Question: Do I have a drinking problem if I drink heavily for two months and then go on the wagon for 2 months and dry out. I have been doing this for about 3 years. My situation is I work 2 months away from home and then I am home for 2 months without work on a cycle. By the end of my 2 months at home I am always drinking a lot and I know if I didn’t have to go to work my situation might get out of control. Or maybe I let it get a little crazy because I know I am going to have to stop. I am not sure. I am 26 and I did not really start drinking until I was 20. What I want to know is can I be an alcoholic if I can not drink for 2 months without too much trouble (it is not even available)?

Donna Hunter Says...:

Yes you can be an alcoholic even if you do not drink daily. It is not so much the substance and time as the effect it is having on you. You are managing your drinking because you know you need to go to work. But you even mention that you know if you didn't have to go to work your situation might get out of control. Alcohol or any addictive substance or behavior becomes a problem when it interferes with work, family, physical or mental health. We can go a long time without seeing or running into the consequences of our addictions. Denial is addiction's best friend. You were concerned enough to ask about it. That tells me you know deep down you have a problem or the beginning of a problem with it.

Question: Is dry drunk a real thing? Like would a doctor or a psychiatrist say this was a real phenomenon or is this just another manufacturance from those kooky 12 steppers? As far as I can tell most everyone I have ever met in AA is dry drunking it all over time the way they react to me!

Donna Hunter Says...:

The term dry drunk is not a a diagnosis, if that is what you are asking.

Is it a real thing? Anyone who has experienced life with an alcoholic or addict, who is not working a recovery program would say it is a very real thing. A dry drunk is generally not utilizing the 12 steps to address the behaviors, attitude and consequences of their addiction.

As such they are building up their ego and denial believing they must not be in such bad shape if they can white knuckle it and stop using. Stopping the use of a substance is only the beginning.

Question: I am a recovering alcoholic with 11 months no-relapsing sober time. I am an executive salesperson for a major cosmetics brand and my (new) job involves a great deal of travel to Asia. I find the jet lag very tough to deal with and when I am tired and stressed after a long day and in some anonymous hotel room (I always ask that the minibar be emptied before I take residence) I have almost slipped a couple of times, going so far as to order a drink at the bar on one occasion before coming to my senses. There is always something about being away from home and in a hotel room that makes having a drink seem that much easier. I do not want to lose this great job that I have but it is most important that I do not fall back into a bottle. What advice do you normally give people trying to stay sober who have to travel a lot and get tired and hungry and angry and lonely almost by default on a weekly basis!

Donna Hunter Says...:

First and foremost, I think preplanning is essential. You know you will be on the road. You know you will be tired at the least. Bring AA literature with you. Locate a meeting if possible or go to a meeting online. Make sure you call your sponsor and recovery friends daily. jet lag is hard and I certainly do not claim to be an expert in this area. However, I understand that avoiding caffeine, staying hydrated and getting some exercise the day of travel is good to counteract the effects. I am glad to hear you have them empty the mini frig before your hotel stay. Is there anything you can bring with you to entertain yourself in the hotel? A computer with a few games. Maybe Skype with recovery friends? Books, knitting, resistance bands for exercise? Perhaps it would be a good time to journal and find the internal struggle that has lead you too close to the bottle.

Question: I am a high school teacher. I witnessed one of my colleagues drinking at lunch hour. He did not see me witness him and he was trying to be very secretive about it. He is a sweet older man but it does not surprise me to learn that he has an alcohol problem. I and others have had suspicions for a while. If I reported him he would obviously get fired and I do not wish that for him but I think I have to do something now that I have seen what I have seen. I am thinking about gathering a few other colleagues who know him well to sit down with him, without notifying administration, to ask him to get some help so we don’t have to report what we now know. The thing I am uncertain about is what we should ask him to do? Is rehab what is necessary in this situation? He is unmarried and I do not know his extended family situation.

Donna Hunter Says...:

It is wonderful that you would think of trying to help him to prevent a job loss. However, you are likely putting yourself at risk doing this.

That being said you are doing a couple of things when you meet with him. you are confronting his behavior and setting limits and boundaries.

By confronting him you are letting him know your suspicions and what you witnessed. You are also letting him know you are doing this intervention because you care about him.

By setting limits you are letting him know what you expect; i.e. getting help and identifying a time limit. You will need to let him know that should he not follow through that he will be reported. He needs to know that you will follow through.

Finding help might not be that hard. Your school district likely has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) That program will provide a limited number of therapy sessions for evaluation and referral. When accessing the EAP you can go to HR and ask how to get into contact with the program. No one at HR needs to know why you want the information. Nothing from those sessions are reported back to the school. That is a good place to start to find a therapist who specializes in addiction. AA is also tremendously helpful. Perhaps one of your colleagues is familiar with the program. you can also find AA online and get a list of meetings in your area.

Good Luck!

