Question: I am a 27 year old nerd and I say this not in an ironic way that means I am actually cool – I am nerdy in a way that people don’t find endearing. I am totally socially awkward and though I do have a sense of humor most of my jokes are based on internet stuff that most normal people just don’t have a clue about. I have a few friends but we are like the leftover losers and hang out together because no one else will have us – I honestly don’t know if I even like my friends. I spend all day on a computer because I can’t think of anything better to do. My life basically sucks so I get drunk every night so I don’t have to think about how depressing it is as I fall asleep. Now I am an alcoholic as well as a nerd. I think about going to AA but even if it worked it wouldn’t solve my main problem which is my total social inadequacy and that is what makes me so miserable. What do I do?

Lita Perna Says...:

If you spend all day on your computer does that mean you don’t have a job?

If not, why not?

You say you can’t think of anything better to do. Why not get a job if you don’t have one?

You say your life sucks.

You sound to me like you are depressed.

The way out of this rut is to find a counselor you can relate to.

Alcohol is a depressant and will make you more depressed and more isolated.

I have three comments about your ‘social inadequacy’.

1. You sound like you have low self esteem.

2. A therapist will help you with this.

3. Your ‘total social inadequacy’ will be charming and endearing to someone who ‘gets you’.

Please think about seeing a counselor/therapist.

You don’t have to live this way.

Question: Hello- I don't know where to start or how far back to go.......I have a 31 yr old son who was diagnoised as a child with ADD. He has struggled lots in life to fit in socially etc. He was on ADD meds as a young child and then nothing for years. About 5 years ago I helped him find a Dr. specializing in helping adults like him and he was put on Adderol. That Dr. has disappaered and my son has slowly become an out of control addict. He has slowly incresed his dose to 90 mg's a aday and he's always diffucult but crazy diffucult when he runs out every few months and can't get a script for a few days - he becomes: mean, vilolent , very very agitated and is right now about to loose everything in his life- his wife and kids- his relationship with most of his close family- his job. He is banned from several public places and an airline for abusive language. He lives in Co. and I in Fl. I was up there last week visiting when he had one of his epidsods and one thing led to another and I brought him back with me. He is in a motel room alone detoxing. He is very strong willed and this is what and how he wanted it. He has a great additude about the process and feels all he needs is 3 to 5 days of being alone to get it out of his system. When he has gone days without Atterol before he feels he flipped out because of his poor quality marriage/ homelife. He felt like all she did was nag him and belittle him and that provoked his bad behavior. He has never been violent to a person... only verbally abbusive and has been known in those times to break a few things. He has me convinced that he can handle this and I am not to call him- just quietly bring him some dinner each night and let him sleep and get it out of his system. I have been reading a lot online and I fear for the weeks- months ahead for my son. Do you know much about this? Any suggestions? He has been in the motel for about 24 hrs now. Are there danger signs... Please help if your able. Sincerely, Barbara Altman

Lita Perna Says...:

Are there danger signs?

Yes. Absolutely.

Read what you wrote: "… he becomes’ mean, vilolent , very very agitated…. He is banned from several public places and an airline for abusive language. verbally abbusive and has been known in those times to break a few things.."

1. Find and get yourself to an Alanon group, today.

Try this, first.

District 140 Meeting Information - Al-Anon

2365 Pine Ave, Vero Beach, FL 32960, Closed Meeting. New location.

2. Know that you can’t save your son. It’s his life and his decision to use drugs or get professional help.

3. He is 31 years old. Let go. Wake up. You say, "He is very strong willed and this is what and how he wanted it. He has a great additude.."

If he has such a great attitude he will get himself into treatment.

This may sound tough, but it’s time you let him grow up and take responsibility for his own life.

He needs to be in treatment. NOW!

And tell him to get his own dinner.

Your being a crutch allows him to be crippled.

Question: is there such a thing as "scholarship" programs? I have no insurance. Ability to self pay is limited...I have been to several programs.. dual diagnoised. I have had 2-3 years sobriety SEVERAL times.... Im forever trapped but my time has run it course and closing in...............

Lita Perna Says...:

No Nancy. Your time is just beginning. You just can't see past the struggle.

You're not 'trapped'. You're on a road. This site is your most recent stop.

Here goes:

First: You were very smart to leave your zip code. It enabled me to look up these places:

Your first goal should be to contact one or all of them.

Alcohol and Drug Services

The County of San Diego provides a comprehensive system of services to address substance abuse. And mental health. You can find programs aimed at prevention, intervention and treatment for adults and children. The County also leads a task force focused on combating methamphetamine use.

Nancy, call the number listed below.

Run for the County by OPTUM Health, the hotline (888) 724-7240 operates seven days a week, 24 hours a day. People can get help for mental health and substance abuse issues at any time and in any language.

Here's another place:

Family Health Centers of San Diego is proud to provide an extensive array of high-quality primary and specialty care services. Many of our patients qualify for free or low-cost services based upon their income and family size. For more information about our services, schedule and costs, please contact the clinics directly.

► Contact Us

Their number is 619 515 2300

You said you have a diagnosis. You need to start the process of getting on Disability Insurance (Medicaid).

It is a long and difficult process but I have a feeling----I don't know why but I feel like you're a tough survivor---you're going to find a way to get on it.

Don't stop. There's help. Don't quit.