Question: Ive been asked to share about how Christianity and recovery comes together in my life. I only have 20 minutes and need to reach the addict who still suffers (and possibly non/believer). What keynotes should I be sure to include?

Ken Sneed Says...:

At a workshop I attended for mental health professionals, the presenter observed that, "Every person's pet sin is their addiction."  One aspect of alcoholism that is often overlooked is that everyone wrestles with is their own pet addiction. The point of this is that your brief address needs to point out that Christians are people and therefore struggle with addictions, too.

Gossip, greed, self-centerdness, lust . . . on and on the list goes. As big as a chemical addiction? Sure! Just maybe not as obvious.

In light of this, I'd encourage you to include words like, Love, Forgiveness, Patience, Kindness, Compassion, Hope, Faith, and Trust.  That's the connection Christianity has to life, not just to chemical addiction.

You might, if you feel it's appropriate, point out that many can't, in their words, "accept a God who is judgmental and condemning." Actually, what we're told about God is that He's loving and forgiving.  He merely pointed out the consequences of not trusting Him.It's each person's choice to accept his love and forgiveness or face the consequences of his or her own choice not to accept God's love.

In the same way, each person regards the pet sin harbored in his/her own heart. The consequences of that sin (addiction) are a life of trying to rationalize and justify and convince himself that there is nothing wrong with the behavior that is causing such turmoil and pain. Isn't that the common problem? Pain that we try to sooth?

Point out from your experience how your faith in God has strengthened you to deal with your pain, even when it's really difficult.

Although the following verse from the Bible is about being brought to justice for talking about one's relationship with Jesus in a place where it's illegal, I think it fits any situation in which we find ourselves trying to speak about our relationship with God.

. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit."

                                                                         -- Mark 13:11

Trust God about what to say.

Peace

Question: What does it mean to find Jesus? Is it like a sudden revelation or a sudden understanding? What does it feel like? Is it a process or an all of a sudden thing? Do you have to find some sign that convinces you? Is there anything a person is supposed to do to make this happen? I am looking but I haven’t yet found faith.

Ken Sneed Says...:

Beginning a relationship with God isn't an experience that is "once & done." 

The phrase, "finding Jesus," is an expression used by many to explain the beginning of a life-long relationship.  It's a relationship that is intended to grow over time,

Finding Jesus actually means that you surrender yourself . . . all of who you are . . . to Him as your lord and master.  The Apostle, Paul, often described himself as a slave to God because of his relationship to Jesus, God's son. And because of his slavery to Jesus, he found the freedom he'd never known before.

There is actually an excellent book that tells about this process, It's the Bible. (No joke. No sarcasm.) Get a good contemporary translation that is very easy to read, for example the New International Version (NIV). Begin doing some reading in the book within the Bible called John.  It was written by the Apostle named John.  I'd encourage you to begin reading that book.

Additionally, you might find a minister in a church that is part of one of the major denominations.  Call the church office and make an appointment to sit with the pastor and ask questions about why they believe as they do.  Or visit a church service, and if you appreciate the pastor's message and you feel comfortable, after the worship service let him know that you want to talk with him about having a relationship with Jesus.  He'll make time to anwer your questions for you!

Please know that the real problem most people have isn't finding Jesus. He's available any time, all the time.The biggest problem is that frequently people want instant, magic solutions that fix everything for the rest of their lives. A relationship is a growing process that goes on for a lifetime of learning from mistakes and a desire for personal meaning according to God's plan for your purpose.

Do some dialoguing with a minister you trust and begin the process of a relationship with Jesus.

Question: I am alcoholic that is trying to stop drinking. I am not doing very well. I go to meetings and I keep hearing this guy say by the grace of god I didn’t have a drink today. Does this mean by the grace of god I did get wasted and miss my son’s basketball game?

Ken Sneed Says...:

I think to begin this discussion we need to define grace as its used in the Bible.

Grace is God's "unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification." (Meriam Webster's Dictionary)

So this begs the question, "Does God favor the other man at your meetings, but not you?"

I think the better question would be, "Did I allow God to grace me, or did I determine to do what I, that is, my flesh, preferred to do without being open to God's grace?"

I believe that What we all do, depending on what each person's individual addiction is (whether chemicals, gossip, gluttony, sex, gambling, TV, greet, etc) is to make a decision to act on our impulses without thought to the consequences, and then we blame God for not "fixing" us.

Without a doubt, God makes his grace available to everyone.  The difference between individuals or from one person's situation to the next situation, is how it's handled.  Did I decide to do the right thing, or did I decide to cave to the temptation before me?

Saying, "No," to chemicals is the right thing to do. But it's not usually as simple as that.  Stopping to look to God, considering the probable outcome of our choices, asking Him for direction and strength to make the best choice, then acting on that choice . . . that's when God's grace is available, though even then it may He may not be given the freedom to apply it because we selfishly decide to do what we FEEL like.

Make your choice based on God's Word and act on it, not your feelings at the time.

Don't blame God for not doing his part. Be responsible for your part and act on the decision.

You may want to read Roman's 7.  Keep in mind that Paul is writing from his own personal experiences.  Wanting to do and acting on our feelings are common for humans.  Choose to be unique and lean on the grace God provides.

