Question: Hello, I just read your comments on losing a friend to alcoholism. I agree with your comments and thoughts. I am wondering if there is published research in this area. I am just starting on my counselling degree and would like to explore this area in more detail. Any information you could pass on would be greatly appreciated. Scott

Florence Cameron Says...:

Hello Scott,

I don't know of any research in the area of loss particularly to alcoholism, however, considering addiction with the 'disease model' alcoholism affects so much of the body, organs, brain, etc are affected that many people die of related causes to the disease. There are many reasons people get into counseling and your question could serve as a good dissertation or thesis.

The nuances related to losing a friend or loved one to alcoholism depends on the length of time and severity of their disease. Many people are enabled by family and friends and therefore the disease grips the person so tightly that an emotional jack-hammer would be unable to stop them. The carnage of the degree of deterioration can leave others wounded with scars lasting long after the person has died.

I left my husband when our identical twin sons were 4 years old. I knew I didn't want them exposed to his drinking and consequently his drug use. Though the boys are now grown men they bear the scars of an absent father who was never there emotionally or physically for them. The boys received their black belts in Karate at 16 and attended at least 50 tournaments winning 1st and 2nd each time, their father never saw one nor contributed financially to any of their extra curriculum activities, because the disease is very selfish. The boys would go years without seeing hearing from him. They were FB friends yet he would never contact them through it. Three years ago their father died in a half-way house, alone having bled out after his liver shut down. It must have been a horrible death. The boys became very emotional and were there for him in a way he was never there for them. The pain for me never ends as I had to raise them as a single mother with all the trials and tribulations. The boys, fortunately, grew up with a sense of integrity, have high self-esteem, and are very successful in their careers, as I pushed them to be the best at everything they did. I never missed a tournament, I paid for a lifetime membership, it was expected they were to go to college. The only thing they learned from their father was to never become a slave to a substance that can destroy all the potential one has in life.

I tell this story because addictions, unlike cancer, diabetes, etc., wounds everyone near and dear to the person and takes away their ability to make good choices and decisions about their life. As a society, we must learn how to detach and have strong boundaries so that we can protect ourselves and others when others make the choice to destroy their selves. It is not easy but necessary. If I had of stayed with their father I can only imagine that my son's lives would only be a shadow of what it is now. Thankfully, I made the right choice even though the boys struggle with my decision. They will understand it completely when they are ready.

Great question Scott, I hope you pursue this direction, as it is a field that gets less attention than the substance abusers themselves. Addiction is a family and social disease affecting every connection of the person and the pain reverberates through decades.

Jeannie Cameron

LMHC, MCAP, IC & RC

Naples, FL

Question: my bf wouldnt consider himslf a alcoholic some nights he rinks more than others some nights only a beer or two but has been drinking for years recently at age 50 has started kinda wetting the bed not bad just more drips could this be the liver or kidneys ? he told me he needs to pee alot lately.

Florence Cameron Says...:

Tina,

That is a great question, as I know there are many more people out there afraid to ask this question. Years of chronic drinking takes a toll on all the organs of the body, none are left unscathed. The brain disease model tells us that when the frontal cortex is malfunctioning all other brain systems are effected. The brain is the body's communication for all bodily processes. I often tell my clients that the organs are not forgiving as it is the cumulative damage over time that weaken and break down before it's time. Cassie Shortsleeve wrote an interesting article in Men's Health magazine where she touts that 0.5 to 2 percent of adults involuntarily pee in their sleep and these are only the ones reported. This can result not only from chronic alcohol consumption, but a myriad of other medical and mental issues. However, in the purview of alcoholism, losing the ability to control bodily functions is part of later stages of the disease. The body can not thrive on a steady diet of poison without breaking down. Alcohol is a toxin and a solvent. Solvents destroy hard coats of finish melting it upon contact. Unfortunately the early years of abuse destroy the brain subtlety. Small changes that are easily dismissed and denied until one day it can't be.

