Question: My husband said Grace at our table for 48 years before he passed away this September. Now it’s only my son and I and he is no longer a Christian, so it’s just me to say it before meals and every time I go to pray I can’t help but remember how Thomas always did it and it just brings back a lot of pain at every meal. If there was a prayer you knew that would serve as saying Grace but that might also comfort us that Thomas was in a better place now I would be grateful to know it.

Jennifer Hamilton Says...:

My heart and prayers go out to you.  It is so difficult to go on with our day to day lives after we have lost someone we love. 

I do not believe there is a "right" way to say grace.  In our family, we do say the same blessing at each meal, but any words that ask God to bless the food and give Him thanks for nourishing our bodies with the food would be fine. 

I am sure the pain you feel is very uncomfortable, but I want to reassure you, it is pain that you want to feel, need to feel and do not want to avoid of cover up.  It is normal grief.  If you do not feel it now and go on to healing, you may develop problems with complicated grief which can lead to other mental health issues.

In our country, we are taught to avoid pain.  We need to learn to tolerate pain and turn to God to heal our pain.

I lost my Dad six years ago and nearly daily I pray for the repose of his soul (this is a Catholic belief that the soul goes through purgation- cleansing before it will enter into heaven).  I will pray this daily until I die (except when I don't because I am not perfect in my prayer life).  I have found this simple prayer, along with seeing my Dad in my mind's eye (he will vary in what age he is or how he appears when I visual him) has helped me to accept his death, feel I can do something even now to assist him in being with God in heaven and allowed me to feel my pain, a little at a time, so I can heal. 

You are early in the grieving process.  It will be a while before you can breath deeply.  I think it would be very appropriate to pray the prayer your husband always said and add, for my beloved husband, may he rest in heaven with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. 

Do not be afraid of pain.  Embrace it.  It is God's loving hand carving you into the woman He created you to be. 

Question: I’ve found a lot of inspiration from the prayers in the AA Big Book. Can you recommend another good selection of recovery prayers that might be inspirational to a drug addict taking things one day at a time and needing all the help from above he can get?

Jennifer Hamilton Says...:

I absolutely love the small bible called Clean: A Recovery Companion by Dr. Rick Fowler and published by Thomas Nelson.  It is a 12 Step Meditation book that explains addiction, lists addictive agents (some that addicts switch to when stopping the chemical), has 7 meditations each for all 12 steps and links each step to 40-70 scripture quotes in the gospels, psalms and proverbs.  It is currently out of print, but you can still find it cheap on the internet.  The price will be going up because it is such a classic.  I am hoping they will do another printing soon. 

Another wonderful book that can be used as a daily meditation book is The Imitation of Christ.  This book was written in the 11th century and has clear application to our world today. It was the book that inspired the life and ways of St. Therese of Lisieux also known as the "Little Flower".   It is not about addiction, but about following Christ, which is helpful to me. 

If someone has an addicted family member and struggles with Codependency, I like The Language of Letting Go and More  Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.  I hope that helps.