Question: I used to be a pretty smart guy. Then I got drunk for 15 years. Now I am sober again. Now I am living at my parents house again after a lot of years away and so I am seeing a lot of people like old friends that I have not spent much time with for a long time. Back in Minneapolis I was running with a boozing crowd that wasn’t known for its highbrow conversation. Now I am back talking to old friends that have professional jobs and I can barely get a coherent sentence out properly. I know I must have some brain damage from drinking because while I can still write Ok I am very slow verbally. Don’t know why. I hate it though. I hate seeing the pity and sadness in their eyes when they realize how I am now. I am sober now and the last thing I need is anyone’s pity. Is there anything I can do to get my IQ back? I am willing to work hard at something if it’s going to get me results.

Scott Graham Says...:

I would encourage you to check out Toastmasters and consider joining.

You will be challenged to build your verbal abilities, communication and leadership skills.  

Toastmasters can help you speak more confidently and effectively whether 1:1 or in larger groups.  You will get feedback from a supportive group of people working on similar goals.

Question: If I am really itchy is that a sign that my liver is in trouble? I am a heavy drinker.

Scott Graham Says...:

Excessive alcohol use can injure the liver and itching is one of the signs of liver disease. The liver is critical to our good health.  It not only servers as a purification site for our body but produces albumin (primary blood protein) and bile (key in digestion).

If you are concerned you should see your doctor RIGHT AWAY. It is good to be informed.  However, self diagnosis based on a question to a help forum is not a substitute for qualified medical evaluation.

Question: I am sitting in my car right now parked in front of a liquor store. I am trying to stop myself from going in but who am I kidding really now that I am here. I wish there was some way I could get banned from drinking alcohol like I have banned myself from the casinos. Off to get vodka now. Ok back now. Time for maybe a little sip from the bottle before I go home. This is fucked up. I know I can’t control myself at all. I need to go somewhere where I won’t be able to get alcohol or drugs and I need to go there for a long time, like years long. Know of anywhere like that, for a person who doesn’t have more than a couple thousand in the bank?

Scott Graham Says...:

Someplace you can go for a while that is drug and alcohol free?  I would suggest you go someplace and detox.  Than sit a vipassana course (10 days long).  Once that is over, volunteer to serve the next course.  Then once that is over sit a vipassana course.

Question: Are there any herbal supplements or herbal medications out there that actually help alcoholics stop drinking?

Scott Graham Says...:

To stop drinking? No. If there were an effective herb people could take as a supplement, it would be everywhere. Counseling or coaching is your best tool to stop drinking.

Milk thistle has been reported to have healing properties on the liver and has been reported to help eliminate toxins. This could be a nice addition to a well rounded program of recovery including counseling or coaching (read: not in any way a replacement).

Not a herb, but chocolate milk, was identified in the book "Living Sober" as a strategy to combat cravings. Who wants a beer after eating some chocolate ice cream?

Question: My boyfriend is a bad drunk. He always says he wants to stop and hes going to stop but he never lasts more than a few days before hes back drinking again. I know that in his heart he really wants to do better but he just can’t control himself especially after he has even one drink. I know there used to be a medication they gave to alcoholics that made them feel very sick if they drank and so they would not drink. I do not remember what this is called. Do they still give this to alcoholics? Do you know what this medication is called? Would this medication be a good medication for my boyfriend to take, if he really does want to stop drinking but he just can’t control himself?

Scott Graham Says...:

In Europe, where this drug is used more than in America, significant success rates have been documented from the long-term use of disulfiram (or antabuse).

Here is how it works:

When alcohol is consumed it is metabolized by the body into
acetaldehyde, a very toxic substance that causes many hangover symptoms
heavy drinkers experience. Usually, the body continues to oxidize
acetaldehyde into acetic acid, which is harmless.

Antabuse interferes with this metabolic process, and hence a person taking antabuse  and then drinking with have 5 or 10 times more acetaldehyde than would normally be produced when they drink alcohol.  Like a super hangover from just one drink.

But there are also possibilities of more severe reactions including respiratory depression, cardiovascular
collapse, myocardial infarction, acute congestive heart failure,
unconsciousness, arrhythmias, convulsions, and death.

Question: How do I know if I have liver damage from drinking. I do not drink every day but I do get drunk 3 or 4 times a week for about 20 years. Now in the morning after I get drunk my insides kind of hurt but it goes away if I do not drink again.

Scott Graham Says...:

You sound concerned about your health and worried about potential damage your drinking could have caused.

The only way to know what is going on is to make and appointment with an MD.