However, Dr. Ulhaker with the Cleveland Clinic states that a chronic drinker will experience a reduction in "antidiuretic hormones (ADH). This is the hormone responsible for our bodies conserving water. ADH permits individuals to not pee out all of the body's liquid. Unfortunately, in chronic drinkers the alcohol suppresses the release of ADH prohibiting the kidneys from reabsorbing water and actually causes production of larger amounts of urine. Just because one may not have drank for hours before bed, this suppression can carry into the night while sleeping.

Alcohol irritates certain muscles in the bladder, which causes a contraction allowing one to pee and lets us know when we have "to go again". We can all attest to that sense of urgency upon waking, but when dead asleep and intoxicated one will miss the cues to wake and pee.

Alcohol use lowers inhibitions and truncates good decision making. Alcohol use makes people act stupid in all quadrants of their life. It's likely that many people experience these body changes and will not seek medical attention and/or if they were too, the likelihood of them being candid about their drinking is nil. Beer is more likely to cause enuresis than liquor. Beer causes more urine production than caffeine. One beer is 10.5 ounces more liquid than a shot of liquor.

Michael a 48 year old chronic binge drinker got up from his chair to go into the kitchen naked. He proceeded to open the garbage lid and peed in it after a long day of beer drinking. The bathroom was only 4 steps away. Radford a young 25 year old man, was in swanky resort in the Mexican Riviera when he got up from a drunken stupor and mistakenly thought the chair next to him was a toilet and proceeded to pee all over the chair, which was also supporting his clothes he had worn earlier. The embarrassment of his wife caused her to argue with the drunk until he picked up the urine soaked clothes and threw them out the 30th floor window. These are examples of the frontal lobe not able engage or weigh in on good decision making. This is also denial at its finest, who wants to admit they pee in bed.

How difficult it is for parents to hold their frustration, while their toddler learns to go potty. Many families feel like they have received a raise in income after they no longer have to purchase diapers. Not to mention changing bed linens daily. It is in the late stages of alcoholism that families feel forced to make hard decisions in placing loved ones in assisted living quarters, so they can have round-the-clock care,. The brain's inability to communicate normal body functions.

Encourage your boyfriend to go to a urologist for a full work up. Body organs don't regenerate and poisoning the brain will only lead to more mental and bodily dysfunctions as the frontal cortex of the brain is mission control.

Jeannie Cameron LMHC, CAP

Estero / Naples, Florida

Question: I think my best friend of 20 years is an alcoholic. Over the last five years our friendship has deteriorated...and this past summer i walked away from the friendship. I can't live with her judgmental eye and harsh words anymore. My question is, how do you know? For sure? I left the friendship trying to figure out why she acted and said the things she said but being away, I feel I have an answer. Do I confront her, now that we aren't talking or wait for her to hit her own rock bottom. In the end, I miss my friend, but as an alcoholic, I think I lost her a long time ago... Thanks for any advice you have.

Florence Cameron Says...:

The deterioration of an individual's personality and character are destroyed after chronic use of substances, alcohol included. The neurological changes in the brain that occur from substances, slowly eats away at the mind, body and soul. It's sad to see families and friends disconnect from their loved ones because of the deleterious effects of alcohol/drug dependence.

Because the damage to the brain is unseen, we look at the addict/alcoholic and find it difficult to believe they are not the same as they once were. Parents remember their troubled adult children and remember how innocent and loving they were and hope that the individual will "wake up" and take responsibility for their behaviors. Unfortunately, it's a long, long road to recovery and takes nothing less then everything the individual has to recover from addiction. For recovery to be possible the individual has to make the decision for themselves. No one can make it for them.

The lying, manipulating, conning and despicable behavior are the result of the illness. These behaviors, sometimes called "character defects" are the hallmark of persons with addiction. One of the main features of the disease is denial. Until the individual reaches a point where they want nothing more in their life than to become sober, nothing and no one will be able to help them. The recovery process is more than just abstaining from the drug of choice. Because Addiction is a life-long disease with no cure, it is the responsibility of the individual to treat their own disease. Confronting addicts has proven to be ineffective, as denial keeps the individual on the defense and their decision making and rational reasoning abilities are compromised. Unfortunately, confrontation usually escalates their behavior.

