Question: whats the first to recovery?

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Hi thanks for your question. The first step is what I think you're asking. The adages ring true - the first step is admitting that you have a problem. The next step...I highly recommend attending a local AA meeting. You can google "AA meetings (name of your town or city) and you'll find a schedule of times and places. As hard as it may seem - it's paramount to your success that you reach out. If you have friends and family who would want to support you in this by all means call on them. Don't be ashamed of needing help - we all do. Real courage is in asking for what you need.

Question: I have this annoying problem that I always feel like I feel my phone buzzing or beeping. This must happen 100 times a day and it makes me feel like I am insane. And then I wonder when it is really buzzing if it actually is or not? I realize that this is stupid but I would like to make it stop. As a roaming technician my phone is my lifeline and I do receive frequent calls and updates so I can’t just leave my phone at home.

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Hey there - thanks for writing - my title "nibbled to death by ducks" is an old expression meaning that the little things get to us. If your phone is your lifeline and the basis of your work it makes sense that this is a big deal for you. I have found that using a very unusual ringtone works well for me - that way other people's cell phones don't make me check mine. I also turn the volume up to the highest possible point and I don't use the vibrating option because each time I tense up physically I assume it's the phone.

I'd also encourage you to look at what you're using for stress management? Being on call and in demand takes a toll on a person. Look at what you're doing to cope and consider adding some outlets for stress.

Question: My friend plays online games all night and he barely sleeps and then he sleeps in class. He even plays at lunch time and he eats in front of the computer. He spends all his money on buying characters and weapons. I tell him all the time he is acting crazy but he won’t listen. I think he steals to get money for his games and he has sold most of his stuff at pawn shops. His family is supposed to be really rich but they live in Indonesia and he doesn’t seem to have any money left. I don’t know how to get in touch with them. I love him like a brother but I don’t know how to help him. What can I do?

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Hey - kudos to you for caring enough to seek insight and guidance. Gaming in moderation is a healthy form of escapism and it's fun. Just like anything in life, if we take it to an extreme it becomes unhealthy. When people are obsessive or compulsive in their behavior there is always something that they are avoiding. My guess is that your friend has some significant anxiety and/or depression that he's working very hard to avoid.

With all good intentions we tend to focus on the proverbial "tip of the iceberg." Trying to get your friend to change his behavior in gaming excessively is unlikely to yield positive results. Going to him and expressing as you did to me that you love him like a brother has enormous value in and of itself. Combine that sentiment with concern for his overall well being. Explain that you'd like to help him with whatever he is struggling with and support him in making positive changes in his life. I do not recommend contacting his family. I recommend just being there for him in a meaningful way - extend invitations - not expectations and keep gently but directly putting out there that you care.