Question: When I was a kid I found I couldn't leave my bowl of cereal alone or I couldn't eat it. If i was present and watching it I knew nothing bad had happened to it, If i left it for any reason my mind would suggest all the things that could be in there that I couldn't see, typically worms, and I would have difficulty choking it down. As an adult, this has morphed into, i see something i find gross, (worms and house centipedes mostly) the next time I go to eat my mind will give me vivid images of finding, ( or worse, NOT finding) those things in my food to the point where even if i do manage to put the food in my mouth I'm fighting my gag reflex to swallow and keep it there. The result is that I won't/can't eat the rest of the day and only manage light amounts the next. Extreme distraction at the time of eating helps, watching a isn't typically enough but reading a book or very compelling or passionate conversation can. Why does my brain do this to me? Why does it hate me? How do I get it to STOP? I have a very fast metabolism and am already teetering on being underweight.

William Anderson Says...:

The kind of experience you are describing is not unusual, but it is not a typical food addiction or eating disorder problem. The thoughts may be something that are called obsessions and might be relieved with a medication. Working with a therapist who specializes in cognitive therapy will also be helpful. The problem is solvable with the right approach of behavioral medicine, but is not something that you can just figure out on your own or with suggestions from well-meaning friends without the right training. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist who will assess the situation and help you form a treatment plan that will solve the problem as quickly as possible. There is no need for you to continue suffering with it on your own. The treatment plan will include specialized therapy and perhaps medication. 

Question: my friend told me that she made herself throw up and she stopped eating for two days cause her sister called her fat but she told me she's going to stop and knows it's unhealthy for her. What can I do to help her and would exercising with her help her stop?? She also seems really stressed out lately, is there anything I can do to help her get through this??

William Anderson Says...:

You don't have the power to control your friend, but knowledge is power. If you both acquire some good knowledge about dangerous eating disorders (which can even be fatal), that may be all you need to avoid a dangerous brush with a very dangerous eating disorder.

Read everything you can find from reliable sources about eating disorders such as the information you'll find at the National Institute of Health. Be careful about the articles you read and websites you find on the Internet, because a lot of what you'll find on the Internet is erroneous and even harmful "information". There are even websites that promote eating disorders and do a great deal of harm to many young women who are told it is a good idea to throw up and starve yourself.

Learn all you can, tell your friend what you've learned, and tell her where to find this information. If she continues with this dangerous unhealthy behavior, ask her to see a counselor, and go with her if it helps her.

You are in a great position to be helpful, because she trusts you and has shared this very personal information with you. Keep that trust by being caring and compassionate instead of critical and scolding. Write back and let me know what happens.

Question: my friend told me that she made herself throw up and she stopped eating for two days cause her sister called her fat but she told me she's going to stop and knows it's unhealthy for her. What can I do to help her and would exercising with her help her stop?? She also seems really stressed out lately, is there anything I can do to help her get through this??

William Anderson Says...:

You don't have the power to control your friend, but knowledge is power.  If you both acquire some good knowledge about dangerous eating disorders (which can even be fatal), that may be all you need to avoid a dangerous brush with a very dangerous eating disorder. 

 Read everything you can find from reliable sources about eating disorders such as the information you'll find at the National Institute of Health. Be careful about the articles you read and websites you find on the Internet, because a lot of what you'll find on the Internet is erroneous and even harmful "information". There are even websites that promote eating disorders and do a great deal of harm to many young women who are told it is a good idea to throw up and starve yourself. 

 Learn all you can, tell your friend what you've learned, and tell her where to find this information. If she continues with this dangerous unhealthy behavior, ask her to see a counselor, and go with her if it helps her.

You are in a great position to be helpful, because she trusts you and has shared this very personal information with you. Keep that trust by being caring and compassionate instead of critical and scolding. Write back and let me know what happens. 

