Question: I have an anger problem. When I get angry if I don’t let it out I feel like I will explode. Trying to relax doesn’t work for me. I have a problem with getting really angry at myself and everything when I get frustrated. Like today in maths I just couldn’t do the problem and I didn’t know what I was doing wrong and I just got so frustrated that I couldn’t even think. And then because I couldn’t let my anger out my head was so full of hate and anger I couldn’t think straight to even listen or think and the whole class was wasted and now I am even more confused. I need a way to release my anger in a way that’s not going to get me kicked out of class or make my look like a crazy weirdo.

Katie Brooks Says...:

Hello there-

It
sounds as if you have quite a bit of insight into your problem.  You are right;
if you do not deal with anger it will bottle up and distract you from getting
your work done.  It works this way with all feelings.  I think it
would be beneficial for you to see a therapist in order to work on coping with
your anger.  It might take a few trial and error practices to get the
right skills that work for you.  The main idea though is to get the anger
out in a healthy way that will not hurt anyone else or yourself.  

Being in class complicates things though.  Once you feel
the anger welling it up it is best to deal with it as soon as possible.
 If you are able to talk at this point, you may want to walk up to the
teacher and ask for help.  Explain, "I am really frustrated and angry
at myself because I think I am doing the problem wrong."  Trust that
your teacher can help you.  You can also ask another student that you
trust, but make sure that the anger is not too big at this point.  

In addition, writing in a journal can be effective.  Write
about your anger and where it is coming from.  Then pretend you are your
own best friend and write down some words that are comforting like, "I can
do this." "Sometimes math is hard, but if I ask for help I can keep
working on it.”  If the anger has gone on too long and you think that you
may not have self-control you can ask to go to the bathroom.  Once outside
you can use a number of techniques:  call a friend, scream into your
jacket, jump up and down or even kick a tree (one of my patients finds this
effective).  As soon as you use one of these skills the excess energy is
out return to class and try to ask for help again. 

The last method that my patients find helpful is the hardest to
use because you have to be willing to do it. 
It is called opposite action.  Once
you have identified that you are tired of being any negative emotion, do the
exact opposite of the emotion that you are feeling.  Obviously your anger will not want you to do
anything but be angry, but it helps the emotions to change.  Distract yourself with something or someone
funny.  Keep a funny joke, pictures/
videos with you, so when you go to the bathroom listen to or watch something
funny.  I know it sounds silly, but it
works! 

Anger is a really uncomfortable emotion to deal with so I just
want to appreciate your bravery in asking for help.  Please contact me if you have any further
questions at GoodTherapySanDiego.Com.

Question: Do online anger management classes work or are they just a waste of time?

Katie Brooks Says...:

Sometimes on-line education
can be a great way to gain extra information.  See if there are any
reviews on these programs and make sure that a licensed professional runs it.  In addition, find out what
kind of program it is and match it to your learning style.  Everyone
learns in a different way.  For example, some people are visual learners,
others are auditory learners, and some learn best live and in the classroom.
 It also depends on the extent of your anger and what kind of treatment
you need.  If you are trying to educate yourself because you need better
emotional management skills then on-line education should suffice.  If you
are experiencing emotional problems that are causing dysfunction and impacting your
health, friendships, spouse, and/or work then I would seek a counselor.  At this point you may need a higher level of
treatment.  Good luck!