Question: idk what to do when my mom makes me feel so small and literally always puts me down, she says she hates me and she wants me out of her life, and everything is just getting worse. I've tried talking to my dad but he doesn't listen nor care because he thinks its just always complaining. I want to leave more than anything but I am only 14 and a half. please give advice?

Rev. Christopher Smith Says...:

Without knowing more about your situation, my answer will by its nature have some limitations to it. If your situation continues to wear at you, you might think about seeking out someone who can help you look at your own situation, this might be a mental health professional in the community or your school counselor. As an initial sounding board, you may even explore adults who are used to working with teenagers and their parents, such as your minister, priest, rabbi or other faith group leader.

Being a teenager can be difficult as can being the parent of a teenager. As a teenager you are taking more responsibility for your life. Some of the decisions that you make are ones that your parents would disagree with. On their side, they are having to learn to let you live your life and to not be overprotective of you. This is not what they are used to doing and can b a difficult transition for them.

If the patterns with your mother are new, it sounds as if your mother may be having a hard time dealing with your getting older. She could be frustrated, concerned about how she raised you, etc. Have you considered talking with her when there was not a crisis going on in your relationship? Can you help her understand the choices you are making and the things she is upset about (and perhaps even related to how she puts you down)? In so doing, are you really ready to hear her side of what is going on, even if it involves some painful things about yourself?

When you describe yor father, it sounds like you may be making assumptions about where he is at. You say that he doesn't listen or care - how do you know that? You say that he thinks you are always complaining - how long have you been able to read his mind? It may be true that he really does not engage about these issues, however the meaning behind that could eb quite different. It could be that he has learned over the years (based on interactions involving you or even older siblings if you have any) that he cannot win in becoming inolved in the conflicts between you and your mother. He may feel that the best thinig is to not respond and get caught being on one side or the other. Have you tried letting your dad know that you just want him to hear how everything is affecting you without him getting involved? Have you asked your dad if there was any way he could mediate between you and your mother?

Beyond your interactions with your parents, how do you feel about yourself and the decisions that you make? It is common to have uncertainty and doubt as a teenager. If this is an issue for you, then you might want to do some things to reinforce for yourself that you are a good person and that you do good things. This can range from working to forgive yourself for mistakes that you make to reading affirmations about yourself that you post in strategic locations. There are lots of ways to work on how you feel about yorself and if you strengthen this then your motehrs comments may not have as much of a negative effect.

Even with the best daughter-parent relationships, going through your teenage years is not easy and has its emotional and relational challenges, but that is part of the developmental tasks you are going through. By trying some of these things, it is possible to find more peace and wholeness in your relationship with your parents as well as with yourself. It is also possible to have an imporved relationship with them after everyone has moved into adult relationships with each other - so don't get upset and burn your bridges too soon.

Question: My dad is retired and he drinks too much. He lives alone and over the past year I have noticed that he is getting more and more paranoid about everything around him. He used to have a lot of friends and be friendly with his neighbors but now he thinks they all hate him. His neighbor on one side mentioned that he’d like to buy the house if my dad ever wanted to sell and now my dad is convinced they are trying to force him out and that other people the neighborhood are ‘in on it’ and he has a lot of crazy explanations and reasons for his thinking. Other than this paranoia he is in good health and gets along OK. How worried do I need to be about his new conspiracy mindset and what could this mean that it is happening all of a sudden? The problem is, my dad doesn’t see anything wrong with the way he is thinking.

Rev. Christopher Smith Says...:

It can be hard to watch an elderly parent show distressing signs. Even if the parent is aware of what is going on, it can also be difficult for them to admit to the new problems they are having. This is the case whether the distressing signs are physical (such as the ability of the joints to work as they once did), emotional (stemming from increasing exposure to grief and loss), spiritual (anger at God for having to go through problems of aging), cognitive (as in the described paranoia) or some other dimension of their life.

