Question: I have heard of celebrities that sometimes get like recovery coaches who follow them around 24 hours a day while they try to stay sober. I always thought that if I had a recovery coach like that it would be a lot easy to stick with sobriety beyond the first week or two that always ruins me. Is there such a thing as an online recovery coach that would work like that on an as needed basis – so anytime I feel like I need some help I can just connect for support?

Jill Edwards Says...:

Having regular support, especially in the first few weeks, and really for quite a while afterwards is very important as you rightly point out. I think this is one of the big advantages of the twelve step programmes like Alcoholics Anonymous, where you can daily attend meetings and you can arrange a sponsor who is available for you to connect to and get support. Your sponsor has to be someone you trust so you can learn to listen to what they say and stop yourself from getting into risky situations. I would advise you to use this kind of support as you also have the support of other members there as well, who know what you are going through.

If that does not suit, you can get support from local Drug and Alcohol groups and help lines.

If you would like to work with me via text or e-mail, then you can e-mail me to discuss suitable arrangements about cost, perhaps $5 per text and $10 per e-mail. Have a look at my website at www.invitationtotalk.co.uk. There would however be difficulties with time lines as I am writing from the United Kingdom, so the response may not be as quick as you would like.

On the other hand, you could say that you need to build up some inner support before you try to give up drinking and we may be able to work through your difficulties in staying with the decision to stop via e-mails only, as a preparatory exercise before you as it were start stopping.

I would be prepared to give this sort of support. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best of success in getting free.

Yours,

Jill Edwards

Question: Good Morning Jill... I am a VERY grateful member of Al-Anon and have been for almost 9 years. I have come a long way, and am fully aware that I can never leave this program and that I will never graduate. For me, my recovery is a matter of life and death. I hear people talk about the drug addict and alcoholic, but what about our addiction to people, places, and things? My relationships with men haven’t been much different than that of a drug addict with his drug. I have sold my soul, believed lies, and gone back to harmful situations over and over again, thinking that this time it’s going to be different, and last time wasn’t really that bad. I don't self-mutilate, nor do I have the desire to self-medicate myself with unhealthy choices today. However, I still get frustrated with my thoughts and beliefs about myself. I think I understand there are functioning alcoholics and nonfunctioning alcoholics. I have been a nonfunctioning love addict and codependent. Nonfunctioning in the sense that when I am practicing my disease, everything goes out the window. In the past I abandoned my kids, work, commitments, and whatever else I had perceived to being in the way of me practicing my addiction. I still have hysterical moments which I like to remind myself “hysterical means historical.” I am very mad at my HP and world today. I have accomplished so much in my life, and am reminded of this daily and still don’t see it in me. Short story is that my own mother never loved me. It’s my perception and I so far am unable to shake this demon that wants to hold me hostage. Years of counseling hadn’t come close to what I have gotten from Al-Anon, working my steps, sponsoring other women, and being of service on an above group level. Deep down I still feel like if you really knew me, you wouldn’t love me or want me in your life. Sometimes I think our disease is under estimated and considered ridiculous. I am here to say it’s not, it’s real, it’s painful, and it takes a huge commitment to stick with it and face the painful past. I have a future in front of me with great potential, and yet find myself trying to sabotage it with old thinking. I have a new book just published, been offered an hour on Hay House radio, and was just certified as a life coach. I have book signing engagements coming up, and I need help. The old tapes get very loud and want to fool me into believing I am not good enough and an imposter. sigh....

Jill Edwards Says...:

Dear Friend

I would like to begin by confirming that poor intimate relationships really act as an addiction in any person’s life and that living closely to a practicing alcoholic can often be the source situation for that to happen. I listen sadly to what you have lost in this cause, the children, the work, and any sense that you are safely located in your life. And like you I am inspired by the contribution you have made and are currently making. I believe that it is the “old tapes” and the voices in your life that both make you feel worthless and make you feel you have to be of immense service to others, that can be focused on to create a free-er space for you.

Yours are not difficulties that can be solved by a single e-mail, but I would like to work with you by weekly e-mail dealing with your current events and supporting you in making helpful choices in your life and learning to stand separate from these driving influences in your life. You can look at my website at www.invitationtotalk.co.uk to get an idea of my practice. If you would like to work with me send me an e-mail to mrsjilledwards@gmail.com and send me via my Paypal account the equivalent of £30.00. Paypal will ask for my e-mail address and send it that way. I will then send you an e-mail in reply and you will have time to think through the issues you have, before you make a reply. It may be that over time we can work in some Skype calls as well.

It would be nice to hear from you.

Jill Edwards

Question: Can you get online counseling for gambling addiction? I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me or not. I don’t really want to go and see a therapist because I don’t want my wife to know that I have been gambling again and it would be hard to hide going to an office every week from her. She works night and evenings so if I could find an online therapist who works those times then she would never have to know I was having sessions. The only real drawback for me is that going online is definitely a trigger for me. But maybe if I just made sure to go online only for therapy, and maybe that’s something that I could work on as well?

Jill Edwards Says...:

Well, you are asking an on-line therapist if you can get on-line counselling for gambling, so in a way, my answer is bound to be yes! But there are conditions and these conditions may be easier to fulfil on-line than they are in real life. It may be easier for you to be really honest with me about what is happening than you are able to be with your partner or wife because you cannot actually see me. Given that going on-line is a trigger for gambling, we may have you do this work at different time of the day than you would usually have used. You probably understand that gambling is usually the problem people can see, but in most cases there is an underlying emotional story or patterning which also needs to be understood.

The way I approach on-line work, is for people to write a weekly e-mail and to talk to me for half an hour on the phone. These can be arranged so that you can keep your therapy private. The cost is £30 per week and the money is paid via Paypal to my e-mail address mrsjilledwards@gmail.com. What about giving me a call on 07948354827 and arranging to do some on-line work. Really, you will be the one who decides whether on-line counselling for gambling helps. What you do will make all the difference.