs that I used to feel before I got into the pills. Now everything is just kind of…meh. Is this normal? I don’t know if it is just my brain needing more time to get past the almost 3 years it was pumped full of opiates or if I am depressed right now or if I did myself serious brain damage and I will never feel really happy again? I don’t want to get too panicked and go on antidepressants if I am going to start feeling better naturally soon enough, but I don’t want to keep on waiting for something that’s never going to come either. So is this kind of bummed out feeling normal and will it pass?

Melissa Borlie Says...:

Congratulations on three months of freedom!

What you are describing sounds completely normal. One of the brain's functions to to provide chemicals that make us feel good. When you spend years doing the brain's job, it eventually stops or forgets how, but that doesn't matter...until you stop drugging. In early sobriety, it is almost as if normal emotions are blunted or non-existent. You may find it hard to cry when something sad happens. Happy emotions are just as hard to normalize and everything seems to feel...meh. You know you should feel happy, but no feeling is there. It can take six months to a year for normal functioning to return and everything not feel so...meh. Try to keep your mind busy and active.

On the flip side, if you have reached the six month mark and still feel this way, you may want to get an evaluation by a qualified therapist with recovery experience.

Question: I am a cocaine addict about 6 months in recovery. I just learned yesterday that my wife is having an affair with one of our mutual friends. I am now staying in a hotel and I am craving like you would not believe. The whole reason I really wanted to get clean in the first place was for our family and to be a better dad to our 2 small children and it looks like all that work I did was for nothing. I was trying to be a good father and trying to make up for lost time but now here I am, on my own in a crappy hotel room with nothing but the TV and images of my wife and some other guy to keep me company. How am I supposed to maintain my recovery when everything I was working for and with was taken away from me in an instant last night? I don’t want to lose what I’ve gained, but I am really on the edge right now and I am not sure if I have the strength anymore to fight it. I have already had a few drinks tonight, which I am not supposed to. She was the one who begged me to get clean and now that I did it this is how she repays me. I am kind of feeling that the right thing to do right now would be to take what we’ve saved in the last few months and get high and stay high. Screw her. How am I supposed to stay clean in this situation?

Melissa Borlie Says...:

Most people get clean for someone else; wives, husbands, kids, bosses, etc. We really get clean for ourselves. Clean and sober, we can be the best father to our kids whether we actually live with them or not. People who don't use get divorced and are separated from their kids and the life they have known for so long. I wouldn't recommend they get high anymore than I would recommend that you do. To stay clean through this you do the same things you, hopefully, have been doing for six months.

1. Call your sponsor. If you don't have one, please get one quickly.
2. Get a phone list from your group and use it. Call people to see how THEY are doing. This gets you our of yourself and your own mind.
   
3. Go to meetings. Lots of meetings.
   
4. Use your higher power for strength and help.
   
5. Read your book. Just open it and start reading; the answers are there, if you look for them.
   
6. Work with newcomers. Again, this activity gets you out of your own mind which is a dangerous place for you right now.
   
7. Make a gratitude list. You might be surprised at what you can find to be grateful for, starting with your kids, alive and healthy.

These are not novel ideas; they have been proven to work for millions of people trying to stay clean and/or sober every day. Sobriety is a choice you make every day; sometimes a thousand times a day. Make it for you this time.

Question: I work as a chef. I have a drinking problem that I am trying to manage and I am going to AA meetings and this helps me somewhat, although I have had some slips back to drinking. I work in a very intense and competitive kitchen and there is a waiting list a mile long to get in here. It can make a career to work here for a year or two. The problem is, as a chef here I am always cooking with wine and spirits and to do my job well I must taste what I cook. And every time I do I feel an almost irresistible urge to grab that bottle and start pounding. I know that HR rules and stuff would probably make the head chef make some allowance for my problem, but the truth is if I say I can’t or won’t taste what I am cooking, no matter what the reason, I am done here and largely done in the business as a top tier chef. I have worked too long and too hard to turn back now when the pay off looks to be near, but It’s also like I am walking on the edge of a cliff every night at work and I don’t know when I am going to fall off. At AA they tell me I need to quit, but honestly, none of the people in my AA group have much in the way of careers, so I am not sure if taking job advice from this group of well meaning people is my best course of action. What can I do to manage my professional requirements while minimizing the cravings that they induce in me?

Melissa Borlie Says...:

First, let me commend you on maintaining sobriety in a high stress environment. You are working toward your dreams! My main concern is that you feel no one in your AA group can relate to you or you to them. An AA group is the one place you can feel completely at home and it sounds like it's time to find a new one. You didn't mention whether you have a sponsor, but it is important to have a special someone to call when you feel like drinking. I have heard both sides of issue concerning whether alcohol "cooks out" in prepared dishes. I would recommend that you do what is necessary to maintain your career and then keep in close contact with your sponsor. Please understand that my recommendation is not a license to drink. If your drinking career resumes, you may not have a career as a chef. Best of luck to you as a top tier chef!