When a loved one sees a problem in an elderly parent, the likelhood is that they are nor seeing the beginning of the problem. There probaly have been smaller things going on. In fact you speak at the beginning of "more and more paranoid" and then at the end of "happening all of a sudden". We don't want to see some things that are going on so we don't se them until they pass a threshhold that we can no longer ignore. The smae thing is also happening for your elderly parent - they are not wanting to see the problems either. Thus, when you raise the issue, they deny the problem.

Paranoia in an elderly parent, if there has not been any other history and if there is not another illness going on could have a number of triggers for it. There are some medications that could cause this as a side effect, however, the most common cause is dementia. You should think about whether there have been any signs of problems with your parent's memory and even if not, you might want to see about having dementia explored by your parent's physician. The easiest way to do this in today's world governed by privacy regulations is for someone to go with your parent to the next doctor's appointment. It is certainly worth involving your parent's physician in trying to work out waht is going on. This would be your best option to getting you and your parent on a path to peace and wholeness.

Question: Do mantras and positive affirmations help? Sometimes I get blue and my mind gets really negative and I look at everything in a really bad light. My friend recommended picking mantras like My life is great or I am happy and smart and saying them over and over to myself a thousand times a day. I feel a little stupid doing this and I don’t see how I am going to fool myself. Is there anything to this idea?

Rev. Christopher Smith Says...:

The person asking this question raises some good questions about mantras and positive affirmations. There are some things to think about around these that they raise. Not knowing the questioner's particular situation, let me address how these can be in general, wile encouraging the questioner to work with a professional in his/her area on their walk to peace and wholeness.

One dimension around depression is that it is easy to see the negative and that this the side of things that a person is naturally drawn to view things about their world and themselves from this perspective. The idea behind mantras or positive affirmations is to try and balance this out and to be presenting a more balanced and realistic view of yourself and your world.

It is important that the affirmations you chose to use are ones that you actually believe are true. Telling yourself that you are able to break world records as a runner when you haven't exercised for years is not going to be something that you will accept as a real affirmation. It may take a while on your own or with the help of someone to guide you to determine genuine affirmations. These are ones that when you say them, hear them or read them, they will actually be able to be effective and able to balance out the negative that is coming in your life. Again, it is important to say that it is not about fooling yourself about these things but being reminded of things that you know to be true (even on the edge of what you believe) that provide a balance in your outlook.

The other part that can be important is how you approach the affirmations. One way to do this is to repeat it verbally many times each day, but this is not the only way. Another way this can be done is to write the affirmations and post them in places that you will see them (from your bathroom mirror to the front of the fridge to a note on the inside of your wallet). The key to the locations are that you regularly see them but that they are not in places where it would be embarrassing for others to see them. With today's technology, you can also use your smart phone to send you messages at random points in the day - using calendar reminders, alarms or other apps.

Using these types of positive affirmations are not likely to be a panacea that solves your problems on its own. However, except in cases where there is something else really serious also going on, it is not likely to be able to do harm. In fact, in combination with other approaches, using positive affirmations will connect you with an understanding of the positive in the core of your being and in what you can and do do. This connection along with other methods can have a real impact on the types of situations that was initially raised.

Question: What if I have a friend who is an undocumented illegal alien and she has a brother who is hallucinating and going crazy and they are just keeping him at home because they wont go to a hospital. What can they do to get some help without risking getting deported?

Rev. Christopher Smith Says...:

This question has a strong legal component to it that you would be wise to consult a local immigration lawyer about. The answer you might get may well vary from locale to locale. Having said that, let me briefly comment on your question.

A related question that you have not asked is about the financial side of getting help. You have not stated whether the friend's brother has health insurance to pay fro any care that they receive. Depending on how your state administers programs such as Medicaid, there may or may not be public insurance programs to be able to help your friend's brother finance hospitalization and any other treatment that is provided. However, hallucinations are a serious symptom and depending on how this is being experienced could provide for there being a threat of harm for your friend's brother or other's around them. Getting care is important.