You asked if you should wait for her to hit rock bottom. Not knowing this person, or how she is being enabled to continue her personal destruction is unclear. The people in her immediate life have to understand the addiction process and give the illness back to the person that has chosen it.

I hope you can remember your friend as she once was, not how she is today. People come in and out of our lives and stay for weeks, months, seasons and sometimes years. These people are presented to us to help us learn more about ourselves. I encourage you to have stronger boundaries and self-protect. You can continue to love your friend, but if you can't accept who she is and how she reacts to you, then it may be best for you to find other friends you have more in common with. We all want to be accepted as we are, flaws and all. However, in the purview of drugs/alcohol, we must learn to protect ourselves from the people we love. Keeping in mind that this illness causes the individual to have no regard for how they affect others.

In closing, I'd like to tell you that we can't control what others do, think, say, act. We can only control our response to them. There is an old saying that came from an early (unknown) philosopher, "It's not the boat on the water, It's the water in the boat that sinks it."

Hope you can find resolution in your dilemma.

Regards,

Jeannie Cameron, LMHC, CAP

Naples, FL

239-732-5959

Question: I am married to an alcoholic whom is trying to finally become a recovering alcoholic. He has wanted to stop drinking many many times in the past. He has cried about wanting to stop. We have had many late night conversations about doing it and why he couldn't do it or can't at the moment. His biggest worry is the fact that he is afraid of the person he might become. He has drank for most of his life, more now than when I first met him it seems. What changed and finally sunk in was the fact that he has been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. As a spouse I have been a co dependent so I could spend more time with him. That didn't work out well because I have really never been more than a three drinks in one night person and the spins suck. My husband has no idea what they feel like because he can drink endlessly and still not get the spins or get sick. I have been the wife acting like his mother kind of role. I have been the bitch wife, constantly bitching about finances, his time 'not' home, his sex drive and his short temper and anger issues. We have talked sensibly about his wants and the why's and what are we going to do about this disease that me not being an alcoholic just couldn't get a grasp on. I just couldn't get my head into his understanding and his way of thinking. Now that he has been diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the liver he has quit drinking and "YES" I am very proud of him. and he has quit smoking as well. He's been drinking for close to 40 years. My concerns now are his mood swings and short temper. We are experiencing or maybe It's just me, self esteem issues. I'm afraid to say anything to him for fear of making him angry. I don't want to walk on eggshells though. He makes me feel feel like my IQ is not high enough to have a conversation. It's like a competition as to who is going to win the right to take over a conversation and who's story is more important. We can get into an argument over the weather report. OMG! I just want to scream at times. I didn't do a load of laundry yesterday and he gets so upset and mad. I didn't hear what he said the day before and he bit my head off. I don't know what I should be doing right now. I want to support him, I've been trying this whole time so why do I feel like running more now than before after all these years? I know he is going to change but how much? I'm so confused now. I'm choking up just typing this. HELP! I need some insight as to what to expect as a wife of a recovering alcoholic.

Florence Cameron Says...:

Only the beginning, hang on tight.

Putting down the drink is the first step in recovery, but by no means does this alone help the mood swings, the confusion and the angry and frustrating outbursts of the individual in recovery. There is a book by Tian Dayton called, "Emotional Sobriety" that could help you and your husband understand the interpersonal dynamics of recovery.

You stated that your husband initially was afraid of becoming sober out of fear of who he really is. Alcohol takes one's character, personality and values away, leaving in it's wake, emotional pain and turmoil. For the newly sober it can be a nightmare, waking up to all the emotions suppressed by alcohol. Alcohol tamps down the Central Nervous System and when removed, the body goes through a number of changes that have negative effects and usually these symptoms are so intolerable that relapse takes the individual back to drinking to avoid the pain of sobriety and the changes the body has to endure to reach homeostasis. After 40 plus years of drinking his emotional system is dis-regulated. I encourage you to peruse this site and find other stories similar to yours, as there are countless experts that help thousands daily from this web-site.

