Question: My boyfriends parents are both giant alcoholics. He says he wont ever drink because he never wants to wind up like them. Good for him I say because I don’t drink either. He does smoke a lot of weed. He says weeds not addictive. I think my boyfriend has a problem but I do not know how to convince him that he might have a problem. He so badly doesn’t want to end up like his parents but when I see him baked at the end of every night and I see them drunk on the couch at the end of every night watching TV I can see that there is definitely something more the same than different about it.

Dr. Lani Chin Says...:

Thanks for your post.  It sounds like you're going through a tough time.  You're boyfriend is lucky to have you on his side.

You sound very concerned about his marijuana use.  You're stuck in a pretty difficult situation because while you're concerned, it doesn't sound like you're boyfriend feels there is any problem.  Unfortunately, there is no way to make him get help or force him to stop smoking.  What you can do is talk to him about your concerns and how important it is for you that he get some help for himself.  You can also talk about how there are some genetic links to addiction so if his parents have a drinking problem, there is an increased likelihood that he will also have an addiction.  Your boyfriend is definitely in denial about his use and marijuana can be just as addictive as alcohol.  You can look up some Marijuana Anonymous meetings in your neighborhood to go with him to or you can also help him find a therapist.  Maybe if he talks about his reasons for using, he can see how marijuana may be impacting his life in some not so positive ways.

Good luck to both of you.  If you are in the Los Angeles area, I'd be happy to help either or both of you: www.drlanichin.com.

Question: Stop smoking self hypnotherapy programs yay or nay? Is it actually possible to self hypnotize and it is actually possible for hypnosis to help me beat a 15 year smoking habit?

Dr. Lani Chin Says...:

Thank you for your post.  Congratulations on making the decision to stop smoking.  Wanting to quit is the first (and often the most difficult) step in this process.

Self hypnotherapy can and has worked for many people.  To ask "yay or nay" is not really a question that can be answered without knowing any information about you.  Self hypnotherapy does not have as much scientific validity as nicotine replacement.  That doesn't mean that I don't think it will work.  It's more important to look at your motivation to stop smoking.  Are you doing this for yourself?  Your partner?  Your family?  It's fine to want to quit for your loved ones, but the primary reason needs to be for yourself.  This is essential because the first thing you're going to want to do after you have an argument with the person you quit for is to reach for a cigarette. 

It's also a good idea to think about different ways to cope with your feelings.  Most people who smoke have dulled their emotions.  What are you going to do when you get angry if you aren't smoking?  If you've been smoking for 15 years, you've likely had a long emotional relationship with smoking.  Cigarettes have been there for your when you've been happy, excited, sad, depressed, angry, anxious, celebratory, and maybe even bored.  Consequently, you're going to have to think about how to deal with those emotions when they come up.  I know there have been several studies that link successful smoking cessation and exercise.

Good luck and congratulations again on deciding to quit.

Question: I smoked between 1 and 2 grams per day (good strong weed) for the past 5 or so years. 6 weeks ago I decided to quit cold turkey because I was going nowhere in life and I could see that my habit was limiting my motivation and energy. But even with all that, I was pretty happy most of the time…I guess I was pretty stoned most of the time :). Quitting wasn’t that tough but now I find that still have no energy and I feel depressed a lot of the time. All of the things I used to really enjoy doing are totally blah to me now. Is it common for people who quit heavy marijuana habits to become depressed? I am not sure if I should start smoking again or not?

Dr. Lani Chin Says...:

Thanks for your post.  Congratulations on your sobriety.

Marijuana is a substance that many people use to numb their emotions.  With that being said...your body is now adjusting to being sober.  Feeling "blah" is a symptom many people report after quitting continual use.

I think it's important now for you to revisit your motivations for quitting to begin with.  You reported you were "going nowhere in life" and your use was limiting your "motivation and energy."  It sounds like you had pretty good reasons for quitting.  Has this changed since then?  Again, you are likely going through a period of detox so feeling "blah" is something that will pass.  Your body needs to cleanse itself before you will begin to feel better.

It may be a good time to attend Marijuana Anonymous meetings for some support during this time of transition.  Another option would be to attend individual therapy to talk about what you might be numbing out.  If you are in the Los Angeles area, I would be happy to help you out with this: www.drlanichin.com.

Good luck to you.