In general, health care providers are not interested in the patient's immigration status unless this would be important in terms of exposure or ability to provide/receive care. While some jurisdictions may ask health care providers to report illegal alien status to authorities and occasionally jurisdictions may have asked health care providers to explore this with their patients, these aspects are not the norm. Generally, jurisdictions recognize that public health needs trump immigration issues. In fact, in some jurisdictions there are policies that prohibit collecting this information in order to try and protect this confidential line. In public hospitals in New York City, there are frequently undocumented illegal aliens who come to the emergency room - not only is their immigration status a non-issue but so is their real identity and ability to pay (bogus social security numbers are often entered in even when doubted). The government focus there, as in many other locations in their own way, is public health.

If your friend's brother is concerned about the hospital, you might want to suggest that that person first see a local mental health professional. While it is likely that that individual will encourage the person to go to the hospital or to a psychiatrist, it may be that simply finding this other person will make it easier for your friend's brother to accept that it is safe to go to the hospital (presuming it is). This will also provide a connection with this clinician who may be useful for post-hospital care if your friend's brother does need to be hospitalized.

You have raised an example that has the thorny issues of additional barriers to treatment as well as the cost of mental health care as a barrier. However, with a little investigation, you can find a way to move forward that will help all to find and experience peace and wholeness.

Question: This is an ethical question. I am getting ahead of myself since I am not at the stage in a relationship with this girl where we are talking about kids but I am already THINKING about kids with her so this is the first serious relationship I have had in about 5 years. I am not sure if I should end this relationship now because it can’t end well. Here is the thing. We both want kids and we both have bipolar. And not only that, we both have one parent who was also bipolar (actually she is just guessing about her dad but he killed himself when she was a baby…). So in this situation there is a ridiculously high chance that our baby would get bipolar and there is also a pretty good chance that possibly both parents will be affected with mania or depression for significant periods of his or life. Is it OK to bring a child into the world into this situation? I have not talked about the specifics with her yet because I feel like once I do the bubble will burst and I am not sure I want it to.

Rev. Christopher Smith Says...:

The person who posed the question is asking a very good question and it is one that I am not going to answer. The reason I am not going to provide an answer is that it is not a black and white question where there is one clearly correct question. Like many ethical questions, a lot will depend on the situation and how one views the different aspects of. The ethical answer comes more from wrestling with these than from getting a simple answer that it is right or wrong. The very fact that the question is being asked and wrestled with is the first sign that he is engaging this question in an ethical fashion.

It is true that having a parent with bipolar disorder increases the probability that a child will develop bipolar. It is also true that having two parents with bipolar increases this risk. Family history also contributes to this probability. This is a reality. This is also true for many other things that are present (or absent) for the parents of a child. So this raises two ethical aspects to think about. The first is what positive characteristics are you (and her) also increasing the possibility of passing on to a potential child? What good can come from these traits being passed on? Does the good that you risk passing on to your potential child outweigh the bad? Stepping away from genetics and looking at environmental issues - moving frequently can affect a child's sense of stability and willingness to attach but it can also provide broad exposure to new ideas as well as enhance a sense of resiliency - the same thing being considered can be both positive and negative. At the same time, how do you view the "passing on" of bipolar? Is this entirely a negative thing? Let me expound on this in the next paragraph.

When we look at serious diseases and disorders, especially around the possibility of "inflicting" this on our children, we usually focus on all of the negative aspects of the disease or disorder. However, the reality is that there are both positives and negatives of having a disease or disorder. For example, while parental diabetes certainly brings with it the possibility of a daily regime of blood tests and injected medication, it also can bring with it stronger motivation to maintain a healthy lifestyle and early detection of other problems. Similarly, with there are negative and positive aspects of having bipolar disorder or having increased risk factors for the disorder. This dimension of the illness is something that we do not often talk about but it also needs to be considered to make an ethical decision.