AA is an organization that helps individuals like your husband set the ground work for emotional healing. These groups support each other during the all phases of recovery. I want to add here that alcoholism is not curable, and facing recovery requires supportive people who have been there and can understand the emotional roller-coaster of recovery. Alcohol changes the landscape of the brain and after one year to 18 months of abstinence the brain can make remarkable changes. Your husband exhibits now, emotions that mimic mental illness, because he's cultivated this disease with his drinking. Alcoholism is a brain disease and support groups like AA and Al-anon help alcoholics and their family cope with, "the new normal".

After 10 years or more of drinking, the individual begins experiencing the physical damage of the disease, as you have now learned that your husband is suffering from cirrhosis of the liver. Our bodies can not operate on a steady diet of poison for years on end. The organs are not forgiving and it's the cumulative damage of all the years of drinking that eventually break it down. The emotional damage from, "stinking thinking", distorted beliefs about self and others, and rigid, inflexible behaviors also tears at the fabric of the family and anyone else that is attached. Years of drinking causes personality changes and AA can be a supportive environment where your husband can talk about his life as an alcoholic and how he can re-script a new life for himself.

This site is an excellent resource for help. I encourage you to use it and to take care of yourself. You stated that you are co-dependent and have enabled him. Let Al-anon help you free yourself from his disease and enable you to find some joy in your own life. Seek out counseling for yourself and begin a personal development journey to keep you in balance. Try to understand what he is going through by finding out what the post-acute withdrawal symptoms to expect and how to treat them. You can be empathetic with him, but gently disagree and don't buy into his ever changing moods. Matching his anger and being a right-fighter is not helpful to anyone. Learn to engage dispassionately and find solutions, rather than staying in the problem. Rely on your family for support, seek respite and solace for yourself. After all, your husband made the choices and decisions to be where he is today. This is his disease, give it back to him.

Jeannie Cameron, LMHC, CAP

Naples, FL

239-732-5959

Question: My dad is going to rehab after 30 years of drinking. He drank all through my childhood. He has cirohosis now which is the only reason he is going. Does he have any chance? He is not even all there upstairs.

Florence Cameron Says...:

It is difficult to say if your father has another chance after 30 years of drinking. Sounds like his new health concern is motivating him to seek help. This is the first step in recovery, a willingness to seek help. Not knowing much else about your dad, I can't predict an outcome.....what I can predict is that if he doesn't stop drinking, any chances he may have to seek effective recovery will eventually fade. There are no success stories unfortunately, alcoholism becomes a disease larger than the individual can control on their own. Nothing short of changing everything in his life would be required. He's spent a lot of time and effort feeding this addition, it will take equal the attention to recover. All we can do is have hope and prepare for the worst.

Seek Al-anon to help you understand the disease and how you can help, but keeping healthy boundaries to protect you from the pain of watching a parent destroy themselves in front of you and his family.

Jeannie Cameron, LMHC, CAP

Naples, FL

Question: I am 43 days 100% alcohol free sober. I am 29 years old and this is the first time I am sober since I was a teenager (a young one…). I need to get started making a life for myself because if I stay where I am (not a good place) I know I will get back to drinking. That is all anyone does here. The roadblock that is stopping me is that I cannot all of a sudden make a decision on anything. This morning it took me 5 minutes to pick a bottle of ketchup at the supermarket. People were starting to stare at me it was so weird but I just felt paralyzed by all the choices. This happens with everything I do to the point that I almost can’t even do anything. Forget about making long term plans because I cannot even make a decision on what to eat for lunch and I can get hung up thinking about it for an hour, just sitting in the kitchen and starting at me options. Honestly I am feeling like I am losing my mind a little bit and it is scary. Is there anything I can do to make this go away?

