Question: Is there any such thing as Taoist based addiction treatment?

Donna Hunter Says...:

The ancient Chinese religion of Taoism is not entirely distinct from Confucianism or Chinese folk religion, for all Chinese religion and philosophy operate within the same ancient worldview.

Since earliest times, Chinese thought has been characterized by an awareness of man's close relationship with nature and the universe, a cyclical view of time and the universe, veneration or worship of ancestors, the idea of Heaven, and belief in the divinity of the sovereign.

Both Confucianism and Taoism operate within this worldview and incorporate many of its concepts. These two organized belief systems are best viewed as complementary rather than competitive. While Confucianism concerns itself with the social and moral side of life, Taoism focuses on the individual, spiritual life. (Source: http://www.religionfacts.com/taoism/beliefs.htm)

The 12 Steps of AA have a person "come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves cold restore us to sanity" and "Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him". Unfortunately most people who avoid the 12 step process believe that it is a Judeo-Christian ideology. Those who have been in the program understand Bill W and Dr. Bob were clear- God as we understand him. It is about believing there is something outside of ourselves, bigger than us. Whether it be a Christian God or "the Tao is the mysterious natural order of the universe".

I know there are treatment centers that incorporate Tao principles just as some incorporate the Red Road and Native American principles. In the end most find that as long as the addict believes in something greater than themselves this power will help the restore their life to sanity.

There is also a book called the "Tao of Recovery; A quiet path to wellness".

Question: I am 6 months sober. When I was drinking I would sometimes (crazily I can now see) try to convince my husband that we should start a family together. He would never agree to the idea because I think he could see that I wasn’t really fit mom material back then and I am not sure he really believed I’d be able to change. I think I was clinging to this fairytale that getting pregnant would be the thing that would have forced me to stop. More likely things just would have gone terribly wrong. Now our roles are reversed. He says he’s so proud of me and he’ll do everything he can to support me, and he really has been great so far. He says that now is the time to start the family we’ve been delaying for so many years, before we get any older or too old (I am nearing 40). I do really want to have a family with him and I don’t want to go back to drinking and maybe getting pregnant would just give me some more really string motivation to keep it together. But there is a little part of me that says it is too soon. I go to a weekly continuing care therapy group and when I brought the subject up there the reaction was pretty mixed, with about half saying I should go for it and half saying it was a train wreck waiting. How long is the right time to wait after getting sober before taking such a big life turn? I don’t want to wait too long and my husband has already waited so long, but I don’t want to screw this thing up because I couldn’t wait long enough.

Donna Hunter Says...:

In life we would love to have a little rule book that tells us how long to wait, when is the right time and how do I do things so I don't mess them up.  Unfortunately, we have to move forward without the rule book.  We have to rely on information we have or we find, how we feel and most importantly, in my opinion our instinct.  That is the small still voice inside that tries to direct us and often we ignore.

In the 12 Step rooms, there would likely be a common answer of - don't make a life changing decision for at least a year, until you work through the steps once or in the case of new relationships, until you can keep a plant alive for a year.  The idea of a year is significant, it feels like a mile stone.  Again, we as human beings like to have certain rules.

The most important thing I believe is that you and your husband are both working on your own individual recoveries.  Yes, he should be attending Al-anon or another support group or therapeutic process to deal with his issues that kept him in a relationship with an alcoholic.  The thought of having a baby needs to be right for both of you; mentally, physically, spiritually and financially.  In situations like this praying, meditating, writing about what this would mean could be very helpful.  Think through things like, how would a baby change my relationship with self?  How will I handle the stress?  Where are my supports?  How does this change my relationship with my husband?  How will we work through issues, problems and future planning?  Are we really ready to have a baby or is this just another fix?  Very often the stress of positive change makes us want to move forward rapidly to distance ourselves from the issues of the past that are not totally addressed.  You have to be sure you have put the past to rest; both of you do.

The two of you might benefit from talking to a therapist, spiritual leader or sponsors.  Getting an outside objective view of what is going on for the two of you may solidify the decision or bring up issues that need to be addressed before moving forward.