Question: At what age can a child become addicted to the internet and to playing games online and on the ipad? Of course all children like playing games but my son seems obsessive about it and if he spends too much time playing he gets really behaviorally out of control, but if you pull him away before he has had ‘enough’ he gets furious. He is 10. I am an ex cocaine addict and I see the same obsessive and compulsive glint in his eye as I used to have about drugs and alcohol. Is he more likely to have an internet addiction because of my past cocaine addiction? I am divorced and my wife does not agree that this is a serious issue so it is hard to set consistent limits on his gaming time. She lets him play as long as his homework is done and this can mean 4 or 5 or even 6 hours of play time a day, not counting the hours he sneaks in his room at night I am sure (I have caught him doing this on many times). Can he be actually addicted addicted and if he is how can I get my wife to see the forest for the trees? What is the best next step for us?

Zelik Mintz Says...:

     It is hard to quantify at what age a child might have addiction issues concerning the internet and video games because of the relative newness of the internet.  It certainly is a serious concern.  There also might be other personality issues and boundary issues that play a role in how your child responds to limits and control.  That said, your concern is understandable, particularly because of your first hand experience dealing with your own addiction.  Your son getting out of control and furious about a limit set on his internet use is concerning.  And spending a minimum of 4-6 hours a day gaming, especially at 10 years old, detrimental. 

     I doubt that your past cocaine addiction directly affects your child’s issues with the internet.  Whether you are dealing with an addiction with your son’s internet/video game use or not, setting boundaries in terms of play is paramount for his well-being.  It is very difficult to have consistent boundaries when a child is being raised in two homes that have different rules and ideas of child rearing.  Is it possible to have a meeting with a family counselor about your son’s behavior and response to boundaries?  Talking to a professional with your ex-wife and son seems indicated and would hopefully facilitate some degree of team effort for raising your son.  Different rules and boundaries at different homes is confusing to a child and may exacerbate his difficult behavioral responses.  If your ex-wife is not amenable to a visit with a counselor, it still would be helpful for you and your son to have a session with one.  Good luck.  

Question: I suck at the real world but I have a rich and varied online life with friends and foes and communities and sexual fulfillment. Online I can be whoever I want to be and people like and respect me but in the real world because of the way I look and dress people will not give me the time of day. I am 31 and I have been a nerd or loser for my whole life but online I fit in and it feels good. With technological advancements and VR I believe that within 5 years probably I won’t have to leave my virtual body for anything other than the basic physical requirements to keeping my real-self alive. Is there anything wrong with living this way? My parents are pressuring me to get therapy but I think it is ridiculous. Do you think it is necessary for me to get therapy or to presume that there is something wrong with me if the way I chose – consciously chose – to live my life harms no one else and brings me satisfaction? Why does everyone want me to be miserable in real life when I have found a life I enjoy online?

Zelik Mintz Says...:

I find your feelings about yourself and the solution of replacing real relationships with online relationships sad and misguided.  It may be true that the decision to have a virtual life instead of a life in the real world does not harm anyone else.  However, it is very harmful to your well-being and is self-destructive.  The problem is not that you are a nerd, a loser, or look and dress a certain way.  The problem is how you feel about yourself which is apparent by the way you describe yourself.  Working with a therapist is of vital importance in order for you to develop self-worth, self-respect and to work through the issues that prevent you from being able to develop relationships in the real world.  I can appreciate the illusion of having online friends and communities that also provide sexual fulfillment but it is an illusion.  The issue is not that there is something wrong with you.  The issue is how you feel about yourself and act on that by removing yourself from life and into a private isolating fantasy existence .  I understand that you don't feel your online life is isolating or fantasy.  But it is indeed based on fantasy.  It is not authentic and limits your life and relationships in profoundly dysfunctional ways.  I hope you can come to a place where you have a fulfilling and rich life in the real world. I urge you to explore therapy and possibly once you start, you can learn how self-destructive your dependance on an online life actually is. 

Question: when reading about the dangers of alcohol withdrawal on this site, it said that one of them is if you drink 20 or more units a day. what is a unit considered??