So, from a biological standpoint, there are aspects to carefully consider when judging the ethical dimension of having children when you and a potential mate both have bipolar disorder, or any condition that has a genetic component that has demonstrated the ability to be inherited. These considerations will help decide whether you ethically feel that you could have biological children together. Considering these questions may also lead you to decide that you would not want to have biological children even if a potential mate did not have bipolar disorder. Regardless, as these considerations have only been about the genetic side of having children, there would remain adopting children as an option. Whether looking at biological or adopted children, the environmental factors should also be taking into account in order to answer the ethical question fully.

When looking at the environmental factors, you would need to carefully consider how controlled each potential parent's bipolar is. There are people who have bipolar who have long periods of stability where the disorder would not have any effect on their ability to parent. Regardless of the frequency and duration of periods of instability (whether these are depressed, manic or mixed episodes), what plans would be in place to care for the children, including if the parent needed to be hospitalized? If both parents were affected by an episode at the same time, are there resources available that would be able to safely care for the children - and by safely one would have to look at emotional as well as physical safety? Factoring into this might also be a consideration of how able the parent is to notice and take action during the early stage of an episode.

In the environmental dimension, as in the genetic dimension, there are positives and negatives. Here most people are apt to focus on the negative dimensions. However, there are positive dimensions of being raised by parents who are dealing with a mood disorder. If the parents are managing their illness well, then the modeling of their insight and ability to respond to what is going on inside of themselves is a gift for their children, whether the children have a mood disorder or not. Similarly, certain structures that are placed in their lives may help the lives of their children as well.

When you factor all of both the genetic and environmental factors, you will be able to determine whether you feel that it is ethical to consider having children. I know of people with bipolar disorder that if they became a couple the answer would be that it would be ethical to have biological children. I know of other couples where the ethical decision was to raise children, but that these children needed to be adopted and not their biological children. I have also dealt with couples where both had bipolar where the clear answer was that they should not be parents. Your situation and your wrestling with the factors will help you to determine what is right in your case.

IF you do all of the wrestling, or at least enough to be ready to talk with someone you are in relationship with, then you will be better equipped to have the discussion with them. How you raise the question is important. Equally important is that until you do talk together, you do not know what she is thinking. As each of the factors involve your own judgments and values about certain aspects, coming to a conclusion really involves to people talking. It is only through your dialog that you will come to a conclusion. Also, in as much as you will not want to hear this, if the bubble is going to burst over this (whether it is because you decide you want to have kids or do not want to have kids), it is better for this to burst in the context of a calm conversation and perhaps extended dialog than at a point where you cannot truly communicate. The question of having children is a relationship deal breaker for some people. It is also something that should be a joint decision and discussed at the right time in your relationship.

The fact that the question is being asked is a sign of hope. In working to an answer, you will find a place of health and wholeness, for you, for her and for any possible children. The path may be bumpy but you will learn by going down the path.

Question: What’s the main difference between a respectable religious recovery organization and a cult? Lets say an organization wants a person to separate from and cut off contact from family and friends does that sound like a cult? Also, what if that person is encouraged to live on the organization’s compound and pay quite a lot each month to stay there for an indefinite length of time? Shouldn’t a recovery program have an ending where you go back to the real world? When family members question what’s going on they are said to be against recovery.

Rev. Christopher Smith Says...:

There are a number of criterion for a group to be considered a cult. Common use of the term includes being separated from family and friends with no or very limited contact, financial commitments and long term control of residency. Formal cult definition usually goes beyond this to include other characteristics of the group. These characteristics include a demand for strict adherence to the beliefs of the organization and a charismatic leader.

There are a number of ways to judge the respectability of a religious recovery organization. The first is to look at its purpose which should be centered on the people it serves rather than on the ones that are providing the service. The next is to judge the techniques that are used (comparing them to best practices around recovery) and evaluating the success rate of the treatment provided.

