Question: My wife just gave birth to our daughter 6 days ago. She seems really depressed to me and she is crying a lot. I know this is kind of normal to be depressed after childbirth. She does not want to talk to anybody about what she is going through and she asked me not to tell my parents about it or anyone else. I do not know if I am supposed to be doing something more to help her or if I just need to give her some space and time to get through this on her own. This is our first child so I have no experience. Also, I am already back at work so I can’t be around to help as much as I want to. But since I am the only one working now, we don’t have much a choice about that.

Rachel Starck Says...:

Congratulations on your new baby!  It sounds like your wife is experiencing what many women experience following childbirth.

It is normal to have some extreme mood fluctuations, depression, and anxiety as her hormones shift from pregnancy, labor and delivery, to postpartum levels.  That being said, I would keep talking to her about how she is feeling.  Many women feel that there is something wrong with them if they are not jumping for joy after having a baby, that they should be in a wonderful happy space, enjoying their newborn.  But reality is that sleep deprivation, stress of the adjustment, and as mentioned previously, fluctuating hormone levels can leave many new mothers tearful, depressed and irritable.  I would try to help her understand how normal her feelings are.  Talk to other dads, see a counselor yourself, perhaps find resources on postpartum depression for her to read.  Encourage her to talk to her doctor, other mom friends, or family.  

It may resolve itself, but if she has any thoughts of harming herself or the baby, or if she does not start feeling better in  a couple weeks, I would continue to encourage her to seek help from a counselor with experience in postpartum adjustment, offer to go with her, ask her what she needs!  It is not uncommon for women to seek therapy and/or medication to treat postpartum depression.  There is no need for her to suffer!

Best wishes,

Rachel Starck, LPC

www.thethrivingmama.com

Question: Do you know if aromatherapy can be a treatment for depression? A colleague at work is very into alternative health and when I confided in her about my dysthymia she said that clary sage in aromatherapy was a very effective treatment without any negative side effects. Is this factual? I am a bit skeptical...

Rachel Starck Says...:

I am not aware of the long term effectiveness of aromatherapy for depression.  Clary sage will not harm you and if it uplifts your spirits, then go for it.  There are many alternative interventions to treating depression including socializing more, engaging in activities you enjoy, exercise, getting more sleep, cutting down on sugar and alcohol intake, experimenting with food allergies and changing your thought patterns.  If you are suffering a major depressive episode that does not seem to be repsonding to the above treatments, I would seek a cognitive behavioral therapist and possibly medication in conjuction with therapy. 

Best wishes,

Rachel Starck, LPC

www.thethrivingmama.com

Question: Is there such a thing as post partum mania or post partum manic depression? My wife just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last week and we are home and everything is good but my wife is behaving really strangely. Like for the last couple of days she is humming with energy and doesn’t seem to need sleep and can’t stop talking. Her ideas are just bubbling out and they aren’t really making a lot of sense. I had a friend with bipolar who killed himself when I was a teenager and this is how he used to act when he was manic. I am worried but she does seem to be very happy so I don’t know if I need to be concerned or not. Do I?

Rachel Starck Says...:

Yes, there certainly is such a thing as postpartum mania, which is on the postpartum emotional reaction continuum.  I would seek professional help immediately as in very rare cases postpartum psychosis can develop, which can be dangerous.  If your wife had no previous mood disorders, this is likely related to hormonal changes postpartum and will be very treatable. 

Best wishes,

Rachel Starck, LPC

Question: I am going through postpartum depression 4 weeks after the birth of my first son. My aunt has recommended that I take fish oil tablets because she says they are helpful for postpartum depression. She gave me some to try but I stopped yesterday after only a day or so because they were giving me the worst fish gas burps (sorry…gross, I know.) Does fish oil work against postpartum D? Is there another source of the fatty acids that works that does not cause the gross side effects?

Rachel Starck Says...:

Hi, I suggest that you see your doctor to discuss your options regarding supplements or medication.  Additionally I would seek support via a postpartum support group, mamas group, or counselor who works with postpartum depression.  Good for you for seeking help so early on!

Warm wishes,

Rachel Starck, LPC

www.thethrivingmama.com

Question: This feels like a ridiculous question but I want to know if men can get postpartum depression. I don’t know what is wrong with me. My son was born 2 weeks ago and for the first week everything was great and I felt such love for him. Now for the last week or so I have been feeling so depressed and he cries all the time and I am so exhausted that I almost feel like I hate him. It is so hard for me to even write those words but it is the truth about how I feel. Is the way I am feeling normal? I can’t admit this to anyone and I feel so guilty for even having these thoughts. I just want to love my son again like any new father should. What should I do?

Rachel Starck Says...:

Your question is not ridiculous.  The transition to parenthood affects both parents.  It is a life changing transition, during which you are sleep deprived and encountering all sorts of new major stressors.  Certainly, media presents images of how we should look, feel, act as new parents, leading to additional pressure on moms and dads.   Regardless of what we call it, you are certainly experiencing difficulty with this adjustment, and could benefit from talking to a professional about it.  Even though fathers are not going through the hormonal and physical experience of pregnancy and delivery, it would be ridiculous to think that they are not impacted emotionally as well by the process of becoming a parent.  Your relationship with your spouse changes, your lifestyle changes and your life now revolves around the new baby.  I would recommend seeking a support group for dads, and/or individual counseling to increase your support base, and help you as you work through this adjustment.  Your feelings are  not a reflection on whether or not you are a good dad .  A good dad recognizes his feelings and gets help when he needs it!

Best wishes, to you and your family!

Rachel