Question: I’m a hard core weed head. I have smoked many bowls a day for many many years. I can see that the weed is having a negative affect on my life but there are parts of it that I still love so much so I can’t imagine trying to give it up completely. I have tried to slow down on my own on multiple occasions but it never really works. Is it possible that there is some sort of professional help that I could get to help me cut down, even though I do not want to quit entirely. I am not looking for an AA or an NA experience and I am not looking to get lectured on my choices.

Dr. Lani Chin Says...:

Thanks for your post.  It sounds like you are trying to make some changes in your life.  I applaud you for reaching out to get help.

I understand that you are choosing to use marijuana and although you recognize your use has made an impact on your life, you are resistant to quitting completely.  I am curious about the reasons for your use.  Usually marijuana is used to numb emotions or memories that are painful.  Is this playing a role in your life?  It could benefit you to seek individual therapy to talk about the reasons you use.  Not every therapist is going to recommend that you quit completely.  Your goals in therapy are determined by you and no therapist can force you to do what you don't want to do.  By making a real effort in therapy, you might be able to address the underlying issues that intensify your desire to use.   If you are in the Los Angeles area, I would be happy to help you address your concerns: www.drlanichin.  If you are not in the Los Angeles area, I would recommend you google local therapists in your area.  Again, no one can force you to do what you don't want to do.  If you set a goal to cut back on your use, the therapist you choose to work with will need to respect your wishes.  Good luck.

Question: How dangerous is for someone with high blood pressure to do cocaine recreationally, like once or twice a month. My husband is 46 and his blood pressure is bad enough now that he needs medication but he will still go out with his buddies every now and again and drink and do coke all night like he was still a 20 year old kid. I am telling him he’s going to have a heart attack but he says that a little every once in a while is not a big deal. Who is right?

Dr. Lani Chin Says...:

Thank you for your question.  Your husband's drug use in addition to his high blood pressure sounds risky.  Since I do not have a medical background, I cannot determine "who is right" in this scenario.  This would be better answered by an MD.  However, it may not be as important to understand who is right in this scenario.  Usually people do not use drugs when everything is fine.  Drug use is usually an indication that something isn't working.  It may be more beneficial to talk to your husband about how you can help him.

What has also caught my attention is throughout your post, you sound incredibly angry.  It might be helpful for you to seek individual therapy to talk about how your husband's drug use is affecting you.  It must be difficult to know your husband is engaging in harmful behavior.  Perhaps having the support of a therapist could help you formulate a conversation you could potentially have with him about your concerns.  Your husband could also seek individual therapy to talk about his drug use or find a supportive group to talk why he is using.  It could also be good if you both enroll in couples therapy so that together, you two can talk about what's going on with your relationship.  You don't need to be alone in this.  The fact that you wrote this post indicates that you are open to seeking support.  There are many support groups and drug use recovery centers that can help.  Good luck to the both of you.

Question: Hello Dr. Chin, I apologize that this message is so long. But I will try to summarize the best I can. I have a 24 yr old son, who we've been trying to help for the last 10 years with his mental health issues and addiction problem. My husband and I have never had drug/alcohol addiction, however my dad and my grandfather have been alcoholics. My son's problem started when his older brother (who had an opiate addiction) relapsed and tragically died of an overdose at the young age of 20. Our remaining son who at the time was 14 spiraled into a deep depression and debilitating anxiety kicked in shortly after (prior to this, we did notice that he had anxiety issues, but exaserbated). He isolated himself and threw himself into an online game that he used to cope. He would stay up all through the night playing and would have little communication with anyone. Despite our efforts of counseling, drug therapy prescribed by a psychiatrist, SPECT scan by the Amen Clinic, (which showed that he had anxiety disorder and mood disorder) etc. nothing seemed to work. He would have out of control rage and take it out on my husband and I. After a 1 1/2 years of this he went back to school, but when he did he started using alcohol first and then it turned into other drugs. He eventually was arrested at the age of 18 for posession of ecstasy and stolen property. He was ordered to a 6 month program, which he did and seemed to be doing better once he was out. Unfortunately, he soon got back into the drug scene and started using opiates. He has been on suboxone, which he has weaned himself off of just recently. He is sober now, but his addictive behavior goes into other areas of his life. Prior to giving notice, he worked in Las Vegas for a well known magician. After 8 months he decided to leave because of addiction to gambling and anxiety issues. He's now home with us (in California) and needs help to get his life on track. My husband and I have depleted all our savings, retirement, etc. to try to help our boys. My husband left his lucrative position when Aaron was 16 because we felt that we were losing him, too. Now we are at a point where we both are without work and financial means to help him. If you have any suggestions of low cost group home for young men who have mental health issues along with addiction issues to get some life coaching and possibly medication to help with debilitating anxiety would be so much appreciated. Or if you have any other suggestions? We are at a point where we know there's not more we can do, but want to try to reach out to other experts in this matter. Thank you so much - CC