Florence Cameron Says...:

15 years of alcohol abuse is substantial. After a prolong period of ingesting a toxic substance in your body, especially the caustic solvent of alcohol, the body will inevitably change drastically and not for the better. Because prolong use of alcohol exacerbates the aging process and changes the brain chemistry, you can't expect clear thinking to return after 43 days. Actually, it takes a month or two of sobriety for your brain to "reset" and adjust to not having alcohol. Unfortunately, we must respect the brains fragility.

Just like a car or any other sophisticated system, feeding it a consistent supply of toxin will damage all areas of the system, including and deleteriously - the brain. The frontal cortex, aka, "mission control" is the part of the brain most affected from chronic alcohol abuse. When this area becomes compromised the whole system begins to malfunction.

Keep in mind that the severity of your "PAWS" my differ from others, for better or worse. The important think to remember is that if you continue to abstain from alcohol you will have a better chance of reversing the damage done. The only decision and choice you should be making now is a commitment to choose NOT to drink. The problem is when the brain is malfunctioning you no longer have the ability to make good choices and decisions. This is the reason teenagers should never be allowed to start drinking, as the frontal cortex is still evolving. Damaging the brain before 25 years of age is setting the individual up for brain damage, which is what alcoholism is. I invite you to read the following information that will educate you on the time-line that you can possibly expect as your sobriety continues.

A Timeline for Cognitive Recovery after Abstinence, by John Lee, editor of choosehelp.com

Researchers at Neurobehavioral Research Inc developed a timeline for cognitive recovery by comparing long-term abstinent alcoholics to age-equivalent control subjects.1

At 2 Weeks of Abstinence

The average recovering alcoholic experiences:

Increased confusion

Increased irritability

Distractibility

A decreased ability to attend and concentrate

Slower reaction times

A decreased ability to use verbal abstract reasoning

Decreased verbal short-term memory

Impaired verbal learning abilities

Impaired mental flexibility

Impaired visual-spatial abilities

Decreased non-verbal short-term memory

recovering alcoholics experience substantial and varied thinking deficits at 2 weeks into recovery. These thinking problems help to explain high relapse rates during the first period of abstinence and underscore the need for effective compensatory coping strategies (such as those you would learn in an addiction treatment program).

By 2 Months

By 60 days into recovery, distractibility, confusion and irritability have disappeared, but memory problems, concentration, learning, mental flexibility, abstract reasoning and visual-spatial deficits remain.

So by 2 months you can expect to feel quite a bit calmer and more clear-headed, but you will still suffer from significant deficits and you will still need to rely heavily on compensatory coping strategies that reduce your need to make significant or risky decisions.

By 5 Years

From 2 months to 5 years of abstinence people make incredible cognitive gains and get very close to a full restoration of normal functioning.

By 5 years, the average alcoholic may still experience:

Problems with non-verbal abstract reasoning and non-verbal short term memory

Diminished mental flexibility

Diminished visual-spatial abilities

By 5 years, all other cognitive functions have returned to a normal level state.

By 7 Years

By 7 years the average recovering alcoholic has made a nearly complete recovery. However, diminished visual-spatial abilities persist. These seem irreversible.2

You Can Recover!

So even though you may have spent years working to destroy brain cells, your brain can still heal, so long as it’s given the opportunity to do so.

Take-Home Message

It’s never too late.

You can someday think as clearly as you used to.

The significant cognitive deficits seen in early recovery make quitting very difficult, and you give yourself a much better chance of success by learning compensatory coping strategies that make-up for your diminished abilities.

This website is an excellent source for information about the disease of alcoholism and the post acute withdrawal syndrome, which is a constellation of negative symptoms your body experiences as a result of chronic drinking.