Question: If my mom drinks a bottle of wine every night is she an alcoholic? I am worried about her but she says I am being crazy. I am not sure because she has a good job and she takes care of me and my brother really well but I can see that she is really tired and hung over every morning.

Donna Hunter Says...:

I wish it was easy to tell if someone is an alcoholic by how much they drink. When we identify alcoholism we look at a few different things.

First, does the person experience withdrawal symptoms. Those are a group of physical things that happen if the person does not drink on their regular schedule

Second we try to find out if their tolerance changed. That means they either need less or more alcohol than normal to get the effect they want from drinking.

Third we look to see if there is a problem in their personal life, like people concerned about their drinking, fighting. We ask about their jobs, are they getting their work done, have their been complaints. We ask about their physical health.

But what I hear in your question is you are concerned about your mom because you see her drink every night and you see that she doesn't feel well every morning. I don't think you are crazy to believe mom has a problem. It is hard to be on the outside watching someone struggle with a problem. You might want to check to see if there are any al-ateen groups locally where you could get some support as you deal with all of this.

Question: My brother is an alcoholic. He has tried to quit drinking many times in the past but he never lasted more than a week or so before he sneaks back into some bar and then that’s the end of it. I have heard that celebrities sometimes use sober coaches who follow them around 24 hours a day for the first while to help them stay sober. We are in no position to afford something like that but I am currently unemployed and I was thinking I could be my brother’s sober coach for a few weeks to help him get over the hump. I was wondering if you thought this was a good idea or not. I would also like to know if you have any suggestions for me to help me make this work. Thank you very much for taking the time to read my question, Jim

Donna Hunter Says...:

Staying sober is difficult. Begin surrounded by people who are supportive and sober is great. However, there is a reason celebrities use coaches that are ideally trained and objective/ non family members. Getting clean also means getting in touch with feelings; anxiety, depression anger. It is easier at times to tell a family member to “leave me alone” when it is time to go to a meeting, than it is to tell this non partial.

If you do this have realistic expectations. You cannot keep him sober. If he chooses to drink he will find a way. He needs to change his life. You are not changing his life. He needs to go to meetings or to do whatever he has planned to get support from others in recovery. It would be helpful if you started to attend Al-Anon so you can understand what the family goes through and what you need to do to take care of yourself in this process. This coaching process is not a long term endeavor. He has to stand up on his own two feet and make good decisions whether you are there or not.

Question: I am 18. My friends and I like to drink and we will all get pretty wasted at one of our houses like 2 or 3 times a week. It’s a pretty normal thing for us to do around here. Lately I have been having blackouts. I don’t drink any more than I used to (like a 12 pack) but now I can’t remember shit about what I did the night before after about the 8 beer stage. None of my other friends seem to black out like I do. Does this mean I am becoming an alcoholic?

Donna Hunter Says...:

Blackouts are a serious signal  that your body is giving you.  When a person dis drinking the same amount they always did but starting to blackout it mean the body is not able to deal with the alcohol and your tolerance is changing.  A change in tolerance is one of the criteria for Alcohol Dependence.  As a teenager, your body and brain are still developing.  Alcohol is in essence a poison.  Even though you believe you are old enough to make your own decisions and deal with consequences, you physiology says otherwise.  So simply put, yes, having blackouts means you are on the fast-track to becoming an alcoholic.

Question: My brother in an alcoholic and he has liver disease (not cirrhosis) reoccurring gastritis and he just had seizures which have put him in the ICU for almost a week. He says that I need to give up on him because he’s never going to be able to quit drinking and that no matter what he tries he is never able to stop for more than a day or two before the shakes and cravings get too bad to resist. Is it true that some people are beyond help or is it that he just hasn’t gotten the right kind of help yet. I pray that he’ll find something that will work because the drinking has already cost him a beautiful family and a good job and he looks about 20 years older than me even though he is my baby brother.

Donna Hunter Says...:

That is a good question.  In AA, the Big Book says no one is beyond help if they are willing to make changes in their life.  There is no quick fix in the world of addiction.  It is a physical, mental and spiritual disease.  I personally believe everyone one of us has the capacity to change, but not all of us choose to do what is necessary.  To  recover from addiction we have to change our life on many levels.

In my experience, those with serious, life threatening addictions are best served in a long term treatment facility, that offers step down programs- inpatient, outpatient, transitional living.  The difficulty with addiction is that the fog doesn't clear for so long- at least a year or so.  Without ongoing treatment and support, the cravings and desire to return to the addiction are very strong.  Addiction is a cunning and baffling disease.  What seems like god reasons to stop using: health  and family are no match to the rationalizations that go on- the addiction that talks to you saying, "You haven't had a drink in two months, you can handle just one."

So is he beyond help?  That is up to him.  I would strongly recommend you find a local Al-anon group to help you deal with being in family with an alcoholic.