Question: I feel like I haven’t really cared about anything or anyone for a long time. I didn’t always used to feel this way and I am tired of feeling so dead inside. I think I’d rather feel bad than feel nothing. How do I stop feeling so detached from the world?

Ken Sneed Says...:

It sound like you would be doing yourself a big favor by making an appointment with a mental health counselor, social worker or psychologist.  General malaise and apathy to life can be a sign of a serious problem. 

Also, a visit with your primary care physician for a general physical check up would be beneficial.  Some medical conditions can result in less than pleasant emotional feelings.

Taking good care of yourself with appropriate relaxation and leisure activities is an important part of life and our emotional health.

Wherever you begin, get started soon!

Question: Is it normal to be afraid of trying therapy? I am kind of nervous about opening up to anyone but I’m also really worried that if therapy doesn’t make me feel better then I’ll really feel hopeless. It’s like right now I am holding off so just in case things get really bad I can still feel like there will be something that will be able to help me – like a last resort kind of hope.

Ken Sneed Says...:

Although it can be kind of scary to open up with a stranger, it can also be nice because we can't tell ANYONE about what you've said.  Also, because we're trained (and experienced) to know that what you, the client, are experiencing is not really unheard of, it's easy to listen without thinking ill of you. You can rest assured that we're there for you, you're not there to please us. 

Also, think with me for a minute about, "holding off so just in case things get really bad I can still feel like there will be something that will be able to help me."  Why not get started, see what can be accomplished, and there will always be something more you can address until you find the tools to deal with problems that seem to have you down in the dumps. Would you rather be miserable or begin to work your way out of the pit?

Call a counselor today and begin to work through your concerns.  If you don't connect with the first therapist, go to another.  No counselor is able to connect effectively with every client, so don't feel bad about moving on if it isn't working for you. 

Question: I don’t know what to do. I have been married to my wife for 3 years and it is a good marriage, the second for both us. I have an 11 year old daughter and a 13 year old son from my first marriage and I have shared custody of the kids, taking them on weekends and my wife has full custody of her 17 year old son. At first things were quite good. My kids really liked and looked up to their older step brother and we were able to have a lot of fun as a new family without a lot of the drama that sometimes taints new family unions. Over the last 18 months or so though, my wife’s son has really gone through some major changes, changing from a basically sweet and adventurous kid who liked to push the boundaries a bit to a sullen and irritable boy who won’t go to school and who, I think, is a drug addict. We have tried everything with him but he is just determined to do what he wants to do and he doesn’t give a damn about the consequences. I really think he has a serious drug problem, at the very least with marijuana. It’s very sad and it’s terribly hard on my wife who is at her wit’s end. But what’s worse, is now my ex-wife is hearing a lot of stories about ‘the parties’ and ‘the drugs’ and ‘the girls sleeping over’ etc. And she is understandably very concerned about the influence he is having on our kids. I am too, actually. She says if I can’t get control of things she is going to seek full custody. So now I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I am caught in an impossible situation and I am forced to choose between my wife, who I love and my kids, and in this situation, I have to choose my kids…but it is just such a sad thing if this ends my marriage. Any advice on what I can do to make this better?

Ken Sneed Says...:

I don't know that there is one simple answer for this kind of problem, and you're certainly not the first person to wrestle with something like this.

My initial thought is that you can begin with a combination of counseling for her son and your family and add some healthy, firm and loving boundaries.  Locate a good counselor with a good reputation for working with adolescents and their families and get the process started.  Also, read the book, Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend.  

I'm also concerned that your wife might be acting in an enabling manner that allows her son to act out without experiencing consequences for his behavior.  If there are no consequences, why should he change his actions?  The two of you must talk about being firm with him about what will/will not be acceptable and in a loving way, initiate consequences that will give him a reason to want to act in a responsible way.

Again, get the counseling process started and do what you learn is likely to give the best results.