Question: Does gay deprogramming work? I am 17 years old and I think that I might be gay. I have never told anyone this and my family would die if they found out. I have never been with a gay man but I can’t help myself and have these fantasies about other men. I also look at gay porn on the internet. I have tried to overcome the way I feel but I just can’t seem to do it. The way I am makes me feel sick to my stomach sometimes. I have heard that there gay deprogramming therapy can help people who are determined to change. I am determined because I want to have a normal healthy family life. Does it work and how much does it cost?

Sally Connolly Says...:

Most of the research shows that gay deprogramming is not effective.  Faith-based counselors are the ones who are most likely providing this type of counseling and I would encourage you to check with one of them if you are sure this is what you want.

I would encourage you first to talk with a counselor is experienced with individuals and therapy to make sure that this might be a direction for you to pursue.  Fees vary according to the counselors so you will need to check with ones that seem to be someone with whom you could develop rapport.

Question: My 14 year old daughter and I are not getting along very well at all. It seems like no matter what I say to her, all I get in return is attitude back. Eventually, I get angry and act angry with her and then her attitude gets worse and then off we go down our daily downward spiral of dysfunction. I know that I’ve got to be the one that instigates change here, to be the grown-up, but it seems like we’ve reached an impasse and loving communication between us is no longer possible. I love her and want the best for her and I know we need to do a little better. I think what would help is getting into a room with an impartial third-party who can help us to work through some of our differences and hopefully work towards a better relationship like the one we used to have. I am eager to get us some family counseling and but the problem is my daughter. She says she won’t go and when I say that she has to, she says that it’ll be a waste of time and money because she won’t participate. So my questions is, does therapy work when one of the people involved does not want to do it and refuses to participate?

Sally Connolly Says...:

If one person changes their steps in the dance, the other person can no longer dance in the same way.

While it is certainly better and easier if both people are willing to work on making changes in a relationship, that is not always the case. Teens are often difficult. Mothers and their teen daughters historically have challenging relationships. I would encourage you to go without her and seek new ways to be with her as her mother. As you change, she may as well and may then be willing to meet this person who has made a difference in your lives.