Question: Can you recommend an inspirational and helpful book on beating alcoholism for a person struggling with alcoholism that is going to a lot of 12 steps meetings? I am not looking for just inspirational sayings or meditations. I want a book that offers guidance and advice on how to stay sober every day. But I also don’t want a science textbook. I want something faith based. Bless You!

Ken Sneed Says...:

I think I'd begin with "the little black book," AKA, "24 Hours a Day," that's available through AA on line at http://www.my12stepstore.com/Twenty-Four-Hours-A-Day-Daily-Meditation.html.  You may be able to find it in a book store near you.

This book of daily meditations is written by addicts, for addicts.  It's inspirational and practical.

Actually, in my opinion, everyone ought to be in the process of reading this book, one devotional, daily.

Because God's Word is practical, finding a church home and becoming involved in a Bible study, especially one geared for your gender, would be of great advantage for you.  Especailly if you're honest and the rest of the group can be honest, too.

A good, church sponsored group is called, Celebrate Recovery,  Practical and Biblically based, it can be supportive and inspirational.

I hope this is helpful and encouraging to know that the daily "grind" of living the right way is possible and there are others who are invested, as you are, in doing the "right thing" because you're trying to do what God wants.

Always the right thing to do!

Good Luck!

Ken Sneed, MDiv, MA, LPC-S, LMFT, LLC

Question: Went to my first court ordered drug treatment meeting this week. I was in a room with a bunch of other guys who were way harder drug users than I am and all of them were there because they were sentenced to be there. A few of them seemed serious about staying clean but I swear half the guys were making plans to get high or to score while we were outside on smoke breaks. I actually want to use this opportunity to quit using meth since it is now clear to me that is the cause of many of the problems I have experienced recently in my life. But how can I get clean when the place I am supposed to go to get help is like drug dealer central and all those guys sharing drug war stories just makes me want to go out and get cranked? I feel like I am trying to do good by volunteering my time at Church and staying away from the people I used to use with but the court is actually making me go back three times a week to hang out with a bunch of guys that do nothing but remind me of meth.

Ken Sneed Says...:

Congratulations for choosing to be involved in your church and avoiding those you used to hang out with who encouraged your use.  Now you get to make more difficult choices.  You say that hearing those ordered to attend the drug program talk about scoring more drugs, and you get so angry about it that you want to go use again yourself?

So who's responsibility is it that you might choose to do that?  While it is discouraging and disgusting that the others are talking about more use of drugs, your choice can be that their offensive attitudes help you see what you don't want to become.  Be offended and turned off by their behavior . . . to the point you don't want to be one of them!  Easy?  No way!  The choices are difficult because their talk, while disgusting, still takes you back to what has been so appealing to you.  At the same time, you can't blame others for your choice to use or not. 

Invest in additional time and acquaintances who will be encouraging and supportive for you.  Spend time in additional meetings: AlAnon, AA or Celebrate Recovery (a faith-based program).  It may not be easy, but it's your responsibility to make better choices.

Take care of yourself, and do the smart thing!

Question: Over the past year I have probably stolen almost ten thousand dollars from my dad’s company. I have a gambling problem that I am trying to get under control. I feel so terrible because the company isn’t doing that well and they just had to let one of the cleaners go to cut corners. The guy was a new immigrant with 2 kids and I know he is going to have a hard time finding work elsewhere in this economy. Maybe if I hadn’t taken that money he’d still have a job. I swear I am never going to steal again and I am working hard to pay back what I took. No one will ever have to know. Do I have to admit to my dad what I did? I know that I am supposed to make amends for the wrongs I have done but I know that it would hurt him a lot to know that I have been betraying him like this. What is the right thing to do?

Ken Sneed Says...:

I know it will be difficult, scary, embarrassing, and just downright difficult, but making amends and restitution are critical aspects of recovering from any addiction.  Without addressing this step in recovery, it allows for irresponsibility, a big factor in the cause of the addiction. Getting assistance to deal with this problem is  critical.  Very few people actually kick an addiction without guidance and support.  Get involved in Gambler's Anonymous.  You can get the number for that organization in the phone book, or by calling Alcoholics Anonymous. 

Please, do yourself and your family a favor and admit to yourself, them and a support group that it is out of control and you need their help.  Deal with any consequences of being irresponsible, and get the monkey off of your back!

Question: I work in the field of recovery and it appears to me that results from Christian treatment surpass the recovery merry go round rates of secular recovery. Are there studies which support Christian versus Secular treatment?

Ken Sneed Says...:

While it appears that there may be quantitative evidence for faith-based recovery programs being more effective, measuring outcomes is not easy. Results tend to be slanted toward whether the research is by a faith-based organization or individual, or a secular belief system undergirds the studies.  Below, I've listed a few web sites you can go to for additional reading.  You can probably find a lot more on line studies and opinions. 

My experience and thoughts on the subject are relative to my belief system and approach to therapy.  I find it much more difficult to help people who have no faith in God as a foundation for optimism and hope for a better future.  Do the research and check your own belief system, then decide how you want to approach helping others.

http://www.acadc.org/index.html

http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/08/PostHurricaneRelief/rb.shtml

http://aspe.hhs.gov/fbci/comp08/DeJong.pdf

http://www.facesandvoicesofrecovery.org/publications/other.php