John Lee Says...:

Hi Ann,

That's a good question and it's something that needed clarifying in the article (which has been updated.) A unit is 10 grams of pure alcohol. There are about 1.5 units in a standard drink (such as 1 can of regular strength beer, 5 oz of regular strength wine or 1.5 ounces of 40% alcohol liquor.) 20 units, therefore equals 13.3 standard drinks per day.

Of course, this is just one of a number of things to take into account when trying to predict a person's likely withdrawal severity. Since you can prevent withdrawal symptoms from getting serious with preventative medications but it's much harder to control serious symptoms once they get started, it's always better to err on the side of caution and play it safe.

Question: how do you get to the xanax discussion website

John Lee Says...:

Hi,

Benzo withdrawals and the side effects of these common drugs are so difficult and so it can help a lot to get advice from a community of people going through similar trials. There are a couple of really active discussion on Xanax and general benzodiazepine withdrawal on the ChooseHelp website.

You might like:

Xanax Withdrawal Symptoms - (This article has had more than 1000 people involved in the discussion). http://www.choosehelp.com/topics/detox/xanax-withdrawal-symptoms-how-to-get-off-xanax.html

Benzodiazepine Withdrawal - How to Taper - How to Cope - http://www.choosehelp.com/topics/detox/sedative-anti-convulsant-detox-ativan-ambient-benzodiazepines

11 Secrets to Successful Benzo Tapering http://www.choosehelp.com/topics/detox/how-to-taper-off-benzodiazepines-2013-11-secrets-to-success 

I hope this is the info you were looking for. If you have any further questions don't hesitate to ask.

Question: I feel pretty stupid to be in this position but I feel like I am addicted to video games and I am failing almost every subject at college because I keep blowing off classes to play. Sometimes I even lose track of time and even though I mean to go to class I miss it. Or I play so late that I don’t have time to do essays or reading. I don’t mean to but I just get sucked in and the hours roll by. I know I should just stop but I feel like I can’t. My parents are worked so hard to pay for my school and if I tell them I am failing school to play video games they’ll go ballistic. I want to stop but I can’t tell anyone. How to stop on my own?

Zelik Mintz Says...:

Video addiction mirrors the same issues and causes as any other addiction - self-medicating pain with activity that avoids dealing with the pain and problems.  What you describe has the hallmark of any other addictive behavior - an inability to stop when you want to and the addiction affecting your functioning and relationships.  The easiest way to address your addiction is to explore the options of group recovery in your area.  Any of the AA program meetings would address your addiction.  The meetings are free and anonymous and can be attended when you want to attend.  However it may be adventageious to try and find recovery meetings that are specific to either video addiction or internet addiction.  You can find lists of meetings online.  Stopping on your own without outside support usually does not work and you say you've tried to not avail.  Try and find a meeting that you are comfortable with start attending and see if that works for you.

Question: whats the first to recovery?

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Hi thanks for your question. The first step is what I think you're asking. The adages ring true - the first step is admitting that you have a problem. The next step...I highly recommend attending a local AA meeting. You can google "AA meetings (name of your town or city) and you'll find a schedule of times and places. As hard as it may seem - it's paramount to your success that you reach out. If you have friends and family who would want to support you in this by all means call on them. Don't be ashamed of needing help - we all do. Real courage is in asking for what you need.

Question: I have this annoying problem that I always feel like I feel my phone buzzing or beeping. This must happen 100 times a day and it makes me feel like I am insane. And then I wonder when it is really buzzing if it actually is or not? I realize that this is stupid but I would like to make it stop. As a roaming technician my phone is my lifeline and I do receive frequent calls and updates so I can’t just leave my phone at home.

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Hey there - thanks for writing - my title "nibbled to death by ducks" is an old expression meaning that the little things get to us. If your phone is your lifeline and the basis of your work it makes sense that this is a big deal for you. I have found that using a very unusual ringtone works well for me - that way other people's cell phones don't make me check mine. I also turn the volume up to the highest possible point and I don't use the vibrating option because each time I tense up physically I assume it's the phone.