Although there are numerous articles on the net, including this one, which outline signs and symptoms for liver damage, the only way to know for certain is to see a doctor in person for an evaluation.  (The liver is not the only organ vulnerable from alcohol abuse.  Your stomach and your pancreas could be damaged and the cause of your pain).

Don't wait, call an MD today!

Question: How long does it take before I won’t have to agonize every night on the way home from work about whether or not to stop and pick up a bottle (like I used to do every night on the way home from work?). I am a month sober and doing it on my own after 10 years of drinking way too much and developing some health problems. I have a lot of will power and if I start drinking again I am likely to have a heart attack so I have some good motivation to stay sober. But if I have to fight this battle in my head every night for much longer I know I am going to lose that battle at least once and once I buy that bottle once it won’t be just once, if you know what I mean. Sorry for the confusing question. I just want to know when it’s going to start getting a little easier and when I won’t have to think so much and try so hard to just not do something.

Scott Graham Says...:

The answer to your question depends on you and what you do to tackle the demon that seems to be inside your head.

There many things that you can do -- and you have to find what is best for you.

I would suggest you connect with a counselor who can help you figure out what else you can do to stop the agony.  Otherwise you might choose the one sure way (in the short short short term only):  to drink again.

Finding the right counselor is very important -- you question shows your determination and individuality and you want a counselor who respects that and helps you tap into you (versus giving you some standard "advice").

Congratulations on one month.  One day is a victory in addiction and 30 of them represent many victories.

You can do it.

Question: My brother is a functional alcoholic. He drinks every night and gets up to go to work 5 days a week. He is visiting right now and last night we shared a case of beers. This is not something I do very often but it is something he does every day. Today I had the worst hangover I can remember ever having in my life. It is 8 in the evening now and I am barely able to take in solid foods even now! My brother has already been drinking for hours and he was up at 8 this morning working on the broken lawnmower I had been complaining about – right as rain. Why can he drink and not get hungover? I am trying to understand why he drinks so much. Do alcoholics become so used to alcohol that they no longer become hung over after drinking. I cannot imagine drinking again for a long while after the way I felt today.

Scott Graham Says...:

Specifically, it is called, consumption-induced tolerance which includes both  speed of recovery when drinking and  needing higher quantities of alcohol to get the same effects.

You also hinted at a second question:  "I am trying to understand why he drinks so much."

You could easily drive yourself nuts trying to answer that question.  IMHO, the answer doesn't matter much at all (I think this is true for most "why" questions).

You might get more by asking "what" -- "What can I do to help him?"  "What can he do to help himself?" etc.

Question: Ever since I quit drinking a month ago I have been doing this really heavy out of control eating. I always drank in the evening right after work until I passed out and now when I get home and sit down to watch Tv I just start eating like crazy and I don’t stop until I am almost sick to my stomach and then I go to bed and I feel terrible. I am gaining a lot of weight and I am almost ready to give up on sobriety because this way of life does not seem to me to be any better. I have just changed one thing for another. How can I stop eating too much without going back to drinking too much.

Scott Graham Says...:

Your story reminded me of a suggestion in the book "Living Sober" about drinking some chocolate milk or chocolate cake when experiencing cravings [who wants a beer after chocolate milk?!].

On the surface it looks like you substituted one addictive behavior for another.

For a more detailed response I would want to know what you are doing to build sobriety and how you are addressing cravings, boredom, and other issues that can be challenging in early recovery.

Question: The whole disease concept of addiction just blows my mind. It’s not as if someone held a gun to my head and forced that Jack down my throat every day for the last 30 years. Went to an AA meeting last night because my wife said she’d leave unless I did. Never met such a bunch of losers in my whole life. What a bunch of crybabies and every one of them blaming ‘the disease’ of alcoholism for their own actions and bad choices. Went home after the meeting and cracked a bottle. Nobody made me do it though. It was my own choice and I accept that. I have some health problems and my doctor is strongly recommending that I quit drinking. I think I will choose to follow his advice and I will stop drinking. I am finding that my habits are hard to change, which is normal after so many decades doing the same thing. My wife is suggesting that I get some professional help and I might do that. But I do not want anyone that is going to be talking that AA voodoo mumbo jumbo. Is there any kind of help for a guy that needs a little help to change his ways but who doesn’t believe in all that praying to a higher power BS and who wants to be in control of his own choices in life?

Scott Graham Says...:

Check to see if there are any SMART Recovery Meetings in your area.  SMART Recovery is all about choice and helping members continue to choose sobriety and healthy behaviors, deal with cravings and change thinking.

Support is key in recovery and the fact that you are considering connect with a professional is a great way to get support.

You can learn more about SMART Recovery at http://www.smartrecovery.org/.