Question: Do I have an eating disorder? Even though I know I am very thin and most people say I am too skinny I still feel good when I wake up in the morning and I look even skinnier than usual. I am kind of confused by this because I can see that this is messed up…I know it is not good, but when I get worse I feel better…WTF? I am not sure if this means I have an eating disorder because I am not blind to this situation I can see that I am too skinny but at the same time I am always thinking about not eating too much so I won’t get fat.

William Anderson Says...:

It sounds like you might have a problem that could become very serious. You are aware that something is wrong. You know something is messed up and you are alarmed that you feel good when you get worse. You know there is something wrong with that. You know that you're too skinny and being worried about being fat doesn't make sense. You know that your friends are seeing something disordered and are worried about you. 

Trust your friends who care about you and trust the insight you still have that tells you something is wrong. If you have an eating disorder and it continues to get worse, you may lose that good insight. 

It is imperative that you consult with a medical professional that specializes in Eating Disorders as soon as possible. Go to an emergency room at a hospital or an acute care clinic if you can't get an appointment. Don't delay. If your body becomes too compromised by weight loss, you'll lose mental and physical functions that are important and may even become at risk of death. If the doctor says you have a serious problem, trust him or her and do exactly what they say. If your illness has progressed to a dangerous state, you may be tempted to discount what the doctor says, so that will be a red flag. Trust that the doctor has better insight into the situation than you do. 

Make that appointment today and write back to tell me what happens. 

Question: My 14 year old daughter gets weight loss tricks from pro anorexia websites. I have told her to stop this but whenever I see her doing some new trick like chewing on ice chips while watching TV or making diet coke popsicles or drinking a huge amount of water and trying to be sneaky about it before eating then I know she has disobeyed me and is looking again. If she was too thin I would be very worried but she is what I would call a healthy weight and what she would call too fat. I do not know what to do. I talk to her about food and nutrition and I know that she believes me but there is a stronger part of her that wants to believe her friends and these website girls with their tricks. I am a single dad and I am out of my depth trying to fathom the emotions and pressures she is living with as a teenage girl. How worried should I be?

William Anderson Says...:

This is a legitimate cause for worry. You need to act. 

See if your daughter's school has any program in place that addresses this issue. Sometimes, schools have already put protocols in place to help girls and their families who have had this happen. Talk to the superintendent of schools or the principal. If they are clueless, make an appointment with a licensed therapist who specializes in eating disorders. You talk to her first and develop a plan of how to bring your daughter into the conversation. 

Don't back off on your efforts to be helpful and don't try to figure it out by yourself. Get a professional on the job with you. Write to me and let me know how you do.

Question: Would a 45 year old man ever get something like anorexia? My brother was overweight his whole life. Last year he had a health scare and he turned his life around. He quit smoking stopped drinking, gave up red meat etc etc etc. I do not know the numbers but I would say he has lost 70 or more pounds. He used to be very overweight but not crazy fat. Now he is a very thin person. Not quite ghoulishly thin but barely recognizable as the person he was 2 years ago. Now he is hyper focused on healthy eating. He won’t eat processed foods, non whole grain foods, farmed meat or fish and the list goes on. He seems to subsist mostly on organic yogurt, nuts and fruits and salads. I am worried because he has these rigid food rules that he won’t break, ever and because he is getting so thin that you would think there was something wrong with him, like he has AIDS or something. He went from fat guy to losing weight guy to really healthy looking guy to guy that really looks like he needs a cheeseburger. I have talked to him about my concerns but he has brushed them off. My other siblings are also concerned but no one knows what to do.

William Anderson Says...:

It sounds like your brother has become a health nut, but it does not sound like anorexia nervosa, self-starving by not eating healthfully. Your brother's focus is healthy eating. 

A health scare can precipitate big changes, like quitting smoking, drinking, red meats and processed food, as your bother has. This will cause a big weight loss until the lost unhealthy calories by are replaced by healthy calories, which will be a challenge because the food and drink he quit are so calorically dense. Give it time and see what happens. Chances are that he will gradually increase the calories he eats until his habits have changed to provided him with the nutrients he needs to sustain a healthy weight. 

