Question: I have an idea to help my wife that I would like your opinion on. Here is the idea. Setting your house thermostat very low as a way to help someone with depression? My wife has depression and a big part of it for her is feeling not able to get motivated to get out of the house to do things she enjoys. We have actually talked about this and she knows that if she gets out and does something rewarding it actually helps but even still she can’t make herself do it when she is feeling depressed and when she feels like this I can’t make her either. This is very frustrating for me to watch her slide down when I know that it would help to get out into the fresh air but she just won’t. So the idea would be to make the house not very comfortable to stay in to encourage her to get out during the daytime and do things. I would lock the blankets up in a chest and keep the key on me at work. I can acknowledge that this seems a little crazy but necessary. But here’s the big question. Suppose my wife agrees that this is a good idea to try for a trial period of time, like a week. If she can decide anytime that she doesn’t want the house to be cold someday when she is not feeling up to facing the world and just wants to stay on the couch then the experiment will not work. But on the other hand I do not want to get her very upset on some day that she really can’t get out and face the world and I am more or less forcing her out. Do you think this idea is too risky?

Loren Gelberg-Goff Says...:

You are certainly thinking outside the box and I commend your creativity. I might suggest, however, something that would not cause you both additional stress. I am not sure where you live or what temperatures we're talking about in terms of household temps, so I don't know if adjusting a thermostat would negate the efforts you are talking about. Does your wife have friends who are around during the day who can be called into assistance? I would ask friends to each take a day to show up at the house to go out with your wife. If friends are not available on a regular basis and your wife is really spending days home alone, then I would investigate local volunteer organizations where she can either volunteer,or have volunteers come to pick her up to bring her to a center where she can either participate in activities, receive counseling, participate in support groups, etc.

I don't know how severe your wife's depression is and if she has been evaluated by a mental health professional. There are non medication treatment modalities that might be beneficial for her as well. If you haven't done so already, you can explore neurofeedback, Emotional Freedom Technique, hypnotherapy, as well as mindfulness-based therapy. Acupuncture is also a possibility for dealing with depression.   

I appreciate the efforts you are putting forth to help your wife, and I hope that you, also are getting support for yourself. It is very stressful living with someone who is depressed (or who has any chronic dis-ease) and you as the care-giver need support to maintain your own mental, emotional and physical health. Look for local support groups, workshops, organizations (NAMI) that can provide the help you so richly deserve.

Additionally, there are a number of books available that can be helpful to both you and your wife. I really like Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life and the work by Byron Katie.  I do hope that this gives you some additional ideas and help as you move forward in your search to help your wife through this difficult time. Please contact me if I can be of further assistance.

Question: I was reading that hypnosis can accelerate the gains you can make in therapy. Do you think that hypnosis is something that can be (should be?) integrated into psychotherapy for depression. Are there any risks I need to be concerned about if my 17 year old severely depressed son was going to give it a try?

Loren Gelberg-Goff Says...:

Hypnotherapy can definitely accelerate the gains one makes in therapy.  It is an incredibly useful and meaningful adjunct to therapy and can help one get to the roots of one's depression, anxiety, etc.  If your son is open and receptive to getting to the source of his depression, then hypnotherapy can be very helpful.  This is especially true if he really trusts his therapist.  I know that may sound odd, because one would hope that he truly trusts his therapist, but sometimes people don't fully disclose their feelings, even to a therapist, so there is an underlying conflict that will be evident in any hypnotherapy session. 

Trust is at the root of all therapy, and it is important that your son feel safe, comfortable and trusting in his relationship with his therapist.  I am not sure of the nature of your son's depression, but neurofeedback can also be a great adjunct to therapy.  

In the practice of hypnotherapy, I make certain that my client feels safe and secure.  Hypnosis is focused relaxation, and the client is always aware of what's going on and has control to go as deeply as he desires. That's why I say trust is so important.  Our subconscious is very strong and people really don't go deeper than they are willing to explore.  As long as your son's therapist is knowledgeable and experienced in hypnotherapy then it is a safe, enlightening, and healing process.  It would be wise to discuss with your son's therapist what his/her focus is in hypnotherapy... there are a number of different trainings and modalities. My goal when I do hypnotherapy is to provide a heart-centered healing process so that whatever deep issues are brought to the surface through the session, my clients leave feeling centered and grounded. 

I hope that this has addressed your concerns. Please feel free to contact me if you have any additional questions or concerns.  I wish you all the best for you and your son.

Question: Dear Doctor Lauren, How do you feel about biofeedback for someone with persistent unresponsive depression? I know this is something that is helpful for panic and anxiety but can it work for depression also?