Generally, a goal of recovery will be to get the person to the point that they can resume their role in society. There are cases though where this return to society is not recommended to be in the same environment because of the temptations or problems that exist in that environment. This rarely involves a need for the person to remain in a controlled environment, although there are people who chose to work in the field after addressing their recovery. Family members should also understand that the recovery process will be a lifelong one for their family member, although the form of treatment and what is needed to maintain sobriety will change over time.

Most reputable programs involve patients who are using insurance to pay for their treatment. In these programs, there are often set lengths for the program with a fixed end point for the residential or inpatient portion of their stay. In contrast, other reputable programs, including some respectable religious recovery organizations, involve cash paying clients or patients. In these settings, the length of treatment can vary tremendously and is usually not predetermined at the beginning but is based on the progress made within the program. Some of these programs can be substantially longer than programs funded by insurance and extend a year or more in order to establish true habits of sobriety or abstinence. However, even these programs end up with an endpoint where the person receiving treatment leaves the more controlled environment.

Question: I think I am a self centered narcissist. I am always thinking about myself. Whenever I see family pictures I pretend to be looking at everyone but really I am only interested in my one images. I am a father and I am supposed to be more interested in my children than myself right? Nope. I fake it but at the core of the matter I am number one in my own eyes. On dark sleepless nights I feel terrible and I worry that I am missing my children’s childhoods because I am always so self centered. Is there a self help program or book I could read to get over this. If it was a book I am not even sure I could read it because I would feel to embarrassed to read it in front of my family, which would be admitting I am self centered, which is something I would not feel comfortable with.

Rev. Christopher Smith Says...:

The question posed raises interesting questions of balance without providing enough information to really move forward. There are lots of reasons that could be behind what is being said that would lead to different ways of responding.

There are people in this world that place others before themselves. In some cases, this is in a healthy balanced way but in other cases it can also be unhealthy. Someone who constantly puts everyone else before themselves may have a very low understanding of their own worth.

On the other hand, someone who always places themselves before others may have too high of an image of themselves or at least too low of an image of others. However, it is natural to have a certain degree of looking out for self interest. For many people this self interest extends beyond themselves to looking out for the interest of those who are close to them. Even looking out for a mate or looking out for your children can have a degree of looking out for your self interest. These drives to protect go back to motivators that have existed for a long time through the development of the way we are as humans.

Aside from self interest, it is common to also look out for the interest of those close to us out of a sense of love. This is where one would look out for the other simply because of the feelings we have for the other. This is something that did not appear to be being expressed in the original question. This would raise the questions as to whether the person who feels they are self centered feel love towards other people (such as his children), whether they have felt love from others, and even whether they love themselves. In this particular case, there is not even mention of the children's mother and whether there was any love there and whether the person resented having the children. All of these would be important things to consider.

Children do need to feel love. Experiencing this is important for children to develop and to have the best chances as they grow into adulthood that one would hope to be happy. This does not mean that a parent needs to or even should simply be self-sacrificing. It is important for parents, both in two parent households and in single parent households, to still maintain their wholeness and pursuit of interests. What is really needed is a balance between self-centeredness and other-centeredness.

Changing your personality or at least your orientation to the world is not an easy process. For some people this happens naturally and automatically as they move through life changes. When it hasn't there is a need to look at what is in the way and how to address that. There are books out there that try to address this topic. My experience of these books are that you need to have an idea of what is going on before you know which one might offer good insight. In terms of self-help groups - again I am not certain. I am also struck by the fact that the person who raised this question has a certain degree of shame about the way that they are behaving and the fact that it might need to be addressed. What is really needed in a situation like this is a professional who can explore the history of what is going on and details of the present reality. This is something that could be done by many types of mental health professionals (from professional counselor to marriage and family therapists) and at least in the initial part would not necessarily take that long. If finances are a problem, you may look to see if your place of work has an Employee Assistance Program - these programs can help you with individual problems (such as how you are relating to your children) and offer a small number of sessions free of charge. They also remain confidential in terms of the employer's knowledge. I would recommend seeing someone as the next step in doing something about the situation.

