Question: My 26 yr old daughter has a heroin problem and will not admit to it. She also has a 3 yr old daughter. I'm concerned for their lives

Anna Deeds Says...:

Thank you for your question. I'm sure you are very concerned about your grandchild. People in the grips of an addiction are rarely responsible. Good parents have to put their children first and an addict in active addiction has difficulty putting anything before the drug. Your daughter may love her child very much but if she is addicted to heroin, she has a disease which needs treatment. I know it may be hard for you but you may have to intervene legally.

You can contact Children Protective Services. This is a government agency that responds to reports of child abuse or neglect. They have different names for the service depending on where you live but the purpose is to protect children. Most of these agencies have moved toward trying to keep families together. They can offer your daughter help to get the treatment she needs. They may place your granddaughter in your care temporarily until her mother gets the help she needs. 

You can also petition the court for guardianship of your granddaughter. If you believe your granddaughter is being neglected or abused because of your daughter's addiction, you can seek custody of her child. Whatever you choose to do, keep your granddaughter's best interest in mind. While it is important for children to grow up with their parents, it is more important that the parent be capable of taking care of them.

Addiction is a disease which needs medical and psychological treatment. Many addicts won't seek treatment for the disease until they have no other choice. While taking legal action may be difficult, it may be the wake up call your daughter needs to realize the harm she may be causing her daughter.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope your daughter gets the treatment she needs.

Question: Hello Anna. I enjoyed your article on shame. It hit very close to home for me. I broke into a neighbors down the roads home 2 years ago when I knew they were gone to the cottage. They are a nice older couple who did not deserve what I did. The worst thing is I did not just steal I also broke some things for no reason. I do not know why I did this. I was high on crack and I was not thinking about anyones but my own needs. This is the worst thing I have ever done. I want to make amends but I do not know how. I am a new dad now so I cannot just turn myself in to them or to the police since I need to be here providing for my son. I am 4 months clean but it is not easy. I am doing this on my own. Can you give me an idea about what I should do to make amends. The other thing I wonder about is if I should wait for longer before I try to make amends. I feel a lot of shame but I am also not feeling very strong and clean.

Anna Deeds Says...:

Thank you for your question and I'm glad you enjoyed the article. Congratulations on your sobriety and having a son. First, I wouldn't suggest making amends so early in recovery. Done the wrong way, an amends can make you feel worse and lead to a relapse. Making amends is the 8th and 9th Step in a 12 Step program. The Steps were written in a particular order and were meant to be completed in that order for a reason. It gives you time in your recovery so you are ready to make amends. You would have also completed other Steps which would help you be in the right place emotionally and mentally to make amends. Second, I don't recommend you do it alone. You need some guidance to make amends. If you are not working a 12 Step program, I suggest you find support somewhere that would be similar to a sponsor. We don't always think clearly in early recovery. The brain and body are still healing. Plus, someone outside of the situation might have a better perspective. This person could also go with you to make amends to support you in the process.

Another part of making amends is considering whether the amends would "injure them or others." You have to consider if it would do more harm to the person by bringing up the past. This is why some amends are made indirectly. You can make amends by living a better life, helping in the community or helping the person anonymously.

I don't want to down play the shame you are feeling but I would like to point out that you are a decent person. If you weren't a good person, you wouldn't feel badly for what you did. Remember, drug use damages our brains. We do things in active addiction we would never normally do. Don't be too hard on yourself. Part of recovery is forgiving yourself for the mistakes of the past too. 

You said you are doing this alone. I just want to let you know that you don't have to. There are lots of addicts out there who are in recovery and will understand what you are going through. Many addicts find other recovering addicts to be like family. You help each other stay clean. It is a mutually beneficial relationship. The person in early recovery is helped by the person with years in recovery and the person with years clean is helped by the newcomer. A newcomer can benefit from the knowledge, experience and support of someone with more clean time. And the person with clean time can benefit from feeling useful, helpful and by remembering what it was like to be in active addiction so they won't think about going back there.

I hope this helps answer your question and I wish you the best in recovery.

Question: I am currently on 20mgs of methadone and want to switch to suboxone..I am very scared of the transition..can you suggest the proper transition..

Anna Deeds Says...:

Thank you for your question. It can be difficult to switch from methadone to Suboxone. Suboxone contains a combination of buprenorphine and naloxone. Buprenorphine is similar to other opioids like methadone. Naloxone blocks the effects of opioids. The reason Naloxone is in Suboxone is to keep addicts from injecting the medication to get high. When you begin Suboxone treatment, you have to be in withdrawal. If you do not have withdrawal symptoms, the Naloxone will block the opiates in your system and you will go into full withdrawal. This would be very uncomfortable. It is good that you are on a low dose of methadone. This will make the transition easier. I would suggest that you stop taking methadone at least 3 days before you begin Suboxone. You may want to wait as much as 5 to 7 days. It all depends on your body. Methadone has a half life of 24 to 36 hours which means it takes that long for half of it to leave the body. Because it has a long half life, it takes several days for methadone to leave the body. You don't want to begin Suboxone treatment until the methadone is out of your system and you begin to have withdrawal symptoms. If you don't wait, you will go into withdrawal when you begin Suboxone. Talk to your doctor who is prescribing the Suboxone about when to begin taking it too. Your doctor will be able to advise you when it is the best time to start taking the Suboxone. Good luck with the transition.