Also, bear in mind that you are accustomed to seeing your brother as a corpulent man. If you check BMI charts, you'll find that the range of healthy weights is rather low in relation to what we have come to see as normal in America. Is his weight within the healthy range, or is he underweight? For instance, a six-foot man is not considered underweight unless he is below 140 pounds. If your brother is six foot and below 140, I'd be concerned too, but his doctor would probably be OK with it. 

Let your brother know about your concerns and ask him to tell you exactly what he weighs and check it against the BMI charts. If he is truly underweight, write back and we'll talk about how to proceed with an intervention if needed. If he is still a healthy weight, leave it alone and see what happens in the future. 

Question: I have been trying to lose weight for 2 years. I have lost 40 pounds, so obviously I was very unhealthy and overweight before and everyone tells me how great I look now. I am still 10 pounds above my goal weight so obviously it is not as easy to drop pounds as it was in the beginning. The closer I get the harder it is. I understand this intellectually, but when I weigh myself each morning and I see I have not lost any weight or if I have gained weight I feel really panicked and terrible and I try to eat as little as possible all day. When I was losing weight in the beginning it felt great all the time but now I only feel OK if I am losing and to lose I have to be pretty vigilant and when I am not losing I feel like crap and I feel so guilty about everything I eat. I am not sure what to do now. I thought I would feel really happy when I got skinny but I don’t (:

William Anderson Says...:

Have no fear. You will be OK. Even though you lost weight, you never really learned what the problem is and how to solve it. It was the same for me for 25 years. Eventually, I learned a psychological solution to the problem few people understand, lost 140 pounds 30 years ago, and I have maintained that success without trouble. It was great to lose the weight but what I had to learn has helped me in far more important ways. 

The problem is an unhealthy habitual way of thinking and behaving that is so very difficult to change because it is part of an addiction disorder. What's worse is that so many have it that it is not seen as something that needs to be changed. What's even worse, when people want to change it, they don't know how. They think you should just make up your mind to be different, but it doesn't work that way. 

Read my book The Anderson Method and it will give you a much better understanding of the problem and what needs to be done. I also have trained therapists all over the country who teach my program and you can find them at my website.

You have done well and you are getting closer to feeling good about things. Here is a preview to things you'll need to learn about and incorporate: 1) Weight loss is the wrong thing to work for. Winning at weight is something that we do everyday, measured by our behavior, not the scale. 2) The scale is the worst way to measure how you are doing. It measures mainly your water content, which changes all the time, as much as 5 pounds a day even when you are perfectly successful. When you believe in the scale, you'll feel lousy even when you are perfectly successful. It's a formula for misery. 3) Success in weight control, just like success in life, is not a goal we reach and then we are done. Success is a matter of finding a way of living each day that we love that also produces the results that we want. You will have to work at your good health every day the rest of your life. You will have to work at your success and happiness everyday the rest of your life. The key to satisfaction in all of those realms is finding work that you love doing everyday that coincidently creates the byproduct result that you want, whether it is a good weight, financial security, peace of mind, good relationships or anything else. 

You are on the right track. Keep going. Write again.

Question: My husband has asked me to stop exercising before bed and he is concerned that there is something unhealthy about my weight control habits. Is it wrong to keep track of everything I eat and calculate the calories and then calculate my daily resting caloric expenditure and then calculate how many calories are surplus and then make sure I do as much exercise at night before bed as is needed to make sure my intake and outtake match almost exactly? It is something I have been doing for about a year and it has helped me to control my weight very effectively, and in the past I have struggled to control my weight. This way I can eat as much as I want without guilt because I know I will work it all off before I go to bed.

William Anderson Says...:

What you are describing is a form of bulimia, where a person eats too much, binges, and then "purges", ridding the body of the calories that have been overeaten. There is a high risk that it will get out of control, where one's life gets taken over by a compulsive need to binge, followed by a compulsive need to exercise, followed by a never-ending vicious cycle of these two addictions. Some people have gotten so addicted with this that their whole life is consumed by it. They stop the other normal activities of their life, even sleep and work. Some have died as a result of it. 