Question: I am not a racist. I was attacked and beaten by 2 men after I honked at them in my car. It was a road rage type situation. Foolishly I never got their license plate number so they got away with it and I got a broken jaw and 4 nights in a hospital. This happened in the December. The men were of a certain minority group. It doesn’t matter which one and I do not really want to say because I am embarrassed. I am embarrassed because now whenever I see men from that group that are of a similar age I feel rage and hatred toward them, even though they have done me nothing wrong. I do not like feeling like this and I cannot bring myself to admit this to anyone except anonymously such as on this forum. I do not want to go through the rest of my life as a person that hates people of a certain prevalent group. But I cannot control my visceral reactions. What to do?

Rev. Christopher Smith Says...:

Let me ignore the initial sentence for this question does not give enough information to be able to address whether or not the person asking the question is racist, although most people (majority and minority) have some degree of racism in them and at least have been involved in some degree of societal racism. It is reasonable to assume that the poser of this question's present reaction to people of a particular race is something that did not exist prior to the event.

There are many types of traumatic events that we face in life. It is normal to have abnormal reactions right after a traumatic event. People can be more vigilant; people can be have disturbances to their emotions; people's sleep patterns can be disturbed; etc. This is normal in the short term. However four or five months later if things seem to be getting worse rather than better, this is an appropriate time to seek professional help. A mental health professional can help you understand what is going on and to develop strategies to help improve things.

After a traumatic event, it is common for specific elements of the event to form a stronger impression on you than other elements. For instance, two people that have similar accidents with a UPS truck coming around a curve on a country road may find different things trigger off anxiety about the possibility of the event reoccurring. For one, just seeing another UPS truck may be enough to trigger off their reaction. For the other, the reaction may be triggered when they are entering similar curves where they cannot see if there is a vehicle on the other side of the curve. A therapist may work with you to understand these triggers and how to be able to work at reinterpreting them. There are different strategies that can reduce your sensitivity to the events that are significant for you.

Another dimension that comes through is the intensity of your anger. There are many programs out there that are good at helping people manage anger. These are helpful in reducing the intensity of your anger as well as to learn new strategies for modifying how you respond when something is making you angry. Working on anger can help in a situation after a traumatic event especially if the anger you are experiencing is an intensified form of lesser anger issues you had beforehand.

As a final dimension, there is something that needs to be explored that is not minimizing the way that you were a victim in the earlier situation. Namely, there can be dimensions of feeling guilty or responsible for parts of what happened. As you reflect on what took place, you need to be able to forgive yourself for ways that you contributed to the situation. Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do and it can be hard to learn from what you did in the details. This step of forgiveness is just as important as working on being able to forgive those who hurt you. A good starting point on forgiveness is to look at your own spirituality and see what you believe about the human condition as well as grace to be able to restart.

When the details of a traumatic event continue to be relived, especially in ways that cause you distress or add stress within your relationships, there are ways to be able to move forward. This is particularly important when the problems continue months after. Working on this, particularly with the assistance of a mental health professional, you will be able to move on the path towards wholeness and peace.

Question: I separated from my wife 2 months ago and she is insisting on a divorce. I do not want it but I was unfaithful and she has grounds so there you go. My whole world is tossed upside down like a mixed salad right now and I feel really depressed. I just don’t want to do anything. I can barely even face people at work. I have been feeling like this for about a month. I don’t know why the first month was OK but it seems to be getting worse. Should I go see a doctor about depression and antidepressants or is this normal to be feeling like this when going through a divorce that you don’t want?