Loren Gelberg-Goff Says...:

Great question... I have found neurofeedback to be very helpful with persistent unresponsive depression, BUT... (and I usually hate the word but) there are some conditions that need to be included as well.  First, neurofeedback alone with persistent, unresponsive depression is not enough.  Ongoing insight oriented therapy needs to be included.  Understanding the emotional roots of one's depression is part of the process that is necessary in overcoming depression.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is also a component, because while the neurofeedback will help you internally to not feel depressed, changing certain behaviors that have evolved as a result of depression need to be addressed and modified.  In other words, with persistent unresponsive depression, you want to treat it with a holistic approach and understand that no one therapeutic intervention is enough. Adding mindfulness to your treatment plan would also be beneficial.

Depression is an overwhelming and insidious dis-ease and needs to be treated with respect, compassion and a great deal of patience.  If you choose to use neurofeedback, it's imperative that you are consistent in your appointments, go to a practitioner who will treat you individually for your particular needs and issues and do one-on-one sessions. Keep focused on your desire to feel healthy, whole and hopeful and all that you do to move in that direction. Remember that you are worth taking care of and deserve the best that the field of mental health can offer.

Question: I am depressed I think but I am not into the idea of taking drugs that might affect my personality. I am considering doing a month long meditation retreat as a way to deal with my depression. Is this a good idea? I am not sure if it is me dealing with my problems or me running away from my problems. 

Loren Gelberg-Goff Says...:

I applaud your willingness to explore options for dealing with your depression.  There can be many reasons for feeling depressed, not all biochemical in nature,but depressed feelings none-the-less.   Meditation can be very effective in getting centered, focused and gaining insights into yourself, your feelings and your needs.  However, it is not enough on its own.

I hope that you have spoken with a therapist to determine the nature and causes of your depression.  Retreats can be a wonderful way to get within yourself to explore who you are from within and come to new awarenesses about yourself, your life and your world.  However, I believe that it also depends on the kind of retreat you go on, what support you'll have and what professional interventions would be available to you.  All this matters because when you describe yourself as depressed, it tells me that something is going on within you and in your life that needs to be addressed and not just with meditation alone.

There are many retreat centers that offer professional services as well... certain therapeutic sessions, some hypnotherapy, guided meditation, groups, etc.  These are important because you are saying you want to go to deal with or heal your depression.  Then please make sure that if you choose to go away for a month, it is to a center that is equipped to work with people who are looking for healing. 

Your question also includes the concern that you might be running away from your problems.  There are a number of therapeutic interventions that can be helpful to you that do not necessarily involve medication.  Whether or not medication becomes needed may depend a lot on the nature and cause of your depression.  You don't say what kind of therapy (if any) you have done prior to determining you might want to go on a month long meditation retreat.  Do you have extreme stress in your current life situation?  Are you struggling with relationships (personal, professional, platonic), that you need help working through? Retreats are wonderful, but we still have to come back to our "real" lives and face re-entry into our world... Most people need help with that.  Therefore, before I'd sign up to go away, I would recommend that you

1. explore which retreats are the most therapeutically oriented so that you get the best possible outcome for yourself. 

2. explore some at home therapies:  Talk therapy... that will help you gain insight and understanding into the issues triggering your depression.     Hypnotherapy... helps you get to the root of the issues that seem to be emerging now... Neurofeedback... in conjunction with therapy is very effective in overcoming depression and many of the associated symptoms and feelings...  There is also EFT (Emotional Freedom Therapy) that many people find effective.  Attending and participating in local daily or weekend workshops that address your needs and feelings.

3. Finding the right therapist for you is a process.  Therapy works when you feel comfortable with and trusting of your therapist; that you feel your therapist understands you and your needs, and you do the work between sessions to bring about the changes you need, want &/or desire in your life.

Please feel free to contact me should you have additional questions, and continue to be committed to your good health and mental health.  Wishing you all the best, Loren M. Gelberg-Goff, LCSW

Question: I have had depression for 4 years. I have tried multiple medications and therapy. Some days are better than others and the treatment helps a bit I think but i never really feel better or cured. Should I get used to the fact that  am never going to get any better than I am now, if 4 years of trying everything hasn't done much good?

Loren Gelberg-Goff Says...:

The short answer is no... you do not have to stay depressed.  You don't say what kind of therapy you have done, but there are a number of options to explore.  Understand that depression is very much internalized anger... or anger that you do not feel you are allowed to express or entitled to feel.  It may stem from childhood, or more recent issues that have arisen in your life.  That said, please look into the following interventions that have been shown to be helpful, effective and beneficial in dealing with depression.