Your husband's complaint is a sign that it might be getting out of control. Make an appointment with an eating disorders therapist and check it out to either confirm or discount this possibility. 

I have always discouraged this kind of "calorie balancing" strategy because it can cause so many problems. Your goal needs to be to create a healthy relationship and habits with food and a healthy relationship and habits with exercise. What you are doing does neither and risks creating a well-known, sometimes-lethal disease. 

Read my book, The Anderson Method, and read the articles at my website, www.TheAndersonMethod.com, the Table of Contents at the lower right corner of the home page. These will give you a healthier way to think about the problem and solve it.

Make good health and habits your goal, and weight control a part of that. Weight control at the expense of your health and well being in a mistake.

Question: My 8 year old daughter is 4 foot 6 and she weighs 135 pounds. She is not interested in exercise of any kind. I have been trying to model healthy eating and exercise habits but she doesn’t seem to care. I do not want to put her on a diet because of the message that sends but when I let her choose how much to eat she eats too much and she eats too much junk food as well (even though we don’t have it at home she has an allowance and her friends and grandma also supply it). How do I get her to lose weight without putting a lot of negative pressure on her? I don’t want her hungry but something has to change.

William Anderson Says...:

Dear mom,

Keep modeling healthy behavior and teaching healthy thinking and habits. 

Do not give her an allowance if she uses it for junk food. You would not give it to her if she used it for alcohol and cigarettes, would you? 

If your mother will not stop making junk food available, do not allow your daughter to visit her. Let your mother see her only at your house. Do the same thing with the friends, if their houses make junk food available. If they gave the neighborhood kids beer and cigarettes, you would not allow your child to go there. Do the same with junk food. Actually, the junk food may be more damaging. 

Do not talk about diets. They do more harm than good. Serve reasonable portions at meals and no more. If allowed unlimited quantities, people tend to need more and more and develop habits of eating more than they need. Make it so that proper portions become the habit.

Don't be so concerned with her exercise. Model and lead, but don't lecture. The exercise plays a relatively insignificant role, relative to the food. 

Don't put pressure on her to lose weight. Just control her environment. As the parent, you are in charge of that. Limiting where she goes and what she has is your responsibility. Take a parenting class if you need help. 

Find out what the schools are doing. If they are not teaching good health habits, get on their case. Find out what they are serving for lunch and if they allow junk food sales in the school or promotion of them in the curriculum. 

We are in the midst of an obesity epidemic where the culture, family and friends, are not aware their idea of "normal", in regards to food, is lethal and needs to change. You can help them by leading the way.

Read all the articles on my website, www.TheAndersonMethod.com. Best wishes for helping your daughter. Her life will be so much better if you can help her solve this problem before it becomes devastating.

Question: Are there a lot of teenage guys who binge on food and then make themselves throw up? I am 17 and I do this 3 or 4 times a week. I am very ashamed of this and embarrassed because everyone thinks this is just something that girls do. I do not know why I need to do this all the time.

William Anderson Says...:

Boys get Bulimia, the eating disorder where a person binges and purges, just like girls do, though the disorder is more prevalent in girls, probably because of the disproportionate pressure girls have to be thin. Ten girls have it for every boy that has it. 

It is something that almost anyone can get under certain circumstances, and once it has progressed to the degree you are describing, it is very difficult to stop, like an addiction. 

Realize that many other boys and men have been afflicted with Bulimia, some very macho guys in the sports and entertainment fields, so don't be embarrassed to talk to a professional about it. 

You must start working with a professional counselor who specializes in Eating Disorders in order to get this turned around right away, the sooner the better. It will not stay the same as it is now. It will either get better or get worse, and you have much better chances of it getting better sooner if you see an Eating Disorders therapist. Working with a pro will also make sure you get it treated so it goes away permanently.

Search for a psychotherapist that specializes in eating disorders and call to make an appointment to talk about it. Write back if you need more help.