Rev. Christopher Smith Says...:

When we approach marriage, most people think of "and they lived happily forever after", however, the reality is often different than that. For some, this ends up in separation and/or divorce. Regardless of whether you were the one who acted in a way that primarily led to the separation/divorce, the other person was the one whose actions primarily led to the separation/divorce or if this was something you were both involved in, a separation and/or divorce is still a loss. Separations and divorces are a loss of what was a significant relationship, a loss of hopes that you had had for the future, a loss of part of you that had been identified as within the marriage, and in other ways as well. For some, depending on their spirituality, these senses of loss may be amplified depending on the spiritual significance that had been associated with marriage.

When one experiences loss, including these senses of loss, it is normal to have an experience that is a type of grief. Within a grief response, it is normal to experience a depressed mood. This mood not only includes feelings of sadness and worthlessness, but also confused thoughts where things don't seem to fit together anymore as well as loss of interest in things that used to be pleasurable and other symptoms. All of this is normal. When these symptoms a prolonged (continuing over a period of serval months) or when they are severely impacting on your daily life (e.g. not getting at least a minimum amount of sleep, putting your job at risk) or when they put you or someone else at risk, then you should seek professional help. This help could be in the form of medications (through your regular physician or through a psychiatrist, a doctor that has a specialized understanding of these types of medications) and/or therapy/counseling (through a counselor/therapist who is licensed or otherwise credibly credentialed). The advice about when and how to seek advice is the same when you are experiencing other responses to separation or divorce such as anger or denial.

Finally, each person responds to loss in their own way. There is not a right order or timing of your responses. Having said that, a common early response to a separation is disbelief. Another common early response is to try and bargain (with others or even just within yourself) to have the loss removed and thus a restoration of the relationship. If one or both of these are your early responses, then the onset of depression can naturally happen later. This transition can happen just with the passage of time or may happen in response to something (such as the serving of divorce papers) that make the reality of the situation come to the forefront. No matter how you have been involved in what has led to the loss, you have a right to experience your sense of loss. However, if you feel guilty about something that has led to the separation/divorce then you will also want to work on your sense of guilt and forgiveness of yourself.

While you did not hope to have your marriage end in separation and/or divorce, it is possible to find peace and wholeness again. For many, this is something that you will do on your own. For some, this is something that you will obtain by asking a mental health professional to walk with you.

Question: Can cognitive behavioral therapy teach me some tricks so that I can turn off my bad memories that plague me when I lay awake at night. I have a hard time with insomnia and then also I have a hard time with thinking about a lot of my regrets and humiliations and bad memories when I am trying to fall asleep and this doesn’t help me get to sleep any easier. I know that just thinking about all this bad stuff is not good for me and makes me feel depressed but I cannot seem to help it once I get started every night when I have nothing else to think about.

Rev. Christopher Smith Says...:

Cognitive behavioral therapy is not about tricks, rather it is a framework and approach that shapes the work of a therapist as well as the person in therapy. When you engage in cognitive behavioral therapy, there will be techniques that you will learn. These will require work on your part and are not a magical solution that generates a change without work (although in some cases, cognitive behavioral techniques can have a significant initial impact). The basic idea is that this approach addresses a blend of what you think with your actions. It uses this blend in the exercises and techniques that you will learn and practice.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the approaches that can help you address issues from the past that are continuing to have an influence on your present day life. There are a number of techniques that can be suggested around the issue of insomnia and other sleep problems. After exploring some f your history, including what you have already tried, your therapist can suggest what might be helpful. You may have to try serval things before you find what will work best for you.

Additionally, a cognitive behavioral therapist will be able to work with you on the depression that you are experiencing. The thapist may suggest ways to address the issues from the past when they come up; the therapist may suggest ways to address the negative temotions themselves; the therapist may suggest ways to foster more positive emotions; the therapist may suggest ways to foster a better sense of self esteem and self worth; the therapist may suggest some combination of these ways.

Whether you seek out a therapist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy or some other therapeutic orientation, know that help is available for these kinds of situations. It is possible to find wholeness and peace and a good therapist can help you on this journey.