1. Hypnotherapy: By getting to the source of the issues that cause your depression it will lift.  Hypnotherapy bypasses your critical/conscious mind thereby allowing your subconscious to release the energy it is holding.

2. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) has been shown to be effective in breaking through blocks that can cause you to be/feel depressed.  Again it allows your body to release the energy it is holding thus keeping you stuck in a depressive cycle.

3. Neurofeedback: Neurofeedback balances your right and left hemispheres of your brain.  It is non invasive, and very effective in changing how you respond to situations and circumstances, thus changing your inherent reactions.  when your system is not reacting the way you are used to, your responses also change.  If you click on the link you can learn more about neurofeedback and see how it might benefit you.

4. Mindfulness/meditation: Often times when people feel depressed, they are stuck in negative belief systems.  Learning &/or incorporating mindfulness and meditations into your day can be an enormous boost to your overall mood and sense of well-being.  You can learn mindfulness and meditation strategies and incorporate them into your day.  There are a few free guided meditations on my website that you can access and see how they can supplement the therapy you are doing. 

5. Change your thoughts, change your life: Pay attention to your self-talk.  Do you say positive or negative things to yourself?  These messages matter and they do make a difference.  I don't know where you live, or what services are readily available to you, but if you have questions, or need additional ideas, please contact me through my website, and I'll do my best to help steer you in the right direction.  

6. BOOKS!  there are a number of really good self-help books that can help you move through and out of your depressed state.  Louise Hay is an excellent author and a great place to start.  My book came out this past Dec. and has been very helpful to people who are not only stressed but feel very depressed.  You can see if it's right for you: Being Well Within: From Distressed to De-Stressed

As you can see, you may have only touched the tip of the iceberg... Please do not give up or give in.  You have options that are worth exploring.  I wish you all the best as you move forward to live your life empowered and fulfilled. 

Question: Can you use biofeedback to treat depression? My husband is not doing very well right now and he is resistant to taking medications so I am looking to find alternative treatments that might be helpful. If biofeedback (this was recommended to me by a friend) is not suitable, can you recommend an alternative treatment (non drug based) that might work for him. He is 42 and this is his first bout of depression. It just came out of the blue after he has been a very happy person for his whole life. He has been feeling down for about 2 months now and it is very clearly depression. Thank you for your advice and assistance. Cheryl.

Loren Gelberg-Goff Says...:

Cheryl, your question leads to a few additional questions... since this is your husband's first bout with depression, I'd like to ask if there have been some triggering events in his life that have led to this reaction.  While there may be a biochemical imbalance, there may also be circumstances that have occurred that he is also reacting to that need to be addressed as well.  Therapy with a qualified therapist would also be a recommendation.  Not all therapists prescribe medications, so talking about what is happening in his life can prove to be very helpful and beneficial on many levels.

As for your interest in biofeedback... I would sooner recommend neurofeedback (you can get details about it at on my website www.wellfromwithin.com/neurofeedback.html or you can check out www.eeginfo.com)  There are many benefits to neurofeedback and it has been shown to be helpful in dealing with depression, anxiety, and many other difficuties... I hope that this is helpful to you.  Wishing you and your husband all the best.

Question: I have had double depression since I was in a car accident when I was 18. I have been off and on disability and have tried multiple medications, ECT, therapy, etc. I am usually mildly depressed. I haven't been able to sleep normally in years. I have no interest in sex. I have difficulty spending large amounts of time with people or in large groups. I have a flat affect. I don't believe anything will ever help.

Loren Gelberg-Goff Says...:

I am very sorry for all that you have been going through. I do not know how long your depression and disability have been part of your life, since you don't state your current age...but it sounds like a long time from everything that you have been through.  There is help available to you and hopefully you'll be able to access it easily. 

When people are depressed it's hard to believe that anything will help, mostly because there's no magic pill that makes your pain and your past traumas disappear.  All treatment modalities do take some time, but there are effective ones. 

You can start with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). You can google it as there are many free demos that you can look at to become familiar with it, and seek out a practitioner who can work with you to release the trauma and help heal you from within from the depression.

You can also go for Neurofeedback session (eeginfo.com) is a good place to start.  this does require a licensed practitioner, but eeginfo.com will help you to locate a practitioner near you. 

I would also recommend hypnotherapy (look into www.wellness-institute.org)  Again, the style and focus of the therapy will help to determine how you get through and past your past trauma, the residual effects and how you function going forward. 

Please look into these options as I do believe that they will prove to be helpful.  I wish you all the best, and please if you need to relax and unwind, you can always check out my free audio meditations that are on my website and see if they are helpful to you in getting through difficult moments... www.wellfromwithin.com  I wish you all the best, Loren