Question: My brother is really bad bipolar and he has tried to commit suicide before. He was fine before going away to college but he had a breakdown there and for the last few years it has been really up and down and difficult for my parents. Right now my parents are forcing him to take his medications and to see his doctors. They practically force feed him sometimes.  He keeps saying the meds aren't helping and that his doctors won't listen . He is stable now but not happy and not his old self. Our house is like a jail and he is the prisoner. Maybe I should be happy that it is not like it was when it was bad but I just want him back like he used to be. My parents say he isn't really able to make good decisions right now but I think they are so scared of him trying to kill himself again that they will do anything to prevent that and that his being happy is way down on the list compared to that no matter how medicated up and miserable he is. It is so screwed up that he can't just be like he was before anymore. He asked me last night if he should leave home and I said of course not. But now that I have slept on it and tossed and turned all night I feel like what he has now is not quality of life. I am 17 and my brother is 22. He is an adult but no one really seems to count his opinion since he is the 'crazy' one. No one values my opinion either. I want to help him but I don't know what to do? He probably can't work and be on his own but what he has here is not good either. Is there somewhere someone like my brother can go to have a better quality of life?

Lita Perna Says...:

The first priority is to keep your brother safe.

If he leaves home anything could happen. He needs the stability of home and family and treatment with therapy and medication.

The best way you can help him now is to listen and be supportive.

Please don’t expect him to be the way he ‘used to be’.

Situations change. This seems like the best situation for him right now.

As far as somewhere he can go to have a better quality of life; yes there are halfway houses and professionally supported environments but he needs to be stable first. Also, there can be considerable expense involved.

You also need to focus on your own mental health through all this.

Question: I am 16 and I am very depressed. I don't have any close friends to talk to and I have to drag myself out of bed each day and I don't even know if it's worth the bother to try and pretend like everything is still OK and when inside I feel grey grey grey, nothing but blah and no energy and hopelessness. I have been feeling like this for at least a year. I tried talking to my dad about how I am feeling but he just told me to get involved in after school sports and that was the end of the conversation. He doesn't hear or doesn't want to hear what I am saying. I was asking for some help and he recommended after school volleyball. I don't know where to turn. the guidance counselors at my school are a joke and I am not old enough to do anything on my own. How do I make anything change when I am all on my own?

Lita Perna Says...:

I am so glad you wrote. There is help. I don’t know what state you live in, but many states do not require a parent’s consent for a kid to go to counseling. So score one for you.

And you do need to talk to someone…like…yesterday.

There are people who always help kids who feel like you do. They’re experts.

You may feel all alone now, but you won’t be for long.

What’s hopeful about you is that you’re smart enough to have come here. This shows that on some level you DO have some hope that things can get better if you just get help.

Right?

Do you feel suicidal? If you do, go to an emergency room right now. This is no joke. They will definitely help you and they will do it fast.

If you’re not thinking of killing yourself you’re probably going to have to go to one of those guidance counselors even if you think they’re a joke. (Remember, you feel hopeless so take that into consideration.)

Go to the one who is the least crappy and say the same things about feeling hopeless that you said here. It’s the fastest way to get help.

‘…I don’t know if it’s worth the bother…..inside I feel grey grey grey, nothing but blah and no energy and hopelessness. I have been feeling like this for at least a year.’

If that one doesn’t help, go to the next and the next and the next.

You can also walk into a community mental health center if there’s one where you live.

Look up community mental health centers on line for the city or state where you live.

Is any of this easy? Nope. Especially feeling like you’re feeling. But you have to do it.

Consider this a huge step towards being a responsible adult.

Why do I have a feeling you’re going to do this; that you’re going take control and get the help you want and need?

Because you’re on your own side, because you’re being your own best friend and because you’ve already reached out here.

Kick yourself in the butt and go get help no matter what it takes.

Not easy. But you don't have to live this way.

Take charge now.