I'd also encourage you to look at what you're using for stress management? Being on call and in demand takes a toll on a person. Look at what you're doing to cope and consider adding some outlets for stress.

Question: My retired mother is on her computer from morning until night. It is her whole life and she rarely goes out to see real people any longer. I would estimate that she is on the computer for 12 hours per day. She is 67. She does not agree that she has any problem. I have three questions. One – how worried should I be about this (how much will this affect her mental and physical health?) Two – what is a safe or reasonable amount of time to spend on a computer each day (for a retired person?) Three – what can I do to convince her to make changes if she is happy as she is?

David Johnson Says...:

Whenever I hear of someone who spends way too much time doing anything, the first question I ask is what does it hurt? Certainly spending most of your time doing the same thing limits your opportunities and conversation topics, but there is no healthy limit based on age. Each situation must be considered individually based on consequences.
The serious consequences that can occur have to do with maintaining a job and supportive relationships. Your mom is retired, so she has a lot of free time on her hands. Does the computer keep her from taking care of her home, her bills, or other obligations? Does she maintain her relationships with friends and family so she can have some support if she needs it? If there are concrete consequences to her limited recreation choices, that may be helpful for persuading her to broaden her interests.
Sometimes people will isolate and limit activities when they are depressed, or anxious and/or irritable around other people. This might indicate some underlying issue that may not be so obvious to others. Another pitfall to watch is how she is spending her time on the computer. Is she spending lots of money gambling or compulsively buying things she can't really use? Is the amount of money she's spending so excessive as to limit her housing or her health services? If she has lost her ability to make good choices about her finances or health, you may need to talk to a lawyer about conservatorship or even guardianship.
If the consequences of her actions seem limited to nothing more important than what she can talk about as "news", then perhaps she's making a choice that she has the freedom to make.

Question: Can you recommend a simple software to use to help me control my online behaviors. I can’t stay off the internet entirely but once I get on I can lose hours and hours to useless surfing. I feel like I go into a trance state and I can honestly lose a half day in what feels like the blink of an eye. What I need is something that will keep me on task and boot me off once I am done what I started out to do.

Mark Hughes Says...:

I can't recommend anything in particular because it is so long since I used such a program.

There are programs out there though, so searching in Google or asking in health forums should turn something up quite easily. I know this because I used a program to remind me every so often to take a break, because my computer use was putting a strain on my hands, wrists and arms. 

This kind of software may help you, but don't expect it to work if you have a strong compulsion. In that case you may find yourself just bypassing the software when it asks you to stop. Some software may disable the computer and need you to wait before you can bypass it, but again you may find yourself doing this once the delay has passed. In that case you really need to seek help for what underlies your behaviour, and your doctor should be able to advise about that. This is the kind of thing that a therapist can help with, but your doctor can advise on what may be best for you.

Question: My friend plays online games all night and he barely sleeps and then he sleeps in class. He even plays at lunch time and he eats in front of the computer. He spends all his money on buying characters and weapons. I tell him all the time he is acting crazy but he won’t listen. I think he steals to get money for his games and he has sold most of his stuff at pawn shops. His family is supposed to be really rich but they live in Indonesia and he doesn’t seem to have any money left. I don’t know how to get in touch with them. I love him like a brother but I don’t know how to help him. What can I do?

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Hey - kudos to you for caring enough to seek insight and guidance. Gaming in moderation is a healthy form of escapism and it's fun. Just like anything in life, if we take it to an extreme it becomes unhealthy. When people are obsessive or compulsive in their behavior there is always something that they are avoiding. My guess is that your friend has some significant anxiety and/or depression that he's working very hard to avoid.

With all good intentions we tend to focus on the proverbial "tip of the iceberg." Trying to get your friend to change his behavior in gaming excessively is unlikely to yield positive results. Going to him and expressing as you did to me that you love him like a brother has enormous value in and of itself. Combine that sentiment with concern for his overall well being. Explain that you'd like to help him with whatever he is struggling with and support him in making positive changes in his life. I do not recommend contacting his family. I recommend just being there for him in a meaningful way - extend invitations - not expectations and keep gently but directly putting out there that you care.