Jeannie Cameron, MS, NCC, LMHC

239-732-5959

Question: I have been an alcoholic for my whole life since I was 16. I am 34 now. I have been to rehab a DUI program and lots of AA meetings but nothing helped until I met a woman who was too good to be true who agreed to marry me as long as I would stop drinking completely. That was what I needed and it was 2 years ago that I did it and I didn’t have a drink once until a week ago. For the first time in 2 years my fiancée went to Boise to visit her mom who just had a masectomey for a week to help her after her surgery. As soon as she started packing her suitcase I started having strong drinking fanatacies and after I dropped her at the airport I couldn’t help myself and I went and bought a fifth. My heart was pounding so hard as I walked into the liquor store to buy it. It feels like I have a free pass to get away with it. She is coming back in 2 days and I have already cracked a bottle today. I know if she was not coming back I would not and could not stop. I called in sick from work and I have been drinking since she left. She said if I ever drank again she would not marry me so I cannot tell her but I need her to help me so I do not know what to do.

Florence Cameron Says...:

Your story sounds like so many others. Because addiction is a progressive disease, after a protracted abstinence one does not pick up where they left off drinking, but pick up drinking the quantity they would have had they never stopped.

After a DUI, rehabs and AA meetings and you still ignored all the relapse signs and didn't call anyone to help you get through, what could have been a rough patch but now is a full-blown relapse and you will likely need to be medically detoxed. This decision was your choice, and it sounds like "your to good to be true fiancé " will learn that addiction has no cure, not even ultimatums. You my friend, on the other hand may have made an impulsive decision that could cause long term consequences, now that you've reintroduced alcohol to your system. Your relationship, your job and your life is at stake.

I hope you have a chance to learn the recovery skills of sobriety as the "demons" are waiting for another opportunity to destroy your life. Best to meet this head-on with the ugly truth that you can't control your use and your fiancé can't be your baby-sitter. Now she has the concerns of her mother on her mind and will come home to the nightmare invading her relationship. I'm sure she is already concerned that something is wrong, but the lies have already began.

People find it very difficult to stay clean for something or someone else. Sobriety, like happiness, is an inside job; you have to want it for yourself.

Do the next right thing!

Jeannie Cameron, LMHC, CAP

Naples, FL

Question: I am not looking for medical advice since I know you cannot provide that on a forum like this but what I am looking for is a general bit of advice on how bad my detox is probably going to be. I am 27 and I have been drinking since I was 18. I was a heavy drinker for a long time but I never used to drink alone. My girlfriend split 18 months ago and a little bit after that I got over my taboo feelings for drinking by myself and for the last 13 months it has been every night that I have drank. I am only a beer drinker and I will drink a minimum of 6 beers per night and a maximum of 12 beers. Probably averaging about 8 beers per night. I really feel like I need to drink now by after work and the first thing I do when I get home in the evening is open a beer but I don’t get the shakes or anything like that in the day time. I have gained a lot of weight in the past year but other than that I think my health is OK. I know I need to quit but I really don’t want to go to rehab. Since I have only been drinking every day for about a year is it going to be too bad? I feel like if I don’t drink something bad will happen to me but I don’t know if I am just using this as an excuse to keep drinking every night.

Florence Cameron Says...:

You don't have to go to Rehab, but it looks like you can't do it on your own either. Not knowing your weight nor height or your physical condition, I can't speculate the intensity of your detox. You are lucky in the fact that you are not waking up needing a drink to chase away withdrawals symptoms in the morning, yet. It's not just the physical detox itself that one must go through, it's the perceived psychological dependence you have now developed. There is a Japanese proverb that warns of the dangers of drinking too much, which was later made into a poem by an American poet and educator, Edward Sill.

"At the punch bowl's brink,

Let the thirsty think,

What they say in Japan:

First the man takes a drink,

Then the drink takes a drink,

Then the drink takes the man."

You stated you started drinking at age 18 and now you're 27. You're relationship dissolved 18 month's ago and you have been drinking alone and going out drinking everyday. You stated that "you really feel like you need to drink after work every day" screams to me that you intensely crave drinking. The fact you bring up, "I've only been drinking every day for a year" somehow diminishes the severity of your alcoholism is called DENIAL. It's time you got honest with yourself. I don't endorse that BS.

