Question: Hi Jim, I want to know that there is hope.. About 5 months ago, I endured an extremely traumatic and almost fatal birthing experience with my son. Shortly after I began suffering from postpartum psychosis. I was diagnosed with bipolar and mania. My sons father left me immediately when he began noticing my change in behavior. He took me to court to keep our son away from me because of the mental state I was in. I have since been treated and medicated, but I am only allowed to see my son twice a week and supervised right now. I really haven't been able to bond properly with him and I am afraid that he doesn't know I'm his mother and worse, I'm afraid that he thinks my ex's new girlfriend is.. On top of this, I am dealing with a severe depression derived from this situation. I had to move back home, I left my job, and my car was repossessed. I have a substantial amount of debt and unpaid bills. Not only am I afraid I'll never get my son back from this, I'm afraid I won't 1. Know how to take care of him if I do 2. Be able to provide for him 3. Be the mother he deserves. I spend a lot of time comparing myself to his father. He makes a lot of money, has a new car, recently for promoted at work. He has always been a materialistic snob and I know he is looking down on me.. I feel so inferior and just downright awful. I feel like I'll always be less of a parent. I have put on a few pounds and I no longer wear makeup. My hair is falling out. I hardly have the energy to even shower most days. I'm disgusted with myself. I am beat down as far as I can be and I can't get up. I want to recover from this. I want to have a car and a good job. I want to meet someone new someday and be happy. I want to be a good mom to my son and give him the best life that I can. And all of that feels impossible. I can't tell you how tired I am of hearing "everything will be okay" and "it will get better." I don't want to wake up in the morning I don't want to go on. I just don't see how things can get better. I am writing you to ask of you have ever known of anyone in a similar situation that has come out of it okay and ended up successful and happy. Or if you know of any resources where there are recovery stories from people like me. I need to see or to believe it. I need to have proof that things can get better for me. Thank you!

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Hello and thank you so much for reaching out! The short answer is yes - I absolutely have seen people rebuild their lives after losing absolutely everything - in fact, I've helped hundreds of folks do so. My first suggestion to you is to stop comparing yourself to anyone - especially to your husband. Doing that will only ever make you miserable. You don't have to have as much or be as much as he is (is he really all that anyway?). You simply need to become the healthiest version of you possible.

I recommend mantras to folks - something to center around that's real - example - "My best is always good enough."

I get it - what you're going through feels like a unique form of hell - but I assure you that not only have countless folks come through similar straits, I also say that we are the very best people. We who have suffered greatly love most fiercely.

Resources for postpartum depression - locally would be best identified by your doctor or psychiatrist. Nationally I would encourage you to contact NAMI for support resources. I would encourage you to consider group therapy that is specific to your diagnosis and I would urge you to ask friends or loved ones to hold you accountable for the changes you seek to make. This is a very hard journey - but you absolutely can do this!!

Blessed be,

Jim

Question: Okay well I'm 13 and have been really depressed lately...I've been self-harming for about 3 years and I've tried pukeing after I eat...well my cutting has been getting worse and I've been thinking about suicide even more now...I even cut straight down my arm,deep, and a deep one horizontal on the top if my wrist also I haven't been doing a lot lately...just luring on my bed watching netflix...I didn't even go to the dance yesterday...I've taken a lot of tests on the computer and they all say I might have serve depression...should I tell my mom?? And if so how?

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Hey - thanks for your question. I'm really glad you reached out! The short answer is - hell yes, talk to your mom immediately. If you're not sure where to start or what to say, tell her exactly what you told me and tell her I said you absolutely need support. If you find you just can't bring yourself to say the words, show her this post or print it out and give it to her. I'm sure she wants to know and help you through this.

Growing up is one of the hardest things a human being goes through in their lifetime. It sucks and anyone who tells you otherwise is out of touch with what it's like to be 13 in today's world.

Your cutting is an attempt to let go - to have control - and to deal with your feelings. It may be a short term release but it'll hurt more and more as you go. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please know that it gets better - I swear it does. (I struggled through my childhood and teen years and 13 was the worst).

Please write me again and let me know how you're doing. If I can be helpful, ask anything you need to know.

Hang in there - it really does get better - talk to mom - talk to your teachers - talk to anyone who cares about you - but do it right away!

Best,

Jim

Question: SSRIs reduce REM sleep. I am on fluoxetine and I definitely notice that I have way fewer dreams than I used to. I used to have nightmares a lot so this is at least partly a good thing. REM sleep is necessary for learning and memory and general being able to think. What is the consequence of years and years of less REM sleep than you are supposed to be getting?

Jim LaPierre Says...:

Hi...in the spirit of candor I have no idea what the long term effects are neurologically - I encourage you to check with your doctor. My thoughts run more along the lines of why are you looking years down the road? Are there things that can be resolved in the here and now? Do your nightmares have a central theme? Are they recollections of past events? I'm wondering if therapy could be helpful to you in resolving past losses and pain? I've had tons of clients for whom SSRIs gradually lost effectiveness and they had to change meds to get the same effect. I encourage you to consider if your depression is primarily a neurological mbalance (in which case focusing on meds and such things makes sense) or do you suppose that perhaps your depression is a product of ast and current perspective? This would be key moving forward. Wishing you all the best