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My BF was molested. How can I help her?

answered 12:23 PM EST, Fri July 29, 2011
I think my best friend was molested by her step dad but I don’t know what to do or how to help her. My friend and got pretty wasted last weekend and my friend got really upset and started doing tequila shots. I had to like practically fight the bottle away from her by the end. She was so drunk and she was passing out and then she ended up crying and cursing and she kind of told me that she lost her virginity to her step dad a couple of years ago.

I am so totally worried about her. She still lives with him and her mom and I don’t know what to do. I brought it up right away the next day and said she could come live with me and my mom and it was no problem at all but she pretended like she didn’t know what I was talking about and then she got really mad and said that she never wanted to hear anything about it from me ever again and that she would never forgive me if I told anyone about it. And since then it’s like she has been avoiding any time alone with just me so I can’t bring it up again.

I don’t know what to do. She is like a sister to me but I don’t know how to help her. Should I respect her wishes and not tell anyone, or is she just in some sort of denial or something? If I do decide to try to get her some help. Who should I tell and what would they do. The whole thing is a huge mess and I can’t sleep at night knowing what she might be going through on her own just a few doors down the street.

Amani Mungo Says...

Let her know that you are there for her if she needs to talk.  Talk with her about support agencies for violence against women or your local rape crisis agency.  Also recommend that she see a counselor if she is unable to talk with any friends or family.  Please just continue to support her.  It sounds that her way of handling the situation is not to talk about it or deny that the situation ever occurred.  I would talk with a local counselor about the situation for further support for you in how to help her. 

FYI: It depends on your age. If she is under the age of 18 this needs to be reported for this is a criminal act. 

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Page last updated Jul 29, 2011

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