There are many methods out there to stop drinking, however, detoxing from alcohol is medically risky, as seizures can develop. Please find articles here on www.choosehelp.com that will steer you towards sobriety. There are no success stories for anyone who continues to poison themselves: body, mind and spirit with alcohol and drugs. You are a young man, but your organs are not forgiving and this excess in drinking will take many years off your life, as well as cause a plethora of medical problems.

Hope you find that you are worthy of living a life to remember.

Jeannie Cameron, LMHC, LCAP

Naples, FL

Question: If I was a drunk for 15 years and then I quit by the time I was 32 and if I didn’t drink or smoke again after that and lived healthy do you think my drinking will cause me to die an early death? I have 3 years sober and I am really happy at my life today and I just wonder if I drank for too long and the damage is already too much done.

Florence Cameron Says...:

There are so many variables to this equation that I'd be negligent to try to answer, as I'm not a physician, and without testing, the doctor would also be hard pressed to tell as well. What I can tell you is it is never to late to take care of yourself. The body and brain has a remarkable capacity to heal itself when free from toxins and given the proper nutrients. Yes you are correct, some organs aren't forgiving and the culmination of toxins and damage to the organs cannot be reversed. However, stopping the continuation of damage can prolong rather than accelerate the dying process. If we realized that we begin the death process the moment we are born we perhaps may be more kind to our bodies than we'd have a better chance at the normal process of aging. The choice is yours' to make. Choose the next right thing!

Jeannie Cameron

Naples, FL

Question: I was drinking real bad for years, landed in the hospital with kidney failure the doctors didnt think id make it but did. i stayed sober for like 6 months and then started drinking again, got pancreatitus and in the hospital again, since then i lost the desire to drink. on occasion i will have a couple beers or drinks but not to the point of drunkiness. I just lost the desire to drink anymore like i used too which was a fifth a day or more. at thanksgiving i had 2 glasses of wine and when my son comes home on leave i will have a beer or 2 with him. even now i have a partial 12 pack from when he was here but have no desire to drink any, Christmas is around the corner and i probablly will have some beer or maybe wine but still dont feel like getting drunk. I used to drink til i passed out and when i woke start over again everyday after work and all day on my days off. my question is am i cured or will i relapse...?

Florence Cameron Says...:

Mr. Yager, my question to you would be, "Why, if you have no desire to drink, would you keep it in your house and/or even partake of it at any time". It appears to me that you keep it 'just in case'. To answer your question, "Am I cured?" No you are not.

Alcoholism is incurable and can only be maintained on a day to day basis. The mere fact that you are having deleterious health consequences tells me that you have done tremendous damage to your body by digesting this toxic solvent for many years. Unfortunately the organs aren't forgiving and the damage is cumulative. By tempting yourself, keeping it around your house, you are putting yourself in a position to began "drinking heavily again". Alcoholism is a progressive disease, this means when you have a sustained sobriety period and then pick up again you don't pick up where you left off; you pick up again where you would have been had you never stopped in the first place. So my friend it would behoove you to stay away from it like the plague and begin taking care of yourself instead of accelerating your dying process.

As people's organs begin to break down from years of abuse it is probably the most horrific pain and discomfort end of life process there is. Because Alcoholism is a disease, you are not that powerful to quit on your own. You need to be educated on how alcohol affects the body and brain an learn better coping skills than escaping life's problems in a bottle. With the shape of your pancreas any amount of alcohol is damaging to you. I'm sure your son would rather see you have the will-power and self-love to turn away from the bottle and enjoy his company rather than nursing a bottle and emotionally checking out from the relationship you could be nurturing with him while you have the time to be with him.

Please peruse this site for more information on alcoholism. It has a plethora of good advice and questions from individuals just like yourself who are on the brink of death or just not aware of the damage they are causing to their body and their families. Knowledge is power. I hope you arm yourself with it and make better choices for you and your family. I bet they'd like to have you around for awhile. Alcoholism is a selfish disease and it affects no less than everyone in its wake.

Do the next right thing!

Jeannie Cameron, LMHC

Naples, FL