I relapsed, now what?
-
anonymous Asks ...
I have been an alcoholic for my whole life since I was 16. I am 34 now. I have been to rehab a DUI program and lots of AA meetings but nothing helped until I met a woman who was too good to be true who agreed to marry me as long as I would stop drinking completely. That was what I needed and it was 2 years ago that I did it and I didn’t have a drink once until a week ago. For the first time in 2 years my fiancée went to Boise to visit her mom who just had a masectomey for a week to help her after her surgery. As soon as she started packing her suitcase I started having strong drinking fanatacies and after I dropped her at the airport I couldn’t help myself and I went and bought a fifth. My heart was pounding so hard as I walked into the liquor store to buy it. It feels like I have a free pass to get away with it. She is coming back in 2 days and I have already cracked a bottle today. I know if she was not coming back I would not and could not stop. I called in sick from work and I have been drinking since she left. She said if I ever drank again she would not marry me so I cannot tell her but I need her to help me so I do not know what to do.
-
Florence Cameron Says ...
Your story sounds like so many others. Because addiction is a progressive disease, after a protracted abstinence one does not pick up where they left off drinking, but pick up drinking the quantity they would have had they never stopped.
After a DUI, rehabs and AA meetings and you still ignored all the relapse signs and didn't call anyone to help you get through, what could have been a rough patch but now is a full-blown relapse and you will likely need to be medically detoxed. This decision was your choice, and it sounds like "your to good to be true fiancé " will learn that addiction has no cure, not even ultimatums. You my friend, on the other hand may have made an impulsive decision that could cause long term consequences, now that you've reintroduced alcohol to your system. Your relationship, your job and your life is at stake.
I hope you have a chance to learn the recovery skills of sobriety as the "demons" are waiting for another opportunity to destroy your life. Best to meet this head-on with the ugly truth that you can't control your use and your fiancé can't be your baby-sitter. Now she has the concerns of her mother on her mind and will come home to the nightmare invading her relationship. I'm sure she is already concerned that something is wrong, but the lies have already began.
People find it very difficult to stay clean for something or someone else. Sobriety, like happiness, is an inside job; you have to want it for yourself.
Do the next right thing!
Jeannie Cameron, LMHC, CAP
Naples, FL