Dr. Lani Chin Says...:

Hi CC,

You and your husband have been through quite a bit with your children.  My condolences for the loss of your older son.  It is apparent that the loss and grief of him has impacted your family on many levels.

It sounds like you and your husband have gone to great lengths to help Aaron.  I am unsure from your question if he in fact wants help.  It is evident you and your husband have done everything you can to help him, but does he want to help himself?  That is a vital question you need answered before you go forward with reaching out and finding other resources to help him.  With that said, if you feel he wants help to maintain his sobriety, you can start here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/links/californiatreatmentcenters.html.  There are many low cost recovery centers to help him maintain his sobriety.  You can also look up local Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings where he can get social support.  I would also recommend you look up NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) which is an organization that provides support for people with mental health concerns.  Both of these resources are free.  You can also look up agencies who offer sliding scale services to get affordable therapy.

I would also strongly recommend you look up free resources for you and your husband to find support.  Watching your son go through the stages of addiction is not easy and I am positive you two could use the support of others who have gone through something similar.  Good luck.

Question: Is medical marijuana a safe medication for me if I have history of drug addiction and alcoholism. I have tried very hard for 15 years to stay clean and sober and I don't want to compound my health problems now with anything that will get me back to using. Of course my doc also wants me to consider opiates, but I am not going down that road until the pain is more than I can stand. I know where opiates take me and it's nowhere I want to go back to.

Dr. Lani Chin Says...:

Medical marijuana has been used for pain management, however, it is still considered an illicit substance by law.  It would be a good idea to talk to your medical doctor about pain management options before using a substance that has been shown to be addictive.  Research has also shown a link to lung cancer which is a risk you would take by using the substance.  Have you considered other forms of alternative medicine?  There are other options such as chiropractic medicine, acupuncture, or meditation.  Again, it depends on what your medical condition is so a conversation with your medical doctor should take place to see your options are.  Good luck.

Question: This seems like a frivolous question but I want to know it coffee is a trigger risk for addiction. I used to smoke a lot of pot and drink a lot of coffee, often together. I really liked the buzz I’d get after a good joint and 2 or 3 strong espressos. I went on a cleanse and stopped smoking marijuana, cigarettes and drinking coffee. It was very difficult for me and quitting marijuana was by far the hardest. I had been smoking for a long time and was definitely addicted. It was getting to be too much in a bad way. This afternoon I decided to have a coffee with some friends at the coffee shop I used to frequent. After a couple of coffees I had this almost overwhelming urge to light a joint, and since everyone in that place smokes it would have been very easy to get one. It scared me and I left before I smoked but the cravings haunted me all night and I almost left a couple of times to go and buy some pot. Because I used to always smoke marijuana and drink coffee together that I will always associate drinking coffee with smoking? Do I have to stop drinking coffee for ever or will this association go away at some point? I can’t believe how tough it’s been for me to stop smoking pot…and just when I thought I was in the clear here we go again…

Dr. Lani Chin Says...:

It seems like you're talking about two different things.  Although associations can certainly lead to addictions, an addiction results in physiological differences.  Often individuals who use a substance will report feeling anxious if they cannot use or obsessed with trying to use once they get the urge.  It seems like what you're talking about is more of an association.  You were likely self medicating by using caffeine to feel "up" and marijuana to bring yourself back "down."  When you're drinking coffee it is likely difficult to deal with the effects of how stimulated you feel by the caffeine if you don't have something to bring you back "down."  Additionally, I think you are battling more of an association since you were able to push away the urge you had to smoke marijuana and eventually go to sleep.  You could benefit from some individual therapy to understand why you are wanting to use substances.  There are likely some issues you may be covering up by using.  If you cannot afford therapy, seeking support from some Marijuana Anonymous meetings could be beneficial.  Good luck to you.