Question: Is there a program that has treatment for compulsive gambling and alcoholism? Or, if my brother has a gambling addiction and he is also an alcoholic which one should he focus on first? One always leads to the other so even when he gets one under control it never lasts for long.

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Hi there and thank you for your question. The short answer is no - I'm not aware of a program that targets both addictions. My truth though is that to a certain extent, addiction is addiction is addiction. The only addiction that is unique is food addiction because that's something a person has to do everyday. All other addictions are things we never have to do again if we choose, do the work, and get the support we need.

Gambling makes your brother want to drink and drinking makes him want to gamble. Unfortunately, neither are manageable and the two together are just that much worse. Earnestly working a program like AA requires accountability and if he is willing to share all of his struggles with a sponsor and make a commitment to living one day at a time, both addictions can be overcome.

Seeking out an expert in addiction counseling would likely be beneficial as well. It's lovely how much you care about his struggles - keep reminding him that you're there is he wants to invest in Recovery.

Very best,

Jim

Question: My fiancé likes to play blackjack. I do not like it and I always ask him exactly how much he wins or loses. Last weekend he went to the casino and he told me he lost $200. Then I saw a text on his phone from one of his friends saying he needed the $1200 my husband borrowed back right away. He denied it but then he told me that he lied because I treat him like a child when he is only spending his own money. I don’t know what to think. He works in a cash business so it is hard for me to know how much he gambles. I see that everyone he works with drives a nice car and we are always month to month. How worried should I be by this? If I listen to my friends I should be very worried…

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Hi there and thanks for your question. My heart goes out to you. It's difficult to gauge from this limited information whether or not he has a gambling problem, but the fact that he lied to you about it is a red flag suggesting he does. More importantly, he lied to you and that's likely to undermine your trust moving forward. I would suggest working out a budget in which you agree to a discretionary amount for entertainment. Living month to month doesn't really afford one the luxury of gambling. We can only risk what we can afford to lose. Listen to your intuition and try not to analyze. Best wishes, Jim

Question: I am a gambler. Why can’t I stop? I have lost everything and everyone? There is no hope for me I have tried everything and I can’t resist it.

Jim LaPierre Says...:

A lot of folks tell me they're hopeless, a lost cause, or otherwise too chronic, too far gone. Look, here's some tough love - if you didn't have hope and didn't want to believe then you wouldn't have asked the question. My guess is you're fighting a losing battle to resist temptation. Just avoiding temptation doesn't work - you need to be very involved, work very hard, allow yourself no free time (at least in the short term) and get yourself surrounded by people who understand addiction. You need accountability.

Gambler's Anonymous works - a lot of programs work - and there are pragmatic steps you can take as well. If you're hitting up casinos, get yourself signed out - most offer a legally binding option in which you prohibit yourself from entering the establishment for a fixed period of time or permanently.

If you have supportive others, ask for help in managing money. You can't bet what you don't have. Cut up your credit cards.

Wake up every morning and make a choice - say this out loud, "Today I can choose to continue rebuilding my life, or I can choose to feed my addiction."

Work your ass off. Have some dignity. Get right.

Question: I am a pathological gambler. I have lied to my family so many times to get money that no one trusts me anymore. I know they have good reasons to mistrust me but they cannot see that I have changed now and that I am really trying this time to stop gambling. What can I do to win back their trust? Nothing I say seems to convince them of anything.

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Addicts often make changes covertly instead of openly and directly communicating what the change is and how expectations might change. We are impatient people. Folks in Recovery often say to me, "I've been good for XXXX amount of time, why don't they trust me?

I then ask them how long were they untrustworthy? 

Talk directly with your loved ones. Show them in your actions that you are changing. Ask them (patiently) what you could do that would help earn their trust back? We tend to fear vulnerability and so we decide what others want and we make plans without involving them. Keep It Simple and just ask what you can do to make amends and what would help them to see that you have indeed changed.

Chances are, your loved ones fear the same thing that you do - that you will return to gambling. Here's the difference - you have 100% control over whether you gamble and they have no control whatsoever. Being powerless leaves your loved ones feeling both afraid and without proof of any kind that things will be okay. Show them that you've changed and offer them chances to hold you accountable and check on your habits (new and old). They deserve reassurance and to know that you are in fact trustworthy. This is a process - trust is not easily earned and you may find that you struggle to trust yourself as well.

Keep up the great work and if there's a Gamblers Anonymous meeting anywhere near you go check it out!